Decaf Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 10 hours ago, WoodwindWhistler said: I found out my emotions are there, I just have to dig to get to them. What kind of meditation are you doing? You don't have any goals for it? Edit: My experience was marginally similar to this (minus the magnetic stimulation, of course) http://jerobison.blogspot.com/p/use-of-tms-transcranial-magnetic.html Are you supposed to have goals? I started off originally doing TM in the 1970s. More recently I've tried a Buddhist 'following the breath' meditation. No one ever mentioned goals lol I tried to read the article, but couldn't make much sense of it. Something about magnets giving you the power to read people's thoughts. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WoodwindWhistler Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 On 6/29/2017 at 5:49 AM, Decaf said: Are you supposed to have goals? I started off originally doing TM in the 1970s. More recently I've tried a Buddhist 'following the breath' meditation. No one ever mentioned goals lol I tried to read the article, but couldn't make much sense of it. Something about magnets giving you the power to read people's thoughts. I don't know, whenever I meditate I am observing the energy moving around my body, and trying to unblock places where it is stagnated, as well as figure out why it is stagnant. I'd also like to increase my dream lucidity. If I find the right kind, I hope it will increase my focus and attention span in everyday life. Is empathy really a "power?" I think it's relatively common, even in smaller amounts in some people than others. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Decaf Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 12 hours ago, WoodwindWhistler said: I don't know, whenever I meditate I am observing the energy moving around my body, and trying to unblock places where it is stagnated, as well as figure out why it is stagnant. I'd also like to increase my dream lucidity. If I find the right kind, I hope it will increase my focus and attention span in everyday life. Is empathy really a "power?" I think it's relatively common, even in smaller amounts in some people than others. Ah, OK. To me, knowing what someone else is thinking would be like a magic trick. Meditation just makes me feel relaxed and sleepy. Maybe it's different for different people. I know people who scream at sports games and get so excited if a goal is scored...all I can see are people kicking a ball...it means nothing to me whatsoever. I suppose we all have different reactions to the same thing. You could maybe say that for ace too. Given that I'm ace/aro/agender, then maybe I could have a lack of engagement with meditation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 So I'm in a QPR now I guess??? How about that. Relationship anarchy FTW 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 3 hours ago, ChillaKilla said: So I'm in a QPR now I guess??? How about that. Relationship anarchy FTW Happy for you 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 9 hours ago, ChillaKilla said: So I'm in a QPR now I guess??? How about that. Relationship anarchy FTW That's so cool! I've never actually ever heard of a specific individual being in a qpr before. What's it like, if you don't mind me asking of course. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 17 minutes ago, QuirkyGeek said: That's so cool! I've never actually ever heard of a specific individual being in a qpr before. What's it like, if you don't mind me asking of course. Well it's not like dating. I tried that and it was gross It's kind of like being really good friends but it's like there's a deeper level of connection. The three of us are also extremely physically affectionate, but we're not really "exclusive" per se- we encourage each other to spend time with our other individual friends and whatnot. So since we all live far apart we just group text a lot 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 I went to the ACE conference in Madrid this weekend and had an odd experience in the Aromantic Q&A. I realised I couldn't even add anything to a discussion on what romance means to us, as I didn't have the experience to compare anything. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bardock Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Aromantic Asexual here. Feeling down in the dumps because my friend has an obvious crush on me and I don't want to hurt the cinnamon bun roll. He knows I'm asexual and not interested after confessing he might be falling in love with me some months back, but I worry chatting's doing more harm than good. I just don't want him ending up love-struck and breaking his heart when we're such best buds. That's why I'm sad. I don't want to lose another friend. Advice please. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 23 hours ago, Bardock said: Aromantic Asexual here. Feeling down in the dumps because my friend has an obvious crush on me and I don't want to hurt the cinnamon bun roll. He knows I'm asexual and not interested after confessing he might be falling in love with me some months back, but I worry chatting's doing more harm than good. I just don't want him ending up love-struck and breaking his heart when we're such best buds. That's why I'm sad. I don't want to lose another friend. Advice please. That sounds pretty bad. I really hope things get better for you! I don't give out advice often, and might not be able to help much, but I suggest maybe talking to your friend about their crush on you, and restating that you are uninterested in relationships, not them. There isn't a very good way to get through it without hurting your friend, but I would find a good time and place to have the conversation and be as kind and polite as possible. Make sure they know that you still want to be friends, but not interested romantically. Maybe you could also ask if there's anything you can do to help them out with getting rid of their romantic feelings (If it's going really well.) I hope my advice isn't terrible. I hope things get better! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bazinga Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 Hi everyone. Im 16 and I think I may be aromantic. Ive had squishes but never any crushes. I have one important question I have to ask: what is it like as an adult? Is it liberating? I suspect it may just be the cultural conditioning talking, but, is it lonely without marriage or any relationship? Is it truly as society says? Im terrified by the idea that Ill become isolated and insignificant. Please give advice. