Do people ever assume you are gay?

[OnaiWolf]

All the time! But that's to be expected when you walk down the street holding hands with someone of the same sex. Whenever it comes up I just politely tell them that I'm asexual and answer the questions that they usually have. Which is usually something along the lines of "If you are then why are you in a relationship with another guy?" And to that I typically remind them that sex and love aren't the same thing and that one does not require the other.

[Figment]

... glad to see I'm not the only one. Hahah.

 

I used to run the soundboard at my grandmother's church. I would bring guys in to hang out while I worked, but we would just talk or listen to the pastor. So, the entire congregation seemed to believe I was gay. I had no idea until my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about how "It's alright if you are, you have a very successful great-aunt who's a lesbian. She's in her 60s, has multiple master's degrees, has never had kids or been married. If you end up like her, that would be fine."

[faerie dude]

lol all the time, and it's really amusing especially when lesbians flirt with me and i don't realise a thing (i'm physically female)

[Kathleenah]

21 hours ago, Lorenientha said:

lol all the time, and it's really amusing especially when lesbians flirt with me and i don't realise a thing (i'm physically female)

a similar thing happened to me at a wedding a few years ago. The friend getting married is bisexual, and I reckon she thinks I am lesbian, never actually told her about my asexuality (in particular reason why, its just never come up). So I have a feeling she told her very out lesbian friend that I was too.

 

Cue my new friend all night, talking to me, following me about and wanting to hold hands and touch! I am the least touchy person in the world, but because I am shy I couldn't tell her to back off so I just put up with it 😅 

 

I dont know, maybe I give off vibes 😋

 

 

[Zsareph]

58 minutes ago, Kathleenah said:

a similar thing happened to me at a wedding a few years ago. The friend getting married is bisexual, and I reckon she thinks I am lesbian, never actually told her about my asexuality (in particular reason why, its just never come up). So I have a feeling she told her very out lesbian friend that I was too.

 

Cue my new friend all night, talking to me, following me about and wanting to hold hands and touch! I am the least touchy person in the world, but because I am shy I couldn't tell her to back off so I just put up with it 😅 

 

I dont know, maybe I give off vibes 😋

 

 

At my mum's wedding, I brought my heterosexual friend with me and one of my mum's friends thought we were in a gay relationship because we were "staying close to each other". Apparently when you bring a friend to an event where you're the only person you know it's obviously romantic to stick by them so they don't feel awkward? Unfortunately, this person was so drunk that she spent over an hour following us around and basically repeating "I don't care what you are, gay straight or whatever, I just want you to know that I want to support you blah blah blah" over and over, despite both my friend and I insisting that neither of us were actually gay. After a while it just became funny XD

[MiraMeyneth]

As a person who dislikes romance with both male and females, a lot of people tell me that they aren't sure what to call me, usually after I get roped into a conversation about sex/romance and people's preferences. I usually say I'm not interested and people look at me weirdly afterwards.

 

I have gotten the whole "You sure you aren't depressed? You should go to the doctor!" thing a few times, but I honestly don't care anymore.

[Amaretti]

As soon as I broke it off with my bf of 10 years, literally everyone at my job assumed I was gay.

[AJ Thompson]

I actually wish people did assume I was gay or at least bi.

 

Since I'm attractive by society's standards everyone just assumes I'm straight-at least I guess that's the reason. In fact I rather feel like finally asking my coworkers today why everyone assumes I am.

[Lemonsky]

My relatives might have their suspicions about something, or at least get some of those suspicions if I don't begin to show signs of having a romantic partner that is a man. That would be the ideal situation that they'd find out about me being gay by themselves though since even though I'm asexual, I do feel like I'm romantically interested in women.

[Bob.in.maine]

Almost too often.  If a guy hits on me and I pretend to not notice I must be hetero, and whenever a woman flirts and gets nowhere I must be gay.  It happened today at a job site when a woman who had been attempting to flirt with me brushed her arm against mine and I recoiled and tensed slightly at the unexpected contact.  Big surprise, me not liking to be randomly touched, right? 

 

We smiled at each other awkwardly, and went different ways, but not ten minutes later some dude came over to chat me up.   When his attempts went unnoticed as well they were both royally confused.  

[straightouttamordor]

Yes sometimes. Although I have been married twice. Once for 6 years, another for 15 years. I am masculine. I have a construction/maintenance type blue collar job. I love outdoorsy pursuits and I drink beer and wear wife beater shirts around the house. How gay is that ?

Don't misunderstand, please. Nothing against gay or lesbian people whatsoever !  

My opinion is that we live in such a hypersexual, sex obsessed culture that if you aren't taking 3 different women to pound town every month and you are single that you must be gay or broken or " touched" a southern euphemism that means mentally ill in a polite society way. Lot's of thinly veiled innuendo thrown my way sometimes. And peop!e have no qualms about asking you deeply personal or sexual questions right in public. It was unheard of in my grandparent's generation. 

And I've also noticed an another alarming trend. Some men, middle aged or even older take Erictle Dysfunction medication. However their wives who still want sex abhor the pills and insult the man and say he shouldn't need them because I'm all that or they have affairs with men 10 or even 20 years their junior. Even though the medication works well they lay off their husband, send him packing.

