Trans Musings & Rantings

[nerdperson777]

On 4/4/2020 at 2:02 AM, Andrea KF said:

I can understand Your thoughts.

I have a good relationship with my parents, even if we don't talk much about feelings and stuff either. A possible (but hopefully unlikely) negative reaction from them would feel so much harder than any negative response on social media.

Coming out on social media first might feel like an easier start.

 

I don't feel ready to come out yet but will probably tell my sisters before my parents.

 

Yeah, it depends on your relationship with your parents.  I would say that when I first questioned, I guess one would say I was close to my parents.  I didn't really have friends and just told my parents anything.  So I did come out to them probably after 2 months.  But no one took it seriously for probably the next 6 months.  After that, I was a little more definite about my identity, but I didn't get their support.  So afterwards, I didn't bother telling them, because they weren't going to help me with my problems.  All they were going to ignore it and thinking it would go away on its own, which is exactly what they do when they don't have an answer.  So my mom knew that I was some sort of gender neutral, slightly masculine individual.  But doing something about it, she barely did anything.  She just got me male gendered clothes.

 

I don't have human siblings so I couldn't come out to them first.  But my closest cousin, I guess I came out to her first.  Since she didn't really understand it originally, she just said that I was too feminine to be a guy.  She's now the most supportive member of the family.  She may still have some thoughts that the older generation has, but she's already way better than my parents.

[Ms. Carolynne]

On 4/4/2020 at 3:02 AM, Andrea KF said:

I can understand Your thoughts.

I have a good relationship with my parents, even if we don't talk much about feelings and stuff either. A possible (but hopefully unlikely) negative reaction from them would feel so much harder than any negative response on social media.

Coming out on social media first might feel like an easier start.

 

I don't feel ready to come out yet but will probably tell my sisters before my parents.

 

I'm in a similar boat, my relationship with my parents isn't bad, but they have a lot of homophobic sentiments. They've never really fully accepted my oldest brother being gay, and have certain rules regarding that (like he can't have his boyfriends over). They've also cracked jokes about me being closeted, and telling me not to turn out gay and stuff like that.

 

I'd probably come out to my brothers first, and my parents at a later time. I don't really know about extended family, I'm not sure if they know, but it's kind of a secret for them that my brother is gay. Plus most of my extended family is kind of toxic (and really conservative), so I really don't know what to do about that. My brothers are really the only ones in my family that are to my knowledge at least kind of accepting of LGBT stuff. Even then, they still say some questionable stuff about trans people, but also insinuate about me being trans anyway and one of them said they'd accept me if I were trans when I came out as ace (weird thing to say, but okay). So I don't know.

 

This whole pandemic and the economic downturn has kind of screwed me over. I was working towards becoming more independent from my family and getting my own place, so now I'm kind of trapped in the closet. Were I to come out, best case scenario is there's going to be some rule that I can't do trans stuff or w/e around the house and I'll get snide remarks, worst case scenario is I'd get disowned (at least for a while) and there'd be drama like when my brother came out as gay.

 

My parents weren't bad growing up, and are usually pretty liberal in social terms, but they seem to have some issues with LGBT stuff.

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

Following up my previous post, I did come out on social media and everyone is being so amazing I just wish I could give everyone a hug. Even people who don't talk to me have told me they're proud and happy for me. It's stuff like this that gives me faith in humanity and I don't want to forget this feeling.

[Emery.]

26 minutes ago, Grey-Ace Ventura said:

Following up my previous post, I did come out on social media and everyone is being so amazing I just wish I could give everyone a hug. Even people who don't talk to me have told me they're proud and happy for me. It's stuff like this that gives me faith in humanity and I don't want to forget this feeling.

Yay. I’m happy for you dude  

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

3 minutes ago, Emery. said:

Yay. I’m happy for you dude  

Thank you! 😊

[nerdperson777]

12 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

I'm in a similar boat, my relationship with my parents isn't bad, but they have a lot of homophobic sentiments. They've never really fully accepted my oldest brother being gay, and have certain rules regarding that (like he can't have his boyfriends over). They've also cracked jokes about me being closeted, and telling me not to turn out gay and stuff like that.

