Is there a difference between being repulsed by sex and being repulsed by genitalia?

[Pikachu27]

For awhile I've been using the term "sex-repulsed" as part of my identity. I'm not sure now if I was really using the term right. I think it's not that I'm repulsed by sex itself, but the reason I'm so against having it is because all genitalia is just disgusting to me. I don't like any of it, not even my own really, although male genitals are far worse to me. If I wasn't so repulsed by make genitalia, I wouldn't mind having sex, if not very often. So have I been using the term wrong and am instead genital-repulsed, if that's a thing? Is there even a difference?

Regardless of what I call my repulsion to genitals, is there a way I can get over it? I love the idea of giving myself to some I love and loves me in return as a next step of intimacy, but as I am now, I can't imagine being able to go through with it. Plus, it would be nice if I didn't have to limit the dating pool solely to those who wouldn't mind never having sex. How can I work through this problem?

[Vega91]

I think sex- and genitalia repulsion are often linked, but it's certainly possible to have one without the other.

I am not familiar with this, but I think it could be possible to get over at least the worst of sex/genitalia-repulsion.

[Claudia Claudio]

Have you had sex? You actually don't have to look down there :) . If by merely feeling genitalia you feel repulsion, then I don't know which kind of sex you might have except the weird post-modern one indicated by Paul Beatriz Preciado.
I think that overcoming repulsion might be way too hard work to be worth the effort. And.. at least you have a "dating pool", right?

[Pikachu27]

Have you had sex? You actually don't have to look down there :) . If by merely feeling genitalia you feel repulsion, then I don't know which kind of sex you might have except the weird post-modern one indicated by Paul Beatriz Preciado.

I think that overcoming repulsion might be way too hard work to be worth the effort. And.. at least you have a "dating pool", right?

No, I haven't had sex. I'm only fifteen. And I wouldn't know if I would be repulsed by feeling it, since I haven't before.

[Absol]

It is possible to get over repulsion to genitalia, but you would need to find someone that you REALLY trust. Be honest with them, explain exactly how you feel, and don't push yourself farther than you are comfortable. As cliché as it sounds, communication really is the most important thing in this situation. Good luck, I hope things work out for you! :)

[Grumpy Alien]

Hm... I'm no help because I'm about the opposite. I'm sure AVEN can help with that.

[borealmist]

I think it's often used interchangeably, but yeah, it's certainly possible. I find human genitalia somewhat distasteful, but I don't have any repulsion to penetrative sex, I'm just not very interested in it. Various ways of covering the areas would be enough for me to be completely rid of any discomfort around it.

In general, phobias and repulsion can be dealt with through cognitive behaviour therapy and gradual desensitisation treatment. Basically, that would come down to learning to deal with and control the feelings around the issue and desensitization through gradual exposure associated with relaxation and lack of negative feedback. Either with instructions from a decent therapist, or simply by reading up on the techniques and understanding how it works (ie, basically like Absol said, find someone you really, really, trust and do it slowly to ensure there's no negative feeling).

It might not make you go from repulsion to appreciation, but repulsion in itself isn't something that you have to let control you.

[scarletlatitude]

I think there can be a difference. Personally I don't find anything down there pleasant to look at. I wouldn't call it repulsed... more like there are much better things to do with my eyes than that. I'm also not really sex repulsed. I'm kind of demisexual in that regard. For me, the two aren't really connected, but I imagine it can be. I'm sure being repulsed by genitalia might make sex repulsion worse, or visa versa.

[DoYouFeelItNowMrKrabs?]

I think they're two different things, generally. But really don't force yourself to overcome it. By personal experience, I would say it could just be due to your age? For lack of better explanation. It could be something you just think throughout your life, too. When I was 15 (I'm 19 now) I was also repulsed by genitals. Any genitals. My own definitely included. I figured that would never change, ever. To my surprise and confusion though, when I hit 17 years of age I wasn't as repulsed anymore. I became more open to the idea of sex, too. Like you kind of explained, I also would like to be able to share myself with someone I love, even if only to please them. It was still weird for a bit, but as I thought more about it, I kind of dropped the idea of genitals being disgusting for the most part. So something similar could possibly be going on like that with you. Hope that helped in some way. :)

[Pikachu27]

I think they're two different things, generally. But really don't force yourself to overcome it. By personal experience, I would say it could just be due to your age? For lack of better explanation. It could be something you just think throughout your life, too. When I was 15 (I'm 19 now) I was also repulsed by genitals. Any genitals. My own definitely included. I figured that would never change, ever. To my surprise and confusion though, when I hit 17 years of age I wasn't as repulsed anymore. I became more open to the idea of sex, too. Like you kind of explained, I also would like to be able to share myself with someone I love, even if only to please them. It was still weird for a bit, but as I thought more about it, I kind of dropped the idea of genitals being disgusting for the most part. So something similar could possibly be going on like that with you. Hope that helped in some way. :)

Yeah, it was reassuring. I do hope that happens to me too. I'd be the type to wait a long time before having sex, but I would like to be able to have it with someone I love when I'm ready. I can't imagine anything more intimate than being completely bare with each other and having someone literally inside you. It's crazy to me to think that a lot of people would put themselves in that vulnerable of a position for basically anyone they find attractive and is up for sex. But still, it's a really romantic thought when thinking of it the way I am. So yeah, I really do hope the repulsion is something I can overcome with time.

