Demisexual

[Cinnamon Biscuit]

For those who are Demi, looking back where there some signs that you were demisexual before you intellectually knew for sure? Like how you related to people, your hopes for relationships, fiction you liked, etc. Signs you only recognize in retrospect or talking with other Demis.

[Philip027]

Demiromantic, not necessarily demisexual (although I could be, I really don't know for sure what to call it) but

For me, I knew there was a difference in how I felt when I realized people could crush on (or even just recognize the attractiveness of) other people they didn't even really know, and that this was actually a regular sort of occurrence. Not only has that not ever happened to me, I couldn't ever see it happening.

[Rising Sun]

No, no signs in general. I just was like an aromantic asexual. However I noticed a shift in my personality since I started taking a hormonal treatment and I'm pretty sure that it changed my capacity to feel attracted to people (I was 21 years old when I started taking the treatment), so I think I shifted from aromantic asexual to demiromantic demisexual.

[FraGoLaris]

Asexual Demiromantic here I have never been sexually atracted to anyone so I was pretty confused about what I was for a verry long time.

when I first discoverd the term asexual I thot that's it I know who I am tho there was allway's this feeling that I had a glimmer of atraction whenever I became close friends with somone tho I never explored this properly.

that's somthing I am trying to change now tho it might be to late I am just way to sosialy aquard now.

and for all I know demiromantic might just be a dream of mine that I so desperatly hold on to in the hopes that my dream of not being forever alone wont come true.

[Star Bit]

There are no signs; there is no way to know someone is demi prior to it simply happening for the first time or adding up one's crush/lust history.

[Philip027]

There are no signs; there is no way to know someone is demi prior to it simply happening for the first time or adding up one's crush/lust history.

I was quite aware of my demiromanticism before I ever actually crushed on anyone. I just never had a name for it back then.

[fresetu]

Sure. Others: "She's hot! I'd love to sleep with her!" ; Me (thought process): "She's good looking, yes, but I wouldn't jump into a bed with her just because of that".

Sure, such comments may have been nothing more than exaggerated fantasies, but for me that is a fantasy I'm, to this day, still not very comfortable having.

Before actually knowing the term demisexual, I just thought I was "weird".

[WhenSummersGone]

Growing up I just never thought about sex, even when other kids started talking about it and guys online asked if I was interested. Taking a closer look later I realized I only was interested after knowing a person for quite some time.

[Delphic Oracle]

I always tended to "move slow" in terms of sexual behavior in relationships and found the emotional and physical components basically impossible to separate. This tended to make me more selective about who I would get involved with and result in long 'droughts' of being single for extended periods of time. I unfortunately tried to follow the 'wisdom' of my generational peers that seems to be common "get out there, have experiences, no commitments." Simply put, having a casual fling with someone has never been a net positive for me, it has always seemed to trigger a rather toxic emotional backlash in the aftermath.

I also notice that I don't pick up on innuendo very easily (even though other subtle humors like satire and sarcasm are my forte'). I have lots of friends who turn benign statements into sexualized ones, but never seem to engage in this form of 'wit' myself. In fact, once the risque humor starts flying around a lot I go from just being a little left out to downright irritated by it (it always feels like it turns into a competition for who can push the boundaries the furthest, who is the most 'daring').

I also notice the kinds of complements I give are mostly about personal accomplishments and encouragement to complete goals, etc. A bit less common would be acknowledgment of physical beauty, but when it comes to specifically sexualized flattery, I just "don't get it" at all.

[Salted Karamel]

Many. But none that I feel up to sharing at the moment.

[Cinnamon Biscuit]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment :)

[VonDayk]

Comment by Delphic Oracle above describes me to the letter - the humor and the compliments parts are right on target!

One thing I would be super-interested to know if this predisposition is cultural/learned or has a genetic component with or without a behavioral trigger in childhood (I have always had it since I remember). I would really like to know this and I wonder has some biological adaptive benefits - like "cool-headedness" when making smart mate selection, focusing on survival in situation of scarce resources, being a more focused parent, etc.

