Are you out? Do you want to come out?

[tommy.x.alice]

To be honest, I only recently found out about my asexuality. For almost all my life I thought I was bisexual, probably because I'm romantically attracted to both men and women (not only). As soon as I figured that out I came out to my friends and they were totally fine with it. I was waiting with coming out to my family though. Finally, when I told them, about two months ago, they looked at me like it was some kind of a joke and then told "right. Stop talking crap, there is no such thing.".

I wish they could understand one day.

[Strange But Not a Stranger]

Big change. Tonight I told my mum just about everything. I felt I really wanted to tell her about it, even though it made me hella nervous. She reacted fine, and I am very glad I told her how I feel about certain things in life.

My father doesn't know yet, but I am sure she'll tell him about it. I think he'll be okay about it too, but he may not really understand. I think. Let's hope I will be pleasantly surprised.

[EveningWonder17]

I WANT to come out but I honestly don't have the confidence, I've told two of my friends and my cousin who were pretty accepting and reassuring. I told my Mum and she said I simply haven't met the right person yet so I've given up right now.  

 

I'm starting uni next week and was thinking of joining the LGBT+ society and coming out there but I honestly don't know. I should be encouraged by the fact that I walked past my uni's student union a couple of weeks ago and noticed they were flying the ace pride flag out the window, but there's still a lot of people within the LGBT+ community who don't know of asexuality or don't want us being part of the community, case in point being that I tried to come out to my gay cousin and he completely shot me down. 

 

Although your sexuality is really no one's business unless you're in (or about to be in) a relationship with someone. With this viewpoint I'd say it's not entirely important to me as I don't date but it'd be good if people could understand why. 

 

[Lei Jaso]

I want to but i haven't. I'm at a school that is more LGBT-friendly (well a lot other there is still that small sum) but it's complicated. On one hand I don't feel that I need to, but on another I want people to get off my back on asking me how I choose to "label myself." I know I'm asexual, but I do like platonic relationships (I kind of have a pan-romantic or aromantic confusion going on over here cause I generally consider myself a misanthrope) but I did this thing to my friends when I was in middle school where I said I was bi (which I kind of am, got the pan going on over here) and they acted like they were about to jump over the fence (not cool). Some of my friends know that I like both girls and boys (but I've never had a crush on anyone?) so I feel like that's going against what I said or that I'm lying to myself. (And I overall have got some gender-identity issues right now...) All in all, I don't know.

*I know this is long so I apologize in advance

[Pramana]

Yes, to everyone because I write about asexuality on social media. I find that it makes life easier; gives people reasonable expectations.

[KatieAcey]

I'm only out to a few people.  Want to be out to everyone, but afraid of dealing with reactions, especially from family and family-in-law.  Wish I had realized this about myself before being married for over 8 years... so, yea...

[anzu2snow]

I'm out to pretty much everyone I know. To me, as soon as I fully realized I was ace (and accepted it), I wanted to tell the world. (This was a year ago from last June.) I first told my dad, then a few friends at an LGBTQ+ picnic, then to everyone at the end of one of my dad's trans support group meetings, then to everyone on facebook. Had very positive reactions from people. The only negative reaction was when I came out after Thanksgiving dinner to a couple that hosted it (they've been friends of the family for most of my life), and a much older lady. The couple were very accepting of it, and wanted to learn about it. That lady was awful about it. Saying things like: "you just haven't met the right man." "Someday you'll find the one." She told me to keep my options available in case I change my mind.

 

I also came out as aro on facebook. Didn't get as much of a response, but it was nice still. I think people understood it less. After posting something about different attractions, and where I fall on those, I had a bigger response. I came out as aro during that Thanksgiving dinner, too. I brought up that I'd love to be in a qpr in the future, and that lady started saying even ruder stuff. That couple loved the idea of a qpr. They have a rather unique relationship themselves. Anyways, I don't think they invited her to any of their dinners after that. They knew she had stepped out of line.

 

I'm out to pretty much everyone about being agender, too. I've only realized it for a couple of months now. I think people were even more confused with this one. The trans group has been very welcoming of it, and some had a lot of questions at first. I wanted to come out to everyone with all 3 as kind of a heads up with what I'd post on facebook, to educate others, and to be more myself around people. I'm much happier now, too.

[DerWindFish]

I'm not out, not about being asexual anyways. I came out as gay a few years ago (and was just thinking I was bad at being gay haha). I'm still discovering the asexual side of myself, and have only told a small hand full of people.

