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Intellectual Attraction


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#1 BrightEyes

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 08:29 AM

Hello everyone

I've seen a lot of people on this site, me included, talk about being attracted to someone intellectually, and I have been thinking recently about what this really means. The most obvious definition I can think of is being attracted to someone because of their intellect, but would this mean that people like us who feel intellectual attraction more strongly than others would be more attracted to say Stephen Hawking or Germaine Greer, than say Usher or Britney Spears.
Is there a particular aspect of intelligence, eg emotional intelligence or IQ that people are attracted to?
Are people attracted to high levels of intelligence, or the same level of intelligence as themselves (as in most sexual couples both partners are usually approximately equal in terms of sexual attractiveness)?
Is it more the way that people think and the opinions that they hold that are attractive rather than their mental capacities?

Please send any thoughts this way.

#2 Cate Perfect

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 08:46 AM

I tend to be attracted to people who are intellectual in a certain way--English literature readers specifically. Or people who articulate what I feel better than I.

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#3 Mallard

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 09:41 AM

Hello everyone

I've seen a lot of people on this site, me included, talk about being attracted to someone intellectually, and I have been thinking recently about what this really means.


I'm also a bit uncertain about what that phrase really means. But I think that when you are intellectually attracted to somebody, you get a lot of new, interesting ideas and knowledge when you interact with that person. And you just don't passively admire that person's creativity and knowledge but feel that your own thinking is stimulated as well.

#4 hafnium

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 01:52 PM

there are so many barometers of attraction. intellect is just one of them. i need lot of intellectual stimulation in my life, but i will not be attracted to someone who can give me only that. i need emotional compatibility and a certain physical too above all.

#5 KidKash

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 02:43 PM

I can definitely be attracted to someone because of intellect. It's pretty much the only way I'm going to be attracted to someone.

#6 Wild Seven

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 02:51 PM

I am attracted to people who seem to be in some way far more intelligent or creative or empathic or whatever than I am in three or more areas. (One or two aren't enough- almost everybody can beat me up when it comes to movement and maths) Respecting all kinds of intelligence here. Someone who can stimul me everyday, someone who I can feel totally opened with because I know that boring silence won't come...........

And I am often disappointed when I realize that relationship is coming to an end, or that that crush must end.

When having a partner of an average intelligence and loosing him I pity that and feel sorry, but I quickly go away of that- but when I am splitting with someone who I felt unusualy attracted to in this manner, it is hurt that can never fully overcome.

I have had yet only one girlfriend that "met my criterias" and one crush on one guy (who really liked me, but it was harder.......) and two crushes that a) didn't know about it and subject B) knew about, but didn't care so I can't comment in depth at all :wink:

I am trying to stay being friends. Anyways, this is something that I am really succesful in. So, only thing that hurts is a memory of older love, something still in heart but replaced with openess to a new relationship. So something is lost and yet something else- life long standing friendship possibly- come, that's just life. :wink:




#7 cait

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 03:22 PM

there are so many barometers of attraction. intellect is just one of them. i need lot of intellectual stimulation in my life, but i will not be attracted to someone who can give me only that. i need emotional compatibility and a certain physical too above all.


ditto. though I'm more of the "don't touch me" type.

as for intelligence though, there are so many different aspects of intelligence. I guess I would say I'm most attracted to imaginitive intelligence (if that exists)...not necessarily someone who is "as intelligent" as I am, but more somebody who thinks along the same lines as me, or adds to the way I think in a pleasing way. but I could have really deep conversations with a person and still be by their personality. not to worry though, I'm easily entertained.
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#8 98slbrookes98

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 03:47 PM

My soulmate is realy bright and intelectual. She got A'sand A*'s in all her GCSEs, pickered 5 subjects (English Literature, Theatre Studies, History, Politics and Goverrnment, French), dropped French and is studying the other four so I think in some ways intelligence is influential in who you are attracted to though not always.

#9 Absi

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 05:43 PM

I would guess that rather like how sexuals are often attracted to good looking people, but have their own opinion of what is good looking, we are attracted to mentally good looking people, and all have our own ideas about what it is that we find attractive inside someone else's mind.
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#10 honeyandthemoon

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 05:43 PM

I guess I would say I'm most attracted to imaginitive intelligence (if that exists)...not necessarily someone who is "as intelligent" as I am, but more somebody who thinks along the same lines as me, or adds to the way I think in a pleasing way.


That's a really good way of phrasing it, I think.

(I've been thinking a lot about intellectual attraction lately. I have a friend who I'm very intellectually attracted to, and he is to me as well. We met in a class last summer, and quickly became close friends, but couldn't continue the friendship after the class because his wife was jealous. So I haven't seen him in eight months, and he emailed me last week. :shock: I just want to be like, "It's okay, we can still hang out, I'm probably asexual anyway!" If only it were that easy... :lol: )

#11 hafnium

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 06:05 PM

not necessarily someone who is "as intelligent" as I am, but more somebody who thinks along the same lines as me, or adds to the way I think in a pleasing way.


thats an excellent way of putting it, cait. thumbs up!

