I'm Not Sure...

[jessaminnie]

Hello there!! My name is Jessamine and I stumbled across this site because I was googling about attraction and this forum popped up.

I'm honestly not sure if i'm considered asexual or not. Basically, I am attracted to the opposite gender but it's rare. I can look at photos of what others would consider attractive and It does nothing for me at all. My friends think I have high standards but honestly I don't have a preference for looks just don't be a crappy person. I feel bad because it's not because i'm rude it's just no attraction for me. BUT I do develop crushes and physical attraction but it's once again rare. Also I don't really think about myself having sex but I do get aroused. I don't mind a relationship but I have to develop a friendship first. Kissing and cuddling, romance is fine but I have to REALLY be into them physically and mentally or else I would be uncomfortable with the whole thing.

Is this anything at all related to asexuality or on the spectrum of or it's just my standards?

Thanks!

[Deebee]

Hey Jess! While I'm far from an expert, I'll try throwing in my little opinion. I think what you're talking about there is definitely related. I know of plenty of asexuals who experience the things you listed there - what's more, one of the more profound aspects of my own asexuality is looking at the relationship goings on of everyone around me, feeling attracted to one another and such things, and just not really getting it, if that makes sense. To me that sounds a bit like what you're describing there, so yes, it definitely rings a bell in my case!

[One Winged Angel]

All I can suggest is to read up on the Asexual spectrum including Grey-A and Demisexuality, in order to understand more.

It is difficult from what you have written to say if your feelings are related to this spectrum or not, but even so, they are only words which describe how we feel, and if using one of them brings you comfort, it doesn't matter if you don't tick every box or feel it describes you 100%.

Asexuality in it's broadest sense is a lack of 'sexual attraction', or in other words, a lack of desire for sex or sexual activities. An Asexual person may or may not find people aesthetically attractive, and may or may not want a relationship. The key is the lack of desire for sex, the idea that you do not feel any interest, no 'pull' towards sexual activities with a partner.

Check out the forums and read up on some of the different terms and areas of research, and see how you feel!

[Stargirl97]

Kinda sounds like demisexuality to me, of course it could be full on asexuality. Arousal only matters if it's because of a person, not just your body sending random messages to your brain. It's just if you are sexually attracted to someone and think "Whoa that person is hot I want to be have sex with them." or something along those lines. It gets complicated but that's the gist of it. If you don't get that way, then you're asexual or maybe demisexual. Hope that helps. :)

[Guest]

Not aII sexuaI peopIe Iook at peopIe and want to have sex with them based on their appearance, just to be cIear (that's an oft perpetuated AVEN myth) ..Many sexuaI peopIe reaIIy don't care that much at aII about appearance, and instead notice personaIity and mannerisms etc. They don't aIso aII just 'automaticaIIy' want sex with peopIe. Some (many) have to get to know someone first and deveIop some kind of bond(often romantic) with them before they can activeIy want to actuaIIy have sex with that person. AIso, for many women especiaIIy, they need to be cIose emotionaIIy to that person, trust them, AND engage in adequate forepIay before they can activeIy want to have (and enjoy) sex.