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Divide By Zero Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 12 hours ago, Bazinga said: Hi everyone. Im 16 and I think I may be aromantic. Ive had squishes but never any crushes. I have one important question I have to ask: what is it like as an adult? Is it liberating? I suspect it may just be the cultural conditioning talking, but, is it lonely without marriage or any relationship? Is it truly as society says? Im terrified by the idea that Ill become isolated and insignificant. Please give advice. I'm in my mid 30s and I've lived on my own since I was 18. I've never been lonely and I have a happy, fulfilling life. There are lots of ways to have a busy and meaningful life as an adult. For example, if you like playing sports you could join a rec league and meet other people who like sports. If you have a particular hobby or interest, you can probably find a group that meets periodically. There are other activities you can do on your own too, like reading, watching TV, playing video games, etc. And, of course, there's work. You'll probably find that your job keeps you quite busy, especially if you're career focused. You may find that you want to spend time volunteering for a charitable organization that you support. Being single and not having a family can also be liberating too, in the sense that you can do what you want with your life and not worry about having to balance your needs with the needs of others. So, for example, if you don't like your job and want to go travel, you can quit your job and hit the road (I did exactly that six years ago - I quit a job I was very unhappy with and went backpacking in Europe for five months and had lots of fun). If you want to move to a different town or city, or even another country, you do that too. In summary, please know that there's nothing to be scared about adult life. If you don't want a relationship, it's okay not to have a relationship and live on your own. In fact, if you're like me, you may find yourself so busy with work and other activities that you wonder how on earth people find time for relationships. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member5732 Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Aromantic here. I never had any crush or anything like that. Always have rejected relationship proposals because I never wanted one. I never wanted any relationship, let alone sexual ones, because career has and will always be my top priority. And also, love has never been a cup of my tea. But now I can go for a queerplatonic relationship and see how it works out. Though the fact that I don't know anyone aro-ace around me. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hippiecat Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Another aro-ace here too . Thought I'd come check out this thread. On 7/12/2017 at 5:03 PM, Red_purple_sugardaddy said: But now I can go for a queerplatonic relationship and see how it works out. Though the fact that I don't know anyone aro-ace around me. Same :D. I think a qpr would be perfect for me, but have no idea how to get one. I'm not in any hurry though, so I think I'll just live my life and see if it ever happens :). 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member5732 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 57 minutes ago, hippiecat said: Same :D. I think a qpr would be perfect for me, but have no idea how to get one. I'm not in any hurry though, so I think I'll just live my life and see if it ever happens :). Same! I have no idea how to get one either. I'm too just living my life and see if it ever happens. Good luck. 😊 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ClosetDragon Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Hi.. I might be Aromantic, but I'm not really sure yet. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 4 hours ago, TeenAceOfHearts04 said: Hi.. I might be Aromantic, but I'm not really sure yet. I'm not actually 100 percent sure I'm aromantic too. I think what I've experienced so far was alterous though, not romantic. I'm just calling myself aro until I'm a little older and feel ready to get my life going. That way I will know I'm really aro and not just worried about getting into a relationship. Sometimes, you've just got to label yourself the thing that fits best and go from there. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karous Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Newly joined Gray-Aro here. Nice to see this thread exists 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 56 minutes ago, Karous said: Newly joined Gray-Aro here. Nice to see this thread exists Some other cool aromantic forums if you're interested are: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandmb Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Aro here! The sole idea of holding hands, kissing, hugs, cuddling and all that bullsh*t is just repulsive. Also I don't get that thing of dedicate poems, songs and all that crap. Don't get me wrong. I can sound (and be) unsentimental and rude but I appreciate my friends and people I care No romo! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bernard XIV Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Coworker: He thinks you're cute! Me: Oh no, not again. What did I do wrong? I'm so sorry. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Imogengrey Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Hi newbie ace/aro here I've been reading through a lot of posts but I kind of wanted some insight on my brain because I'm not sure if aromantic is the right label for me, so I'm pretty sure I have never had 'crushes' on people IRL, I have had feelings where I imagined myself being super best friends with someone, or have thought in passing that person is really attractive, but if I try to imagine myself romantically with someone it makes me uncomfortable. I find people attractive like I'll think they're pretty or hot but I don't want anything from them? Like I don't want to be intimate or date them. Romantic media doesn't bother me (for the most part) sometimes I even think it's cute and I enjoy seeing two people get together but it doesn't make me 'desire' a similar relationship, for example, I recently watched a rom/com with a family member, we both squealed at the cute parts and doted on the characters, but afterwards she said "I really wish I had a boyfriend" and I was like ... NO THANKS OMG. lol Sometimes in RPG video games when you can 'date' other characters I think it's really cute to pair up my character with someone, but I'm not imaging myself as the character? I separate myself from them, I'm not sure if that makes sense... and finally, in school, I remember being asked who my crush was and I would always say this one boy's name, but now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I just wanted to be friends with