 

I'd probably come out to my brothers first, and my parents at a later time. I don't really know about extended family, I'm not sure if they know, but it's kind of a secret for them that my brother is gay. Plus most of my extended family is kind of toxic (and really conservative), so I really don't know what to do about that. My brothers are really the only ones in my family that are to my knowledge at least kind of accepting of LGBT stuff. Even then, they still say some questionable stuff about trans people, but also insinuate about me being trans anyway and one of them said they'd accept me if I were trans when I came out as ace (weird thing to say, but okay). So I don't know.

 

This whole pandemic and the economic downturn has kind of screwed me over. I was working towards becoming more independent from my family and getting my own place, so now I'm kind of trapped in the closet. Were I to come out, best case scenario is there's going to be some rule that I can't do trans stuff or w/e around the house and I'll get snide remarks, worst case scenario is I'd get disowned (at least for a while) and there'd be drama like when my brother came out as gay.

 

My parents weren't bad growing up, and are usually pretty liberal in social terms, but they seem to have some issues with LGBT stuff.

I think one of my roommates has the same thing going on.  Before we moved in together, she was living with her mom, uncle, and brother.  I heard from our late mutual friend that she did come out, but went back into the closet because her uncle didn't like it.  I didn't know that her brother was gay.  When I was talking to the mutual friend, it was because she hadn't answered her texts for several days, so the friend group that texted regularly was concerned and asked me to check on her.  I grabbed another friend, which would've been our first in person meeting, to go to her house and see if anything happened.  We went at night, as that was when we both had time.  No lights on.  Just when we were about to leave, a car pulls into her driveway.  The uncle and brother just went inside while the mom told us that she was self-harming and was put in the local hospital.  But during this conversation, the mom misgendered her, so at that time I wasn't sure whether she was saying he because she wasn't sure if we knew and was keeping her identity a secret, or that she didn't care about gendering her correctly.  I didn't know her mom so I wasn't able to figure out from a first meeting what her intentions were.  Sadly, it was the latter.  The uncle didn't like her identity, the mom didn't care.  I don't know much of anything about her brother.  I would guess that he would know better about being deviant from being cishet, but I can't really say if I don't know him.  But I feel sad that I think even her brother doesn't accept her.  I don't know for sure, but I feel like the uncle's transphobia would've gotten to everyone.

 

My parents, or at least my mom considers herself pretty liberal, but as I started seeing the generational divide, I'm seeing that she's only accepting things that she sees as the norm.  Women's rights is kind of a norm now, at least on the surface, even if there's still the wage difference underneath.  When it comes to being gay or trans, she'll publicly say her support while privately denying my identity.  I think she's in that between stage.  We're fighting for our rights now, and slowly everywhere is accepting.  But my parents, maybe from our culture, still seeing being gay or trans as a taboo.  I'm sure they had negative feelings about me being "weird", but weren't outright transphobic until I said that I changed my name legally and decided to kick me off the car insurance so our family friend/insurance provider didn't find out.  I knew that it was just initial frantic feelings because I said wait until my birthday because somewhere I heard that after age 25, insurance gets cheaper.  So they waited.  It's been a couple months since my birthday.  They forgot the panic.  My mom even said that she would consider asking that friend if she needed any office help because I was looking for a job.  By that point, she probably accepted that the friend saw the name change.

[Minty greens]

I don't like how I often can't tell what is making me dysphoric. EDIT: adding on to this, I also don't know what is right for me, HRT? Top surgery? bottom surgery? I have been wanting each of these, but either only sometimes, or only some things from it. Like I want only half of the stuff that HRT does.
I also don't like What makes me dysphoric, because some of the things I'm dysphoric about are weird. I'm dysphoric about Thing that is in pants, but actually not, I just don't like it when I'm wearing pants, I am totally fine with it if it is okay for it to be out. Or how I don't like my teeth, they are straight and healthy, but the canines aren't sharp enough, and I don't think there is anyway I can just be open about saying, "Sometimes it feels like I have fangs, then get sad when I realize I don't".

Anyway, goodnight

Edited April 6, 2020 by Minty greens
adding onto my rant because apparently there was more I needed to say. For example, I said something like, "adding on to this, I also don't know what is right for me, HRT? Top surgery? bottom surgery?".

[Emery.]