#12 Orbit

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 07:14 PM

I find intellect intelligent when it is well tempered with humility and/or intent to do good with it.

There are many characters in movies and television that find extremely attractive - and it has little to do with what they look like.

I've loved every character Peter Macnikol has played - and I find him very attractive, even though he's a typical 'nerd'

http://www.cbs.com/p...nicol_bio.shtml

I also love Jeff Goldblum and Vincent D'Onofrio

I also find people with great ideas and philosophies attractive - just reading their work makes me get a crush... people like Vincent Van gogh, Harpo Marx (his autobiography is amazing) and now J.R.R. Tolkien's letters have my heart a flutter.

Cate, I think it's like you were describing, people who can verbalize what I'm thinking and 'get it' or who open me up to knew ways of looking at things.

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#13 Amcan

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Posted 16 April 2005 - 07:51 PM

I'm also a bit uncertain about what that phrase really means. But I think that when you are intellectually attracted to somebody, you get a lot of new, interesting ideas and knowledge when you interact with that person. And you just don't passively admire that person's creativity and knowledge but feel that your own thinking is stimulated as well.


Yeah I can agree with that but I also agree that I think I'd need more the emotional thing in particular. Someone who understands me on many levels not just those of intellect.
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#14 Hexpiral

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 02:05 AM

I think Intellectual attraction is just like phisical attraction in the sense that different people are attracted to different things. Just as some people like different body features, I like different mental features than other people. Personally, artistic ability is something I admire despite it's not my strong point (though still better than most other people I know). I think I'm too logical sometimes, so if I wanted a relationship, I'd want it to be with someone more spontaneous and creative.
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#15 Rob Peterson

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 03:25 AM

Are people attracted to high levels of intelligence, or the same level of intelligence as themselves (as in most sexual couples both partners are usually approximately equal in terms of sexual attractiveness)?
Is it more the way that people think and the opinions that they hold that are attractive rather than their mental capacities?


Raw education-induced intelligence lacking life intelligence ("street smarts"), wisdom, and emotional development does not appeal to me. I am not mentally attracted people who have acquired much knowledge throughout life but do not how to manage their own lives, can't make wise decisions, and are not emotionally healthy. I seek out people who are at least moderately educated so I can have conversations with them that will mentally stimulate me, but I'm most attracted to people who are emotionally intelligent and have a positive outlook on life.

My close female friends who are sexual don't find me sexually attractive, but they do find me intellectually attractive. One enjoys having "mental sex" with me (that's what she calls the prolonged intellectual debates we have regarding topics we both feel strongly about). The romantic partner of another friend of mine once asked her what "mental orgasm" she got from talking with me after she described how she felt when she had conversations with me. I find it funny that both sexual people compared the intellectual intercourse to sexual intercourse, but the analogy works for those who enjoy sex.
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#16 Shivers

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 03:27 AM

Personally, I need to be able to talk to someone on the same level. Not to sound arrogant, but I can't stand having to "dumb down" to talk to other people.

#17 biggreenmonkey

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 04:07 AM

One enjoys having "mental sex" with me (that's what she calls the prolonged intellectual debates we have regarding topics we both feel strongly about). The romantic partner of another friend of mine once asked her what "mental orgasm" she got from talking with me after she described how she felt when she had conversations with me


That's what it is for me. The 'mental orgasm'. If I can debate a topic well with you, and I feel we're not on an unequal playing field, then there is intellectual attraction there.

However, like it's been noted, if you don't have your life together and otherwise generally suck it means nothing. (Except for when I use you for a quick mental orgasm :P I guess that's the asexual 'Friends with Benefits')
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#18 Cate Perfect

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 07:34 AM

I like what Hexspiral said. Many times I've said I found some woman's brains to be sexy. 'You should SEE the frontal lobes on THAT one! WOOHOO! SEXY! She has the sexiest brains EVER, baby!' Like that.

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#19 vikingo

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 01:34 PM

I experience no direct link between personal attraction and peoples intellectual properties. Not to my awareness. I am immediately attracted to people who are able to express themselves to me. Could be someone here putting just the right words to a subject, could be someone singing just the right notes in a song, could be someone moving just the right way in a dance. So - could be Britney ...

#20 Hexpiral

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 01:53 PM

I like what Hexspiral said. Many times I've said I found some woman's brains to be sexy. 'You should SEE the frontal lobes on THAT one! WOOHOO! SEXY! She has the sexiest brains EVER, baby!' Like that.


LOL, that's hilarious. It reminds me of Bender's robot porn in Futurama. I can personally find sexy brains on both men and women.
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#21 BrightEyes

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 08:05 PM

Cheers for all the responses guys. This one particularly intrigued me though.

I think that when you are intellectually attracted to somebody, you get a lot of new, interesting ideas and knowledge when you interact with that person. And you just don't passively admire that person's creativity and knowledge but feel that your own thinking is stimulated as well.


It's interesting that you use the words stimulated and interact as these are both words that can be used in a parallel context when discussing sexual attraction.

