marriedguy Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 As I am a sexual married to an asexual, I hope I am welcome! I suspect and hope that I am. My wife and I have been married 15 years. We have two great kids. In the early years I was extremely frustrated by her lack of interest. A lot of thought and some research [thank you Google] makes me quite confident she is asexual and the more I learn the more accepting I have become. In the early years I wanted to change her. That is gone. Now my goal is as much non-sexual bonding and contact as possible. With sexual pressure a thing of the past, non-sexual intimacy has increased dramatically and as I get older it is the intimacy that I seek. I happily trade sex for kisses, hugs, true conversation, cuddling, snuggling. Now I feel loved. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Welcome marriedguy and extra big welcome to 'Oldies'. It's great to know you've arrived at a relationship that suits you both. Have you dropped into Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies? You might be able to help others who are still struggling. And by the way, have some AVEN welcome :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EmpatheticBadass Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Hi! I'm also new here, and quite new to my orientation. I'm not 100 percent sure yet that I'm "truly" asexual, only about... 92 :D But I hope I'm welcome anyway!? :) During this last year I got divorced (due to the sex thing), and I have no kids. I'm 40, and can only note that the famous midlife crisis seems unavoidable. Spice that up with divorce, realisation of sexual orientation, change of city and an IBS gone havoc, and that's me. If my posts will seem confused, now you know why! xD Nice to meet you all! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Course you'r welcome letlive - have some welcome :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :D . A lot of us are trying to figure things out - at least I know I am . Stress can trigger IBS; funny thing is it wasn't until I read your post that I realised my IBS had been silent for along time but maybe that's because the stress has mostly gone from my life now - and if only Camelot could get their act together and pull the right numbers out of the 'hat' everything would be perfect :lol: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EmpatheticBadass Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Thanks Tanwen! Yeah, exactly - where are those Camelots when you need them? :D 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlueSky111 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 So thankful that this website exists and all of you are on it. :) I've logged in on and off over the years, usually when I need a reminder that I'm not crazy or damaged in some way. I am trying to have a relationship with a sexual at the moment but it's not working at all and I think it's time to accept that I am the way I am and get on with my life with all the other wonderful interests that I have. :) Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences and being here, because in sharing we all help each other. :) 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonmum Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 New to being able to have words for my asexuality (and agenderishness) at 54. Married 20+ yrs to poor sexual dude, have 3 adult kids. Been coming out to friends and family for the last couple of weeks. No one seems surprised. I do run with a fairly motley band of misfits for the most part, so I didn't expect much push-back. Came out today to an old biromantic friend - she and some of her friends thought I was Gay... We figured out she is asexual too! 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexual_In_Georgia Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Thank You. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
changa Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Hello . I think I found a place. I'm 57 and never been married. Did adopt a daughter and have a wonderful granddaughter. Never really enjoyed sex but everybody else did it so I did too. I do enjoy being around someone but didn't like to because it usually led to sex. I just want someone to be around and close but not sexual. I hope to find some like minded people here. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Sunrise Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Welcome, changa I hope you enjoy AVEN, and find lots of new friends here :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sandraisme360 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I was just on You Tube and all the videos are of people in their early 20. I was thinking how lucky they are. I am new to this concept and can now start to feel it is ok to not be sexually attracted to people. I am interested in exploring a romantic relationship without sex. I have always wanted a mail friend who did not want to have sex with me. This is the first year I did not feel sad on Valentimes day. I just decided to love myself. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jo* Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Hi everyone! I came across the term asexual two months ago. I was searching online for "no sex drive" because I want to know what's wrong with me; my husband had been telling me it's not normal to go on months without wanting sex. I saw an article on David Jay and AVEN, and the realization that I'm asexual hit me. I know it should be freeing, but it's scary to me because if I'm going to be true to myself, I can't stay married to a guy with a high libido. I'm a very private person so it's hard for me to reach out for support, but here I am, posting in this forum, not knowing what else to do. I hope I find others who had gone through a similar situation, and I hope to learn more here. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Sunrise Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Welcome, Jo* This is a very supportive community, and I know there are others here who have experienced situations similar to yours; their stories may be able to help you. I hope you find some new friends here, and a better understanding of yourself and your sexuality. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WinterM Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I hadn't looked at this subforum because I assumed it was for people in a significantly older age bracket, but I see there are threads for mine. "Older" is always a relative term, I guess. