tfw someone you barely know is more supportive than your parent

[EmpathyAce]

Today was the first day of school, and I did meet with the principal to discuss my transgender identity. Delightfully, it went all in my favor. He just pretty much gave me the rundown of bathrooms, what to do if harassed, dealing with teachers, etc. It went splendidly, and he said that I've got the administration's full support. Hell, the school psychologist even gave me the schedule of a local transgender support group that exists and apparently meets up every few Saturdays. They won't say anything to my mother unless I feel it is safe to do so, too. ^^ He called me a "brave young man" for being able to be vocal about this, which also made me happy. My other trans friend who also got the same rundown today was also told that the principal would I guess inform the Board of Education?? So that all the schools in the county can initiate some kind of transgender support system or something. So my friend and I could have potentially changed the lives of all the closeted transgender students in the county! I'm very happy to know that just me asking for some pronouns could also help others in my situation.

And then I get home.

And my mother immediately just starts cracking on me, probably taking out her frustration about my identity on things not even pertaining to that subject. Like, she starts ranting off random bull and then says something like, "...but you know, I don't care what you do anymore. You could fail for all I care."

And I was like

But how is that relevant to...anything?? Why did you just start spewing unkind bs while completely unprovoked???

The only justification for that I think, is that she is still upset that I am transgender. Because I seriously didn't say anything that would have made her mad. ._.

Ugh, mothers...

Whatever. Cool principal is cool.

[Koriander]

Aaahh I'm so proud of your principal, that's really AWESOME to hear, if only I could find someone in my little town who would be as open and as supportive as that about my inter-bigender. :) Eh, no clue who to talk to. XD

[EmotionalAndroid]

That is awesome that you have a source of external support, especially in your school. School is where it is be hard to feel accepted, so having someone in a place of authority who knows your story and supports you is fantastic. I'm sure it will make things so much easier!

I'm sorry to hear that your mother is not so accepting, though. Unfortunately I do not have much experience dealing with un-supportive parents since I am yet not out to mine, but I hope that soon your mother will get over her initial negative reactions and learn to be more accepting. I'm glad that you have a safe place to go (school) if things get tough!

[Valiant]

In a sense I can understand your mother's reaction - not that I agree with it in the slightest! With your principal, or other people who don't really know you, they have nothing to lose and everything to gain in supporting you. With your mother, she may feel like she's losing a child and thus takes it out on you. Like a process of grieving, I guess. The thing is, she isn't really losing you. She's gaining a a more authentic version of you. I am so sorry that she is reacting in such a way that she is making you feel horrible, but I am glad that you have a support network with your school and potentially with the support group. Props to you for coming out to your school principal about this, and extra props for encouraging a wider support net for trans students across the country, I have no doubt that a support network at school of all places would have a positive impact on trans students in future.

I didn't post in your other thread regarding the meeting you went to today, but I wanted to say that school principals are generally cool. When I was 14 my school's vice principal was interested in how I was doing after coming down with a horribad neurological condition. He went as far as telling every one of my teachers that if I needed to, I could walk out of the classroom to go to the bathroom (the condition messed with my nervous system), no questions asked. I never did have the guts to walk out without first asking, but yeah, the concessions given to me helped for the time that I could handle staying in school. I am happy that your school's principal is of a similar calibre, having support in the highest authority of your school will likely be a good thing to have if any teacher or student gives you strife (hopefully that isn't the case!).

As for your mother, well I can empathise with that somewhat. My family is supportive of my transition, but I've only heard my full first name from two of them once each. I still hear my birth name even though I recently had my name legally changed, which does make me feel pretty down about it sometimes. I guess for now my nickname will have to suffice, I'm hoping HRT will discourage the use of feminine names and pronouns... one day, right? I'm a doormat and have barely any self assertive power at the moment (I'm in therapy so hopefully that changes), so pushing the matter is something I don't want to do. However, I'm not getting any grief for my transition and haven't argued with my mother since coming out (prior to then it was on for young and old... I was an agitated, confrontational snot for a while there). Anywho; I hope your mother comes around sooner rather than later, in the meantime do you have other family members that you feel comfortable with telling who won't be quite as... stick in the mud-ish relating to something that's very much an important part of your life?

I'm cheering for you on the side EmpathyAce, while I haven't been posting much, your threads are something I've been following, not to come across as creepy or anything. Seeing each step you've taken so far is something I appreciate; it's good to know that while I feel alone in this small town, that there are others out there in the process of similar things. Best wishes!

[VindicatorPhoenix]

The meeting with the principal is great news! It's important to have a support system available for you; it can help you feel more comfortable and feel that the real you belongs in your school. Your bravery truly paid off. Rock on, EmpathyAce! :D

I don't agree with your mom's reaction, it's so ignorant! You're beautiful just the way you are and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Everyone has their quirks, and this world would be a boring place full of robots if no one did. ;)

[dash]

When I read stories like yours here about the principal, it just feels like a totally different world from the one I grew up in. Look how much can change in just one generation!!!

To this day I still don't really feel like I "deserve" to be anything other than a woman. /sigh/ No one was going to say, "Oh, you're not a woman? Cool, let's talk bathrooms. You don't have to use the boys or girls rooms if you don't want." (And even for reasons unrelated to gender, that would have been awesome, since our school bathrooms got NASTY by the end of the day, like "I've never seen bathrooms so disgusting" kind of nasty, on a regular basis.)

A couple years ago I was involved in getting a large urban school system near me to adopt language on student gender identity and expression into their official policies. (Yes, it's the state law, but that doesn't mean the school department policy was up to date.) I know things are changing. It's just hard for me to connect that with feeling inside like I "deserve" anything at all.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

It's wonderful your principal is so supportive, warms my heart to hear <3 Even in my school days (a few years ago), we were told the way we dressed (many of my friends were goths or dressed in non-cis normative ways) invited bullies to pick on us... by the teachers! Luckily we stuck by our guns as we were a tight knit group, but I'd hate to have been the singular trans person there :/

Your mother's attitude stinks, there's no excuse for it. She can be upset, but taking it out on you is unacceptable. Maybe call her out on it, force her to confront whatever problem she has with you; maybe then you can talk and move on.