I think the most striking thing I can connect to it from adolescence is that I didn't really want to leave adolescence. I have hard of Peter Pan syndrome where you want to stay a child etc. but in my case I always wanted to stay in the "very young adult" range, namely 12-15, when you sort of understand life and know quite well what sex and attraction is supposed to be (whereas sexuals may even have experience of it) is but you don't have to conform and act out sexually in society like true grown-ups do. I was a fan of Tolkien, Jules Vernes, Terry Pratchett's books for young adults and all kinds of books about young adults at this age having adventures. Interestingly I was quite drawn to minimally romantic interaction between boys and girls in these works, as sort of close friendship and bonding but never any sexual, bodily intimacy or even innuendos. Like when I was 12-14 a movie with 12-14 year old boy and a girl kissing seemed gross, but one with them sharing adventures was very appealing. Think of Harry Potter, Hermione and Ron in books 3-4, but when later Hermione fell for Ron and started kissing him, eww.

Of course things have progressed a lot since then, but not necessarily in the direction that sexuals would expect. I think not having a strong attraction to physical bodies actually frees a whole new realm where you can apply attraction to others in more abstract and non-material ways. In fact, I see the current technological trends going in the direction where these sort of abstract body-less relationships will take up more and more of our time (think Facebook with virtual reality, some sort of thought/experience sharing and without so many cats). I wonder if in that situation all of us who have so many boundaries about acting and even thinking sexually will actually be able to relate to each other much better based on these boundaries, than run-of-the-mill sexuals whose hard boundaries are made (I cynically overstate it) by whom and how often they can lay their hands on. In a world where we are so much connected exploring aspects of each other more intimate and interesting than our bodies may just make us fit a little bit better.

[EmsanQ]

I realise a lot of things in hindsight ^^

When people started to get to the age where they had crushes (beyond the short-lived flings of the early school years, which everyone seemed to have and that never lasted more than a couple of days) I started to feel a bit left out, I suppose.
I had this friend, and she has a weak spot for guys with blonde-ish hair and green eyes, and a square facial structure, and the moment she got into the age where she started to develop serious crushes you'd notice that trend.
Always boys. Always a slightly similar appearance.
I noticed that when she gushed about them she wouldn't talk much about their personality, but focus more on "oh his eyes!" and "oh, his hair!" and whatever.
I think I started to feel a bit lost around then.

When we got a bit older, people would start talking about what their "type" was, always in dreamy voices.
They'd say "Maybe he would have chocolate brown eyes and dimples" and sigh happily and smile.
And I... Didn't. When I thought about my type it was entirely focused on the personality of the person. I couldn't even really fathom what the person would look like, I just had this vague idea of a person.
Kinda Neville-ish, I suppose. The type of person I had in mind, that is. But not in appearance. To be honest I always envisioned it as a grey, human-shaped blob. That's super weird, I know, but it's the only image I can conjure up in my mind.
So I made up what the guy would look like. I basically said my dream guy was a male version of myself, because I really had no clue but I figured a male version of myself and I would be compatible, so I stole my own looks and converted it into a boys and said that was what I wanted.

When I got a bit older than that I used to say I was bisexual.
Not because I was ever attracted to anyone (at least not until a couple of years later, and that was only once because duh) but since I didn't feel any particularly strong draw towards anyone I just sort of assumed bisexual meant "I don't really care as long as they're nice" and rolled with it.It felt wrong, inherently, as if I knew that wasn't what I was, but I didn't know what else to go with.
Obviously that fell into pieces the moment I first experienced attraction but that's life sometimes.

Either way, yeah. Looking back at it, it's pretty funny.
I also remember having some really ace moments. Like one time a guy said: "Well you'll have to be with someone at some point" and I said "Nah, if I want a kid I could just clone myself and not even deal with anyone else."
There's a lot of little pointing arrows in my past that I didn't recognize until I found my label.