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How Old Do Boys and Girls Start Wanting Sex?


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#1 Angy

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 02:58 PM

First of all, I'd just like to ask y'all what age folks start having a "sex drive" (shudders). :mellow: I know boys have it earlier, but what's average age? And what about girls? I know it can be different for everybody, but I just want a general idea for both genders.
I asked my mom, and she said my age (17) or younger. She went on to say it's supposed to be the most intimate expression of love, besides a parent and child. I excused myself to go puke (not literally!) She doesn't know about asexuality, but just to push her buttons, I asked, "Is there something wrong with me?", meaning the fact that I find sex intensely revolting. I know there's nothing wrong with me; I just wanted to see what she'd say. She says, "I don't know. Maybe you'll feel differently when you're married." And I respnded that I'm not going to get married. Yuck, I'm anti-marriage. But would it be possible for me to become sexual later on, like in my 20's or later? I hope not, because that would be gee-ROSS! :o I probably sound pretty childish right now (who cares? I love it...) but I find the whole concept deeply repulsive. :unsure:

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 03:01 PM

I am 32 I still do not want it.

#3 Ardebis

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 03:08 PM

My health teacher said sexual attraction normally begins a little after puberty (12 years old or so), I believe. Then again, I may be remembering wrong since it's been so long.
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#4 Lord Dandylion

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 03:17 PM

But would it be possible for me to become sexual later on, like in my 20's or later? I hope not, because that would be gee-ROSS! :o I probably sound pretty childish right now (who cares? I love it...)

Hehe, this part reminds me of me so much.

I sort of find people attractive, and I never have before.
But though it's still not sexually attractive, I fear somehow losing my sexual identify. I would hate to realise one day that I'm not ace. It would make it feel like 'it's just a phase' or that I'm 'just a late bloomer' and all the other stuff people say. It would make it feel like I could never say anything about myself without worrying whether or not it would be true in a few years' time. I'm 19, and I am asexual, but I suppose I have the same fear, and I can't say whether or not it's possible for it to become a reality.


As for age... I'd imagine it happening sooner for girls, but guys DO have more testosterone, but girls mature faster, therefore usually start 'liking people' sooner, though since that phase never happened to me, I don't know how much the sex drive is there at that point.

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#5 ilovebunnies

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 03:36 PM

I would have to agree with at puberty.

Ive heard that theres such a thing as peak sexuality. Its when women and men have a age where their most sexual, but Im not sure if that is true.

#6 AshMoe

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 04:23 PM

I don't think there is any sort of age bar that means you suddenly realize "hey! that's what that's for". I would think that its different for everyone. With me, both my parents don't really understand the whole A-sexual thing and are convinced I just haven't found the right person yet.

#7 the green jacket

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 04:40 PM

But would it be possible for me to become sexual later on, like in my 20's or later? I hope not, because that would be gee-ROSS!

I was so worried that I would grow out of it! I would rather do anything but sex.
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#8 CBC.Radio.Girl

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 05:00 PM

well to be honest, your post sounds like something i could have written myself when i was in my mid to late teens. i'm 25 now, and some things have changed a lot, and others haven't much at all. once upon a time, i was very repulsed; sex sounded like one of the most disgusting, traumatising activities i could possibly participate in. (even worse though was childbirth, and i still feel that way.) i too liked to push my mum's buttons by declaring how repulsive i found the idea of sex (and again, especially babies... which i guess was not too nice of me, because she had a really difficult time getting pregnant and tends to regard babies as little miracles; therefore it's a rather personal and touchy subject for her).

anyway, back to the present. i guess sometime in my early 20s, i sort of just stopped thinking about sex one way or the other. i still had no reason to want to have sex, but i was no longer disgusted by it; it was simply something i never thought about and assumed would never be an issue in my life, because i expected to be alone. then, just under a couple years ago, i met the person who is now my fiancé. i guess... things started changing slowly. while i in no way consider myself completely 'sexual' now, (because i have no desire to have sex with anyone else in the world :S), i found that i am interested in and able to enjoy certain sexual activities with someone i love. (and believe me, it's caused me a fair amount of mental distress and confusion, especially at the beginning; my feelings on sex had been something i never expected to change, really.) now i usually identify as 'demisexual', (at least here on AVEN), and i've come to accept and understand that one should keep an open mind.

