Displaced

[aawhystine]

I am asexual, aromantic, and touch averse. Which pretty much means I feel out of place on all fronts. I've often wished I felt more normal, wished I understood some of the things that people seemed to think was so all fired important. God, the whole thing about love and stuff making life worth living about makes me want to crawl up a wall, and the idea of anyone wanting to date me has been known to send me into a panic attack.

I've never dated in my life, and though I am 30, I only recently realized I am asexual, and only told someone for the first time a few weeks ago. I always told myself self that I was too busy with studies, or my work schedule got in they way (I worked second shift, and it got in the way of a lot of activities I wished I could participate in). And the idea of being a virgin still has always been a touchy subject for me, especially since people have become so very open with their sexuality in modern society.

Not that open about sexuality translates to accepting of asexuality. God, the amount of times people have tried to set me up on dates, asked when I would get married or have kids, or flat out told me I shouldn't be happy being single.

Even before I realized there was such a thing as aromantic, which a fellow asexual I work with told me about, I'd always accepted that I was a loner, that I was no good at relationships. I never saw the appeal. Couldn't understand wanting that. I always told myself that if I met the right person, maybe...

Now, realizing the sheer degree of my otherness, with a new job, new apartment, new city, I feel displaced, no anchors left at all. I'm hoping that a local LGBTQ group will accept me, but I've read that many times they aren't as accepting of aces as one would hope. I'm hoping that, come November, I can make friends in the NaNoWriMo community like I did in my old city. I'm hoping...

[CMV]

Hello And Welcome To AVEN! One thing I can definitely say, there's absolutely

nothing wrong with being single.And you are most definitely welcomed to AVEN!

Hope you enjoy being on AVEN!

[Breathing....]

Hi, Welcome, I don't know how to add pics to messages but here's some cake if it'll allow it

I'm a bit like yourself late to the knowledge of asexuality was 24before I knew it even existed. I'm also quite touch averse and think I'm aromantic. I'm lucky in that no one has ever tried to set me up (to my knowledge) on dates and the like but I do feel 'skipped over' when the topic comes up and no one acknowledges my presence, let alone involves me in the conversation (even though I'm not out to most people). Best of luck with the local lgbtq group, there's a meet up mart here too you could see if there are any meet ups near you, I've not made it to one yet but I've promised myself I will make at least 1 this year.

[LadyErzsebet]

Welcome to AVEN! "Normal" is overrated anyways, you're awesome the way you are. Depending on your city, there might also be ace meetups there; check the meetups forum to see. And you can always make friends here! :D

[aawhystine]

Oh, I'm happy being single.

Hi, Welcome, I don't know how to add pics to messages but here's some cake if it'll allow it

I'm a bit like yourself late to the knowledge of asexuality was 24before I knew it even existed. I'm also quite touch averse and think I'm aromantic. I'm lucky in that no one has ever tried to set me up (to my knowledge) on dates and the like but I do feel 'skipped over' when the topic comes up and no one acknowledges my presence, let alone involves me in the conversation (even though I'm not out to most people). Best of luck with the local lgbtq group, there's a meet up mart here too you could see if there are any meet ups near you, I've not made it to one yet but I've promised myself I will make at least 1 this year.

Thanks! I have looked into the meetup section, and am breathlessly waiting to hear if they'll be meeting up some time soon.

And there is nothing worse than feeling invisible, as you said, skipped over. I've found the aromantic bit a little harder to cope with than the asexual. Asexual is just <shrugs> whatever. I don't miss it. I don't care. And it's nobody's business anyway. I don't have to share that part of me if I don't feel like it. But people have a tendency to get all up in your business when it comes to relationships. If they don't set you up on dates, they ask you about it, or rub in how their infant is keeping them up all night, like it's some right of passage that deems all of my problems lesser by comparison. It's a challenge because I am a manager, but I can't really relate to the other managers, who almost all seem to be married with kids.

