How to tell your friends you love them?

[LettACE]

So i've got this roommate, as she's GREAT.  have so much platonic affection for her and love her so much, i want to tell her. But idk how to do it without it sounding weird? I want to make sure she knows that it's purely platonic but that shes like the best and i appreciate and love her so much. She does know i'm ace and fully accepts it, although im not sure she fully understands. 

 

Any advice for telling her how much i appreciate her, without it turning into a weird/awkward moment?

[Yep, me]

5 minutes ago, LettACE said:

So i've got this roommate, as she's GREAT.  have so much platonic affection for her and love her so much, i want to tell her. But idk how to do it without it sounding weird? I want to make sure she knows that it's purely platonic but that shes like the best and i appreciate and love her so much. She does know i'm ace and fully accepts it, although im not sure she fully understands. 

 

Any advice for telling her how much i appreciate her, without it turning into a weird/awkward moment?

Generally saying that someone is your best friend works for conveying that message.

[Guest]

I say to my friends sometimes that I love them for the great people they are and really appreciate them. We shouldn't feel embarrassed about expressing our love for our friends, although I too worry about sending the wrong message sometimes too.

[LettACE]

I’m considering leaving little sticky notes for her, with little things on it like “you’re wonderful” or “thanks for being awesome” 

[LettACE]

1 hour ago, Zenzencat104 said:

Generally saying that someone is your best friend works for conveying that message.

I mean she is my best friend, but I feel like I need to fully show her how much she means to me. 

[Yep, me]

14 minutes ago, LettACE said:

I mean she is my best friend, but I feel like I need to fully show her how much she means to me. 

Then tell them that they mean a lot to you?

[Ravaillac]

I my opinion you shouldn't say you love her. Thats a dangerous line to cross. You can say you appreciate their company or something like than. I would personally find a cool, edgy way to say it so in case it backfires, you can say it was a joke. Best of luck.

[oldgeeza]

I've always told my close friends that I love them, when I was younger, I know some thought it was weird, I suppose that, I was never complemented or told by my own family that they love me, well, I'm finding out now that they don't anyway, but when I was younger, I lost a lot of people around me, in my teens, I drank heavily, I was smoking weed, snorting coke, I didn't expect to see my thirties let alone my fifties, so I figured say it before it's too late.

 

 I would just bring it up in conversation one to one, just say I love you because......or I love you, you've been a real good friend to me, something like that, then it doesn't make it seem as if you're coming onto them, nor does it make them feel pressured 

[MyLilyCat]

I find it difficult to say 'I love you' to friend and family because it was never said to me when I was younger. But being in my 30's now, I think all the people who are important to me understand different kinds of love so when I say 'I love you' or just 'love you!' they know its a friendship kinda love and I know the same when they say it back.

 

If you are worried she will take it the wrong way, just expand it a little bit, something like 'I love you, you are my best friend and I am so grateful for you'

if you need to, you can always explain the difference between loving someone - like friends and family, you'll do anything for them and want them around forever - but that you are no 'in love' with her.

 

[Warsaw]

I do toasts to their health and long life and prosperity.  I take complements literally, and that would dwarf a simple complement like "I love you" because the love is preapplied to the premise of the toast.

[arekathevampyre]

I used to be really awkward about that but after going through so much , I realised that it is best I tell them straight (before I regret) . Whether in text or whatever form , doesn't matter as long as you get your message through to them . Writing a letter is a nice way too (but typing is also okay of course) 

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

I've said it to some of my friends recently, and it's difficult because I find that sometimes I really do feel that sort of love that others would think of as romantic towards friends, but for me it's usually momentary. I'm also often aware that I can come across as clingy with it, because I have such a small number of friends who I get out to see, and I think those close friends have been okay with it because of just how open I am with everyone. I wouldn't make a habit of it though, it's just tricky because to me friends really are everything, I'm sex repulsed lithro and ace so don't feel like it would be a good idea to pursue romantic feelings if I have them, plus my thought process is weird and I've had trouble with sexual intrusive thoughts so that can make things awkward for people. There's a chance I'll want to pursue relationships if I medically transition but I can't really say for sure.

[RK800]

I legit just tell my friends all the time "I love you".

I mean I tell my pets and plants I love them, humans get the same regards.

[All the little Lights]

On 23. November 2017 at 2:43 PM, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I've said it to some of my friends recently, and it's difficult because I find that sometimes I really do feel that sort of love that others would think of as romantic towards friends, but for me it's usually momentary. I'm also often aware that I can come across as clingy with it, because I have such a small number of friends who I get out to see, and I think those close friends have been okay with it because of just how open I am with everyone. I wouldn't make a habit of it though, it's just tricky because to me friends really are everything, I'm sex repulsed lithro and ace so don't feel like it would be a good idea to pursue romantic feelings if I have them, plus my thought process is weird and I've had trouble with sexual intrusive thoughts so that can make things awkward for people. There's a chance I'll want to pursue relationships if I medically transition but I can't really say for sure.

I feel so similar to you! Thanks for writing that.

I (at least for the moment) would never tell someone I love them romantically, but I have told some of my friends how much I love them. I even explained how I feel, e.g. "I missed you" or "I really like you a lot". Lately, I have so many friendship-love-feelings, that it's so wonderful that I have to say it. They now I'm not into relationships though, and it is really clear that I don't mean it in a romantic way. 

 

And thank you to @LettACE for rising this awesome topic!

[Rhyme]

What is... casual?? I don't know how to be casual. It is not in my vocabulary.

 

I think it's definitely easier to do it when you're not face to face; that way, it doesn't feel as intense. It's also easier if you have an excuse, like hey, here's a thing, and also, you're amazing and I appreciate you. This is what I did with my friend, to maybe get your imagination going:

 

My close friend (my wife in all but romantic, sexual, and legal terms) has moved to another country to go to university there. That's a massive accomplishment in my book, just stepping on the plane. She didn't know anyone in the new place when she moved, and it's a massive adjustment. I wanted to do something nice for her, to cheer her up and show her how much I appreciate her (even though she's an arsehole for moving so far away, but I digress).

 

1) I had the opportunity to meet our feminist idol Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and I got her to sign a copy of We Should All be Feminists. 

2) I tricked my friend into giving me her new adress, saying I found a cute card I wanted to send to her. 

3) I wrote her a letter, but I kept it light. It definitely got the message across, but I used fancy English (we're Norwegian) and exaggerated everything a little bit. 

4) Stuck the letter + the book + some post-it notes with shorter messages in an envelope and sent it all to her by post.

 

It's hard to talk about feelings with friends, but keeping it lighthearted while being 100% serious at the same time can make it easier. Writing a letter that starts with To my dearest wife, I hope this letter finds you in good health... made the whole thing more fun, but the rest of the letter conveyed the message loud and clear.

 

I think you have to find something that works with your dynamic. My friend and I call each other "wife" and talk about dismantling the patriarchy, so that's what I went with. 

[Amathy]

@LettACE Tell them you love them like a sibling.  Sibling love is always considered platonic (or I hope it is). The problem with saying 'love' without clarifying it is platonic, is that 'love' has romantic and sexual connotation. However, given that most people will be confused by the use of the word 'platonic', using the word 'sibling' works well because people immediately understand what you mean.  (English really needs two different words for love like other languages have: romantic love vs platonic love).