A Sexual Using Asexual Labels/Identities?

[SidesSeer]

So, quick introductory spiel, then I'll get to the actual question.

I'm mostly attracted to women, and haven't liked a guy for about eight years. A couple of months ago, I met this guy and we really hit it off. We tried being friends with benefits, then eventually started a long-distance relationship, mainly because he was super persistent, but it didn't work out and now we've lost touch. Thing is, that relationship included a hell of a lot of phone sex. It took me a long time to get to, because it was something new and seemed really gross at first. Which was a weird experience itself since I've always known I'm still capable of liking guys. But the closer we got, the more I opened up to the idea, and eventually I was the one starting things.

Anyway, the experience with the guy coupled with how relevant AVEN has been in my life lately got me thinking about my identity. I realized that basically I like girls without any inhibitions. It's completely natural to me. But with guys I need a close relationship first. I've only ever been sexually attracted to three guys in my life, and they were guys I was close with. If I try to think about guys in general, I get really grossed out.

I generally don't label myself on principle, but if I had to, I'd be homo/romantic/sexual, hetero/(grey?)/demi/romantic/sexual.

Like I said, I'm not actually running around calling myself this (talk about a tongue twister!), but I'm actually curious. How do you all (especially aces) feel about a sexual person identifying with ace labels?

[Member54880]

It's no problem at all, and those labels aren't exclusive to this community. Many non-asexual people whose sexual and romantic orientations are different from each other, find that out from the asexual community, because of the emphasis on distinguishing romantic and sexual orientation from each other. It's great that there are people outside the asexual community who found those labels useful. :)

[Zapstileon]

I've always believed in inclusion rather than exclusion. The way I see it, AVEN is an umbrella for (a)sexual/(a)romantic orientations, with extra weight on Asexual awareness (because, frankly, we need that). It's not like the terms used are made specifically for asexuals. I mean, Demi and Grey-A's are initially somewhere in between sexual and asexual. Since it's a spectrum, those on the other end of the spectrum can't be excluded, or shouldn't, anyway. So use whatever labels you feel apply to you, whether you are asexual or not. :)

[(A)rrogant Avian]

As long as you feel that the label applies to you, sure.

[Guest]

Whatever label (or lack there of) you feel applies to you best, you have every right to go with. I do not see how it could be problematic as long as it is what you feel you are.

[Ficulnean]

It's a label applying to you so you get to make the choice to use it or not. And, it would be nice to have sexual people becoming more aware of the distinction between romantic and sexual orientation, and pretty cool too in my opinion. That would make it easier for people who are asexual to actually figure it out as well, if it was info also available to them without first having to assume asexuality. I'm seeing nothing but positives here. And, you're already aware of the need to clarify what asexual actually is if you describe yourself in all those long tounge-twisting terms.

[SidesSeer]

Hi Everyone,

I've really enaroyed the responses I've gotten, thanks! Aaaand now I'm still figuring out my attraction to guys why can't it be as clear cut as liking girls ha ha! Thanks again! :)

Misty

[pipsuxx]

honestly i find my attraction to women so different to my attraction to men. i can't really explain how, it just is. and i think that's quite normal for quite a lot of people who experience attraction to more than one gender. try not to let it bother you! there's no need to worry about labelling it so long as you're comfortable, unless you feel having those labels would be a positive thing for you. i don't see at all why you couldn't have different orientations for the homo and hetero parts of your identity (and attraction to people of different genders) and i think that's something you have definitely stimulated me to think more about now, so thank you!!

[Ricecream-man]

I agree with everyone here! You're still using the labels correctly so I don't see any problems with it.

[interpol]

I have a somewhat different take on this:

Withholding my own opinions on who does and doesn't use what, I am still going to say that when people take away all the other stuff, the surrounding things of labels and theories and all the other stuff, at your very core, you know who you are. You know what you like and what you don't. You know your values and your creed. And that can be either clear cut or a messy ugly complex of things, and that is okay. I strongly feel that the most important thing is to live out whatever those things are.

Not saying you're not, but I think that's what you should go by, just because doing anything else usually doesn't work out. :)