I guess that intellectual attraction can best be described as the desire to interact intellectually with a person, just as emotional attraction could be described as the desire to interact emotionally with someone (through discussion of feelings etc.), and sexual attraction is the desire to interact with someone sexually (eeeuw! :wink:).

Someone who is intellectually attractive will stimulate activity in one major organ of your body, while someone sexually attractive will stimulate activity in an entirely different organ.

I hope I have provoked you into thinking more about these issues, and that you will therefore fancy me. :lol:

#22 bug

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 08:45 PM

to honey and the moon -

I know about jealous wives - well, one anyway.

I had a very intellectual attraction to one guy - just wanted to pick his brains on a subject of mutual interest. Trouble was, he knew how bright he was and had a kind of arrogance that I found off-putting. So I felt attracted and repelled at the same time which was very strange.

#23 Amcan

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 08:48 PM

My close female friends who are sexual don't find me sexually attractive, but they do find me intellectually attractive. One enjoys having "mental sex" with me (that's what she calls the prolonged intellectual debates we have regarding topics we both feel strongly about).


I like that phrase 'mental sex'.
I enjoy getting into debates with people but I've never thought of them like that.... :wink:
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#24 hafnium

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 08:49 PM

i knew a guy like that, but it ended ultimately, becoz haughtiness is really unattractive.

#25 cait

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 08:59 PM

I am having mental sex with Charles Baudelaire. It's hott. I've been going all day!

*cringe*

Oh yeah, I am also attracted to arrogance. But it's really only just an innitial thing. Because after a while if a person is too pretentious, it starts pissing me off, and when I know something they don't I tend to rub it in...not that I try or anything... But I think there is a difference when someone knows they are smart and when someone thinks they are smart, or rather acts like they are. That's just hypocracy.
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#26 hafnium

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Posted 17 April 2005 - 09:03 PM

I am having mental sex with Charles Baudelaire. It's hott. I've been going all day!


The snobbish aesthete, the dandy, was for Baudelaire the ultimate hero and the best proof of an absolutely purposeless existence. He is a gentleman who never becomes vulgar and always preserves the cool smile of the stoic.

do dandies who are not exactly intellectual giants count?

#27 TaNnii

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Posted 18 April 2005 - 04:19 AM

I would guess that rather like how sexuals are often attracted to good looking people, but have their own opinion of what is good looking, we are attracted to mentally good looking people, and all have our own ideas about what it is that we find attractive inside someone else's mind.


I'm a 'sexual' and I really don't find bodies all that interesting! I can talk the talk if I am in a position where I feel it's approriate but I find bodies no more attractive than wall paper, sure you can have nice looking wall paper but you don't want to jump in bed with it.

The mind is really where it's at. I have always been attracted to people who stimualate me mentally, people who I can debate with for hours or discuss deep meaningful issues with. If I don't have that then there is no attraction.

Over the years I've slept with many a person and only one have I not had that intellectual connection with (I was drunk and thought it was a good idea at the time) and it was one of the worst experiences in my life. Everyone else I had been friends with first, we had talked, debated and discussed long before I felt I wanted anything else to happen.

My boyfriend and I have been together little over a year, we debate topics for hours on end a question about each others day can wind up being a three hour discussion about an article or editorial one of us read in the paper. We discuss physics, chemistry, philosophy, astronomy, theology, the list goes on. We are on each other's level, it's brilliant. We do have sex, that's good too, but when neither of us is in the mood we can still stimulate each other mentally and I really like that.

#28 myra

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Posted 18 April 2005 - 10:26 AM

I go for the emotional intelligence. People who are empathetic and know how to anticipate certain situations.
I also love people with a dry sense of humor, a bit tongue-in-cheek. That is the kind of attraction I feel.

I respect highly gifted people like researchers and professors quite a lot, but don't feel attracted to mathematic intelligence.

Attraction is very personal after all. It's something different for everyone.


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#29 Absi

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Posted 18 April 2005 - 08:22 PM

I would guess that rather like how sexuals are often attracted to good looking people, but have their own opinion of what is good looking, we are attracted to mentally good looking people, and all have our own ideas about what it is that we find attractive inside someone else's mind.


I'm a 'sexual' and I really don't find bodies all that interesting! I can talk the talk if I am in a position where I feel it's approriate but I find bodies no more attractive than wall paper, sure you can have nice looking wall paper but you don't want to jump in bed with it.

The mind is really where it's at. I have always been attracted to people who stimualate me mentally, people who I can debate with for hours or discuss deep meaningful issues with. If I don't have that then there is no attraction.


Cool!
I apologise, looking back over what i wrote it seems I implied that sexuals are only attracted to people if they are good looking physically, and that they don't have emotional or intellectual attraction, which is obviously not the case, or what I meant to say.
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In that last dance of chances
We shall know each others mind
We shall part with our regrets
When the tie no longer binds


Excerpt from poem in Fool's Fate
(author Robin Hobb)

#30 TaNnii

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Posted 18 April 2005 - 10:45 PM

No need to appologise :)

There is certainly an appearance of preoccupation of with looks in the sexual world and I am sure it's true for the majority.

I hardly ever find myself in the majority though, I guess I'm too odd :P




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