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  2. questioning_trans_man

    Diversity among asexual experiences and childhoods?

    Thank you!! I'm still figuring things out, and gaining the confidence to feel that I belong in the asexual community, but I'm very thankful for the clarity this forum has given me
  3. This may be a long one so sorry in advance. So in the past couple days Ive done a lot of research about asexuality and I began to really see myself in it, but Im definitely gonna need a second opinion to make sure Im not just trying to get into a special club, so any thoughts on anything are appreciated. So I never really cared about sex before about my sophomore year of high school, and then I started wanting to do it - well, I thought so at least. My own self-analysis revealed to me that I had only started wanting sex because it started to seem like a big deal for everyone around me, and me being the poor, lacking in good experiences child I was, I started thinking that the triumph of having sex was the biggest deal in the world and Id live a terrible life if I didnt get the experience. The thing is, when I had a crush on someone I actually never really thought about sex. I gave myself a guilty little "you really just wanna have sex with that girl, dont you?" But it never felt true. Sooner or later I realized that it was actually the romance that I craved, and that sex was the last thing I actually cared about. About two years of my life was spent wallowing over love and thinking that sex was a part of it, but once I snapped out of it, I found myself returning to that state in which I had been before; not giving a flying duckleston about having sex in the slightest. Id say Im panromantic, so I decided to try and hook up with any gender and finally find out how i feel about sex. Long story short, I met a guy from grindr and we did it together. It didnt feel good. In fact, I felt disgusting for like a week and a half after doing it. I chalked it up to the fact that I have more attraction to women and figured that the man-attracted side of me was just a fetish that I couldnt actually like irl, but Im actually kind of sure that ill feel the exact same way with a woman. I still get aroused sexually, Id say to the extent of a normal sexual person, but the thought of having sex with people is like the thought of eating cake for me; sometimes neutral if nothing else is around, but sometimes repulsive depending on various factors. I think I might be aegosexual, but it took me one hell of a story to finally realize that. Sorry I made this question so long, I guess I needed to share this with people. Am I asexual or what? And have there been any similar experiences among any of you all?
  4. Sally

    Diversity among asexual experiences and childhoods?

    That does sound like asexuality. And just as every sexual has had unique life experiences, so have asexuals. We only share our orientations, and often that itself gets confusing!
  5. But you have no experience governing, and if you did, you might more practical about what is within your power.
  6. I'm an asexual who had a long marriage with a sexual, and then a very long relationship with a sexual. Although we can't determine just from someone's description of another person's behavior whether they're asexual or not, it sounds like your husband has at least some characteristics of asexuality. And actually, there are quite a few of us asexuals on AVEN who have had sexual relationships before we understood what asexuality was, and that was what we are. I just thought I would someday learn how to like sex. But I didn't. "Mixed" relationships (asexual/sexual) are difficult. Usually what the sexual partner has to come to terms with is that it isn't going to change. You're not going to NOT WANT sex, and he's not going to WANT sex. It may be possible to come to a compromise -- like scheduling a "sex" date -- but, again, you'd have to recognize that he's doing it for you, not because he wants it, and that's often what bothers sexual. They want to feel that their partner wants sex as much as they do. That won't happen. I'm being blunt because I think it's really key to not hope that there's something either of you can do to change yourselves, or the other. So -- it may be easier for you to deal with if you can think of him as asexual, because you'll know that it isn't that you're not attractive to him, he just doesn't want sex with anyone.
  7. I've always known that I was different, but I never knew what asexuality was and just realized that I am definitely asexual. I always thought that in life you are supposed to find a partner, get married, have kids, etc. So I did. I've been married for 12 years and have 3 kids. I never enjoyed sex. At all. Most of the time It doesn't bother me too bad to do it, but I never actually want it .I've always just done it because I'm supposed to. Everyone else seems to love it so I always just figured there must be something wrong with me an I had to supress it so I just do it as if it's just any other chore like dishes or laundry. The problem is that my husband is extremely sexual and needs a lot of affection and it isn't something I ever want or need so I never initiate sexual contact and rarely physical contact of any kind. He equates sex and affection with love and this has been a huge problem in our marriage. The only problem in fact. We get along in every other way and I love him more than life, but I don't want to have sex and I don't need affection so I don't think about initiating it and that has made him feel very unloved and very defeated and broken for so long. We decided to get a divorce but stay friends because we love each other and are compatible in every other way besides sexually. I'm worried about this next chapter. I want him to be happ and I'm devastated that I can't be the one to make him happy, but I also refuse to pretend that I enjoy sex any longer. How do I get through this?
  8. darkpoetess