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catsaregood Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Yes, WinterM, 'older' is a loose term! :D Welcome, Jo*. That's a hard situation to find yourself in. I hope you find a way through this that isn't too painful. There's lots of support here, and similar stories which might help you out. Good luck :) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blondie12 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Sorry, I was wondering what other people's experiences are with how people they are close to react when and if they ever identify? Personally I have told nobody. And see no need to. I'm twice divorced, and saying I'm done with marriage is enough. Many women in my age group say the same thing and that feeling is understood. Nobody needs to know why - that would be personal no matter one's sexuality. My brother, however, is convinced I need to get over it because it's unnatural to not be in a relationship. I would sooner slit my throat than discuss any social beliefs (or political beliefs for that matter) with him. It's interesting to me that my workplace has an LGBTQ contingent and movement to end all the "ism's" - including the notion of intersectionality between ism's (racism/sexism/anti-gay/ageism, etc). Nobody has included asexuality in any of the isms, and I haven't felt comfortable - or compelled - to bring it up. For one thing it's not clear to me if there is discrimination against us since our behavior doesn't involve public visibility. I'm also twice divorced, but female. I certainly agree that it's nobody else's business how I conduct myself in my private life. If I want someone to know that I'm Ace I will tell them. Otherwise, My private life is just that, private. I've been fortunate. Of the handful of people who know I'm Ace, nobody has tried to force their own sexual views or opinions on me. Life is much better now that I'm free from a stressful and restrictive marriage. Yeah, no more marriages for me either. Consider me, "Two and through!" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Helena_Hanbasket Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thank you! I'm new here-Navigating around.I'm a care-giver for 2 patients, so my time is very limited, but I like it here so far. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Helena_Hanbasket Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hi everyone! I came across the term asexual two months ago. I was searching online for "no sex drive" because I want to know what's wrong with me; my husband had been telling me it's not normal to go on months without wanting sex. I saw an article on David Jay and AVEN, and the realization that I'm asexual hit me. I know it should be freeing, but it's scary to me because if I'm going to be true to myself, I can't stay married to a guy with a high libido. I'm a very private person so it's hard for me to reach out for support, but here I am, posting in this forum, not knowing what else to do. I hope I find others who had gone through a similar situation, and I hope to learn more here. Hi Jo! Wishing you the best!! I had the same thing as you are going through happen in my marriage, but then, I had no idea I was asexual, I'd never heard of it until very recently. We thought a pill could "cure me". We divorced and I took MANY PATHS seeking/finding myself. Took a long time, but here I am, and I like who I am. I stopped dating a few years ago, because, even if they SAY they aren't interested in sex, that seemed to be ALL they wanted by the end of the first date. I genuinely like being alone. :) 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bikerider Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Groovy....our very own forum!! I'm in! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Sunrise Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Hope you enjoy this forum and find some new friends here :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Peneloop Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I hate to think of myself as being older, but I am. I turned 56 in March - physically. Mentally, I feel younger. I am Canadian and live with my 31 year old daughter, and my Cat - Seamus. I don't work due to an inherited bone disease, but I am active physically, and mentally. I am looking forward to meeting some like minded people in this forum. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the bumbling rotifer Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Welcome, Peneloop! Ach, oldies isn't for old people, it's just for people who are older than the typical internet / social media demographic :p I hope you enjoy your time on AVEN. There's a lovely community of folk here in oldies, which you'd be very welcome to be a part of :) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Sunrise Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Welcome, Peneloop Never fear - there's plenty of life in the "oldies" and I'm sure you'll enjoy it here :D (I also live with my daughter . . . and my son, and 2 cats :) ) 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
amyandamy Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Hi, I'm new to Aven and I'm on a quest to make some new friends and get involved with some threads. Am I welcome to join your older asexuals forum please? I know it's customary to offer newbies cake, but I've brought cake for you all instead - enjoy :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Demi65 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 dear lord, I hate ageism, my body started giving up on me in my teens but my mind still thinks its young 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Sunrise Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Definitely welcome to this forum, amyandamy, and welcome cat_weazle - for both of you! I hope you both enjoy the "Oldies", and all of AVEN, and find lots of new friends here :) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I just recently turned 37 which is making me start to feel quite old (even though I am in my prime). You know how when you hit 35 you think "gee I'm halfway from 30 to 40". When you get to 37 you think "gee I'm just slightly less than halfway from 35 to 40". The next milestone is 38.75! So, I figure it won't be too long before I hit the big four-oh. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Hi, all. Welcome to all newcomers recently. Have plenty of :cake: :cake:. and enjoy yourselves Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.zee Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks for the welcome newly found ace here I mean its good to have people to relate to any aces near Detroit Michigan 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catsaregood Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 So many newbie 'oldies'! Welcome to all, please partake of some welcome cake! :D 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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