Am I Really Asexual?

[riot]

Okay, so a few weeks ago, I really thought I was a normal heterosexual. I mean, I thought it was normal to just daydream about cuddling and kissing and be repulsed by sex. My friends were and are never open to their sexual thoughts and desires so I assumed it was normal to hate the idea of sex with a specific person.

Lately I've spent a lot of time on AVEN and discovered I am asexual.

This is where the question comes in. Am I really asexual if I didn't feel anything different about me? People here say that they discovered they were asexual because they felt something different within them. I didn't. So am I really asexual?

And another thing. I've tried (TMI TMI TMI) masturbating and I can say it felt good. But the act itself repulsed me. Is that a part of being asexual, or is that a normal thing?

Also, what is up with AVEN and cake?

[Perfectly Pointless]

For starters, welcome to AVEN!

The first thing I'll say is that here on AVEN we can't tell you whether you are an asexual or not. There is no exact, model asexual that everyone strives to be, and like everything else in life, everyone here is different.

Asexuality is about sexual attraction to others. So it's not about how you feel towards the subject about sex, or your desire to do the do or your sex drive or anything like that. It's just about whether you find others sexually attractive.

Of course, there are sex-repulsed asexuals, like myself, but there are also a lot of sex-neutral (indifferent) and sex-positive asexuals out there, too.

And usually, there isn't any life-changing epiphany or realization that comes with discovering asexuality. I'm pretty much the same as what I was before. When I discovered I was asexual I wasn't like "Wow, I feel like a whole new person!" it was more like: "Oh, I can relate to this. That's cool. I think I'll use this to identify myself with."

So to answer those questions, no, not feeling any different after you identify as asexual doesn't make you any less of an asexual.

In fact, I would say that realising that you could be or are asexual shouldn't change who you are or how you feel as a person. It's only a small part of who you are. I wouldn't worry about what other people say. Nothing is 'supposed to happen' because everyone's experience is different. That's what everyone on AVEN is here for, to help others to make their experiences best for them as people, and to share their experiences with others so we can see just how different everyone really is.

As for the question about masturbation, that doesn't hinder with your asexuality either. A neat little phrase I heard somewhere was "It's about attraction, not action." So finding masturbation pleasurable is not making you any less asexual either. The act of masturbation can repulse some people too, in fact I have pretty much the same view. While it feels good, I find myself pretty grossed out by the actual act itself. It's pretty common for asexuals (especially sex-repulsed asexuals) to feel this way.

Stick around for a while and you'll find people you can relate to, who have had a similar experience to you. In fact, mine sounds very similar to yours, with thinking that being repulsed to sex is a normal thing.

And the cake? Well, it's better than sex, is it not? ;)

(Sorry for this huge reply but I hope it helps)

[AVEN #1 fan]

Cake is better than sex, :3 it's our logo, anyway u seen like an apothisexual to me, I'm an apothisexual also, apothisexuals are asexuals whom are repulsed by sex, however it doesn't mean we don't enjoy masturbation and having desires, we just don't feel desires for anyone and we are averse to sex. Maybe u always knew u were different, u didn't need to make an long research to question urself, u just didn't know the term, like many asexuals here. :)

[m4rble]

I don't think you've had to have felt something was different about you to be asexual, especially if you didn't have a lot of knowledge about asexuality and (allo)sexuality.From what I've read being asexual is about not desiring partnered sex, so being repulsed by it doesn't affect your asexuality, although many other asexuals are also repulsed by it.

[riot]

Thanks guys, really helped. I'm now gonna start looking for a black ring that would suit me.

[Perfectly Pointless]

Thanks guys, really helped. I'm now gonna start looking for a black ring that would suit me.

Heh, good on you! I actually just got mine today. I was super excited and it looks real snazzy. Good luck trying to find one!

[Star Bit]

This is where the question comes in. Am I really asexual if I didn't feel anything different about me? People here say that they discovered they were asexual because they felt something different within them. I didn't. So am I really asexual?

And another thing. I've tried (TMI TMI TMI) masturbating and I can say it felt good. But the act itself repulsed me. Is that a part of being asexual, or is that a normal thing?

While i support most of what Perfectly Pointless said, the definition at the top is not so accurate and many disagree with it. Sexual attraction and sexual desire are different, so with the above definition someone can completely desire sex for non-sexual attraction reasons and technically be asexual. An asexual should be worded as "someone who does not innately desire sex with anyone." And sex-drive obviously refers to (partnered) sex; unless you're one of the few people who consider masturbation to be sex, but libido refers to sex and or masturbation.

And not everyone realizes they're different. I used to think i was just a late bloomer; even past the age of 18. I was physically so why not mentally? But nope, it never developed. -_- Nor did i grow any taller; I'm still short lol. Being masturbation repulsed isn't the norm, nor a sign of asexuality, but i have heard of asexuals feeling repulsed or disgusted afterward; so you may not be the norm but you're not odd. If you don't desire to masturbate then there is the detail of non-libidoist; though it's not required and idk why people feel the need to add it in with their orientation here, but some do.

I suggest this thread.

[SkyWorld]

Okay, so a few weeks ago, I really thought I was a normal heterosexual. I mean, I thought it was normal to just daydream about cuddling and kissing and be repulsed by sex. My friends were and are never open to their sexual thoughts and desires so I assumed it was normal to hate the idea of sex with a specific person.

Lately I've spent a lot of time on AVEN and discovered I am asexual.

This is where the question comes in. Am I really asexual if I didn't feel anything different about me? People here say that they discovered they were asexual because they felt something different within them. I didn't. So am I really asexual?

And another thing. I've tried (TMI TMI TMI) masturbating and I can say it felt good. But the act itself repulsed me. Is that a part of being asexual, or is that a normal thing?

Also, what is up with AVEN and cake?

There are some people who felt like they were different when it comes to asexuality. I'm probably in the minority here because i didn't think I was different at all. Which probably plays a part in why it was personally hard for me to accept my asexuality because I actually thought that I was in the majority.

Some asexuals masturbate and some don't, some have a libido and some don't.

Cake is an old joke that cake is better than sex. Also a traditional way to greet new members. Here's a fun story about cake.

I also recommend taking a look at this thread, as it may help with any other questions you have.

[Frigid Pink]

I define "asexuality" as "no desire for partnered sex." Other possible definitions are "an enduring lack of sexual desire for others" as well as "an enduring lack of sexual inclinations/feelings towards others." Basically, an "asexual" person isn't drawn towards sexual interaction with others. Beyond that, it varies from person to person, regardless of sexual orientation. Many people seem to inaccurately equate "asexuality" with things that have more to do with personality traits (such as introversion) or general interests and preferences (such as aversion to touch or dislike of kisses), which even "sexual" people can have and share (some "sexual" people don't like to hold hands or don't have "sex dreams" and so on). Ultimately, I think it's okay to be whatever sexuality we happen to be and I embrace any attitude that helps people love and accept themselves for who they are with whatever preferences they have and whatever lifestyle brings them happiness (as long as it's "Safe, Sane, and Consensual," of course).

As far as cake goes, I view it as a symbol of celebration (not necessarily the "cake is better than sex" joke) since there's usually cake at celebrations. Discovered your (a)sexuality? YAY! Let's celebrate ... with cake!

[Ace_Kat]

I think what you felt before discovering the term asexuality is perfectly fine :D I'm glad you found the term to describe what you are feeling. Some asexuals like to masturbate and some don't, it's your choice. Here is a link to read about the cake: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Cake