HallsiKallsi Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I'm in a pickle right now, there's a person that likes me, I like them back, but, I'm pretty sure they're not ace, I'm scared as hell becasue if I want to try it out with them I'd have to come out to them, but I'm simply not ready, how can I imply to them that I'm ace, without actually saying it :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 . Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Just my opinion, but it incredible unfair to get into a relationship with someone that wants more of something you might not want to deliver. Be honest and true from the beginning is my suggestion. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 You either say it now, or you wait until both of you are sure you want to have a relationship -- or are IN a relationship -- and then you tell them, which may lead them to feel that you wasted their time. Link to post Share on other sites
Kururin Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Sorry kid. I gotta agree with everyone else here. You can't beat around the bush and hide being ace because if you do get into one, you're basically setting yourself up for some conflict down the road and it's not a very honest thing to do, especially when they will want to have sex but you're not willing so, in which you're going to have to explain why. I say, be upfront and be ready for the reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 How would you feel if your love interest had to hide something from you in order to be with you? You'd want them to trust you to a point they can be honest with you and not keep something like a different orientation from you right? Link to post Share on other sites
Salted Karamel Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 You don't necessarily have to say "I'm asexual" if you're not ready to label yourself to the world. You could find other words to describe your sexuality sans label, like "I'm not interested in sex ever," or "I don't experience sexual attraction" or whatever descriptors are most relevant to you. You could give this some context by tying it to a relevant point like "I'm really glad you asked me out. It's hard for me to find people I'm compatible with, because I don't experience sexual attraction." That way it's not just a statement standing on its own in all its awkwardness. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 You need to be honest with them. Hiding or obscuring the truth will only lead to bigger problems. If your prospective partner is not OK with it, then misleading them now won't change that. It would be better to discuss it up front so you can gain his trust. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I think your two valid options are to come out or not to pursue the relationship. Implying that you are ace to someone who is probably unfamiliar with the whole concept will do no good at all. You need to tell them outright, using the term so that they can look up information online. You also need to explain exactly what you personally mean by asexuality, how you feel about sex and romance and what your boundaries are. Then you will need to continue to have regular conversations about whether either of your feelings have changed and whether you both still feel happy in the relationship. If you aren't ready for that, I don't think you're ready for a relationship. It's totally okay if you're not ready. Adult relationships require a lot of courage and communication. They aren't for everyone, and there's no hurry. If you just aren't ready, you can totally break things off or suggest remaining just friends by saying that you aren't ready, don't want to ruin your friendship, etc. You only have to come out if you are going to start or continue a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
dianaisace Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 In my opinion, getting into a relationship with someone with whom you don't feel comfortable enough to talk about the things you'd like (or wouldn't like) to do, both romantically and sexually, is just a bad idea. The biggest foundation for a healthy relationship is trust and communication. Maybe reconsider or try to rethink it. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenAce Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 I have to agree, the best way is to just be forward, sorry. When one of my friends said they had a crush on me I explained it, and I printed out some information for them... Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 yeah! try out this thing! but one part of caring for someone and letting someone care for you is entrusting them to learn who you are. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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