[aawhystine]

Welcome to AVEN! "Normal" is overrated anyways, you're awesome the way you are. Depending on your city, there might also be ace meetups there; check the meetups forum to see. And you can always make friends here! :D

Oh yes, normal is most definitely overrated. I've always said anyone who thinks they are normal is crazy! I always seem to get squishes on awesome, wild, half-crazy people who have absolutely no interest in my boring self. It's also why I like being a DD. I like being able to sit back and watch other people make complete fools of themselves. I'm still a part of the fun, but in my own way, on my terms.

[Breathing....]

I've found the aromantic bit a little harder to cope with than the asexual. Asexual is just <shrugs> whatever. I don't miss it. I don't care. And it's nobody's business anyway. I don't have to share that part of me if I don't feel like it. But people have a tendency to get all up in your business when it comes to relationships.

For the most part I'm happy being single but as you say people get up in my business or totally ignore me. I too am struggling much more with the aromantic side of things, I guess in part because I had hoped that eventually I'd 'figure it all out' and have a 'normal' relationship but that becomes less and less likely the more I come to realise about myself. Sorry for the downer.

Hope you hear back about meet ups soon.

[aawhystine]

I've found the aromantic bit a little harder to cope with than the asexual. Asexual is just <shrugs> whatever. I don't miss it. I don't care. And it's nobody's business anyway. I don't have to share that part of me if I don't feel like it. But people have a tendency to get all up in your business when it comes to relationships.

For the most part I'm happy being single but as you say people get up in my business or totally ignore me. I too am struggling much more with the aromantic side of things, I guess in part because I had hoped that eventually I'd 'figure it all out' and have a 'normal' relationship but that becomes less and less likely the more I come to realise about myself. Sorry for the downer.

Hope you hear back about meet ups soon.

No, that's okay. It's a lot like my own experiences. That sort of "maybe someday" or "maybe if I meet the right person." I think I said this in another topic, but it's the death of a dream. You know, when you're in middle school (junior high) and you dream of a husband and kids, the dog and picket fence. It takes time to mourn that dream, put it solidly to rest, and revel in the freedom that not being shackled with an impossible dream brings.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do have plenty of near-impossible dreams--like wanting to be making a living off fiction writing. Will probably never happen, but at least that I can reach for. I can self publish, make strides, and it won't leave me heartbroken again and again because I'll always be getting just a little bit closer and closer with each step, even if I never make it. I can try, and enjoy the journey, and that's the most important part.

Now the fun part is writing about sex and romantic relationships in fiction when you understand it about as much as string theory...

[aawhystine]

And in retrospect, I find it hilarious the amount of times I've given relationship advice to my friends in the past. Don't understand sexual or romantic attraction, but why not?

[Breathing....]

And in retrospect, I find it hilarious the amount of times I've given relationship advice to my friends in the past. Don't understand sexual or romantic attraction, but why not?

Lol this has occurred to me a lot too and I'm still called upon to do it, they don't know about my asexuality and apparently I'm good at it...guess I'm better at bs and seeing things from a very logical point of view but as someone who has absolutely zero experience or understanding always makes me giggle.

Also I think you are very right about the loss of a dream thing.... I think accepting the aromantic side is the final thread and it's hard to let go totally. I've always wanted children never wanted a sexual relationship but kidded myself into 'maybe one day', I'm not dismissing adoption or fostering but is much more difficult as a single person. :)

[aawhystine]

And in retrospect, I find it hilarious the amount of times I've given relationship advice to my friends in the past. Don't understand sexual or romantic attraction, but why not?

Lol this has occurred to me a lot too and I'm still called upon to do it, they don't know about my asexuality and apparently I'm good at it...guess I'm better at bs and seeing things from a very logical point of view but as someone who has absolutely zero experience or understanding always makes me giggle.

Also I think you are very right about the loss of a dream thing.... I think accepting the aromantic side is the final thread and it's hard to let go totally. I've always wanted children never wanted a sexual relationship but kidded myself into 'maybe one day', I'm not dismissing adoption or fostering but is much more difficult as a single person. :)

There's also in vitro, which would be easier to accomplish as a single woman, I think. Adoption is very difficult even under the best of circumstances. I don't remember the details for fostering and it might differ from state to state, but I thought they preferred putting kids in foster situations where the person didn't work, theoretically so they could spend more time with the child. Conversely, a big brother/big sister or big buddy program might be a great thing for you until you decide what route you want to go.

