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veid

How do you back out of a relationship when you're questioning if you're aromantic?

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veid   
veid

I've been dating my girlfriend for less than a year, and during this time, I have been thinking more in depth about my sexuality as well as my romantic orientation. I have already deduced that I am on the asexual side of things, have told her, and she has no problem with that. However, I feel that she is much more invested in this relationship than I am and I feel bad about it. I know she deserves to be in a relationship with someone that feels exactly the same for her but, well... it's a complicated scenario. To sum it up, she's a very very introverted person and only talks to a couple of people. She has no one else to divert her romantic attention too, so I'd feel bad just leaving her to hang like that.

 

She also likes to plan ahead - very far ahead, and while I didn't see the harm in it at first, I realized that I do not want to move in with her at all. Not right now, and very doubtfully in the future. I'd rather stay with my platonic crush (we are actually already planning to move in with each other, and my girlfriend knows it, but she expects me to move in with her after a year or two while my friend and I are finishing schooling.)

 

I know this seems like a very long time to get things sorted out - anything can happen in that time to make her want to break up with me, but it's making me very anxious. It makes me even more nervous because I don't know if I believe I am aromantic because I actually am or if it's just because I don't like her like that. I'd feel bad if it were the latter.

 

tl;dr: if anyone has some advice about how to break up with a very clingy girlfriend because you're questioning if you're aromantic, I'd be very thankful if you could share

 

(sorry if this post was all over the place or didn't make sense, I have a hard type putting what I feel into words. I'd gladly clarify if needed)

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OldSoul   
OldSoul

"Moving too fast" is a very valid reason to break things off with someone. It could also be cited as incompatibility. 

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veid   
veid
2 minutes ago, OldSoul said:

"Moving too fast" is a very valid reason to break things off with someone. It could also be cited as incompatibility. 

That makes me feel better, but how would I justify breaking the relationship over than instead of talking it out?

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OldSoul   
OldSoul

Incompatibility is a good one, because it suggests that her personality doesn't quite mesh with yours on a relationship level. You like her as a person, but relationship wise, you both just want different things.
You don't want her to change who she is for you, you just think you two aren't quite right.
 

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veid   
veid

Ok that makes a lot of sense, thank you very much! :D

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Deus Ex Infinity   
Deus Ex Infinity

Just be honest and talk to your partner. It might not be an easy thing to do but the only sincere solution for the future.

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Blue Phoenix Ace   
Blue Phoenix Ace

I haven't linked the turtleneck(?) guy in a while but it's appropriate. :)

 

If you feel that one or both of you would end up happier apart than together, then you should at least talk to her about it. Bottling up your feelings is essentially lying and that can only make things worse. The sooner you figure things out and be honest with her, the less damage that will be done in the long run. So, just keep that in mind. It would be better for her to be free and able to look than grow even more attached to you, if things just can't work out between you.

 

 

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HonoraryJedi   
HonoraryJedi

I have broken up with someone once, and I believe I phrased it like "I am not comfortable with this, and I am breaking up with you. I'm sorry" That you don't want to be in a relationship anymore is the reason to break up. Going into too many details and too many explanations and reasons will just make it seem like there it is up for discussion, and that you can be talked out of it. Just make it clean, and about your own feelings. You can't really break up with someone without upsetting them a little, it is just how things are. Suffering in silence will just make it worse.

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