My most confusing situation

[Caith]

Hello,

this happened to me a while ago and I was wondering if someone has experienced something similar. I identify as aro ace but there was a situation which made me question it. I should note that I'm very socially awkward. Also, English is not my mother tongue so I apologise in advance for any mistakes.

Anyways, I moved and I met some new people, in particular there was a guy I saw quite often at university since we had a lot of classes in common. One day I was with some friends and he saw me and came to say hello. When I am with people I don't really know I have two possibilities, I either speak a lot or I don't speak unless I get asked a question. So I spoke with him for a while and when he left my friends started asking me what was going on between us. I said nothing and they did not believe me because apparently I was speaking a lot. They also said that it was clear that the guy liked me as well.

Part of me didn't believe that, after all they got it wrong with me, but another part would not stop wondering. This made every time I was with him very awkward and I kept wondering how I should act since I didn't want him to think I liked him that way but I thought he was very nice and would be a great friend so I also didn't want him to dislike me. After a while of this I started wondering if I actually liked him since everyone thought so, I was thinking about our interactions so much and I enjoyed meeting with him (alone or with others). This just made the situation more uncomfortable and confusing for me.

After a month or so a friend came to speak with me and she asked me if I liked the guy. I said no but then I remembered how they all thought I liked him and how awkward everything was and told her I didn't know. She asked if I knew why she was asking and I didn't so she told me she was interested in him but didn't want to act on it if we actually had something going on. At that point it was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and I told her to go ahead and see if they worked out. Part of me was a bit disappointed since it was the first time I thought I may have a crush on someone and thus be more like everyone else but I realized it was not a crush, only the situation making everything weird. After that my relationship with the guy was a lot better since I stopped second guessing everything (not sure why someone liking him meant he was not interested in me and nothing would happen but my brain just made that connection).

Well, that was the most confusing part of my life (romantically speaking). I just wanted to tell someone. Anyone had anything like that happen? I mean having your friends be sure you are interested in someone when you aren't? Even when I thought I may be interested in him I could not imagine being in a rellationship, I guess that should have told me something...

I have another question, is a crush just one of those things you simply know once they happen?

Thank you to any who read this, it is great being able to tell people I am aromantic asexual since I haven't come out to anyone yet.

[Autumn Season]

Hey there. ^^

My friends did this to me a few times and yes, it always made me quite confused. My first reaction would be "Of course I'm not interested", then "Am I lying to myself?", after this "Wait, does he think I am interested?" and eventually "Is he maybe interested?". And the whole time my brain would try to evaluate whether I would or would not like being in a relationship with him.

But I never had a crush on any of those guys. Maybe a few romantic feelings, but they were different. How to explain this? When having a crush it's like the whole world is centered around this one person. I fall for them as soon as I get to know them, so those feelings arise only in connection to this person. And yes, at least for me it is very easy to know it when I have a crush and when I don't. But even when I am not crushing on anyone, I still have random romantic emotions floating around. When translated to thoughts they would for example read as "If I had a bf right now, we could cuddle up and make jokes about cake. Oh well, I don't have anyone, that's fine too". So when everyone would tell me that I like this or that guy, then my random romantic feelings would connect with him. I would simultaneously think about love and him, so it makes sense. This is a bit confusing and it says a lot about how our surroundings can manipulate our emotions. xD

Hope this helped a little?

[Caith]

Thank you, it does help knowing some people feel similar things. My main problem was I couldn't even imagine being in a relationship with him (maybe because I've never been in one?) so that just made me question why I was questioning things. I don't know if that makes sense.

Thank you for reading and sharing your experiences, it helps a lot being able to let it out and knowing other people have gone through similar situations.