    Sex Repulsed and Need Help

    Eek, I don't know what to tell you, honey. Even being demi is difficult for me when it comes to sexuals. Unless I'm head over heels in love I can promise you it won't work sexually with anyone, and the emotional/intellectual relationship has to reign even then. I wish I could tell you a good way to manage being asexual and married to a sexual. If you'd been married for many years and come to this realization it might be a little easier to deal with, but you just got married right? Would it be too personal to ask what made you decide to get married, other than that you love him? I guess what I'm asking is, did you both fully weigh out how this relationship will work? I've been married once before and what I essentially did was marry my best friend. I was very young and didn't fully understand my sexuality. Sex became a real problem to a point where I just couldn't handle doing it anymore. Obviously you do understand your sexuality, but do you feel that you married for the right reasons? I'm no therapist, but I think you need to answer some heartfelt questions to yourself.
  9. Utilitarianism is, as you know, a variation of consequentialist ethics. Democracy does not need Steven Pinker and others like him extolling its virtues based on supposed outcomes like modern medicine, less violence internationally, etc. Political systems are not vending machines dispensing goodies like longer life expectancy. People should embrace political systems on principle. It is not a good idea to be changing political systems whenever things go bad. Utilitarian thinking encourages such instability. Democracy may not be perfect, but it's the best we have, we are told. Be careful there--somebody promising something better will likely come along, and if giving people goodies that they think they need is your foundation then you could be flirting with footnote status in human history. That's laughable. Ayn Rand disciples probably absolutely hate someone like me suggesting that the full potential of others should be the dominant consideration of those in power. The rational interest of one's own self is the only consideration of Ayn Randians. The lives of others are their problem. It is really simple: remove as many barriers as possible between unique individuals and their full potential. One's full potential is not some state that one arrives at and settles on. It is a lifelong, continuous process of learning, growing, maturing, improving, etc. The most important things governments can do are to create opportunities and remove barriers. It is not something that economists can measure and classify as zero-sum or non-zero-sum. The enemy is not the limits of liberty. The enemy is cynicism, complacency, laziness, rigid ideologies and worldviews, closed minds, a lack of critical thinking, intolerance, etc. Accepting the limits of liberty is part of maturing and realizing one's full potential, not a death blow to it. How many candidates for President of the United States do you hear telling the people that we must accept limits? Just because things like GDP affect people doesn't mean that it is a good idea to have tunnel vision and obsess with maximizing them. Such things ultimately seem to be about our material existence. Jesus said that one cannot live on bread alone. Yeah, we need bread, and it hurts when we do not have it. But letting the maximization of bread be your guide as a mayor, governor, legislator, Supreme Court Justice, etc. is not a good idea. I think that the realization of the full potential of every unique individual would be a greater, more powerful guide if I was governing.
  10. questioning_trans_man

    Diversity among asexual experiences and childhoods?

    This is SO reassuring, thank you!!!! ❤️
  11. Skycaptain

    Being an older virgin

    @will123Male Chauvinist Pig
  12. questioning_trans_man

    Diversity among asexual experiences and childhoods?

    Argh, what a rude response to your asexuality 😢Sorry you had to go through that, friend!
  13. questioning_trans_man

    Diversity among asexual experiences and childhoods?

    All of these responses reassure me so much, thank you for taking the time to comment ❤️I really, really appreciate it!
  14. N8LV3y



  15. Saphoune

    For 30-somethings and those around that age

    Long term hormonal birth control is not very good. It hase some cardio vascular risks attached. It could promote fibroids according to google but is is helpful if you have abnormally big and painful ovulation cysts. I have stopped the pill as I don't plan any sexual activity. There were major changes to my health, after I stopped but it has taken more than 1,5 years for things to stabilise. If needed, there are still condoms and the morning-after pill. I would hate to take it but I still prefer being poisonned for a few days than beeing poisonned for years.
  16. Sally

    2020 U.S. Presidential Race

    I agree with @tygersongbird on just about everything. O'Rourke really gave a sad performance. Ryan and Delaney shouldn't be running; they just have no place in this campaign. I can't figure out why de Blasio's running either. You didn't mention Castro, though -- I think a Warren/Castro ticket would be great. Inslee's my governor, and since climate change is his only priority (important, yes, but only one thing he's talking about?), I wish he'd stayed out of this and continued working in my state as he should be. I think he wants a place in a Dem cabinet; he could have gone for that without running himself.
  17. questioning_trans_man

    Diversity among asexual experiences and childhoods?

    I'm glad, friend!! You are absolutely welcome ❤️ We're all different. I don't want to have sex, any sexual urges I have are satisfied wholly by masturbation and fantasies, and I intend to be celibate for the rest of my life (unless something drastically changes lmao). For me, sexual urges are biological, and very much a part of my hormonal transition. I'm not attracted to anybody in the sense that I would go through with having sex with them, and I wouldn't even want to try. It's difficult, figuring all this stuff out. I'm glad I have y'all to share in this journey
  18. questioning_trans_man

    Diversity among asexual experiences and childhoods?