I am very analytical in my thinking, but I also am very good at seeing multiple POVs (part of being a writer, I guess). And it's surprising how much personal observation of functional and dysfunctional relationships, as well as non-romantic relationships, can allow you to give sound advice on the matter.

[LadyErzsebet]

Welcome to AVEN! "Normal" is overrated anyways, you're awesome the way you are. Depending on your city, there might also be ace meetups there; check the meetups forum to see. And you can always make friends here! :D

Oh yes, normal is most definitely overrated. I've always said anyone who thinks they are normal is crazy! I always seem to get squishes on awesome, wild, half-crazy people who have absolutely no interest in my boring self. It's also why I like being a DD. I like being able to sit back and watch other people make complete fools of themselves. I'm still a part of the fun, but in my own way, on my terms.

I like sitting back and watching other people act strangely as well. My first year of college I used to hang out in the dorm common space on Friday and Saturday nights partly for the entertainment of watching people stumble back drunk and make fools of themselves (also because I'm a worrier and wanted to be on hand to help people if they needed it and sometimes they did).

[Lady Girl]

Hi and welcome! This is a good place to make some new friends and feel supported too. I'm glad you joined and hope you love being part of this awesome community.!!! :)

[deltaX]

Hello, and welcome to AVEN!! :cake:

I'm also aromantic/asexual, and I could find myself relating to a lot of what you said. Being asexual isn't so bad, but being aromantic can feel isolating at times when it seems everyone around you insists you need a relationship to be happy. Luckily, you aren't alone though, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being who you are. Some people just genuinely aren't interested in relationships, and that's okay.

I hope that this site is able to provide you with some sense of community and belonging- whether you decide to find a local meetup in your area or keep the friendships online. There's a lot to be gained here, and I hope you enjoy being a member. :)

[SkyWorld]

Hullo, nice to meet you and welcome to AVEN! :cake: I'm glad that you have decided to join and thank you for introducing yourself. A lot of people here can relate to you... so you are most certainly not alone. I often get annoyed when my family asks (or anyone really) about me in a relationship. And it's hard not being able to relate to anyone (I lack SOOO much experience and it's kind of embarrassing honestly)... anyways, I hope you enjoy it here and I have no doubt you'll make plenty of friends here. More cake!

[aawhystine]

Hullo, nice to meet you and welcome to AVEN! :cake: I'm glad that you have decided to join and thank you for introducing yourself. A lot of people here can relate to you... so you are most certainly not alone. I often get annoyed when my family asks (or anyone really) about me in a relationship. And it's hard not being able to relate to anyone (I lack SOOO much experience and it's kind of embarrassing honestly)... anyways, I hope you enjoy it here and I have no doubt you'll make plenty of friends here. More cake!

I'm fortunate that when my grandparents started asking about grandkids, my mom put a stop to it right quick, making comments about how I was an employed, self-supporting single woman, and that it was inappropriate to make such comments in light of the fact that two of our family members were unemployed due to the downturn. My parents have never really brought it up. They made a comment once how I wasn't the type to get married, and I half expect them to already understand, even if they don't have the words for it. I don't know. Maybe they just see me as very quiet about my "relationships." Lord knows my brother is. I've had it where I didn't hear about his relationships until they had ended. And I've always been more terse than him.

And I love your GIF. Love that show! Gosh, makes me want to watch it again!!!

[SkyWorld]

Hullo, nice to meet you and welcome to AVEN! :cake: I'm glad that you have decided to join and thank you for introducing yourself. A lot of people here can relate to you... so you are most certainly not alone. I often get annoyed when my family asks (or anyone really) about me in a relationship. And it's hard not being able to relate to anyone (I lack SOOO much experience and it's kind of embarrassing honestly)... anyways, I hope you enjoy it here and I have no doubt you'll make plenty of friends here. More cake!

