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"Signs" of Asexuality?


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#1 Morty

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 04:31 AM

A good friend of mine recently told me that a mutual friend, after I had left following a couple hours of social time, had asked her if I was asexual. (The thing is, she asked her that several weeks before I figured out for myself that I am most likely asexual.) Then she said, "Her best friend is asexual, so I guess she knows the signs." What signs would those be? The timing of it (following hang-out time), leads me to wonder if she saw something in my behavior or manner somehow. But it could have been something I said, I suppose. We weren't talking about sexuality or anything, though, and I think the most I've ever mentioned to her is how I don't like kissing in movies. Or maybe she had suspicions from things I've written (Facebook, blogs, etc.) and combined it with mannerisms? Or maybe she just assumed because of my age and the fact that I'm not married or in a relationship and don't seem to mind all that much? Does anyone know any mannerisms that are specific to Aces? Or do you think it was more from something I said or wrote? Also, how could someone know before I did that I'm asexual? That still has me shaking my head. Any thoughts on any of it at all?

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#2 JJButterworth

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 04:46 AM

I don't know of any trademark mannerisms of asexuals but when I first talked to my friends about being asexual one of them said that I am, "more interested in the conversation." I don't know what he meant by that but he thought something was up before I ever said anything to him. If you wanted to hone your acedar you could ask them about their thoughts on relationships or look for a black ring on their right middle finger.

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#3 Soccer Maniac

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 04:51 AM

I don't know. My English teacher did something similar to this too. She told me she knew I was asexual a year before I even discovered there was a word for me. She said it was something about how I wrote my essays over the books she assigned us and how I bashed the characters for thinking too much downstairs and not enough upstairs. And how I acted whenever she brought sex up in class.

Maybe to some people, they can just know. Like some people have that "gaydar" thing, I guess. Or maybe knowing someone who ace helps them recognize another.

#4 Philip027

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 05:08 AM

I'm generally clueless about anything sexual. I don't know what's "hot", I don't know what's "sexy", and I will give you :wacko: looks if you ask me about either of those because I don't experience those things.

That being said, anyone who hangs around enough with me will get the vibe that I'm asexual, even if they don't necessarily know what to call it.
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#5 Hallowitch

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 05:16 AM

I think the vibe probably is that if we're not in a relationship, we're not "checking anyone out," in a mixed group of people. From what I understand, sexual people do it all the time, even unconsciously. Or, like was said above, being more interested in the conversation :)

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#6 Tals

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 07:05 AM

There definitely are signs, the tricky thing is, they are rarely visable to us as asexuals.

But if we hang around with a perceptive sexual long enough, they can tell. They just might not know it's asexuality they are noticing. My city is pretty accepting of queers on a broad scale, so the question "are you queer/gay?" is much more often asked in a polite way here than most places. I always used to get confused why people thought I was gay, it it's all to do with the way I interact with all women as friends, and no one has ever ever ever seen me make a sexual pass at them.

#7 `Silver

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 10:18 AM

I suppose there are some mannerisms that can help other people in spotting out us aces, but I guess it depends on the person mostly. Like homosexuals, it's not always evident that one's sexuality is different from the heteronormative. As of myself, my acquaintances almost freaked out when I told some of them I was asexual, and most of them didn't believe me. It was just my two best friends who said they had guessed it long before I told them.
I think it depends on how well you know the person too. At times, much can be said just with everyday gestures and the way one writes, but it's up to other people to notice it. Not all of them are receptive enough to details.

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#8 zabz

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 05:45 PM

Yeah, it's person-dependent. Nobody who's met me believes I'm ace - and that's largely because a) I flirt, b) I check people out and c) I'm right in the middle of any and every dirty joke or sexual conversation going. I don't 'act asexual' in the slightest, so nobody's ever guessed, and nobody believes me when I come out of the ace closet :D

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#9 simplymaya

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Posted 17 July 2011 - 06:55 PM

Yeah, it's person-dependent. Nobody who's met me believes I'm ace - and that's largely because a) I flirt, b) I check people out and c) I'm right in the middle of any and every dirty joke or sexual conversation going. I don't 'act asexual' in the slightest, so nobody's ever guessed, and nobody believes me when I come out of the ace closet :D


yeah nobody's told me anything that I act weird or anything. i don't flirt but I like to look at people and talk with dirty jokes or always in a sexual conversation.

I guess people are going think I am sexual just waiting for "the one" I don't think any of my friends know what asexual is besides the science relation.

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#10 Ace Rimmer

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Posted 18 July 2011 - 07:45 PM

I'm sure there are signs. My roommate is always debating my (a)sexuality to himself. He's always asking questions about it even though I'm not actually "out" but I think he gets it.

Weird story. I was a debate tournament once with a friend and we ran into a girl he knew there. She turns to me and goes "Oh my God... can you believe all the hot guys that showed up here???"
I gave a quick look around and do a little stammering "I... uh, uhm. Hm... I, uh, I didn't notice."
She looked at me like I was crazy and my friend laughed it off knowing that's just how I am.

A very similar thing happened with another friend of mine and her (baby-crazy) friend that I'd just met. She was asking me why I didn't have a boyfriend already. I tried to explain but couldn't word myself well. My friend jumped in to say that dating wasn't my scene.

And once more back in high school, a girl (acquaintance level) told me she could never see me getting married. Not in the crazy cat lady way or because of rejection or whatever. She never saw me pursuing it.

I think all my friends without me having to explain.
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