Would I Be Considered Grey/Semisexual?

[curioser-and-curioser]

Okay so I've been struggling for a while to figure out how to identify myself sexually, and as much as I've endeavored to educate myself, I (regrettably) still find myself very confused. As a teen I was convinced I was demisexual since I never felt compelled to have sex with someone based on physical attractiveness, but as I've gotten older and had more experience in relationships, I am not so sure this is the case.

As I understand, demisexuals do not experience primary sexual attraction whatsoever. However, while I certainly do need an emotional connection with someone in order to feel an urge for sexual intimacy, I've generally found that physically-based sexual desire does end up emerging for me after that bond has been formed. In essence, I can find someone aesthetically pleasing upon first meeting them, but not feel any sexual 'urges' until after I've gotten to know them. At that point however, strong physical sexual attraction can in fact kick in for me.

I realize this is not the more 'common' order of sexual attraction but it's just the way I experience it. And I'm not sure how to correctly 'identify' myself in that regard.

[SkyWorld]

Hmm. I had to look up primary vs. secondary sexual attraction on AVENwiki. Yes, demisexuals don't experience primary sexual attraction, but aesthetic attraction is different from sexual attraction. An asexual can experience aesthetic attraction for example, but not sexually. You may or may not have seen this picture before, but it's a really good one and it helps.

[ZUT]

Just want to say I love that picture Skyworld.

[curioser-and-curioser]

Thank you for your insight SkyWorld. I would definitely agree I can easily experience aesthetic attraction, but I still hesitate to call myself 'asexual' because I'm not totally devoid of all primary sexual urges.

Let me try and break it down this way: I meet someone (gender doesn't matter for me), find them extremely pleasing to look at, but don't desire physical intimacy at that point. As I get to know them as a person/form a relationship with them, the desire for sex begins to arise. But now I also find myself attracted to/wanting to enjoy various physical attributes of theirs (e.g. breasts, legs, lips, genitalia, etc.) on a sexual level, even though I didn't upon initially meeting them. So it's like: a desire for intimacy is contingent on an emotional bond, but an evolution from aesthetic attraction to full on primary attraction is for me as well.

Is it also possible that what I'm experiencing isn't so much a function of my biological 'orientation' as it is something more psychological? Like perhaps I wasn't 'born' with this function, but through nurture or life experience or whatever you want to call it, my general sexual experience just 'developed' this way?

I'm sorry if this is all so very confusing, believe me if I could make better sense of it I probably wouldn't even need to ask

[SkyWorld]

Let me try and break it down this way: I meet someone (gender doesn't matter for me), find them extremely pleasing to look at, but don't desire physical intimacy at that point. As I get to know them as a person/form a relationship with them, the desire for sex begins to arise. But now I also find myself attracted to/wanting to enjoy various physical attributes of theirs (e.g. breasts, legs, lips, genitalia, etc.) on a sexual level, even though I didn't upon initially meeting them. So it's like: a desire for intimacy is contingent on an emotional bond, but an evolution from aesthetic attraction to full on primary attraction is for me as well.

First of all, I just want to say that you and only you can choose what you identify as, no one else. Although, you probably already know that, I just say that just in case and I don't want to think that I am labeling you, but I am most certainly trying to help you figure it out. Second, I would say not to stress too much about it. They're really just labels and a label shouldn't own you, you own the label and you don't necessarily have to pick one. Sure labels can be helpful, but they should be just that: helpful, not stressful.

I'm not completely sure myself to be honest. It kind of sounds like grey-a? There are several definitions for it, but demisexuality is in the grey spectrum. Here's AVENwiki's information about Grey-A. I hope that would help some.

[curioser-and-curioser]

Let me try and break it down this way: I meet someone (gender doesn't matter for me), find them extremely pleasing to look at, but don't desire physical intimacy at that point. As I get to know them as a person/form a relationship with them, the desire for sex begins to arise. But now I also find myself attracted to/wanting to enjoy various physical attributes of theirs (e.g. breasts, legs, lips, genitalia, etc.) on a sexual level, even though I didn't upon initially meeting them. So it's like: a desire for intimacy is contingent on an emotional bond, but an evolution from aesthetic attraction to full on primary attraction is for me as well.

First of all, I just want to say that you and only you can choose what you identify as, no one else. Although, you probably already know that, I just say that just in case and I don't want to think that I am labeling you, but I am most certainly trying to help you figure it out. Second, I would say not to stress too much about it. They're really just labels and a label shouldn't own you, you own the label and you don't necessarily have to pick one. Sure labels can be helpful, but they should be just that: helpful, not stressful.

Thank you for that SkyWorld, you really hit the nail on the head for me because I DO tend to worry that I can't figure out how to 'label' myself here. In a lot of ways it's hard for me to understand my sexual experience because I don't know anyone else who undergoes attraction this particular way. And I'm not sure if it's 'innate' to my drive or something more psychological. I just know that I can look at a hundred nude models in Playboy/girl and feel zero sexual arousal, but when I look at a nude selfie of my boyfriend/girlfriend at the time, WOWZERS!

[Star Bit]

You suggest Demisexual but question it, and i don't get why.

Demisexual is sexual attraction after a certain bond has been made. You are romantically attracted to people you find aesthetically attractive and then eventually you have sexual impulses. Sounds Demisexual to me. Demisexual is under the Gray umbrella. Semisexual, however, is an outdated term that means rarely or infrequently feeling sexual attraction. It probably didn't catch on because it's a synonym of Demi; term clash. It's been replaced with Burstsexual; sexual attracting coming in random bursts.

(Also, you initially worded aesthetic attraction as aesthetically pleasing and i just wanted to say that they're kinda different; the word attraction means a pull, and pleasing is just satisfying but not going as far as being great. So the former has a fixation and pull to look, while the latter does not.)

[DiamandisQueen]

Hello! As a demisexual myself I know where you're coming from.

I find people aesthetically attractive all the time !! this does not mean I find them sexually attractive though. You are most definitely under the grey-umbrella.

All in all, pick whatever you feel comfortable with x