as to your main question, i can't answer exactly what age either girls or boys start becoming interested in sex. just from my observations of my peers, i would say that sometime in one's teen years is usually the average -- though in my opinion, that's by no means the ideal age to start having sex. (not that i care what others do, but rather just that teens are generally not emotionally mature enough to know how to handle sexual activity.) so, you may change, you may not, and either is just fine. how you feel right now is completely valid; just try not to box yourself in so much that if any of your feelings begin to change, it becomes a self-identity crisis. (been there, done that, to some extent.)
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#9 vogue

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 05:06 PM

well to be honest, your post sounds like something i could have written myself when i was in my mid to late teens. i'm 25 now, and some things have changed a lot, and others haven't much at all. once upon a time, i was very repulsed; sex sounded like one of the most disgusting, traumatising activities i could possibly participate in. (even worse though was childbirth, and i still feel that way.) i too liked to push my mum's buttons by declaring how repulsive i found the idea of sex (and again, especially babies... which i guess was not too nice of me, because she had a really difficult time getting pregnant and tends to regard babies as little miracles; therefore it's a rather personal and touchy subject for her).

anyway, back to the present. i guess sometime in my early 20s, i sort of just stopped thinking about sex one way or the other. i still had no reason to want to have sex, but i was no longer disgusted by it; it was simply something i never thought about and assumed would never be an issue in my life, because i expected to be alone. then, just under a couple years ago, i met the person who is now my fiancÚ. i guess... things started changing slowly. while i in no way consider myself completely 'sexual' now, (because i have no desire to have sex with anyone else in the world :S), i found that i am interested in and able to enjoy certain sexual activities with someone i love. (and believe me, it's caused me a fair amount of mental distress and confusion, especially at the beginning; my feelings on sex had been something i never expected to change, really.) now usually identify as 'demisexual', (at least here on AVEN), and i've come to accept and understand that one should keep an open mind.

as to your main question, i can't answer exactly what age either girls or boys start becoming interested in sex. just from my observations of my peers, i would say that sometime in one's teen years is usually the average -- though in my opinion, that's by no means the ideal age to start having sex. (not that i care what others do, but rather just that teens are generally not emotionally mature enough to know how to handle sexual activity.) so, you may change, you may not, and either is just fine. how you feel right now is completely valid; just try not to box yourself in so much that if any of your feelings begin to change, it becomes a self-identity crisis. (been there, done that, to some extent.)


CBC girl, I've said it before but I'll say it again - I can relate a lot to you. And I'm a Canadian chick too... awesome :) I can't write much now, but to the OP: don't care so much about what the 'average' age is. People learn about their sexuality at all different ages, for different reasons. I personally didn't start feeling sexually attracted to anyone until maybe 20-21 years old :S late bloomer, I know! I had my first boyfriend at 19 but didn't even feel attracted to him... I just dated him for the emotional attachment, i suppose, and feeling of desperation/insecurities i had at that age lol. But it wasn't the best relationship...and he wondered if I had libido issues because i never wanted sex LOL. I gradually became more sexual at 21/22 i suppose, i had my next committed relationship at around that age and did feel sexual attraction to my boyfriend... so i'm an example of a VERY late bloomer :( :(

but most people would prob feel sexual chemistry in their teens. I didn't, but yet i'd still consider myself 'sexual', just with a very low libido at the moment...

#10 jak

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 05:14 PM

How long is a piece of string :s
We are all pretty unique in this matter,but disregarding social peer factors,abuse,health issues,etc.
On average.girls tend to start the green shoots of puberty two or three years before the boys,sometimes as early as eight years old,but its not unusual for late puberty to start in the mid-teens.And although puberty starts doesnt necessarily mean you have you are biologially or psychologically prepared,and that is truly a question i dont have the answers to.:s
With regards to peak sexuality,nineteen for men and thirty-five for women are the thoughts of scientists,which probably explain a lot of craziness,giggles :s
Its a strange question really,'do'we 'want',or is it a need,or do we feel pressured by society to feel as though we should?

#11 Typical Power

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 05:21 PM

Sexual attraction can set in anytime starting with the first signs of puberty.
I believe I heard the average age of first sexual attraction experience was about 10?
It's surprisingly young. By 16 people start calling you a late bloomer.

