Amaretti Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Changing my name has been one of my top priorities for some time now. I have a name that I really like, but liking something and it fitting me are two different things. It is an uncommon feminine name and I am a little worried because it isn't neutral, which feels like some sort of unspoken rule that I'm breaking. I know, that's super stupid and it shouldn't deter me but the thought remains. So my question is, how do I know for sure if this name is mine? To add to that, I'm trying to pick a new last name to distance myself from my parents at the same time. I'd like to just change them both in one swoop so I don't have to do this twice. But I'm at a loss and have no idea how to go about finding one. I've considered using surnames of distant family but none of them suit me, especially since I know no one outside my immediate family. And I don't wish to marry so the obvious option is a no go. Has anyone had any experience like this that might have some insight of how to look for a new surname? Link to post Share on other sites
litanies Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 I probably "tried on" half a dozen names before I finally found a few that stuck, which have become my first and middle names. I definitely suggest some of that "try on" time before committing to anything. As for breaking a rule, all that matters is whether it's your rule and whether it's important to you. It's your name, so it's your prerogative. Don't forget that some names traditionally considered masculine are now showing up on girls. Cultural perception changes, so I think it's your perception and feelings that count here. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetieBot Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Okay. A few things. I actually recently got a legal name change after having gone by another name for 10 years. Trust me when I advise you to change them both at once - it's actually a pretty big annoyance at least where I am. I can't speak to changing your last name because I've never done that and never had a problem with mine. Honestly, if I were changing my last name I would probably end up with the surname of one of my favourite book or tv characters, but I'm not sure I should advise that. Haha. As for your first name. Honestly, if you really like it then gendered connotations likely won't bother you. That said, you likely won't know about the fit until you have a last name. At least for me, part of the fit was how it sounded. If you're concerned that other people might not think it fits you then: 1. your opinion should really only be the one that matters, BUT 2. maybe you could ask some people you trust? I know when I changed mine I let people give me suggestions. Actually, the name I ended up choosing was one of their suggestions and I feel like it fits me to a T. Link to post Share on other sites
litanies Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Oh, btw, as far as other people thinking a name "fits" you, I can also tell you from my "try on" experiences that more than once, when I switched to a new name, people who knew me only by the previous one said, "but you look like a (name here)." Most people really will just default to the first name they know you by forever. So whatever name you give them they'll probably think fits. Link to post Share on other sites
Amaretti Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 13 minutes ago, litanies said: As for breaking a rule, all that matters is whether it's your rule and whether it's important to you. It's your name, so it's your prerogative. Don't forget that some names traditionally considered masculine are now showing up on girls. Cultural perception changes, so I think it's your perception and feelings that count here. That's very true. It deffo isn't my own rule. I think I just let what other people think weigh in more than I should. 15 minutes ago, SweetieBot said: I can't speak to changing your last name because I've never done that and never had a problem with mine. Honestly, if I were changing my last name I would probably end up with the surname of one of my favourite book or tv characters, but I'm not sure I should advise that. Haha. Haha, I never even considered that actually. It isn't a bad idea really so long as one doesn't mind the association Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 This is a topic that I've been contemplating lately too. Different people have different approaches to name selection. But in any case, it has to make yourself feel good in the long run. My method may sound too cynical but I'll still talk about it in case someone finds it useful and in case it's not obvious. I approach personal names pretty much like ones of businesses. I.e. myself being a brand, I'd like my future name to both reflect my personal philosophy and elicit positive or desirable associations in the minds of my 'target audience' - the kind of people that I'd like to get closer to in the future. In particular, I'll be conscious of the cultural peculiarities of such people and of the reputations of famous people bearing a particular candidate name. Some names sound great in some cultures but very weird in others, and I find it important to avoid such inadvertent conflicts. However, I'll give higher priority to triggering certain positive vibes in the people of particular narrow subcultures, rather than making everyone happy. That said, I have barely any real-life environment right now, and it's easier to change online names when the cultural perception of it changes. IRL, I'll probably be requiring my future environment to get used to my frequent name changes, and I'll be de-emphasizing my passport name as much as possible, especially because I have only two options for the passport gender (M and F), neither of which satisfies me, so I'm not letting my passport data take over my identity anyway. Edit: also, there was some solid discussion of name selection principles in a 2015 thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I'm having trouble with choosing my name. i go by James, but I'm unsure of whether it really fits me or not. My kther names hat I've considered are Ross and Jeff. please help! I've been struggling with this for almost two years now! Link to post Share on other sites
Acing It Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 This will involve a bit or work but if you do research on your family tree you may find someone you really admire and chances are they have a different surname, so that could be a solution... Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 46 minutes ago, Cup-of-cake said: I'm having trouble with choosing my name. i go by James, but I'm unsure of whether it really fits me or not. My kther names hat I've considered are Ross and Jeff. please help! I've been struggling with this for almost two years now! Hi. Have you tried using each of these names, hearing others call you each one, to see how you feel about them? It's okay to choose one, then change your mind and pick a different one, later on. I've heard of transpeople doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Pocky Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 36 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said: Hi. Have you tried using each of these names, hearing others call you each one, to see how you feel about them? It's okay to choose one, then change your mind and pick a different one, later on. I've heard of transpeople doing that. Thanks so much! I've been writing short stories using those names to test them out. I've been doing some internal play by play ex: James is done with this and goes to bed. stupid, but it works (for some reason). Link to post Share on other sites
The_Reluctant_Dragon Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 My dead name is Kevin, I used to go by Quinn and then Traffic, but now I go by Art. Just search up long lists of names and see if you find one you like. Or watch ending movie credits to see if you found names you like. That’s how I found Art, while I was watching “What Would You Do?” Link to post Share on other sites
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