I'm fortunate that when my grandparents started asking about grandkids, my mom put a stop to it right quick, making comments about how I was an employed, self-supporting single woman, and that it was inappropriate to make such comments in light of the fact that two of our family members were unemployed due to the downturn. My parents have never really brought it up. They made a comment once how I wasn't the type to get married, and I half expect them to already understand, even if they don't have the words for it. I don't know. Maybe they just see me as very quiet about my "relationships." Lord knows my brother is. I've had it where I didn't hear about his relationships until they had ended. And I've always been more terse than him.

And I love your GIF. Love that show! Gosh, makes me want to watch it again!!!

It's funny that whenever the subject comes up by my family, I just sigh because clearly they do not know me by now. :lol:

And thank you! :) I can relate to Honey-senpai a lot, which is why I have earned the nickname "Honey" around here. So I swear it's not a term of endearment and I'm in a platonic relationship with half of AVEN.

[aawhystine]

It's amazing how exercise, communing with nature, and a heavy rainstorm can really cleanse the soul. I feel like a new person.

I can't believe how much stressed had been building over the last couple of weeks. I practically feel giddy now. Lethargic, but giddy. I feel like I could just melt into my futon.

[aawhystine]

Hullo, nice to meet you and welcome to AVEN! :cake: I'm glad that you have decided to join and thank you for introducing yourself. A lot of people here can relate to you... so you are most certainly not alone. I often get annoyed when my family asks (or anyone really) about me in a relationship. And it's hard not being able to relate to anyone (I lack SOOO much experience and it's kind of embarrassing honestly)... anyways, I hope you enjoy it here and I have no doubt you'll make plenty of friends here. More cake!

I'm fortunate that when my grandparents started asking about grandkids, my mom put a stop to it right quick, making comments about how I was an employed, self-supporting single woman, and that it was inappropriate to make such comments in light of the fact that two of our family members were unemployed due to the downturn. My parents have never really brought it up. They made a comment once how I wasn't the type to get married, and I half expect them to already understand, even if they don't have the words for it. I don't know. Maybe they just see me as very quiet about my "relationships." Lord knows my brother is. I've had it where I didn't hear about his relationships until they had ended. And I've always been more terse than him.

And I love your GIF. Love that show! Gosh, makes me want to watch it again!!!

It's funny that whenever the subject comes up by my family, I just sigh because clearly they do not know me by now. :lol:

And thank you! :) I can relate to Honey-senpai a lot, which is why I have earned the nickname "Honey" around here. So I swear it's not a term of endearment and I'm in a platonic relationship with half of AVEN.

I always related to the MC, Haruhi. Completely oblivious and uncaring of gender roles (and clothing) and absolutely oblivious to all things sexual surrounding her. It just doesn't seem to matter to her. To her, it's all just good fun, and she totally doesn't understand the reactions of the girls that visit the host club. Very practical, too. Gah, I think I would die if I went to a school where they required me to wear a skirt or dress as part of a dress code. Talk about trauma!

That isn't to say I'm not feminine. Honestly, some of my femininity got beaten out of me out of pure self defense. I didn't want people to hit on me, so I stopped wearing shorts, belly shirts, and low tops in middle school. After a few wolf calls, I started feeling uncomfortable in tank tops too in college. Nowadays, I wear jeans, slacks, and various types of unrevealing but feminine tops. I never got the appeal of makeup or doing up my hair (Still can't believe my mom wanted me to do up the hair of the bride at my brother's wedding. Talk about insane!). If I weren't quite so curvy, I'd probably go more androgynous too. But alas, when I wear things that are "androgynous," I go from curvy to cowgirl curvy. <shrugs>

[CosineTheCat]

Hello and Welcome to AVEN!

This is a wonderful site full of amazing people and I’m glad that you’ve become a part of it, and thank you for sharing your story, I know it’s not always easy thing to do. Be sure to browse around and check out all the different areas. I’m sure you’ll find something that interests you!

Welcome Again