#12 CBC.Radio.Girl

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 05:29 PM


well to be honest, your post sounds like something i could have written myself when i was in my mid to late teens. i'm 25 now, and some things have changed a lot, and others haven't much at all. once upon a time, i was very repulsed; sex sounded like one of the most disgusting, traumatising activities i could possibly participate in. (even worse though was childbirth, and i still feel that way.) i too liked to push my mum's buttons by declaring how repulsive i found the idea of sex (and again, especially babies... which i guess was not too nice of me, because she had a really difficult time getting pregnant and tends to regard babies as little miracles; therefore it's a rather personal and touchy subject for her).

anyway, back to the present. i guess sometime in my early 20s, i sort of just stopped thinking about sex one way or the other. i still had no reason to want to have sex, but i was no longer disgusted by it; it was simply something i never thought about and assumed would never be an issue in my life, because i expected to be alone. then, just under a couple years ago, i met the person who is now my fiancÚ. i guess... things started changing slowly. while i in no way consider myself completely 'sexual' now, (because i have no desire to have sex with anyone else in the world :S), i found that i am interested in and able to enjoy certain sexual activities with someone i love. (and believe me, it's caused me a fair amount of mental distress and confusion, especially at the beginning; my feelings on sex had been something i never expected to change, really.) now usually identify as 'demisexual', (at least here on AVEN), and i've come to accept and understand that one should keep an open mind.

as to your main question, i can't answer exactly what age either girls or boys start becoming interested in sex. just from my observations of my peers, i would say that sometime in one's teen years is usually the average -- though in my opinion, that's by no means the ideal age to start having sex. (not that i care what others do, but rather just that teens are generally not emotionally mature enough to know how to handle sexual activity.) so, you may change, you may not, and either is just fine. how you feel right now is completely valid; just try not to box yourself in so much that if any of your feelings begin to change, it becomes a self-identity crisis. (been there, done that, to some extent.)


CBC girl, I've said it before but I'll say it again - I can relate a lot to you. And I'm a Canadian chick too... awesome :)

haha, cool :) we can never have too many canadian AVENites!

I had my first boyfriend at 19 but didn't even feel attracted to him... I just dated him for the emotional attachment, i suppose, and feeling of desperation/insecurities i had at that age lol. But it wasn't the best relationship...and he wondered if I had libido issues because i never wanted sex LOL.

yeah, i can relate to that a little bit as well. while in my case, it was not a boyfriend, but rather a friendship with a guy (that i placed far too much value on) that looked like it was headed towards some sort of romantic relationship at one point, i understand completely the lack of interest in anything much physical. i was around 18 at the time, confused and overwhelmed by life, and pretty desperate for someone to be close with and to understand and comfort me. we hung out a bit, and i guess did the dating thing a little... and i got weirded out by a kiss; i remember worrying about what to do if he wanted more, and knowing i was in no way prepared to deal with that sort of situation. thankfully, (though i was devastated at the time, in retrospect, it was somewhat of a blessing in disguise), this friend abruptly stopped contacting me and wanting to spend time together. when we spoke again a couple years ago, he admitted that he was basically interested in sex at the time, but that he knew i wasn't "that kind of a girl", and so dropped all contact. gah, i wouldn't go back to being that age for anything in the world. :rolleyes:
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#13 CBC.Radio.Girl

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 07:21 PM

(thanks to whoever did the merging. :) i kept getting confused by the two threads. :P)
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#14 prettyeyes

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 07:41 PM

With the people I knew? Between 10 and 13. D:

#15 Opel the Old

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 07:47 PM

i'd say, 13-16

having said that, i dun quite understand that....
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#16 Professor T. Pollution

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 08:18 PM

Like others have said, it generally seems to occur around the time puberty begins. That's the case with most people I know, including my younger brother. Bleck. :x
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#17 Hallucigenia

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 10:01 PM

Sexual girl here. I cringe a little every time someone brings out the "first attraction at age 10 or 11" statistic.

Why? Not because I disagree, per se... But because I think folks who don't experience attraction, or who experience it in an unusual way (as demisexuals, etc), can get the wrong idea.

I mean, yes, I started having sexual thoughts at that age, and so did my peers. But it wasn't "wanting sex". It wasn't anything like the (relatively) mature desire I experience now at 22. It was more a strange and compulsive fascination with the topic in general. Other people seemed to also experience a corresponding fascination for sexual body parts, though that never quite worked for me. There was nothing that I'd call a real desire for sexual contact on my own part, nor a sexually charged attraction to any specific person, for several more years. And I was completely psychologically unready for sex (and knew it, on some level) for a loooong time after that.

I just don't want people to get the mental image of 10 and 11 year olds running around going "Man, I want to sleep with that person" the way older high school and college students do. Because that's not how it works. At all.