On 4/5/2020 at 12:11 PM, Ms. Carolynne said:

This whole pandemic and the economic downturn has kind of screwed me over. I was working towards becoming more independent from my family and getting my own place, so now I'm kind of trapped in the closet.

Similarly here. But I mean to change schools because the I don’t like my classmates and the general atmosphere. I’m not sure why I come across so many douchebags. Maybe it’s just a coincidence and a different year in the same school would be better. But I would need good grades for changing schools. Or if I wanted to get a job, I would also need to attend interviews and seek out employers’ events. 

[nerdperson777]

My friend had finals last week and we were watching old cartoons together.  We were watching "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends".  There's the episode where they introduce Cheese.  Bloo is dreaming about being an absolute star at the home.  Cheese wears lipstick and says he's a lady.  He walks up to Bloo and gives him a kiss, leaving lipstick on his mouth too.  Cheese then says, "Now we're brother ladies!"  Everyone else is disappointed and I'm seeing that this is possibly homophobic?  But the main thing about this I was thinking of, since this is a gender thread, was, what's wrong with brother ladies?  There's another change to queer gender there.

[Emery.]

21 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

My friend had finals last week and we were watching old cartoons together.  We were watching "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends".  There's the episode where they introduce Cheese.  Bloo is dreaming about being an absolute star at the home.  Cheese wears lipstick and says he's a lady.  He walks up to Bloo and gives him a kiss, leaving lipstick on his mouth too.  Cheese then says, "Now we're brother ladies!"  Everyone else is disappointed and I'm seeing that this is possibly homophobic?  But the main thing about this I was thinking of, since this is a gender thread, was, what's wrong with brother ladies?  There's another change to queer gender there.

Old shows often have an episode with homopohobic humour like that. Meh. 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

Now I feel old because that cartoon is not old to me......

 

Anyway, I love how the moment I finally decide I'm mentally ready to pursue top surgery, the country goes into lockdown 🙄 I know I technically could still try to get an appointment but I'm trying to be good and selfless and let the NHS focus on dealing with coronavirus.

[nerdperson777]

On 4/9/2020 at 5:25 AM, Celyn said:

Now I feel old because that cartoon is not old to me......

 

Anyway, I love how the moment I finally decide I'm mentally ready to pursue top surgery, the country goes into lockdown 🙄 I know I technically could still try to get an appointment but I'm trying to be good and selfless and let the NHS focus on dealing with coronavirus.

Well it came out like 15 years ago, so it should be old.  I'm not sure how old you are, but I would think older people would be nostalgic enough that it feels old, and then younger people would think it's old because it's not from their time.  But it doesn't seem old to you, that's fine.

 

I'm in a few top surgery groups and a lot of posts are about people being sad having their surgeries canceled and consultations too.  If you are able to get one, it'd probably be virtual.  Even a YouTuber I was watching put up a video that said that he was supposed to have his surgery that day, well the day he filmed it.  Even if people knew that their appointments were going to be canceled, it still hurt.  I couldn't imagine what I would do if I did have my surgery during these times.  My original date would've been right before the shutdown by 2 weeks or so, but I know it would suck since I've had to reschedule my surgery before, just that it'd be worse under these conditions.

[DuranDuranfan]

I was still waiting for a consultation appointment for my reduction surgery but now with the focus on the virus, it ain’t happening anytime soon. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Janus the Fox]

Same with waiting for a formal GIC appointment or Endocrinologist consultation.  Along with my next Psychiatrist appointment, I do not expect anything for the rest of this year because of this situation.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

*Sad fist bumps to all waiting*

[Emery.]

And I feel jealous about all this medical stuff because you at least get acknowledged by someone and have something to be excited about.

[nerdperson777]

2 hours ago, Emery. said:

And I feel jealous about all this medical stuff because you at least get acknowledged by someone and have something to be excited about.

Are you saying that you want to see the doctor just to be acknowledged?

[Emery.]

Just now, nerdperson777 said:

Are you saying that you want to see the doctor just to be acknowledged?

I know it’s very stupid, but I do  

And also to get acknowledgement from others who are not the doctor. Body stuff matters to a lot of people and they assign weight to it. 

[nerdperson777]

3 minutes ago, Emery. said:

I know it’s very stupid, but I do  

And also to get acknowledgement from others who are not the doctor. Body stuff matters to a lot of people and they assign weight to it. 

