Grey homoromantic?

[tali.lynn]

Sometimes, especially recently, I'm questioning whether I am actually grey-homoromantic (I'm a woman). And by grey I mean I both experience romantic attraction infrequently, and experience it to a lesser degree than I'm "supposed" to. I have had "crushes" (we're gonna call them that for now) on people in my real life, celebrities, as well as fictional characters. This is a subject I've been dwelling on for a while but I was prompted to finally post this after seeing Ghostbusters last night (and yes, I crushed on Jillian Holtzmann more than I expected myself to).

There is no question that I "prefer" women in every platonic sense and I previously identified at different times as both gay, and bi with a preference for women, though I think it is clear now that even when I "crush" on women I am not sexually attracted to them. There is of course the possibility of demisexuality but it feels fruitless to split hairs over that at this point.

Anyways naturally nearly all of my squishes are on women in the first place, though not quite all, although the men I care about most and feel most comfortable around are usually gay or related to me, to be frankly honest. I've definitely never had that "crush" feeling for a man. However I still can't really tell if what I'm feeling for women is romantic or just an intensified squish. I don't really know that I would like kissing, holding hands, snuggling, or doing anything "romantic"... I've tried seeing women before but because I had no attraction, it ended up being really really awkward and uncomfortable. I don't know if there are people out there who I would actually like being romantic with!

Ugh. So many moving parts. I know that I probably won't figure this out unless I actually fall in love someday, but I just wanted to throw this out into the universe, in case anybody has had similar experiences.

[scarletlatitude]

I'm heteroromantic, but I feel the same way.

[Q and A]

Hola Tali-lynn, thank you for throwing this out into the universe! I just joined this website a... little under an hour ago in search of who-knows-what, and it's nice to see someone I can identify with.

I've heard of gray-asexual, but I'd never considered that you could be gray on the romantic spectrum too! I'm not yet sure it fits me either, so I guess we can wait together for something to happen that lets us figure ourselves out.

For me, I like the idea of romance - dancing, and being silly together, and cuddling maybe. At the very least, I like reading fluffy fiction, especially now that I've figured out I'm homo-romantic. But in practice, the only real crush I've had was on my best friend, whom I've known for a decade or so. Before that, back when I barely knew the word "lesbian" and had never heard of asexuality (but had already decided sex was the grossest thing ever and come to the conclusion that I would probably never marry and would need to find a roommate or something) I do remember meeting a lesbian girl in my English class. I thought she was pretty. I thought there was something indefinably awesome about her. I wanted to sit near her, or at least be partner for a group project. Looking back, I think that and a few other similar instances might be considered "crushes," or maybe proto-crushes.

Maybe you have to feel like you really know a person before you can be attracted to them? And in the case of celebrities, one could feel like they know them because they've seen them as characters or their music has resonated with them.

Personally, I would like to be friends with some one - just friends - for a while before approaching them or being approached from a romantic perspective - does that sound like you? - but I'm beginning to worry that that's unrealistic, based on observation.

[tali.lynn]

Hola Tali-lynn, thank you for throwing this out into the universe! I just joined this website a... little under an hour ago in search of who-knows-what, and it's nice to see someone I can identify with.

I've heard of gray-asexual, but I'd never considered that you could be gray on the romantic spectrum too! I'm not yet sure it fits me either, so I guess we can wait together for something to happen that lets us figure ourselves out.

For me, I like the idea of romance - dancing, and being silly together, and cuddling maybe. At the very least, I like reading fluffy fiction, especially now that I've figured out I'm homo-romantic. But in practice, the only real crush I've had was on my best friend, whom I've known for a decade or so. Before that, back when I barely knew the word "lesbian" and had never heard of asexuality (but had already decided sex was the grossest thing ever and come to the conclusion that I would probably never marry and would need to find a roommate or something) I do remember meeting a lesbian girl in my English class. I thought she was pretty. I thought there was something indefinably awesome about her. I wanted to sit near her, or at least be partner for a group project. Looking back, I think that and a few other similar instances might be considered "crushes," or maybe proto-crushes.

Maybe you have to feel like you really know a person before you can be attracted to them? And in the case of celebrities, one could feel like they know them because they've seen them as characters or their music has resonated with them.

Personally, I would like to be friends with some one - just friends - for a while before approaching them or being approached from a romantic perspective - does that sound like you? - but I'm beginning to worry that that's unrealistic, based on observation.

Hi! There is a specific grey identity called demi that refers to a person who only experiences attraction once a deep personal connection is formed (this can go for sexual or romantic orientation). If you feel like this I would suggest you look into it! Personally I am the opposite, I sometimes initially feel like I am attracted to someone, but once I get to know them my feelings become entirely platonic. I would be worried that I would never be able to sustain romantic feelings for somebody, even if I initially had them. Your "proto-crushes" sound a lot like mine though, and that is a very good word for them. They are not quite real crushes but they are something stronger than completely platonic.

And I think that if things are meant to be then they will happen. If you are meant to meet somebody then it's not unrealistic, you just have to remain receptive to it happening.

[Q and A]

Ohh, thanks for telling me that. And if nothing else, I'm glad to have helped with the words :)