Frozen Fairy Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Hi guys. I have been questioning my sexuality a lot recently. I'm confused as to whether I'm ace, demi, or just straight with a fear of sex and arousal. I've never looked at someone and thought, 'I would', and I can't remember if I've been attracted to my partners before. When I did try to have sex with my ex boyfriend about 5 years ago I hated it. I do get turned on but sometimes it kind of grosses me out. The feeling just doesn't feel right with me. Am I ace, demi, or just scared? FF x Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I believe there are repulsed asexuals and indifferent ones (like myself). If something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't right. - The big open question: "why?" I'm pretty limited with partners too. - For example I was so far unable to masturbate under their (or anybody else's) eyes. - It simply feels wrong to me. Wrong timing and such made me think about asexuality when a relationshiop ended and in a next attempt I wasn't comfortable taking, needed strong reassurance I was giving to function. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Asexuality isn't about lacking the ability to look at someone and wanting to sleep with them, because this is something that happens very rarely to sexual people. Sexual people have an innate desire to engage in partnered sexual activity, so if you're lacking this, the urge to share your sexuality with someone, then you could well be asexual. Like busrider said, there are a lot of asexuals who are also repulsed by sex, and that's totally fine, but how you identify is completely up to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Velma Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 @busrider -- I believe your problem with masturbation is this. You don't do it under people's eyes. That's not how it works! That sounds terribly painful. How do you even get back there? With a spoon? A melon baller? No.. don't tell me. But if you think that's something people would find sexually arousing, well, then thank god you're asexual. (Sorry. Not helpful to the conversation, but when I read "under people's eyes," my first reaction was.. WHAT? And then I laughed and felt compelled to share.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Ooops, sorry for crossing you & myself out with that Velma. - Darn 2nd language here :( Back to OP: I can't answer your last question "Am I ace, demi, or just scared?" - Anyhow you are welcome on AVEN and if you are seriously worried about a fear of arousal: Maybe ponder seeing a therapist, in case you feel urges to perform sexually. - OTOH: whats the hairsplitting good for at all? - "Asexuality" might have been heard of, but its a term I don't dare to drop in any converstion outside AVEN. - Although I joined a while ago, I have no clue what "demi" might mean exactly. "I am somewhere in the asexual spectrum", or similar is a fair enough warning I'd give to potential partners before things get serious(ly dissapointing for them). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Velma Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I'm a teaser, busrider. I have family members who were war refugees who speak and write English more than fluently, but every now and then they make an oopsie. And you didn't really make one. I actually just thought you worded it that way to sound literary and poetic. I liked it, honestly. But I also have a twisted sense of humor that is near the level of Beavis and Butthead and I have to let it out sometimes. Don't take me too seriously. As for what you post here and with just about every post I've seen of yours, I thank you for saying something that's exactly what I wished to express. Only you manage to do it with 100 words or less and I need to write a novel. My main contribution to this thread is to point to your post and say, "me too!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Morning Glory Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 It has already been mentioned before... But it's not up to anyone to decide what your sexuality is. That task is for you and only you to decide. But I imagine you are looking for opinions and other viewpoints; so, I shall share mine. From what you've said it sounds like you might be asexual. The simple definition of asexuality is: "lacking a sexual attraction towards others." And if you can't recall even being attracted to your previous partners then it's possible that you fall on the ace spectrum somewhere. You could be a gray-a, a Demi or an ace. It all stems on how you feel. The act of having sex or engaging in any sexual activities does not necessarily define your sexuality, though the two will usually go hand in hand. If you are sexually attracted to others, then you could simply be sex repulsed or sex negative, but if you aren't sexually attracted to others then you could be an ace who is sex repulsed or sex negative. Another thing to remember: try not to worry too much about labels. Granted it feels amazing to know these parts about you, but that doesn't mean they define who you are; this is not as important as your happiness. It is important to do what feels best for you. So if you feel most comfortable identifying as asexual, then go for it! It doesn't have to be set in stone either. Sexuality has been know to be fluid and to change; you can identify as an ace now but in a few years that could change and that is perfectly fine. My suggestion is to make time for yourself. Relax and enjoy yourself, then when you feel ready start to look at situations whether past or hypothetical, and question everything. Ask yourself "why", and think about what makes you comfortable and happy. You search for those answers and you might find what you were looking for. Best of luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace_Kat Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 If you have absolutely no and lack of sexual attraction towards anyone, then you are ace. You are a demisexual when you feel sexual attraction towards someone you formed emotional bond with. If you are only attracted to the opposite sex, then you are heterosexual. I hope this helps you figure out what identity you fit with. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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