(Solved & closed, thanks!) Attraction and body? (TMI or TW warning just in case)

[El-not-so-ace]

Edit: Problem solved, thanks!! :)

Hi all! This has been bothering me for years and I just have to ask.

- Can attraction be drastically reduced sometimes because of something about someone's body?
- Should there be some sort of hinting or disclosure that needs to be given before the person actually discovers it?
- Do you have any certain expectations when getting into a relationship?

As a personal example and what has me worried:

I understand not giving false expectations and not being with someone who explicitly says that they adore this certain body part over others... I also know that if this is the only reason someone leaves, then they're probably not worth it...

But is there a way to prepare them mentally for that? I mean, most don't seem to expect it but I don't want to scare them off either. :P

I hope I'm not rambling, but it'd be great to see what other people have to say on this. Thank you in advance! :)

[dissolved]

Never mind.

[Hobbes!]

I honestly think that if someone was prepared to leave you over your breasts, they're not worth it, as you say. I can also say that you're best off ignoring the jokes and jibes. Easier said than done, I know, but seriously, society in general is a lot pickier about breasts than individuals are when it gets to the bedroom. I mean, even when I thought I was straight I'd see the cover of a frothy women's magazine, nitpicking at bodies and pointing out supposed horrors, and I'd wonder what guy over the age of thirteen actually thinks that way.

For my part, I find things to like about someone the more I like them as a person, and that's especially true of romantic attraction. I don't think that this is all that uncommon, either.

Rambling now I guess. My point is, it's ok to feel a bit insecure about your body. Just don't let it be a major worry, 'cause I can guarantee that one way or another it won't be worth it

[Star Bit]

- Can attraction be drastically reduced sometimes because of something about someone's body?

- Should there be some sort of hinting or disclosure that needs to be given before the person actually discovers it?

- Do you have any certain expectations when getting into a relationship?

1) Yes, it's called something's triggering you to be turned off and a majority of people have felt that.

2) If you're talking about your chest, then yah, you can tell them you lost weight but your chest didn't take it well. Preparing them may or may not alleviate the turn off.

3) Nope, never dated. :D

[Guest]

Anyone who considers themselves to possess even minimal amounts of maturity should recognize that our bodies come with no guarantees. It would be stupid and cruel, imo, to be upset by that reality in a partner.

[El-not-so-ace]

Thank you for the answers so far! I think I'll have to at the very least hint at that sometime just to calm myself more than anything else. I've read online previously about some women discussing the topic and it worked out well for them, but I guess I'm just really afraid of this being an issue.

Being long distance, it's kind of an awkward way to bring this up since the timezones mean that we can't really talk live all that often. Maybe the next time we'd meet up?

[El-not-so-ace]

Anyone who considers themselves to possess even minimal amounts of maturity should recognize that our bodies come with no guarantees. It would be stupid and cruel, imo, to be upset by that reality in a partner.

Yeah, I think I'm probably actually overthinking it a little since I give myself such high and sometimes unrealistic expectations, so I assume that others will automatically hold me to the same standards. I feel like, if anything, the person might end up feeling a bit offended that I thought this of him in the first place, heh...

[Hobbes!]

I wouldn't want to give much advice on this specifically, since for one thing I know nothing about the dynamics of your relationship, but I suppose you could explain that it's about you feeling insecure and needing to - aha - get it off your chest. It's probably not a bad idea to do that at some point if you're intending to be intimate, anyway, so it's one less thing to be tense about when the time comes

[El-not-so-ace]

I wouldn't want to give much advice on this specifically, since for one thing I know nothing about the dynamics of your relationship, but I suppose you could explain that it's about you feeling insecure and needing to - aha - get it off your chest. It's probably not a bad idea to do that at some point if you're intending to be intimate, anyway, so it's one less thing to be tense about when the time comes

Thank you (and that pun was spot on, haha). :) Yeah, I think the hardest part is really finding the right moment to say it since it feels like a big weight on my shoulders. The first time I let my best friend know, I felt so much better about myself, knowing that someone I trust knows too.

Actually, now that I think it all over, I'm potentially going to say something this week if possible just to have it out there. It's like a band-aid that I'll have to take off eventually.

[scarletlatitude]

Locked at the request of the OP

scarletlatitude

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