LittleGoody2Shoes Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Do you ever feel like having a romantic partner would disrupt your life and you wouldn't be able to live to the fullest? Link to post Share on other sites
funfetti Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 YUP Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 I would have to change my schedule and it would throw me off balance. Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Hmmm....yes, I have. However my partner is very understanding, he knows I'm always keeping busy, knows I have goals in life that won't always include him and he both accepts this and relates. For example we live on different sides of the country, plan on going to different colleges, are pursuing different careers, but that doesn't change how we feel about one another. Together we work well. Link to post Share on other sites
NerotheReaper Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 It wouldn't throw my life out of balance, I would just adjust to ensure they are given the love and attention they need. Since I am more of a loner and don't do much outside from classes, I do my homework and then sleep. So if I was to be dating someone, I would want to make sure they are loved and cared for. I might need to change a few things in my life, but if the person is amazing then it is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 1 minute ago, ~Syl~ said: Hmmm....yes, I have. However my partner is very understanding, he knows I'm always keeping busy, knows I have goals in life that won't always include him and he both accepts this and relates. For example we live on different sides of the country, plan on going to different colleges, are pursuing different careers, but that doesn't change how we feel about one another. Together we work well. Sounds nice. I think someday when I get my life more complete than it is now I might try to have a relationship. Whoever they will be they would have to start out as friends because it takes me forever to trust. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 1 minute ago, NerotheReaper said: It wouldn't throw my life out of balance, I would just adjust to ensure they are given the love and attention they need. Since I am more of a loner and don't do much outside from classes, I do my homework and then sleep. So if I was to be dating someone, I would want to make sure they are loved and cared for. I might need to change a few things in my life, but if the person is amazing then it is worth it. I can see if they were really special it might be a good distraction to put them above everyday friends. Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 4 minutes ago, Karl said: Sounds nice. I think someday when I get my life more complete than it is now I might try to have a relationship. Whoever they will be they would have to start out as friends because it takes me forever to trust. Ah I completely understand. I had been friends with my partner for over a year before we got together. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 No. My partner is just another part of my life. I still have my own hobbies and friends. I accept he has his own group of friends and things he does that might not interest me. If anything, he's another person to do things with, things that my friends might not feel like doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 33 minutes ago, Karl said: Do you ever feel like having a romantic partner would disrupt your life and you wouldn't be able to live to the fullest? Yup! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 51 minutes ago, Karl said: Do you ever feel like having a romantic partner would disrupt your life and you wouldn't be able to live to the fullest? No. The trick is finding someone that enhances your life / adds to it, rather than detracts from it. If I want to go out and do things, I will. If I want to spend time with my partner, I will. They don't take anything from my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Visenya Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Yes, probably. I've never been in a relationship, but from what I've seen, I have a strong feeling that I'd feel suffocated. Sometimes I don't even have the emotional/social energy to deal with friends, let alone a boyfriend. Besides, there are certain aspects of a relationship that would probably make me feel resentful of the fact that I was born a woman (it probably has something to do with hating gender roles, among other things). I'm romantic, but since I was a child I couldn't imagine having a partner. All I've ever wanted was a small group of close friends (like in Seinfeld), so being in a relationship would feel a bit unnatural, as if it was never meant for people "like me" (whatever that means). The dynamic of it feels... uncomfortable. I'm terribly afraid of losing my identity and individuality. I've witness that happening to my friends so many times before, that it seems to be expected when you're in a relationship (yes, I know that #NotAllRelationships). However, in my mind, I'd still like to be in a relationship, which is very confusing. Maybe I just like the idea of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sylvastor Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I can't answer directly with a yes or no. Also, disclaimer, I've never been in one. But quite honestly, it would very very likely depend on the individual case, especially how much my boundaries are respected. I have a pretty chaotic schedule* and tend to be nocturnal a lot. I can be pretty distanced and I need my alone time every now and then too. So, it pretty much depends on how much the relationships enriches our life in contrast to what we'd have to compromise for each other. I would not consider it to disrupt life if it really feels good to be in that relationship and/or if it feels balanced out, which is pretty much the goal of one, isn't it? Enrich each others' life, not disrupt it. I would not exclude it would feel a bit weird at first, but this would probably apply to every case of (major?) life and routine changes. After a while, things will normalize. Besides that, @Kheîma, @~Syl~, @NerotheReaper and @borkfork already said most of what's important. *Yes, I have Aspergers and have a chaotic schedule. You've read it here first. You're welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 27 minutes ago, Kheîma said: No. The trick is finding someone that enhances your life / adds to it, rather than detracts from it. If I want to go out and do things, I will. If I want to spend time with my partner, I will. They don't take anything from my life. I agree with this. If they take away from your life, the relationship isn't healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Fox6 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 3 hours ago, Visenya said: Yes, probably. I've never been in a relationship, but from what I've seen, I