 

I'm not honestly sure if I'll come out about being asexual to many more people. Coming out once was difficult enough, honestly, and not that much is going to change about my romantic life. I still intend on settling down with a man, and I;ll be sure he know about my asexuality going into the relationship, but IMO not that many people need to know anything is different about me. 

 

To those of you that do decide to come out about it, more power to you!!

[LeDeer]

I came out today with a friend of mine, and it was kinda....normal. The discussion went like:

(Me) "I discovered my sexuality this summer"

(Them) "Oh really?"

"Yep. And I don't have one lol"

"So you're asexual?"

"Yep, and probably aromantic too"

"Nice"

Would have appreciated a bit more enthusiasm or support, but I guess it was fine.

Also probably two other friends of mine suspect I'm asexual because I was checking my notifications on the phone and they asked me what site I was on. So I showed them AVEN's home without problem.

I didn't really feel the need of telling them about my (a)sexuality, it was more like "let's see how they'll react" but I wasn't worried about what they would think of it.

[StormySky]

I never used the word asexual but I've told friends and family that sex grosses me out and I've never had those feelings for anyone.

[⚸ Hughesation ⚸]

I'm more or less out, but explaining things is difficult for me (I'm a Demisexual Panromatic), especially since there are those who lose interest the moment they realise they have no idea what I'm talking about

My sexuality is virtually a non-issue for me, most of the time though, so I guess it doesn't really matter if people don't so much get it. I'm sure it will be more of a problem if a relationship roles around, but since I prefer to be single, I have all the time in the world.

[Ghani]

The funny thing for me is, that I actually am out, it's just that pretty much no one believes me. Online it's always easier, people are more accepting and open-minded. But every time I come out to someone IRL, including my parents, the answer is "You can't know if you haven't tried" or "You just haven't met the right person."

[Fues]

No, although my little brother and my best friend do know about it. But I come from a pretty judgmental family and I can't see them understanding. Most of them think I'm gay, since I haven't have a relationship, well at least not one they know of, because for them no girlfriend = gay. Which makes perfect sense, I know. Or if not gay, then there's something wrong with me.

 

If I find myself girlfriend, who's also asexual, maybe then I could come out. I believe it would be easier for them to understand, if I was in a relationship.

[IlovePUNcakes]

I'm out only to a few people (i think 5) but I'm no longer hiding it. I actually mention it a lot but people don't know  what does it mean. I posted a lot photos like "Ace and pride" on snapchat so actually I'm out to a lot of ppl, but as I said they dont know what does this mean. So yeah, fully out Im only to 5 people (and for example when oming out to my mother i didnt mentioned the word "asexual" i just explained it to her). In the near future I will be making a presentation about puns so I will probably came out to my whole class. 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

As soon as I realised I was ace, I was out like a shot!...it'll take a horse and cart to drag me back in.

[Puck]

Erm, I guess? 

 

My parents know which was the biggest thing for me. Then I've told just a handful of friends. If anyone asked, I'd say I was ace, I just don't run around using an ace flag as a cape and bragging about how much sex I didn't have last night.  Also, I always tell potential romantic partners within 3 dates and split it off if they can't consider a relationship without sex.

[Podsnap]

I'm not sure what there is to *come out* about. I'm not living a lie. No one who knows me thinks I date. I'm not pretending to be involved in a romantic partnership. I ordered a black *ace* ring online but I have weirdly fat fingers and it didn't fit.

[prettydarncoolperson]

I just started coming to grips with the idea that I might be asexual, but I'm not actually 100% sure yet, still trying to understand all the definitions and everything and see if they really represent me. However, if I am I'd like to come out to my parents, my only fear is that they would be good intentioned but doubt or try to "help" me. I think my dad would probably be chill with it, my mom might give me lectures about hormone imbalance or something though.

 

I'm visiting them from school in December, I'll probably try to drop questions about asexuality to see if I can get what they think of it out of them before I fully come out.

[liamredford]

I'm out to a few of my closest friends, mainly because I knew they'd understand and be supportive, it also gave me someone to talk to about my asexuality which I'd craved for a little while before finding this site. I'm not sure if I'd ever come out to my parents as I'm not sure how they'd react, but it may happen in the future. It's all about timing and whenever you're comfortable with it

[A person That is real]

I am not out at all yet but, I do plan on telling one of my lgbt+ friends really soon. Although one of the main reasons I am not out is my family wouldn't get it or accept it so yeah😥

[mistfallen]

I'm out to whoever it comes up in conversation with. I've tried coming out to my parents to no luck, and it's whatever- they'll just end up dealing with me not giving them grandkids or any extra family members. I've told them multiple times that I have absolutely no interest in dating anyone but I don't dare mention sex because my parents are just... like that. 

