Neon Elysium Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Hello Everybody! I just wanted to say hi, introduce myself and give my own asexual story. This is a little weird for me because this is the first time I'm admitting I'm asexual (sounds so foreign lol). So, for me, I just came to the conclusion I am asexual and I've only just seriously began to consider the possibilty about a month ago. Over the past year, I have been researching different types of sexuality, and gender identities because my friend is gay and I wanted to understand what he might be going through. He is also very much into drag queens which I knew nothing about. I had also been questioning my own sexual orientation because I am 26 years old and I have never gone on a date, or initiated any relationship of the sort. I wanted to know if I myself was gay, or bi, or anything at all! So I think by chance, I bought a book called 'The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality" by Julie Decker. I bought the book as research, but I soon realized that the scenarios that were illustrated in the book eerily echoed my own thoughts about sex and relationships. The book mentioned this site, which I promptly came onto to view the forums and found many people's scenarios which I found a kindred spirit. It is so good to know there are people like me in the world. Now I must admit, I knew of asexuality when I was in high school, but I did not consider it for myself for very selfish and misguided reasons. I knew one person who labeled himself asexual, but this particular person was very confrontational to my friend, so I did not waste any thoughts on him. But I am sad to say when I did hear he was asexual I asked if that meant he had sex with himself (such as a sponge). I know that is a very bad thing to do now, and it will never happen again. My next encounter with asexuality was from my sister (who I have a very strained relationship with). She mentioned asexuality to me but explained it in a very poor way as "people who get off by not getting off". This didn't make sense to me because in my mind these people would be holding hands and getting orgasms. But thank God I bought that book and all my misconceptions were cleared up. Of course I doubted very much if I was truly asexual. Just because you didn't have a date doesn't mean you wouldn't like a date. I thought I was straight because (as someone on the forums explained it) I had a libido and I wanted a relationship, and I thought that I had never had a relationship because I was undesirable (I was extremely obese in high school). But I lost weight and went through college and there were instances where men were flirting with me, but I was still not interested. I had crushes on guys in college, but in retrospect, that is not the same as sexual attraction. In fact, I cared much more about getting my school work done than going on dates. I am also an artist, so I am very attracted to beauty. I love looking at the human form because to me its very beautiful, and I confused this with sexual attraction. Just because I can appreciate a six pack doesn't mean I want it rubbed on me. So my whole life I was never really interested in dating or sex, I (like many of you) thought I should have been because thats what the media and everyone around me was doing. I was always questioning why people were so obsessed over sex, it was everywhere! I thought it was all marketing and real people really weren't that interested, so I convinced myself that people who did go on frequent dates and had sex often were simply brainwashed by the media. Turns out I was the only one who thought that way all along. But it is kind of a relief to me that there is a word to describe myself, and that I am not the only one in the world with the same feelings. I am still not 100% sure I am truly asexual, but I have only been open to it for about a month. And everything that describes an asexual describes me, so I really have no reason to doubt. So thank you very much for allowing me this space to "come out" if you will. No one in my life knows I'm asexual yet, and I'm not sure they will know for awhile. But I have all you for company! Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Ay, welcome to AVEN. Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Hello and welcome! I am very very glad that you found that book, and even more happy that you have come to terms with your asexuality. Perhaps someday soon, or someday in the future, you will feel comfortable enough to tell your friends and/or family about your orientation, but until then, as you said, you have those of us here on AVEN to talk to. Most of the folks on here can relate, and those who are more Ally than ace can offer their support, too. It's a good place. :) Also, just as a note: you are not the only one who has thought something "foolish" about asexuality in the past. :) When I was around ten years old and heard of plants being asexual I identified as, well, asexual . . . and didn't realize that I actually was asexual. When I first heard of the orientation, I remember thinking, "Well, I guess I'm somewhat close, but I want to be in a relationship, so that can't be right." Fail. Again, welcome to the place! Link to post Share on other sites
Fukusū Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Welcome to the forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Hi and welcome to AVEN! Glad you made your way here and I hope you enjoy being part of the community. The members are friendly and supportive, so don't hesitate to join in the conversations! :) Thanks for the awesome intro...it's interesting how people find their way here. Link to post Share on other sites
Atrytone Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Hello, welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
kelico Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Welcome to AVEN! Thank you for sharing your story with us!! I'm glad that you joined this awesome community. : ) Learning is a great thing...and when you learn something about yourself along the way, that is fantastic! I hope to read that book some time. Keep exploring the site, and ask questions if you have any! Best wishes, and I hope you enjoy being a member~ Link to post Share on other sites
K!m Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Hey, welcome to AVEN! Glad your orientation is at least a little clearer now. I love Interstella 5555 btw! ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
lina-gray Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 welcome to AVEN! thank you for introducing yourself and sure you will enjoy being member of this supportive community, so have fun with your new friends!! Link to post Share on other sites
marauders Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Hello, and welcome to AVEN!! :cake: I think a lot of us can relate to having an incredibly misguided idea of what asexuality was before learning the real definition, so don't feel bad that you didn't really understand it before you bought the book. Even when people know about asexuality, there is so much misinformation out there, so it's a very easy mistake to make. I'm glad you stumbled across this site though and were able to finally gain a true understanding of asexuality. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us, and I hope that you enjoy being a member of our asexual community! :) Link to post Share on other sites
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