Or maybe I'm weirder than I thought. :blink:

#18 vogue

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 12:13 AM

Sexual girl here. I cringe a little every time someone brings out the "first attraction at age 10 or 11" statistic.

Why? Not because I disagree, per se... But because I think folks who don't experience attraction, or who experience it in an unusual way (as demisexuals, etc), can get the wrong idea.

I mean, yes, I started having sexual thoughts at that age, and so did my peers. But it wasn't "wanting sex". It wasn't anything like the (relatively) mature desire I experience now at 22. It was more a strange and compulsive fascination with the topic in general. Other people seemed to also experience a corresponding fascination for sexual body parts, though that never quite worked for me. There was nothing that I'd call a real desire for sexual contact on my own part, nor a sexually charged attraction to any specific person, for several more years. And I was completely psychologically unready for sex (and knew it, on some level) for a loooong time after that.

I just don't want people to get the mental image of 10 and 11 year olds running around going "Man, I want to sleep with that person" the way older high school and college students do. Because that's not how it works. At all.

Or maybe I'm weirder than I thought. :blink:



Interesting comment.. I'd also say I'm sexual, in that I feel sexual attraction... but I don't think I was psychologically or emotionally ready for it in my teenage years. I don't think that's TOO uncommon either - Brooke Shields & Tina Fey lost their virginity around 22-24 because they didn't feel comfortable in their body until that age. Fey said she was a nerd & couldn't get guys - she lost her virginity at 24 (she admitted it herself.) I think that may have been part of it, but maybe she didn't feel ready for that type of commitment either... I'm sure if she REALLY wanted it, she could have lost it before her mid-20s... even ugly girls can get guys... there's plenty of drunk undergrads looking for sex... whether you like it or not. But I'm 25, and feel like I want sex because of the curiosity rather than sexual desire... maybe I'll feel it at 35? I also heard that's the 'sexual peak' time for women, and men is around 18-19 or so. Don't take that as gospel though - there's plenty of horny guys earlier & later, and just because you're an outlier doesn't mean you're asexual per se. I consider myself sexual even though I didn't start feeling sexual attraction until a late age - I was a 'late bloomer.'

To the OP: if you're still in your teens, I'd suggest just being patient and exploring your sexuality in the next few years. It's not necessarily a static thing... lots of things can influence your sex drive and such. If there's issues you have to overcome, that can be part of your sex drive. i.e. Brooke Shields said she had major body insecurity issues, she didn't like to get naked in front of people - that was the same with me, too.

#19 Professor T. Pollution

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 12:26 AM

Sexual girl here. I cringe a little every time someone brings out the "first attraction at age 10 or 11" statistic.

Why? Not because I disagree, per se... But because I think folks who don't experience attraction, or who experience it in an unusual way (as demisexuals, etc), can get the wrong idea.

I mean, yes, I started having sexual thoughts at that age, and so did my peers. But it wasn't "wanting sex". It wasn't anything like the (relatively) mature desire I experience now at 22. It was more a strange and compulsive fascination with the topic in general. Other people seemed to also experience a corresponding fascination for sexual body parts, though that never quite worked for me. There was nothing that I'd call a real desire for sexual contact on my own part, nor a sexually charged attraction to any specific person, for several more years. And I was completely psychologically unready for sex (and knew it, on some level) for a loooong time after that.

I just don't want people to get the mental image of 10 and 11 year olds running around going "Man, I want to sleep with that person" the way older high school and college students do. Because that's not how it works. At all.

Or maybe I'm weirder than I thought. :blink:


I agree completely, and I'm sorry if it came across as though I meant that young 'uns go around wanting to have sex with people. That wasn't my intention. I just meant that as far as I know, many people start having sexual feelings/fascinations at approximately the onset of puberty.
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#20 Ignatz

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 12:37 AM

possibly true, about sexual attraction not manifesting itself as such until later years, but...

when i was in 6th grade--so we're talking, what, 11 years old? 12?--the girls i'd been friends with my whole life suddenly flipped out. even ones a year or two behind me. and this was in the very early 80s, when sex, while prevalent in pop culture, wasn't anywhere near the fever pitch it is today. i was pestered constantly with questions about my attractions, was ridiculed for my lack thereof, and i felt intensely uncomfortable in any gathering of my female peers. i felt like they wanted to catapult into adulthood while i was desperately trying to cling to the last vestiges of my childhood.

i hoped it was all talk. in fact, many times i comforted myself with that thought. but when i found out years later how many of those girls had actually had 6th-grade sex, with boys i knew and liked as friends--i was sickened, for everyone involved. i'm essentially sex-positive, and i have nothing whatsoever against sex between consenting partners. but--consenting adult partners. 12-year-olds? in their parents' garages? that's so wrong it still hurts my brain to think of it.

