When Should Someone Bring Up their Gender?

[ItWasNiceKnowingYou]

I don't want to limit this to just sexual or romantic relationships... QPRs and friendships count too. Basically any type of relationship you've made with someone else you care about.

 

When did gender (if it ever has) come up in conversation? Were they okay with your gender identity? How did they feel about it (especially if it's a nonbinary gender identity)? Did it cause any issues?

 

I guess I ask because i like being in QPRs & getting "squishes" and what not, but i don't bring gender into the conversation often unless the other person asks. My squishes usually end up on nonbinary/androgynous/ female gender identifying individuals in the first place.... But i always think my gender identity will brle an issue (among other things), so I don't bother talking about it.

And i don't know how to bring it up.

 

Sorry i know this question has probably been asked a million times. Just thought stories & input would be nice

[AVEN #1 fan]

Well, I try to not speak about you with anyone, it always end up getting me uncomfortable but yeah if you look at me right now I look like a futch crossdresser and off course people notice it, what I find funny is that people don't question me or anything, but yeah they speak about it behind my back.

 

I only talk about my gender openly when I'm with friends who support human rights and feminism,  otherwise not.

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I think it varies on the topic, really I only brought it up recently after my former legal guardian said she was going o help me choose what to take with me to Yellowstone, i said "I'll be the one to decide what to bring with me, I will not bring anything to feminine as I'm androgyne, I'm in my late 20's, so I should decide for myself and not have you always trying to force me be what society wants"

Last weekend i brought up that I'm androgyne and surprisingly she seemed fine by it but still does not want to hear about me being asexual, I HATED having to dress like a female in school and when I was younger, I always felt exposed and vulnerable. 

I only recently became more open after I realized that I felt more comfortable here, I just have not really said it in person to anyone but one person. If I have to I will say it to others but I think that no one should know just out of the blue.

[arekathevampyre]

apparent when I tell my sis I am agender , my sis didn't care . But she kept asking "so you are not a guy or girl right ?" and i am like "yeah" . I dress in tees and jeans/guy joggers . But so far , I always blow my cover . People will call me "girl" . Though I use female pronouns , it doesn't mean I am female . However , if anyone asks me about my gender identity , sexual orientation , romantic orientation , I can hold a discussion provided no hate/stigma . But sometimes , I will get teased .

[Mezzo Forte]

Medical Transition complicates that discussion a bit.  My coming out process was pretty haphazard with plenty of people falling through the cracks, and I didn't really tell people until long after the physical changes were obvious. There's many a funny story from that stage of my life.

 

Before transition, I was very tight-lipped, and the few people who knew, I didn't really talk about it much with them. 

 

Nowadays, I've experimented with acting stealth around some people, but found that kind of exhausting, so I don't really make an effort to hide clues that I'm trans. I have mentioned it directly when something relevant came up, but only when I was in the mood to discuss it and felt confident that the person would react decently. 

 

I'm perceived male nearly 100% of the time now, so I don't have to explain my gender to be recognized for what I am. The only thing that isnt always obvious is that I'm trans, but I like that it's something I can choose to disclose at my own disgression. 

[Kelpie]

I once brought it up when some of my friends were making fun of a shirt (I don't know if you know it, but there's something along the lines of "There are more than two genders" written on it, but in the store where you can buy it the sizing options say male or female and they thought it was hilarious and I got kind of upset). I would bring it up everytime there is a gender-related discussion and I think I can contribute to it with my own experiences.

Other than that I never had anyone approaching me and asking me about my gender identity. That's the comfort with being female-bodied, you can wear clothes that are considered very masculine and still people will think you're just a regular old female. I don't want to bring it up more than neccessary either because most people don't understand it.

[Dodecahedron314]

I'm personally fairly out about it, and if it's relevant to a conversation I'll go ahead and mention it. I've never had any negative reactions to it, but I go to a fairly liberal university, and I have had people take that as a cue to segue into the Gender 101 conversation from that more than once, so there's that. At least that's how it often goes when I mention it to cis people, but a lot of my friends wind up being trans themselves, funny how that works.

[ChillaKilla]

17 hours ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

At least that's how it often goes when I mention it to cis people, but a lot of my friends wind up being trans themselves, funny how that works.

Birds of a feather  My friend group in middle school started as a bunch of straight girls and ended as:

(1) sapphic agender

(2) polyamorous pansexual genderflux

(3) bisexual aromantic nonbinary transgender transsexual (wow wonder who that could be? )

[Busrider]

Attempting to answer (which is hard since I have ultra limited understanding of gender(s)).

I would try to be gentle with the other side. - Probably they haven't ever heard the word that defines you before. + Gender diversity ignorance can still go along with a genuine interest in you and accepting you as a person.

In my usual life the outskirt of gender i.e. how folks want to express theirs and limit themselves for that reason, frequently interferes with practical stuff. At these points the gender issue could be introduced.

[Dodecahedron314]

3 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

Birds of a feather  My friend group in middle school started as a bunch of straight girls and ended as:

(1) sapphic agender

(2) polyamorous pansexual genderflux

(3) bisexual aromantic nonbinary transgender transsexual (wow wonder who that could be? )

Heh, something similar happened to me in high school--as far as everyone else knew, the three of us were all cis straight girls. By senior year, we had a triple-A (hmm.. ), a grayro ace trans guy, and a pan enby. Also, my college friend group consists of said triple-A plus a quoiro ace trans girl, a pan demi genderfluid person, another ace and possibly arospec enby, and a bi guy who is...somehow cis? Not quite sure how that happened.

[Guest]

I think you could bring it up with your partner if you would be in a QPR as it could be just something between you and your partner.I'm personally not out about it as i live in a christian enviroment and have to deal with transphobia on a daily base. I think that it's better to be safe then sorry. Only bring up gender when you feel comfortable with it.