But you said you didn't plan on transitioning, right?

 

And by weight, do you mean emphasis rather than mass?  I was a little confused.

[Emery.]

4 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

But you said you didn't plan on transitioning, right?

 

And by weight, do you mean emphasis rather than mass?  I was a little confused.

Emphasis, yes. And I didn’t and don’t plan to get the medical stuff. 

[nerdperson777]

8 minutes ago, Emery. said:

Emphasis, yes. And I didn’t and don’t plan to get the medical stuff. 

Well, you can make your own goals too.  Being able to lift some number of pounds, a simple change to a healthier diet, etc.  

[Andrea KF]

On 4/9/2020 at 2:25 PM, Celyn said:

Now I feel old because that cartoon is not old to me......

 

Anyway, I love how the moment I finally decide I'm mentally ready to pursue top surgery, the country goes into lockdown 🙄 I know I technically could still try to get an appointment but I'm trying to be good and selfless and let the NHS focus on dealing with coronavirus.

Same here. Well, not top surgery but talking to a doctor about my dysphoria and what to do.

 

I had waited for about two months when the current situation started. They said that I had to wait for about three months, but I doubt that now.

[Emery.]

In July and August everything should come back to the norm, more or less. 

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

I've come to the conclusion that I just like keeping my feminine presentation more private. I'm ok with it, also feminine clothes which hide curves are also my fave. It's just another thing where even if my gender identity aligned with being afab, I'd still have physical dysphoria around my hips and chest.

[Emery.]

13 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well, you can make your own goals too.  Being able to lift some number of pounds, a simple change to a healthier diet, etc.  

Hm. Right. I had plans to work on my interests which are in the beginner stage so far. But the quarantine and school stand in my way. 

 

Folks, do you also have this problem that you force hobbies on yourself? Nothing is interesting enough to spark an such an interest that I would be self-motivated. Or if something really fascinates me, I have zero skills and possibilities. Like with survival and similar things. 

 

23 minutes ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I've come to the conclusion that I just like keeping my feminine presentation more private. I'm ok with it, also feminine clothes which hide curves are also my fave. It's just another thing where even if my gender identity aligned with being afab, I'd still have physical dysphoria around my hips and chest.

I’m not sure if it’s the same thing, but I prefer to limit wearing skirts and other such things to being with people who are more understanding. Of course it’s a tradeoff, but having my classmates treat me masculine is more important to me than wearing dresses.

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

1 minute ago, Emery. said:

Folks, do you also have this problem that you force hobbies on yourself? Nothing is interesting enough to spark an such an interest that I would be self-motivated. Or if something really fascinates me, I have zero skills and possibilities. Like with survival and similar things. 

Yep, it's a skill which most people are unable to learn, being able to just sit in your relaxing lack of productivity and just do things for the sake of your own joy, passion and curiosity for me, it's been the most important to be stricter with the times I do my work during, while also lowering my expectations for how much "work" I'm actually doing during that time. I know I would struggle with office/corporate/service sector jobs, but working at home is also a very different environment and a much worse situation to be in for workaholics. For me it's definitely upbringing as well, my mum basically never stopped working, she left school in austria with less than the minimum sort of qualifications and has since worked as a secretary in law firms, a nurse, carer, gardener, assisting a university department or something, she's often done overtime and worked multiple jobs at once. And at home she kept things ridiculously clean, was always cleaning, taking care of her garden and allotments, cooking, taking care of our horse until he died, etc etc. It wasn't a good home for me though because I doubt my mum would really have wanted to be a single parent post divorce, she's bad to live with.

Quote

I’m not sure if it’s the same thing, but I prefer to limit wearing skirts and other such things to being with people who are more understanding. Of course it’s a tradeoff, but having my classmates treat me masculine is more important to me than wearing dresses.

Wearing dresses definitely isn't important to me I get you. Idk the mood to do these things leaves pretty quickly.

[Emery.]

Yeah, hobbies are hard, especially to get started with them, when they are not a habit yet. 

 

Oh. My mom is somewhat similar. She doesn’t work as much, but she is quite strict. More in keeping the household. Her parents pushed her hard. 

 

I mean I enjoy wearing dresses. But it’s low priority and if I have to choose, I pretty much wear men’s clothes only.