have a strong feeling that I'd feel suffocated. Sometimes I don't even have the emotional/social energy to deal with friends, let alone a boyfriend. Besides, there are certain aspects of a relationship that would probably make me feel resentful of the fact that I was born a woman (it probably has something to do with hating gender roles, among other things). I'm romantic, but since I was a child I couldn't imagine having a partner. All I've ever wanted was a small group of close friends (like in Seinfeld), so being in a relationship would feel a bit unnatural, as if it was never meant for people "like me" (whatever that means). The dynamic of it feels... uncomfortable. I'm terribly afraid of losing my identity and individuality. I've witness that happening to my friends so many times before, that it seems to be expected when you're in a relationship (yes, I know that #NotAllRelationships). However, in my mind, I'd still like to be in a relationship, which is very confusing. Maybe I just like the idea of it. You should look for someone who is compatible with you and won't demand too much of your time. I, for example, am more-or-less on the same line as you. But there are probably way more people like us than you think, you are just getting the wrong idea from a noisy minority. Btw, everyone dreams of having a group of friends like in Seinfield or Friends, just like everyone wants superpowers. But that's just television. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorna81 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 5 hours ago, Karl said: Do you ever feel like having a romantic partner would disrupt your life and you wouldn't be able to live to the fullest? I've recently been through this. A really, really close friendship became more, but didn't work out as I felt too uncomfortable with sex and despite being in some kind of love (can't differentiate if it was platonic or romantic) am not very romantic either. It got to the point where the conflict between our asexuality/sexuality and my confusion about romance and his romanticism consumed my life - first it was me trying to force myself to be sexual and romantic then him holding off - and led to an awful lot of pain for both us. Very disruptive and very sad too that it didn't work out. I'm now certain I'll never get into any kind of relationship that is more than friendship again! Link to post Share on other sites
Visenya Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 1 hour ago, Fox6 said: You should look for someone who is compatible with you and won't demand too much of your time. I, for example, am more-or-less on the same line as you. But there are probably way more people like us than you think, you are just getting the wrong idea from a noisy minority. Btw, everyone dreams of having a group of friends like in Seinfield or Friends, just like everyone wants superpowers. But that's just television. I'm not so sure that it's a noisy minority, especially because, from what I've heard, there might be some cultural factors in play. Besides, finding another introvert is not very easy, since we don't usually go out and socialize. Now that I'm older, I don't know if I want a group of friends like in Seinfeld. They spend way too much time on Jerry's apartment. I couldn't deal with that. But seriously, I get a bit sad when I think about how hard it is to have close friends when you're old(er). I'm not into the idea of forcing myself to find a partner just because that's pretty much the only way to avoid loneliness. So I've decided that I'll become a crazy cat lady! At least that plan is a bit more realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 If it's disrupting you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it may just not be the right thing for you. Adjustments are okay (and they're necessary when one is trying to merge two separate lives to some extent), but it shouldn't feel like a burden or a sacrifice one would rather not make. Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Relationships increase stress and create brand new problems. Some people find that to be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Starscream Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I think being in a relationship does disrupt my life. From my own experiences, I've always felt like I wasn't getting enough space in my relationships. I tend to lose interest and get bored quickly, so I don't think I'd be anyone's ideal partner. My longest relationship lasted only 10 months, and it felt like the most agonizingly long relationship I'd ever been in. I had mixed feelings everyday, but then something happens that made it change for the better, and then the next day it was back to uninteresting and not enough time to myself. There was way too much up and down going on emotionally. So, yeah, I did eventually break it off, which was hard to do, because I didn't want to hurt feelings, but it had to be done. I wouldn't say it ended well, feelings were hurt on the other end, because they liked being with me more than I liked being with them. So, I guess being in a relationship doesn't work with me. So, I'm happy to be on my own in the relationship department, at least until someone can prove me wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 As an aro, a romantic relationship would be far too invasive and draining for me, but should I ever meet 'the one' perhaps it would not be. Considering 'the one' would be a vehicle I suspect it would be a different dynamic to the usual anyway, and I'm already very happy with my bromance with Clutch (Blitz will not entertain the idea of lots of cuddles :c) Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 It would for me. I like my time alone and have friends that nag enough that if I ever want to socialize the option is always there. I'm also busy with work. It doesn't feel like anything is missing from my life. As my friends peel off one by one the further we get into adulthood, I think my amount of active relationships of any variety will dwindle but even then I think I'd default to finding another friend rather than inviting someone into my bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloomy Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Yes. I highly value my solitude and independence. TBH sometimes I want to live in the middle of nowhere and work from home so I don't have to talk to anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Hermit Advocate Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Yes, I prefer lots of "me time" and I already struggle to get some in between work and school. My two previous relationship taught me that I wouldn't be able to get as much of it if I include a partner on top of my already busy life. It is one of the main reasons I had to break up with my ex, I was resenting him for imposing on my solitude. Link to post Share on other sites
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