Although, it recently came somewhat to my attention that some people automatically expect oral to be part of the sex life too. Now that is not happening even if I do get over my repulsion. That is not an idea I would get used to. I find that disgusting on a whole other level.

[MoraDollie]

Yes, there's a difference. I enjoy sex, but I find genitalia (male and female) gross xD;

[Jump]

I would say I am repulsed by genitalia (my own included) but not by sex itself. I would have sex (and have), but don't like touching genitalia. And I NEVER understood why anyone would perform oral sex. So gross.

[DoYouFeelItNowMrKrabs?]

Yeah, it was reassuring. I do hope that happens to me too. I'd be the type to wait a long time before having sex, but I would like to be able to have it with someone I love when I'm ready. I can't imagine anything more intimate than being completely bare with each other and having someone literally inside you. It's crazy to me to think that a lot of people would put themselves in that vulnerable of a position for basically anyone they find attractive and is up for sex. But still, it's a really romantic thought when thinking of it the way I am. So yeah, I really do hope the repulsion is something I can overcome with time.

Although, it recently came somewhat to my attention that some people automatically expect oral to be part of the sex life too. Now that is not happening even if I do get over my repulsion. That is not an idea I would get used to. I find that disgusting on a whole other level.

Yeah, I know what you mean there, too. Oral itself is a whole different thing to me. I'm not so much down for that, giving or receiving. But also keep in mind that if you end up in a relationship at anytime, no matter who it's with, they shouldn't be expecting anything more than what you've discussed with them. You seem like you'd be very up front and confident in talking about it, so it probably won't be too much of a problem.

[borealmist]

Although, it recently came somewhat to my attention that some people automatically expect oral to be part of the sex life too. Now that is not happening even if I do get over my repulsion. That is not an idea I would get used to. I find that disgusting on a whole other level.

Yeah, I know what you mean there, too. Oral itself is a whole different thing to me. I'm not so much down for that, giving or receiving. But also keep in mind that if you end up in a relationship at anytime, no matter who it's with, they shouldn't be expecting anything more than what you've discussed with them. You seem like you'd be very up front and confident in talking about it, so it probably won't be too much of a problem.

Heh, that's one situation where empathy and imagination really isn't doing me any good. Technically I shouldn't really mind receiving, but I just can't avoid mentally placing myself in the performers situation... so, ummm... lets not do that...

I do wish people would stop assuming anything at all can be expected in a relationship or in sex. Some things may be more common, some things may be less common, it's perfectly ok to say that you're not going to be doing something in a relationship, even while it's also ok for someone to say that something has to be part of a relationship for them to be interested in it. Sometimes that means everything is great for everyone, more commonly it means you're compromising here and there, and sometimes it means you're just incompatible.

And I agree; Pikachu27, if you're already this open and confident in talking about it, you really have the best possible foundation for dealing with this in the future. You might end up having to explain a lot of things to a potential partner who might be muddling through things less prepared than you, but as long as you don't let yourself be pressured into something you're not ok with, communicate clearly and ask around in places like AVEN when in doubt, I think you'll do fine.

[Wyrmcraft]

I've given the suggestion before for genital repulsed people, consider a blindfold.

If the reason you can't have sex, but you want to have sex, is that you can't stand seeing genitals then get something so you don't need to see genitalia. If its more than just the sight of it...well you might be out of luck since its pretty hard to have sex without some kind of genital contact.

[Pikachu27]

Although, it recently came somewhat to my attention that some people automatically expect oral to be part of the sex life too. Now that is not happening even if I do get over my repulsion. That is not an idea I would get used to. I find that disgusting on a whole other level.

Yeah, I know what you mean there, too. Oral itself is a whole different thing to me. I'm not so much down for that, giving or receiving. But also keep in mind that if you end up in a relationship at anytime, no matter who it's with, they shouldn't be expecting anything more than what you've discussed with them. You seem like you'd be very up front and confident in talking about it, so it probably won't be too much of a problem.

Heh, that's one situation where empathy and imagination really isn't doing me any good. Technically I shouldn't really mind receiving, but I just can't avoid mentally placing myself in the performers situation... so, ummm... lets not do that...

I do wish people would stop assuming anything at all can be expected in a relationship or in sex. Some things may be more common, some things may be less common, it's perfectly ok to say that you're not going to be doing something in a relationship, even while it's also ok for someone to say that something has to be part of a relationship for them to be interested in it. Sometimes that means everything is great for everyone, more commonly it means you're compromising here and there, and sometimes it means you're just incompatible.