    I am very much in love with the best friend I mentioned The asexual one. I adore her. I would happily marry her and be her husband, I would stand by her no matter what, I would even remain in love with her if she ever dated another man. That's the extent of romance, for me, and it's totally disconnected from any sexual drive. I think she's the most beautiful, kind, intelligent, graceful young woman on the planet, but I don't want to have sex with her. Time is the decider here, I think. You're right. But, in the position that I am, and feeling the way I do, I think asexuality is a good label for me. I don't want sex, I wouldn't enjoy it if I had it, being in a relationship where sex was an expectation would be uncomfortable, and I would happily remain celibate for the rest of my life.
  19. I did for a long time. My identity in general has bounced around quite a bit over my lifetime. But when I started identifying as ace, I thought I was panromantic. Then I dug deeper and realized there were other identities and also there was a difference between platonic and romantic attraction. I ID'ed as lithromantic for the longest time as I knew I felt uncomfortable with reciprocation of romantic feelings, but I still thought I had crushes. Anyhoo, after fiddling around, I realized none of that was right...I'm aro. I may have had 1 or 2 actual crushes in my life, I really don't know, but not definitive enough to be sure they were romantic attraction, so aro fits best. Even if they were crushes, I never wanted to do anything about those feelings. But yeah, that is definitely a thing! Nothing wrong with that, just like being ace and being in a relationship that's sexual. Also, you could be aro and want a relationship called a queerplatonic relationship. It's not romantic, but in some ways, it's a lot like one. But it's based on deep platonic feelings.
  20. One reason for infidelity: people who enjoy sex and consider it an important part of their life and their relationship get depressed when they no longer feel sexual toward their relationship partner. Since they don't want to give up sex, and they don't want to give up their relationship, they find someone else to have sex with and don't tell their partner. That isn't fair to the partner, but it happens. It's difficult for asexuals to understand why they do this because we don't want sex in the first place; thus it's not important to us.
  21. nineGardens

    What to do 4 dates in?

    Link them to this forum thread! .... okay, that is mostly a silly suggestion, but it could work.
  22. try scenic not-twitter! "There's a door to it in every home"!
  23. Today
  24. anisotrophic

    Diversity among asexual experiences and childhoods?

    It's very "ace" to be very much in love and... no interest in sex. Almost nobody sexual experiences love without sexual attraction. But it seems that you haven't been in love, now that you're transitioned and settled into the right gender? And before that -- dysphoria can drown it all out... So ... it's possible you might not be ace, if there's a potential "in love" state you haven't been in yet? you might need that to want sex (a lot of people are like that). Or maybe you're aromatic and that's not going to happen ever. The things are really hard to rule out with anything but time. (Fun tangent, I think I was only attracted to bi/gay men and I guess it took me a decade or today to figure out why that was. Hindsight sure is interesting sometimes...)
  25. gisiebob

    Gay Panic

    some kid in highschool had a friend, someone they looked up to. someone who did beautiful things. you should have seen the poetry this kid's friend kept hidden away in his binder, only to be shown to a select few who "got it". it would have moved you to tears too. now this friend, the kid knew he didn't see life with a way out. there were many lunches spent together out back silently pleading him for just one more day. trying to tell him that he was the beautiful things he wanted so hard to find in the world. trying to say that the world gets better even though the kid didn't know of a better world himself. the kid didn't go to his friends funeral, he didn't want to go to that church his friend didn't believe in. but there was a second gathering, the first day of a poetry club after school. everyone read their favorite poem he had written, the few who had seen them. and on that day this kid made a promise. the kid promised to go out and find that world that gets better. and let me tell you now, it ain't easy. but the kid promised to find it, and to come back. he promised to take any kid who would listen and tell them that they can get there. that that better world really does exist. now, I've been unkind. the truth to this story here isn't anything written, it's fiction. there is truth to it though, and I wrote it in hopes to get you to an individual perspective of why someone does what they do. the truth of the story is that every highschool counselor has gone through highschool. they all grew up from a childhood. and they all decided that they need to go back and to help someone else through those things they went through, and saw their friends go through. feeling like you have to hide who you are from your family for the sake of your safety is enough. hell, freaking out that you accidentally wore the same color shirts and pants is enough. OK?
  26. ColeHW

    Homoromantic guys chat

    My voice loves to crack lately and I can’t keep my accents (or tone of voice) under control. (It Goes from a slightly southern accent to BBC english or another accent on a drop of a hat)
  27. degenerate

    Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon - The Game

    Elitsa Bako was in Antiviral with Caleb Landry Jones who was in X-Men: First Class with Kevin Bacon Patricia Arquette
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