#21 vogue

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 12:55 AM

possibly true, about sexual attraction not manifesting itself as such until later years, but...

when i was in 6th grade--so we're talking, what, 11 years old? 12?--the girls i'd been friends with my whole life suddenly flipped out. even ones a year or two behind me. and this was in the very early 80s, when sex, while prevalent in pop culture, wasn't anywhere near the fever pitch it is today. i was pestered constantly with questions about my attractions, was ridiculed for my lack thereof, and i felt intensely uncomfortable in any gathering of my female peers. i felt like they wanted to catapult into adulthood while i was desperately trying to cling to the last vestiges of my childhood.

i hoped it was all talk. in fact, many times i comforted myself with that thought. but when i found out years later how many of those girls had actually had 6th-grade sex, with boys i knew and liked as friends--i was sickened, for everyone involved. i'm essentially sex-positive, and i have nothing whatsoever against sex between consenting partners. but--consenting adult partners. 12-year-olds? in their parents' garages? that's so wrong it still hurts my brain to think of it.


wow, 12 is really young for sex... I didn't even receive my period until 7th/8th grade... I think the 'national average' for losing your virginity is around 16 yrs old in the U.S... to give you an idea. but ... I really cringe when I hear the words 'national statistics' because... I really don't care what age most Britney-Spears loving teenybopper youth lose their v-card... i just care when is the right time for ME... although yes, at 25, i do feel a bit out of sorts with society... but i also know at 16, i was in no emotional/psychological place to be having sex. I wasn't interested in dating anyone or found anyone cute...

#22 Almagest

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 01:23 AM

possibly true, about sexual attraction not manifesting itself as such until later years, but...

when i was in 6th grade--so we're talking, what, 11 years old? 12?--the girls i'd been friends with my whole life suddenly flipped out. even ones a year or two behind me. and this was in the very early 80s, when sex, while prevalent in pop culture, wasn't anywhere near the fever pitch it is today. i was pestered constantly with questions about my attractions, was ridiculed for my lack thereof, and i felt intensely uncomfortable in any gathering of my female peers. i felt like they wanted to catapult into adulthood while i was desperately trying to cling to the last vestiges of my childhood.

i hoped it was all talk. in fact, many times i comforted myself with that thought. but when i found out years later how many of those girls had actually had 6th-grade sex, with boys i knew and liked as friends--i was sickened, for everyone involved. i'm essentially sex-positive, and i have nothing whatsoever against sex between consenting partners. but--consenting adult partners. 12-year-olds? in their parents' garages? that's so wrong it still hurts my brain to think of it.

:blink: That is disturbing. To say the least.

As for the OP's topic, everyone's different. Some people start wanting sex at an early age, some at a later age. I'd say the average is in the teen years though.
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#23 Olivier

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 01:37 AM

Sexual girl here. I cringe a little every time someone brings out the "first attraction at age 10 or 11" statistic.

Why? Not because I disagree, per se... But because I think folks who don't experience attraction, or who experience it in an unusual way (as demisexuals, etc), can get the wrong idea.

I mean, yes, I started having sexual thoughts at that age, and so did my peers. But it wasn't "wanting sex". It wasn't anything like the (relatively) mature desire I experience now at 22. It was more a strange and compulsive fascination with the topic in general. Other people seemed to also experience a corresponding fascination for sexual body parts, though that never quite worked for me. There was nothing that I'd call a real desire for sexual contact on my own part, nor a sexually charged attraction to any specific person, for several more years. And I was completely psychologically unready for sex (and knew it, on some level) for a loooong time after that.

I just don't want people to get the mental image of 10 and 11 year olds running around going "Man, I want to sleep with that person" the way older high school and college students do. Because that's not how it works. At all.

Or maybe I'm weirder than I thought. :blink:

Hallu, you said everything I wanted to say, and no - I don't think your experience was weird at all.

Personally, I started to get a (very shy) interest in things sexual at around 13, and an interest in actually having sex at around 17, when, ironically I turned down the opportunity because I thought it would trap me in a relationship that I wanted to end. I really don't think I even really fully had my act together when I finally lost my virginity at 23, but the girl I lost it to was very persistent to the point where it became easier to say yes than no :rolleyes:.