[A person That is real]

12 minutes ago, mistfallen said:

I'm out to whoever it comes up in conversation with. I've tried coming out to my parents to no luck, and it's whatever- they'll just end up dealing with me not giving them grandkids or any extra family members. I've told them multiple times that I have absolutely no interest in dating anyone but I don't dare mention sex because my parents are just... like that. 

I am into dating but same with the sex thing

[gr[ace]]

I just feel like I don't really need to at this point of my life. You know? It seems like kinda a private thing, your (lack of) a sex life or interest in one. I'm a fairly private person as well, so I don't feel like that would ever really come up in conversation or that I would feel the need to share it with anyone else than a significant other. But for those who are out, I think that's really great, to be open in that way. Compounded on to the fact that I feel like people would point out I'm "too young to know for sure" or some other nonsense like that and I'm surrounded by fairly conservative people, even though I'm living in California.

 

There's also all the hate online that I don't think I'd ever want to deal with in person. When Googling "Asexuality is...," "not an orientation," "wrong," and "a myth" show up as top suggestions, and the amount of straight-out rejection aces meet on Tumblr can be overwhelming. Especially during Pride Week. My god. And because I'm heteroromantic (but flexible), there's also been a ton of negative discourse around aces that are "straight" and if they even really "count." I really admire people who do have the bravery to be out and open, though. That takes a lot of courage, to be unashamedly you, no matter what other people think.

 

Anyway, I wear a black ring and draw spades on things and I always have my eyes peeled for ace colors in small things, like binder tabs, but I'm not really out, per se. I'd probably answer honestly if asked specifically, but that's probably not happening. It's be really great to meet someone who's ace, though, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

[Annie9]

My former friends know that i am asexual. My best friend should know it too since I've told her myself. My older sister might know, I haven't come out to her but i think she realises it. A few of my classmates might know since i did a presentation about asexuality but otherwise i haven't come out to anyone else and i'm not planning to right now but I think I will come out sooner or later to my parents. 

[Ka'el]

I'm of the mind that I only share this kind of information if it's directly relevant, for example if someone asks me out or just straight up asks me, I'm not going to dodge the question. Additionally my close friends and counselors know that I am asexual. I don't feel the need to make it super public or anything (though I do plan on joining my college's LGBT+ club fairly soon). I guess all in all it's more of a private thing and I'd rather that it stay that way. 

[EarthMama]

Am I 'out?'

In a word - no.  Fully closeted.  I'm only now coming to grips with the whole "I really don't like the 'coupling' thing and that's OK' idea, so I'm here to learn and make this new acceptance within myself feel a lot less weird.

 

yea - I grew up in the 70's and 80's in VERY small towns in both Wisconsin and Iowa, where they still had rather traditional ideas embedded in the social fabric:   either straight or wrong, no other options available.  I'm working right now on recognizing there's a ton of conditioning to break away from, that (until recently) I wasn't aware I was operating under.

 

Like I said - I'm in a very weird place right now. Or, to put it another way, I'm at the very beginning of a new journey, with only the briefest glimpse at the map before setting my first two feet on the ground.

Not sure how I feel about such things yet - but I'll get back to ya on it...maybe. 

 

 

[beckyl]

No, I'm not 'out.' I would tell certain people, like my best friend, if it ever came up... it just hasn't, so far.

 

I'd like to tell my parents, because we're close, but it's awkward. They're not at all narrow minded, but I don't think they really know about asexuality, or understand it. I've tried in the past to explain how I feel about sexual relationships, and they say things like "you just haven't met the right person yet." I know that they mean well, but it's kind of frustrating to hear when you're trying to open up to someone. Would you tell a gay man coming out "you just haven't met the right woman yet?"

 

So yeah. I guess nobody knows (except for this forum )

 

 

[Tintenfeder]

I'm partly out. The first person I told about me being ace was my sister and she took it really well. I had to explain, of course, but now she supports me without a question.

Other than that, only two of my friends know. Today I mentioned something about being ace, and their response was "Oh, I knew that."

[ben8884]

I am out to some people but not most I do consider coming out on social media and might do it for asexual awareness week

[kittyblomu]

As of now, I am but a scared closeted child. I am not out to anyone and I don't really plan on coming out until much later and am 100% sure of my orientations. Until then, I'm keeping the closet door locked.