Mondo_Eric Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I have made some research on how both the straight and LBGT communities see us, and for what I see, it looks like aro aces, like me, are the ones with the least understanding and respect. Bi, hetero and homoromantic asexual people still have the romantic ingredient basically "required" (I am not saying strictly) for a relationship to be formed, albeit most sexual people will still require the sexual ingredient that asexuals cannot provide unless there is a "negotiation" between both parts in which the asexual agrees to have sex and try to enjoy it even if it is not in the innate nature (if it is so, then asexuality "turns" into demi or simply hetero, homo or bisexuality, which case I personally consider the person was never asexual in the first place) and the sexual part controls the desires to respect the nature of the asexual. But those who are aromantic have the most problematic situation UNLESS they don't want a relationship at all. Even for those who don't want, we have to face the opinion from both the straight and LBGT communities that 1. We are freaks 2. We are repressed, depressed, traumatized 3. We need to see a doctor 4. We are weird 5. We are in denial 6. We don't exist You know, all the mediocrity you can imagine. But we aromantics are not totally "a" in every single aspect of human "attraction". We can still be fully platonic (and here I am including the aesthetic part, for me it is just part of the platonic feeling, I like to use platonic since it is broader) Some aromantics really want to have a relationship but they don't want to go into corny styles, they simply want a pal-like relationship, a relationship that bases on sentimental feelings except there is no sex and no desire to be romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
trewdys Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 1- there are asexuals with sexual attraction to somebody. That's oxymoronic. That's like saying a homosexual man can feel sexual attraction for a woman. Look up the Kinsey scale. It's actually a sliding scale of heterosexual to homosexual (with bisexual in between) but the same scale could be applied to asexual-sexual. Also, statistical outliers can always exist. A man who is sexually attracted to 49 men and 1 woman over an arbitrary period of time would still identify as homosexual. 2- there are aromantics that like to cuddle, be corny and extremely tender with a potential partner for the sake of love. That's ROMANTIC in every sense of the word. You can't be an aromantic romantic. This is a bit trickier. You only think that such actions are romantic because society defines them as such. Then again, this same fact means that there is no true universal definition of romance. Romance is defined by the individual. Most aromantics define romance as a special sort of feeling with various attributes. By the way, I am an aromantic who is in a romantic relationship because my partner is an exception, to whom I do feel romantic attraction, while I do not feel such attraction to anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
princesspeach Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 I discovered that I would rather have a queerplatonic or many best friends than one boyfriend. And I've told this boyfriend that my best girl friends will always come first but he is quite the opposite (he is a "normal" sexual person) and he seemed to take offense from this statement... Does that make me aro?? Link to post Share on other sites
belovedless Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I don't think aro aces are "the most screwed up." That would imply an oppression hierarchy. Stop feeling down because you're the "most" put down. Try and recognize that there is discrimination against all those groups you listed (and then some), but remember that it does no good to prove that you're the most discriminated against. There will always be an argument for how some marginalized subgroup is more oppressed than another subgroup. I'd rather stick to productive conversations. Link to post Share on other sites
maven Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Even for those who don't want, we have to face the opinion from both the straight and LBGT communities that 1. We are freaks 2. We are repressed, depressed, traumatized 3. We need to see a doctor 4. We are weird 5. We are in denial 6. We don't exist I'm pretty sure asexuals in general (regardless of romantic orientation) have to face all 6 of those opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Mondo_Eric Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 Even for those who don't want, we have to face the opinion from both the straight and LBGT communities that 1. We are freaks 2. We are repressed, depressed, traumatized 3. We need to see a doctor 4. We are weird 5. We are in denial 6. We don't exist I'm pretty sure asexuals in general (regardless of romantic orientation) have to face all 6 of those opinions. Not necessarily #2. Not necessarily a heteroromantic or homoromantic will be judged as depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful & Happy Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I am what I am. I like it. :D I do not feel bad about being aromantic or asexual. 8) Link to post Share on other sites
byanyotherusername Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I haven't seen evidence that aromantics are more targeted for attack/prejudice than other asexuals. When I first heard of asexuality I assumed that being asexual automatically meant that you were aromantic, as well as incapable of aesthetic or physical attraction, because I knew an ace who was like that--and I thought I was being open-minded! XD I think that romantic aces are often considered not "real" asexuals, or are told that the feelings they have for other people are automatically platonic if there is no sexual component--which is very invalidating. I think, in some ways, aromantics are more in line with what people think asexuals "should" be like. Then again, it depends on the person, and I think there are people who consider an asexual who still has romantic feelings less cold or "unfeeling" than they would presume an aromantic asexual to be. I just don't see either view as particularly more prevalent or likely. (Also, don't you have another thread floating around about how "mixed" orientations, such as romantic aces and aromantic sexuals, have things the most difficult? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding, but doesn't that kind-of contradict what you are saying here?) Link to post Share on other sites
ithaca Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I haven't seen evidence that aromantics are more targeted for attack/prejudice than other asexuals. When I first heard of asexuality I assumed that being asexual automatically meant that you were aromantic, as well as incapable of aesthetic or physical attraction, because I knew an ace who was like that--and I thought I was being open-minded! XD I think that romantic aces are often considered not "real" asexuals, or are told that the feelings they have for other people are automatically platonic if there is no sexual component--which is very invalidating. I think, in some ways, aromantics are more in line with what people think asexuals "should" be like. Then again, it depends on the person, and I think there are people who consider an asexual who still has romantic feelings less cold or "unfeeling" than they would presume an aromantic asexual to be. I just don't see either view as particularly more prevalent or likely. This. I've seen countless sexuals AND ASEXUALS question the validity of romantic aces' asexuality because "asexuals aren't supposed to want relationships". Link to post Share on other sites
PoeFreak Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 what..? I always thought it was the other way around, when I say I'm not into relationship most people just shrug it off, maybe with alittle disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Brooxie Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 I am so confused right now on whether or not I AM "able" to identify as aromantic and asexual. is 14 too young to declare such a thing? sorry if I seem so naive. Link to post Share on other sites
Hexagon Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 At least we aros don't get mixed up in the whole 'romance leading to sex' thing that romantics have to deal with. In the end, there'll always be someone to start a platonic relationship with, and it doesn't have to get complicated. In my opinion (and no offense to any romantics), I think that although we are 'further away' from the heteronormative ideal, there are many pros to being aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
AK-Stoic Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 I'am an aro ace, there are pros and cons to everything in life. as for being further away from the heteronormative ideal isn't that subjective. Friedrich Nietzsche said it best. "You have your way.I have my way.As for the right way,the correct way,and the only way,it does not exist " it's up to the individual persons choice. they can think whatever they want about aro aces, I will not wast my time trying to change other people's views. Link to post Share on other sites
anon123 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 so if I would be willing to be in a romantic relationship for sex, i.e. not repulsed by romanticism, but not seeking/needing it (basically indifferent), but am not sexually attracted to people does that make me aro or romantic? (kinda confused...) Link to post Share on other sites
Someone89 Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 Kinda only have to face those options if you tell someone, and if you don't people think you're gay (blame time, you don't have enough for a partner). I'm certain weird in this case is good. My mind is my own, not completely overtaken by lust like others. Link to post Share on other sites
anon123 Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 My mind is my own, not completely overtaken by lust like others. ummm...my lust is my own too Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 Plus... There will be romantics and sexuals that do not have the desire of being with another romantic or sexually, just adding to a good point... Link to post Share on other sites
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