him? He was v sweet and liked LOTR (like me) and was funny, I don't remember thinking "oh I want to kiss this boy" it was more like, "I wish we were closer". And I also remember being given a little card by a boy that said "I love you" and I freaked out and pretended to be sick so I could go home (lol), and whenever friends would tell me someone had a crush on me I'd become really uncomfortable and avoid that person like the plague. The thing is, this was in elementary school, I haven't been in formal school since because my family travels all over the world because of my parent's job, so I don't know if this was just eleven-year-old awkward-ness or if it's a sign of aromanticism. I haven't been asked out or in that type of situation since so I'm not sure if I've changed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Hi @Imogengrey and welcome 8 hours ago, Imogengrey said: I find people attractive like I'll think they're pretty or hot but I don't want anything from them? Like I don't want to be intimate or date them. This is pretty much how my experience has gone. When I was a wee lass I had "crushes" that I assumed were like other people's crushes. I might have thought they were cute with an enjoyable personality, but when it came to imagining a relationship I used all sorts of excuses I had at the time for not getting into one. I've also always hated hearing and saying "I love you" for reasons that may go beyond aromanticism, but my arocity definitely makes the cons outweigh the pros in that. I think with aromanticism, some of these things take time to figure out. You may develop romantic feelings or grow into a desire to be in romantic relationships later in life, but don't sweat it in the meantime. If aromantic suits you best now, go with that, and don't force yourself to exhibit feelings for people you don't really have. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hippiecat Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 10 hours ago, Snao Çoñé said: When I was a wee lass I had "crushes" that I assumed were like other people's crushes. I might have thought they were cute with an enjoyable personality, but when it came to imagining a relationship I used all sorts of excuses I had at the time for not getting into one. For me, whenever I had a squish on a boy I would assume it was a crush :D. Even though I had the exact same (platonic) feelings for some girls, and never thought that that was in any way romantic. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 44 minutes ago, hippiecat said: For me, whenever I had a squish on a boy I would assume it was a crush :D. Even though I had the exact same (platonic) feelings for some girls, and never thought that that was in any way romantic. Yeah, same! Because we're taught that feelings for the opposite gender must mean something different, and unless we feel that way for the same gender we can't really prove the heteronormative default wrong. For me, every time I felt really excited about getting to know someone better and found them really fun and interesting while also looking nice, I thought "Well, this must be it" but when imagining being in a normal relationship with them I felt 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
waddiwasi Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Hello! So I basically joined the forum just for this thread. I realized I was ace a few month ago, but I've been a bit in denial about the aromanticism. I can identify with so many of your posts, though! I've never had a crush or felt romantic attrction (as far as I can tell). I think my main problem with this is a fear of becoming lonely because most of my friends are gearing up for marriage... I've been thinking about that a lot and could imagine just sharing a flat/house with a friend who's also not interested in a romantic relationship. No idea where I'd find someone like that, but for now I'm happy enough on my own, so there's time, I suppose... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ela Six Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Hello beautiful people! Newbie here and questioning. I just came across the term aromantic while I was doing my research on lgbtq issues and I was so surprised that there are other people who feel the way I feel and there's a label I can identify with that can describe who I am. I've never had a relationship before. Never been kissed, never had sex, never had a boyfriend since birth. I absolutely LOVE being single. I don't feel lonely or miserable at all and I don't get it when people always ask me why I don't have a bf or pity me because I've never been in a relationship. I also don't get why other people are so fixated on being in a relstionship with other people. Although I do have a sexual drive and I do want to have sex but I don't have anyone I want to do it with. I can't see myself being with someone or marrying in the future and I feel perfectly comfortable alone as long as I have friends and family. But I do worry about growing old without someone to take care of me and missing out on the relationship thing. I am also aware that I have issue with my father that has affected my trust and comfort with men. So I guess I'm here because I want to share my story and I want to find out if I'm really aromantic or I just have daddy issues. I don't know if I can find the answers here but atleast maybe I can find someone who can understand or relate to what I'm experiencing. 😊 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Welcome @waddiwasi and @Ela Six! You both sound aro to me, and here's some cake! Also, I've debated whether or not I'm aro for awhile. I've decided the label doesn't matter as long as I know what I want. Good luck on your journey of trying on labels, and try not to let it stress you out too much. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ela Six Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 I was just wondering, are there any research on being aromantic or romantic attraction? I'm kind of curious about how I came to be this way. I mean is it biology, personality, brain chemistry, or a product of my childhood and relationship with my father? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QuirkyGeek Posted July 28, 2017 Share Posted July 28, 2017 1 minute ago, Ela Six said: I was just wondering, are there any research on being aromantic or romantic attraction? I'm kind of curious about how I came to be this way. I mean is it biology, personality, brain chemistry, or a product of my childhood and relationship with my father? As far as I know, not much research has been conducted, although there might be some in the future. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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