And that's all probably not the best lead-up to, just months later, starting a relationship with the love of my life who didn't know she was asexual, but in life you get what you get :P

#24 Jockey

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 02:30 AM

There's often a difference between what age people tend to start thinking pre-sexual thoughts and what age they tend to be when they really feel that they are, and are, ready to have sex.
If you're 17 and have yet to find other people attractive in any way... that's not so likely to spontaneously change (possible, but not likely).
If on the other hand, you were 17 and felt that sex still seemed kinda gross but you liked to think about kissing and you're having crushes and so forth, then I'd say that concluding asexuality might be premature.

When I was in 7th, 8th, 9th grades (dropped out of school after that) I asked a number of my classmates about it because they were TALKING about sex and sexual stuff a lot. I asked if they were already interested in having sex. Most of them said not really, not yet. Even the guys. There were exceptions, especially by 9th grade.
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#25 FallenAngel

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 07:00 AM

I started having a sex drive when I was around 10 years old >< It's odd because I didn't really hit puberty until a few years after that. I don't think I really wanted to have sex with other people at 10 years old though. I think it was more curiosity of what sex was.
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#26 narwhal

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 07:07 AM

I didn't start having a sex drive until i was 15? maybe, i don't remember. Although my libido was much higher back then, and since then my libido has lowered slowly. I'm 20 now so my libido is fairly moderate, but low to other people's standards anyways.

#27 WhenSummersGone

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 10:12 AM

Well I started experiencing Romantic Attraction around the age of 10, and experienced arousal by the age of 12, but I still haven't experienced sexual attraction. I was sexually active in my teen years, but no I did not feel sexual attraction towards others, I just didn't care. I could be demisexual and just haven't found that right person to be in a long term relationship with, but I dunno

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#28 you*hear*but*do*you*listen

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 07:09 PM

OP, you sound exactly like me when I was seventeen. I'm now twenty, and the jury's in: I'm ace. I would say at seventeen if you've been around people that you can intellectually see yourself having "chemistry" with and sexual attraction has never developed, your asexuality might be a long-term/permanent thing. However, in the end if you're really worried about whether or not you'll become sexual, just remember that labels can be peeled off if they're no longer relevant or not used at all. And of course, the person who knows yourself the best is you, and you are the one who should pick your label.
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#29 vogue

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 10:22 PM

OP, you sound exactly like me when I was seventeen. I'm now twenty, and the jury's in: I'm ace. I would say at seventeen if you've been around people that you can intellectually see yourself having "chemistry" with and sexual attraction has never developed, your asexuality might be a long-term/permanent thing. However, in the end if you're really worried about whether or not you'll become sexual, just remember that labels can be peeled off if they're no longer relevant or not used at all. And of course, the person who knows yourself the best is you, and you are the one who should pick your label.


Hey, I'd respectfully disagree with you on the 'intellectual chemistry' thing... just because I HAVE had great intellectual chemistry with people (could debate them all night, we had emotional chemistry as well...) but I had no physical/sexual chemistry with them, and yet I'm sexual. And I know many other sexual people like this as well... there are different forms of attraction, and sometimes you experience certain kinds with some people but not all. There's definitely been guys I've been like 'wow, they're hot, i'd love to makeout with them/have sex with them', but we don't have anything in common intellectually. You don't always have the privilege of meeting people on all levels of chemistry. So if the OP doesn't feel sexual chemistry with someone whom they experience OTHER forms of chemistry with... I'd say that's A-OK. That may change, or it may not. It doesn't make them more likely to be asexual though, in my books, from personal experience and knowledge.

#30 Angy

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Posted 31 August 2010 - 11:32 PM

If on the other hand, you were 17 and felt that sex still seemed kinda gross but you liked to think about kissing and you're having crushes and so forth, then I'd say that concluding asexuality might be premature.

Uh-oh.

I would say at seventeen if you've been around people that you can intellectually see yourself having "chemistry" with and sexual attraction has never developed, your asexuality might be a long-term/permanent thing.

Well, don't know about intellectual chemistry, but I definitely experience a lot of romantic attraction. I crave physical attention, but to me that's completely different from sex. I've also experienced what Vogue was talking about, with wanting to kiss somebody but having really nothing in common with him, and knowing because of this, that the relationship could never work.

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