I'm scared I might be normal and I just can't be.

[interpol]

I can't believe I'm someone with an online dating profile thing, actually trying to talk to people, while simultaneously beginning what looks to be the hardest four or five years of my life.

It's not like I'm taking anyone seriously. But I have to wonder if me avoiding taking anyone seriously is just the result of a fear of serious love being a kind of inescapable trap that doesn't set you free.

I just /can't/ be a normal girl who wants to get married, settle down and have babies. I just can't be that woman, can I? Isnt that the territory of the woman who never wants to leave home and has no career ambition? The territory of animals in the wild? Isn't sex the territory of animals as well, people acting less than human while doing so....

Yeah, we are animals. The problem is I was taught we were called to be different and above the animals.

I don't know anymore, I just don't want to turn into the kind of person who can't go three days without sex. And babies have to go to the bathroom all the time. Ew.

[stonehengegirl]

I don't believe there is a normal. That would imply asexuals are abnormal and we aren't.

There is an average and you can fall any where on that average scale that you want to. No one is a stereotype. The most average looking bored married housewife has crazy hidden desires and wishes that you wouldn't know by looking at her. People only appear boring on a superficial level.

I wouldn't worry so much about what you think you appear to be and just live life the way that makes you happy.

[Sockstealingnome]

What makes you think that's the life you have to live? If you don't want kids then don't have them. If you don't want to marry then don't. Just because everyone else opts for a white picket fence, minivan, and 2.5 kids doesn't mean you have to. Life is about figuring out how to live it...your way.

[No1]

. I just can't be that woman, can I?

You are who you are, and who you are define you.

Society doesn't define you, it doesn't label you. There's no right and no wrong. Just because you might want something, it doesn't mean you'll have to do what other does too when they does the first thing.

...

I'm glad my username has inspired you :P

[Autumn Season]

And you can have a SO who you will never marry or have children with. You can have children without a SO. There are so many possibilities... and you can choose whatever you want to do with your life. ^^

[interpol]

I know that's not the life I have to live, I just fear that if I DID want that life for myself it would be terrible. Because then I would open myself up to getting hurt.

[dandelionfluff]

I might add that there are plenty of women who are married, have children, husbands (or wives, or what have you), and have successful careers. There are women who have any combination of those. They might be married with a career and children. They might be single mothers with a career. That doesn't make them "boring" or "normal." This ain't the 1950's. Women have the freedom to make choices. Some women are very much fulfilled with a husband/wife and children. Caring for children in itself is a full time job, not to mention taking care of an entire house. To say that getting married and having children is the territory of a woman that doesn't want to leave the home is...dated thinking to say the least. (But I don't know your location so your culture may have ingrained that type of thinking)

That being said, you have control over your own life and your own choices. I really don't see what there is to be worried about. If you choose to not get married and/or have children, you are free to do so. Even if you do decide to do either of those, you can still live a very fulfilling life.

[catnipQuintessence]

I know that's not the life I have to live, I just fear that if I DID want that life for myself it would be terrible. Because then I would open myself up to getting hurt.

I think I feel you on this one. But two things: 1) You know yourself, and you know what you're going into this looking for, i.e. not that life, just someone to date and hang out with, whatever. You get to steer your choices here. 2) It's kinda impossible to go through life without getting hurt in some way? Right now you're getting worked up about something that might not even happen. There's a chance that you could get hurt by some vastly different circumstance; there's a chance that you could later decide you want that life and you do get hurt; there's a chance you try for it and everything turns out great; it's really impossible to know the future, you know? But you still try for what you want in life rather than hiding in your room all day.

Right now you're fine. None of those things you're afraid of is some kind of inescapable consequence. And you already have more courage than I do just for making a profile on a dating site... I think you'll be fine, really!

[scarletlatitude]

I know that's not the life I have to live, I just fear that if I DID want that life for myself it would be terrible. Because then I would open myself up to getting hurt.

Ah, I see what you mean. I feel the same way. I kind of want a relationship, but doing that just... I dunno, it just puts you out there in a way that's really uncomfortable to me. I feel like I could never have a real relationship because I'm so insistent on not needing anyone that I don't know how to have a proper relationship where you need someone (sexual or otherwise).

One good thing is that there are people out there like you. AVEN proves that. I guess we just have to find the right person. I've tried dating sites before too... I managed to find a few people to talk to, but even that seems like too much for me. The only real friendship I kind of developed is with a trangendered guy who lives in Chicago... even that is iffy for me.

Eh, sorry, I don't know if that helped at all. Hugs either way. <3

[The_Halfmoon]

If you are scared of turning into a normal girl that can't go without sex for 3 days, let me assure you, you probably won't. The basic fact that you're scared of that idea is in fact the very sign that you won't be that type of person.

Don't worry about what may or may not be... be happy that we live in an age where you can choose to not be "barefoot and pregnant" as almost every woman was forced into being throughout our sad history. You have total control of your body, and what's more, you have total control of your MIND. And if having babies and having sex all the time are not things that resonate with you right now, there's no reason to think they will in the future.

BUT if you do choose to be "normal" one day, you'll actually enjoy it because it was a choice you made freely. So either way, you win.

There's no reason to fight your nature, whether that's being absolutely asexual or allosexual, as long as it doesn't hurt you or other people. Be happy!

[scarletlatitude]

If you are scared of turning into a normal girl that can't go without sex for 3 days, let me assure you, you probably won't. The basic fact that you're scared of that idea is in fact the very sign that you won't be that type of person.

Don't worry about what may or may not be... be happy that we live in an age where you can choose to not be "barefoot and pregnant" as almost every woman was forced into being throughout our sad history. You have total control of your body, and what's more, you have total control of your MIND. And if having babies and having sex all the time are not things that resonate with you right now, there's no reason to think they will in the future.

BUT if you do choose to be "normal" one day, you'll actually enjoy it because it was a choice you made freely. So either way, you win.

There's no reason to fight your nature, whether that's being absolutely asexual or allosexual, as long as it doesn't hurt you or other people. Be happy!

A lot of women are still forced into that position today, sadly.

But back on topic -- Halfmoon makes a good point. Whatever is normal for you is normal! (And I totally agree with the baby thing by the way... [controversial opinion] I really don't see what's so great about them.)

[El-not-so-ace]

A lot of women and couples are finally choosing not to have kids (as if 7B people isn't too much for the Earth to handle if they all want to live a North American lifestyle) and aren't judged as much as before. I had this fear of turning into an average person, but even if that happens, be sure to love yourself no matter what. :) It's like if you'd say: "I hope I'll never ever try that coffee called Kopi Luwak... It's made out of something digested and pooped out by monkeys!!"

And then somehow you try the drink and it's not bad... If that happens, just don't judge yourself and think: "How could I go back on my decision?". If it's good, it's good. If not, no need for it either. :)

I hope I wasn't too unclear.