And I agree; Pikachu27, if you're already this open and confident in talking about it, you really have the best possible foundation for dealing with this in the future. You might end up having to explain a lot of things to a potential partner who might be muddling through things less prepared than you, but as long as you don't let yourself be pressured into something you're not ok with, communicate clearly and ask around in places like AVEN when in doubt, I think you'll do fine.

Yeah, I'm already pretty sure of myself and what I want, and perhaps more than that, what I don't. I guess I have this fear of a romantic partner seeing me as boring for not really being into a whole lot of things. I have a general idea in my head of the kinds of things I might actually be up for, but in comparison, I'm sure I'd probably be seen as unadventurous or dull. But, I would still rather be single than be goaded into anything sexual that I don't want or am not sure about. I'm just not that type of person.

[scarletlatitude]

I would say I am repulsed by genitalia (my own included) but not by sex itself. I would have sex (and have), but don't like touching genitalia. And I NEVER understood why anyone would perform oral sex. So gross.

^this

[booksoversex]

Thirded, scarletlatitude. Penises are gross. I've had oral sex and it almost always makes me feel sick and repulsed. I don't want to look at a penis, much less put it in my mouth. It's unhygienic and... ewww. But I have had sex. I prefer no foreplay though, so I don't have that touch that gross thing for a prolonged amount of time. Just stick it in and the grossness goes away :P

[Pikachu27]

Yes, there's a difference. I enjoy sex, but I find genitalia (male and female) gross xD;

How do you get over it while you're having sex? Do you try to just not look there, or do you have to try and just like ignore it?

[booksoversex]

Yes, there's a difference. I enjoy sex, but I find genitalia (male and female) gross xD;

How do you get over it while you're having sex? Do you try to just not look there, or do you have to try and just like ignore it?

When you're having sex you don't look at it! Lol. :P See my post about it.

[Philip027]

Is there a difference between being repulsed by sex and being repulsed by genitalia?

Definitely a difference. Once I grew out of my whole "ewww, private parts!" phase that I think quite a lot of younger people go through, I came to realize that I didn't particularly care about genitals, it was more what people did with them that I could potentially find disgusting >_>

Something that you may find happen to you (it happened to me, and seemingly a fair number of other people, including sexuals who experience the same sort of body repulsion) is that once you end up comfortable enough with another person and some sort of sexual interaction occurs, you'll find that you're not as weirded out by the other person's body (or yours) simply due to the degree of comfort that you have for this person.

[Jasmin91]

I personally have only ever had sex with men, and have given and received head.

But I really don't like it, it grosses me out and any future partner of mine will have to deal with the fact that I like lights off, no oral, limited hand to genital contact and the very few sexual positions I am comfortable with.

I don't see myself getting over it, genitals just gross me out.

[El-not-so-ace]

I can barely share my water with people since I don't want their germs... I can't imagine putting something else in my mouth... >.>

I won't say never just because it tends to backfire, but ugh... Better not.

Back on topic, from what I've heard from my friends (only one's a potential demi) is that genitals aren't really pretty to look at. I've got a general aversion and I am not looking forward to seeing that, but I'm sure that as Philip027 said, it'll probably not be as bad when that is just part of the person you really love. :) Here's to hoping that's how it works, at least! :P

[Pikachu27]

I can barely share my water with people since I don't want their germs... I can't imagine putting something else in my mouth... >.>

I won't say never just because it tends to backfire, but ugh... Better not.

Back on topic, from what I've heard from my friends (only one's a potential demi) is that genitals aren't really pretty to look at. I've got a general aversion and I am not looking forward to seeing that, but I'm sure that as Philip027 said, it'll probably not be as bad when that is just part of the person you really love. :) Here's to hoping that's how it works, at least! :P

Yes, let's hope so ^-^ It would be great if it was that simply, so I would just naturally be comfortable with the physical progression of things instead of feeling like it was something I had to work through.

[Xavy]

Being gross out by genitals is something I relate to, yet it was possible for me to have sex (although just barely), so I would say that sex repulsion is different from genitals repulsion, at least for me.

[Pikachu27]

Being gross out by genitals is something I relate to, yet it was possible for me to have sex (although just barely), so I would say that sex repulsion is different from genitals repulsion, at least for me.

Was the sex a bad experience because of the repulsion, or still good because you loved the person?

[Skycaptain]

For what it's worth, my opinion. Yes you can be repulsed by sex or genitals but not the two together. I can only put forward my own experiences here. Sex repulsion, the idea of kissing, and poking bits of me into other people or vice-versa just makes me shudder. But genitalia, as a scientific or artistic abstract, well, I'm not averse to looking at them, talking about them, and, solely in a medical context, having mine examined.

It's weird, because sex and sexuality fascinate me, just so long as I'm not expected to take part in a practical demonstration.