asexual pregnant!

[lora-just-lora]

Once I'd decided I am infact asexual and was never going to settle down with anyone, I also knew I couldn't live with the idea of never having children. I love them.

So I decided I needed to do something about it. I found myself a sperm donor and well met up with him everyday often to collect a donation.

I'm so happy to say I am now 8 weeks pregnant!

While I'm very happy about it I'm so worried about how I'm going to be judged by everyone.

Choosing to bring a child into the world as a single Mum and for that baby to never have a dad.

I've told a few people already, a couple of them knew the situation any way and are fine but the others, well they were really shocked, and really didn't believe me. Most of them said things like I didn't know you were seeing anyone!

anyone else here also want their own children?

[blue2 sky]

I don't have my own children...I have thought about having children through platonic co-parenting.It must me such an exciting time with a million other emotions I imagine.Don't worry too much what others think,its all about the practicalities now of looking after a child.Congrats.

[hanapeall]

I really want children too, so I will probably go down the route you went. However, I am still wanting a romantic relationship, so I'm hoping I will have someone to raise the child with when the time comes :)

For now, I am happy babysitting for friends and such.

[lora-just-lora]

I'm aromantic aswell so not looking for that either :-)

I just want close friendships and my own child/ children.

[kimbo21]

It is nobody else's business! Congratulations! :D

[Thunderstorm]

I never want to have children, because I don˙t like them. But I totally support people like you, If you like children, have it. It doesn`t matter what others think, if you really like kids you will be a great mum and it`s no one else business if there is no father. There is a lot of "normal" families, with people who have children, but they don`t really want to have it and those children are far away from happy. Better one great parent than 2 lousy ones. So, enjoy and don`t care what other people say :)

[Jubbles]

Congratulaaaaaaation!!! Both parental figures would be ideal, but you're pregnant!!! That's beyond amazing :D And I'm sure you're going to have model figures around you and your baby, so I don't think you need to be worried about judgmental folks.

["""]

OMG !!! So happy for you!!!! who cares how people judge u are pregnant its all it matters **double hugs**

[RosettaAce]

Congratulations!

Don't worry about what other people think, you're going to be a mom - that's all that matters!

[KJ!]

Congratulations!!!!!!

I too, want children and while I am perfectly comfortable with the idea of having them alone, I get a lot of "that's a bad idea" whenever I bring it up. But I don't want to leave having children to the chance of becoming involved with someone seriously. I don't want my single status to control my life and miss out on something that is that important to me/wait to see if a relationship will develop and leave having children until I'm older, "just in case". f*ck that. I don't want to be pregnant when I'm 40. (no offense if you are, I just think that timing of pregnancy should be one's own decision. But then again, I strongly believe in making purposeful choices). I think people just generally assume that pregnancy outside of marriage is accidental and hence the "I didn't know you were seeing anyone."

Personally, I mostly enjoy when people are like "but if you have kids alone you'll have to a) use a sperm donor and b) your kid won't have a father" and I'm always like "THAT CHANGES NOTHING FOR ME. I"M NOT INTERESTED IN MEN. I WAS ALWAYS/AM ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE TO GET SPERM FROM SOMEWHERE." To which they are usually like "Oh right!.... uh.... culturally based issues with single parenting and it's hard and... stuff..." People run out of things to say when they find out that you have, in fact, already considered all of their concerns. I think they legit think that they are enlightening you. As if you're unaware.

anyway, YAAYYY!!!!!! Hope the morning sickness isn't too bad and good luck with everything!!!!!!!

[lora-just-lora]

Oh thank you so much everyone! It's so nice to actually hear so much support :-) I have thought about it for a few years and my biggest concern was actually was it the right thing for the child if I deny them a father butthe way I see it if they ask when they are older I will tell them the truth and that is that I wanted them so much and felt I had so much love to give them that I found someone who helped me to have them. Like a gift :-)

Morning sickness hasn't been to bad actually except today on my way home I was sick in my car while I was driving, was an interesting experience!! Luckily I had an empty mini cheddar packet right next to me else I'm not sure what on earth I would have done!!!!!

before this incident every time I've thought I was going to be sick either nothing has come up or a huge belch has come out!! The term "morning sickness" is really cruel tho, gives you the false impression that your safe for the rest of the day and your really not!!!!

Can't wait to hit 12 weeks so I can actually tell everyone!

I'm so baby obsessed (I work with them too) that I have pretty much everything I need already! But eager to know what I'm having so I can buy specific stuff fir him/ her :-)

[lora-just-lora]

.

[Batman's Ace]

Congratulations!

Don't worry about denying them a father. There are plenty of women who raise children without a man in the house. What's important is that the kids see adults interacting in healthy ways, regardless of how many parents are around. When one of my relatives was widowed, she just made sure her kids were around mature men who had good interactions with their spouses, kids, friends, her, and them. It's never all on the parents to teach how people should relate to one another anyway.

I'm sure you'll do just fine! :) :cake:

[TheAdrift]

Congrats! Personally I don't want kids, because I worry about my ability to be a proper mother (I don't really have that much of a motherly instinct, tbh) and I don't really like children very much, but if this is truly what you want and you know you can do it, then don't listen too much to the negative voices in your ear, be they from yourself or from other intrusive people ;)

[Koppeli]

Congrats :) and why would judge you? You getting pregnant is no one night stand accident and is something very cleary thought over.

