Advice from older asexual's to younger ones?

[Rainbow~Sprinkles]

Hey just wondering if anybody from older gen has any advice, stories, suggestions for the younger generation?

I'm going into my 20's and don't want to waste that time. Its probably the only time I will have the freedom and flexibility that I have now. So any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance :)

[Tanwen]

Your name caught my eye - would you believe I actually worked with a girl called 'Rainbow Sparkles'??? She changed it by deed poll after she lost a bet.

I'm off for the day (a dog show in aid of our local hospice) and will give this more thought later - just one thing. You never stop learning, no matter how old you get you can never know everything; there's always something to be done for the first time :)

[Lia]

Moved from Asexual Q&A to Older Asexuals

Lia

Asexual Q&A Co-Moderator

[fogsedge]

You will have freedom from the time you become self-aware to the day you die.

Your generation has a much much much more liberated sense of sexuality than those who came before.

Having watched homosexuality go from illegal to fashionable and protected by law, I'd say your generation has a good chance of making asexuality the new 'sexy'. Add another shade of grey and get rid of that particularly obnoxious source of pressure -- pressure to couple and perform sexually.

IMO our culture is way too sexualized. Find your own way to stand against oversexualization. The flow is now going many directions. Find your own.

p.s you asked for own experiences . . . . I'm 66 . . . was the only solo in a hippie commune in the 60s and 70s. Still solo. Tried partnering a few times but couldn't pull it off for more than a few weeks. Did well in school and ended out with PhD doing research and eventually teaching in college. Now retired and in good financial shape (accumulating some money greatly increases your freedom). I kinda' regret various gender biases etc. in my early years. Wish the guidance councilor hadn't steered me away from going into engineering because, supposedly, female engineers were unhappy people. Wish my parents weren't anti-sports cause learning teamwork and taking pleasure from competitions is healthy. But everyone gets some bum steers . . . from family . . . from the system . . . from people we love. Not all dreams are real and most of them don't come true. But live can be pretty good.

[Qutenkuddly]

Relax. This is probably the most important skill I've learned.

[daveb]

Find the wherewithal to do things you enjoy. Learn to accept and love yourself as you are. Make plans for the future, in financial terms and other ways. Hold onto good friends, cultivate new friendships, and get rid of false friends.

When I look back there are things I'm glad I did and things I regret doing or not doing. Things I'm glad I did, even if I didn't always do them at the time I should have: some traveling, going back to college and getting a couple of degrees. Things I regret doing: hurting people, letting anger get the better of me, purging some stuff because I felt shame and guilt for a harmless proclivity (crossdressing), crashing my bicycle (which has left me with chronic mild back pain). Things I regret not doing: some fun things (like opportunities to get dolled up), telling certain people my feelings for them. Other things I'm glad I did, even though I may have done them later than "normal" or because there were some downsides in addition to the upsides: saving for retirement, buying a house, having a relationship. I think it's inevitable that we will have regrets, failures and triumphs. I believe the best we can do is make the most of them and learn from our mistakes. And be kind to ourselves.

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

Hey fellow bike crasher. ;) I don't think I'd list a bike crash as a regret, more like an accident. Those are oftentimes unavoidable.

Rainbow, my advice is find a lucrative career, but something you enjoy. I see a lot of folks younger than me just struggling to get by because they got a degree in "art history" or the like. That's all good and fine, art is important, but you need money. As Jerry Maguire would say "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" Anything in math, science, computing, medicine, law, or finances is gold these days. You can pursue non-lucrative interests while you're bringing in the bacon and perhaps return to college some other time to learn some liberal arts.

Also, numero uno most important thing you can learn is forgiveness. Don't hold on to hate for any length of time. Forgiveness is not equivalent to reconciliation, so be sure to keep those separate. You should always forgive, but reconciliation is fully optional. If some drunk idiot destroys your mailbox with his fender, you forgive him, but that doesn't mean you have to buy him dinner.

[Autumn Sunrise]

Always be open to new experiences, and don't be bound by stereotypes. "Too young" and "too old" are largely in your mind. I took up ice skating in my early sixties (with some trepidation, I'll admit :D ) and I had a ball! (I only stopped because I moved out of the city, and now there's no rink within reasonable distance :( ) On the other hand, I do regret not pursuing some dreams when I was younger. You only get one go at life, so make the most of it; don't expect everything to be amazing, or perfect, but know that there is something worthwhile, and memorable, in every experience that you choose.

Education is never wasted, but the knowledge/skills that enable you to earn a living are very important; that said, you can live on very little money if you have to (plenty of hints about how to do that on the internet ) and it can even be an adventure and a source of pride :D ; accept advice but be true to yourself and do what you feel is right for you (the things I most regret are when I didn't do this).

Good luck, and remember, after the twenties come the thirties, then the forties, and . . . they can ALL be wonderful!