[Karst]

Proposal for a new word:

 

Thembo (noun):  An attractive but dim-witted non-binary person.

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

1 hour ago, Karst said:

Proposal for a new word:

 

Thembo (noun):  An attractive but dim-witted non-binary person.

I feel like this must be a thing already ahaha

[nerdperson777]

On 4/13/2020 at 6:42 AM, Emery. said:

Hm. Right. I had plans to work on my interests which are in the beginner stage so far. But the quarantine and school stand in my way. 

 

Folks, do you also have this problem that you force hobbies on yourself? Nothing is interesting enough to spark an such an interest that I would be self-motivated. Or if something really fascinates me, I have zero skills and possibilities. Like with survival and similar things. 

 

I’m not sure if it’s the same thing, but I prefer to limit wearing skirts and other such things to being with people who are more understanding. Of course it’s a tradeoff, but having my classmates treat me masculine is more important to me than wearing dresses.

I have a backlog of sewing projects to work on, but I'm not letting myself do any until I get my room organized.

 

I'm kind of wondering if I force hobbies.  Before the quarantine, I was out all the time and was hardly at home, so I couldn't do any chores.  I crammed my schedule to feel productive, even if my time management is horrible in that I'm sure I'm not doing as much as I think I am.  I am merely keeping myself busy, but productive is another thing.  My plan has been to learn every internal Chinese martial arts.  I started off in modern Kung Fu and started specializing in Tai Chi.  I started doing Ba Gua almost 3 years ago, but that one may have been more of learning different arts more than actually wanting to learn it.  That one maybe partially wanting to learn it, not sure.  I still have many weapons to learn.  What I have yet to learn is Ba Ji and Xing Yi.  Those two are very internal so it probably doesn't look like much and could be boring.

I probably went into martial arts with a disadvantage because my coordination is bad.  It takes me maybe two seconds to know what's left and right, it's not instinctive.  Sometimes my limbs just flail about.  I'm usually a cautious person so I might be too safe to learn quickly.  I don't think my Kung Fu skill improved until after I graduated college because we practiced on a not so safe floor, and being one of the worst in the class wasn't very motivating.  Now I practice on a safe carpet and my skill level is one of the top ones in the school just because of my strong foundation from college.  Even at this level, I'm still having trouble with my coordination.  The manager rolled his ankle a couple weeks ago while teaching and I felt like I was just there.  All the care that people needed to do was already done.  I wanted to ask what he wanted us to do in terms of logistics, but it's hard to do that when he's lying on the floor in pain or right after when he's still thinking.  So I literally did nothing.  If the situation was more serious, I feel like I wouldn't have known what to do.  Even if we're all First Aid Certified because we're teachers, I feel like it doesn't mean much more than a certification.

 

I was looking at wigs yesterday again.  My curiosity for long hair without actually having long hair was strong again.  But I had to look up what a "male" ponytail looks like, because I don't want to have the same thing as I did pre-T, which was getting clocked just because I didn't have my hair, which was no longer was making people see a guy.  What I noticed from the pictures was that no long haired guy had bangs.  I guess that's a "girl" thing.  The hair just gets pulled back.  Maybe there's some shorter hairs that come out, or a little bit of the slant towards the side, but that's about it.  I found this interesting.

 

I went to a tab I forgot was open.  It was the Wikipedia article for a name I was planning for a DnD character.  It also listed all the historical figures that have had that name.  So I saw lists for "Men", "Fictional", and "Women".  So I was thinking, those must be the three genders.  I was surprised to find a fourth list.  It was "Other".  There was one name there, a gender neutral artist.  Of course I had to click on that.  So I think I found an androgynous AFAB historical figure, since the birthname was listed.  They were known for challenging gender roles and gender depends on the situation, according to a quote.  I read more and they lived their female partner, another artist.  This is so queer, this is great.  Apparently their work went unnoticed until the LGBT+ community found it.  But this is awesome.

 

On 4/13/2020 at 8:55 AM, Karst said:

Proposal for a new word:

 

Thembo (noun):  An attractive but dim-witted non-binary person.

That will definitely go with the hoe jokes I make with my friends, except my DnD character is the only non-binary person.  Plus my aceness would not let that happen.  The DM may be mostly cishet but he understands that we're not going to do any queerphobic adventures.