[J_22]

congratulations!

I saw a TV programme a little while ago about midwives, with my friend who is applying for midwifery training, and there was a woman who had been single pretty much her whole life but wanted kids. She was pregnant with twins through IVF, and she was so happy when she had her babies, and so comfortable not being in a relationship, I thought she was really inspiring. She didn't mention her sexuality, so I wouldn't want to presume she is asexual, but still, you rarely see women like that on TV, happily single. At the time I remember saying to my friend, "hats off to her for just going for what she wants" and well - hats off to you too. I hope your pregnancy goes well.

Jx

[Song Lily]

Congrats!!!!!!!! :)

I believe families have all kinds and shapes and possibilities, so you and your baby are a complete family already :)

That's so nice!

[Mya]

Aww, congratulations!

You know, I'm sure you are going to catch some hell for going at it this way, but that's a shame. As long as you are happy with it, I don't see the issue. I know so many girls who are single mothers who really thought they were going to have their children's fathers in thier lives for ever and ever. That was not the case. Pshht, I thought I was solid. I was married and doing everything as right as I could! Still ended up a single parent.

You, my dear, are coming into this with a distinct advantage over me. You have yourself together. You formulated a plan. You saw it though. And I'm going to just go ahead and jump to the assumption that you've already laid out some future plans as to how this is supposed to work as a single parent. :)

You aren't alone. In this busy world more women are turning to banks to make babies for many reasons.

[Charming]

Congratulations and best wishes. Do your best to surround yourself with supportive people especially during delivery and the first while afterwards. A child that is wanted is a very blessed child. <3

[trumpetchick]

Congratulations!!

[Guest]

Congratulations! . Don't worry about other people take all the energy you'd put forth worry about other people judging you and put it in the reserves because once the baby is born your energy may be worn thin ;o). Good luck and happy parenting!

[madmisty]

Congratulations!

This is something I have considered too, I'm 31 now, I certainly don't want to wait much longer before I have more children or even miss my chance just because society thinks I should wait around for the perfect partner.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, let them think what they want.....enjoy your pregnancy and parenthood :)

[tmallen]

Congratulations! Best wishes for a safe pregnancy and delivery, and for a healthy baby.

-T

[Tanwen]

Wish it had been an option for me but it wasn't 30+ years ago :(

I wish you the best of luck though - it's hard work but worth it :)

[lora-just-lora]

Thanks all! So I decided to tell my mother the other day. I don't really talk to her or any of my family. Wasn't sure how she'd take it as she's always said she won't approve of children out of marriage. She doesn't know I'm asexual.

So at first she asked if I was getting another dog or cat and when I said no she said congratulations then. Then she sent another message asking if I'd found a nice partner then to look after me.

that one annoyed me!

then she sent another asking when her grandchild was due.

I thought that was a very odd way to ask?

so once I'd got over the annoyance I message back saying I don't want a Partner I just want a baby and tell her what my due date is.

Her response was I was hoping you had a Partner because it's going to be hard on your own.

Now is it just me or that an annoying and stupid thing to say????

[Praxis]

Hey lora-just-lora. :) I am thinking of doing a similar thing in the nearish future, so it was really great to see that somebody already made a post on this topic! I think your mom's response is perfectly acceptable, to be honest. I don't know what your financial or career situation is, but no matter what, raising a kid is a lot of work and I don't think anybody can do the best job they can do all by themselves. It doesn't mean you have to have a romantic partner, but if available, it would be much better for your kid if YOU have people you can depend on to pitch in their time and/or money to provide your child with the best care possible.

I don't plan to have a romantic partner or platonic co-parent for my kid. If I'm lucky, one of my many wonderful guy friends will be a fun "uncle"/biological father for my munchkin. (That's in my ideal fantasy land. I have yet to make any final decisions on how I am getting pregnant and by whom.) I was actually thinking tonight about a realistic way for me to raise this kid as a single parent and thought about asking my parents if I could move back in with them for possibly the first few years of the child's life. (Sometime between getting my degree and going to grad school.) I don't know how my parents will respond. They are pretty liberal for Catholics, but still... they are Catholic. When my sister got pregnant, the first thing they asked her was when she was getting married. I came out as gay years ago, and they have been supportive through that... so I wonder if they will just be happy that I want kids and to live close to them again. (I have lived across the country from them for about 9 years now.)

[rh1985]

Just saw this thread - I am also having a baby with donor sperm - I am 33 weeks today. I know I made the right choice for myself and can't wait to meet my baby girl.

[Man_Friend]

Dont let any naysayers get you down by saying things like you are broken and your kids are going to grow up wrong because you are biologically abnormal and cant possibly give your child the sort of relationship they need to develop properly. just try your best and give all of your love and things will work out great.

[MissUnderstood]

I will definitely have a child by myself if I don't have a partner. There are couples out there who are unfit/unprepared to be parents so why shouldn't someone who wants a child and has decided they are ready for one, have one? I was planning to have a child by myself until I found AVEN and realized there's hope for me to find a husband and have children without sex. (I'm romantic)

[Hermetess]

Congratulations!

I want children but I'm not keen on the idea of giving birth so I've decided to look into adoption. I'm sure you're super excited though and that's wonderful news.