The same thing happens to women with health problems or the impossible standard of looking like a model actress waitress pole dancer well into her fifties or sixties. The woman is replaced by a young bimbo. Or he spends thousands at Dr. Build-A-Boob or Dr. Ratchet Face to transform her into his projection of the ideal woman.

All of it seems so dehumanizing. The gay witch hunts, the boner pill firings and the botox pin cushion faces.

[mari]

prib23 we were exchanging emails in private, one day you stop answer me, I asked many times if you rear me or not but you never answer.

i would like to know what happened. I'm Spanish speaker, my English isn't the best and maybe I say something bad.

im sorry to make this public, but as you didn't answer at least" i don't want to talk with you anymore because xxxxxx" i need to know if I did something wrong or whatever. Sorry and thanks 

[sir octepus tea]

most people probably assume that I´m straight. though I rarely talk about things like" oh that kind of person is my type" or "that person is really attractive". so if the topic comes up, and someone knows about asexuality they would notice my silence (or maybe not) and hopefully make a right assumption.

 

[kevinnzcd]

My sister is firmly convinced I am gay and always has.  She is very anti-gay and the fact that I don't care what sexuality a person is only serves to re-enforce my 'gayness' to her.  Every single guy I know also thinks I am gay, but no women I know think this.  I find that rather odd in a way

[Alexandmb]

Some people say I'm gay (men mostly) because I have no interest in having a relationship but I don't mind. 

[Mitoplasm_Cytocondria]

 

I actually thought I was gay, at first. I wasn't having any attraction towards males, so maybe I was gay and didn't know it? 

I literally tried to find females attractive

cough

it didn't work

 

[Rhaenys]

Only one person assumed that and it was my brother. Most of the time ppl just assume I'm too busy with Uni.

[J. van Deijck]

so I've recently heard that "a boy in a corset must be gay", and well... in my case they were even right

[Digs_Dead_People]

All of the time and I'm homoromantic (I've a female body and am romantically attracted to women) so they're not wrong.

[CandiedSkull]

Sometimes. Basically if it's someone I have talked to on a semi-regular basis (like 3-4 times a week) for at least several months they just know I'm not quite straight. I'm one of those that is just a "mystery."

Quite a bit confusion occurred in high school when I wasn't quite sure myself of what I was despite expressing frequently disinterest in sex. My school even had quite the large LGBT+ community, so I even confused several lesbian and pansexual acquaintances of mine. People who knew me assumed I was in a relationship with a very close friend of mine (a guy) and when I said I wasn't typically assumed I was gay or at least bi. In college, it matters less.

I was such a mystery that said close guy friend said he wouldn't be surprised if I actually turned out to be male or a lesbian. Either would have less surprising for him than being within the asexuality spectrum.

[null-]

null

 

[ChickenPadSeeEew]

No, but I think they assume I'm bi/pansexual, or 'something' (I probably am bi/panromantic). I'm married to a guy and am forever sharing posts on lgbtiqa+ rights with a passion that seems highly personal (because it is). I've had some people skirt around the subject with me and admit to their own occasional doubts, and almost linger with a question in their voice, hoping I'll satisfy their curiosity. But I don't come out to just anyone. 😅😅😅

[Guest]

I used to own a purple American Apparel hoodie. 

 

For some reason, that seemed to make a lot of people (including total strangers) think I was gay. It made absolutely no sense. 

 

It was years ago, but now I really want another one...such a nice hoodie! 

[Member5732]

On 2/4/2017 at 3:55 PM, Sherlocks said:

Some, in fact, have gotten angry with me for being "Gay" even though no one bothered to confirm it. Everyone just accepted it as a fact. 

Friends and family, I had to deal with all. Many people around me still don't know about me being an aro-asexual. And they happen to assume that I'm gay. It's just like you said, they just accepted it as fact. And some even got angry as you said and these situations show how immature and unreal people can be.

[Gay Auntie-Asexy]

Yes. People think that because I don't show any romantic feelings and have no obvious sexual attraction to people i'm automatically gay. Which i can kind of understand but i rarely have crushes..idk may be gray romantic but i'm really fucking in to people. not really into fucking people.(nerdy laugh) It can be annoying after a while but they just don't understand asexuality and aromanticity

[Irion]

It's happened to me too with my parents when I was a teenager. Somehow it really hurt. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay (I might be homo- or biromantic), it's just how they jump to conclusions. 

[bennes1]

No

[Someone Else]

No one as far as I know has assumed I'm gay or pestered me about not dating.  I think they just assume I'm a failure with women, which I guess isn't 100 percent wrong. 

[words are futile devices]

I think my mom's entire side of the family has had suspicions about me for the past few years, ha. It's like... you come out as asexual, and people for some reason automatically think 'gay!' At least, that's sort of been my experience. In all seriousness, I believe there is a good number who aren't aware of, or simply refuse to recognize, any alternatives to the two "main" sexualities. If you're not straight, then you're gay. Which is a very black-and-white (and insanely ignorant) viewpoint, of course. 

 

Also, on Valentine's Day this year I posted a picture on Instagram.. this silhouette drawing of Ramona from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World with the caption "I'm in lesbians with you" (a quote from the movie) and this unintentionally caused several of my friends to think I was a lesbian. I was just trying to be cute.  

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

All the time...mainly because I dress neutrally and have a shaved head. I say nothing unless anyone asks specifically, then I educate. My shaved head is more to do with a Buddhist past than a sexuality!