Like a box of popcorn, the label can get a little confusing.

[RoseGarden]

So, I'm fairly new to this site. This is only my second post. First off, I want to say thank you to the community as a whole. Everyone has been so friendly, helpful, and welcoming. Everyone brought cake. It's been really wonderful connecting with the community. The question I have now is if the "label" I've chosen as being hetromantic asexual is correct? I'm a female who is attracted to men only. I can look at a guy and think "Yep, that guy is good looking". And I've dated guys before. I enjoyed the things we did together as a couple. Going out to dinner, watching movies, going to the beach, that sort of thing. I didn't even mind the casual shows of affection (kissing, hugging, holding hands). But every time things went farther than that, I felt... nothing. It wasn't like I was creeped out by it or anything. It just wasn't there. Sex in a relationship to me is like dating someone who has a hobby that they really like that you don't share in. "Oh, you like trains. That's cool. Not for me. But that's cool". Thankfully, everyone I dated has respected my boundaries. But every time things got a little out of hand in the heat of the moment (for them, not for me), I just didn't feel what I know they must have been feeling at the time. And later, I always felt a little guilty. Like I had done something wrong. I know the term asexual fits me. I've never looked at or dated someone and thought, "Yep, I'd like to sleep with that!". But there are so many words I've seen floating around on the site. Agro, Biromantic, Demi, Panromantic. To be perfectly clear. What I like, is a relationship with a man, that doesn't get overly physical. So is hetromantic asexual the right term? Any sort of answers, perspectives, opinions, or advice would be welcome. Thank you!

[SkyWorld]

A relationship doesn't necessarily have to have sex involved to be considered romantic, if that's what you mean. There are many other ways of intimacy in a relationship that can be considered romantic. A common thing I see is cuddling and kissing, but there's way more than just that. Oh, and sometimes people's sexual orientation and romantic orientation go hand-in-hand, but there are some out there that doesn't match up. Like... homo-romantic bisexual for example and many other combinations.

Also, a thing about labels is that you own the label, it label doesn't own you. If you feel like "hetero-romantic" is the right term for you and you feel happy with that label, I'd say go for it. Just as there is no "right way" to be asexual, there is no "right way" to be hetero-romantic other than the definition of those terms.

[scarletlatitude]

I think heteroromantic asexual works well for you. Hetero denotes that you like the opposite sex. Romantic means that you enjoy spending time together and/or intimacy, just not the kind that leads to sex. Every relationship is different though. You just have to find the guy that jives with you.

[Confusion 0]

From what you've said, heteroromantic sounds just right ;)

And like SkyWorld said, you own the label, not the other way around. Some people even make up their own labels if they are unable to find a suitable one.

[cal_gui]

Yeah, a/sexuality (and romantic) labels have a lot of issues that must be spoken about. It isn't a concrete statement, that can't change over time and that you absolutely must find one that can describe one hundred percent your a/sexuality every moment. A/sexuality is fluid, has a lot of variations, and it's pretty rare to have someone 100% a/hetero/homo/bi/...sexual. So it isn't something that you have to research a lot to discover what label matches with you. It must be something that you feel.

Also, a thing about labels is that you own the label, it label doesn't own you.

SkyWorld pretty much nailed it

We use labels, because as humans beings we can process information better if we classify them in categories. And if something doesn't fit in our categories, we either approximate it to fit somewhere or we create a new category. That's how the category of asexuality appeared, just as it's how all of its sexual and romantic derivations appeared. The labels of the popcorn boxes gets confusing because each popcorn is unique and different from one another in many aspects. So, we try to look for similarities in order to organize them in a way that we can understand better.

We do it with a/sexuality and with romantic orientation of humans to understand the struggles and needs from each other and from ourselves. What I'm trying to say with all that babbling is that one shouldn't worry to much with the label being representative of your specific and unique position, but try to seek a category that makes them comfortable being labelled as and performing as. By your description, if you identify yourself as a straight-ace, than that's probably the label that suits you better.

If you're still looking for more information take a look at the AVEN wiki page on the subject of romantic orientations, that will give some more information on the more "mainstream" romantic orientations http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Romantic_orientation

Have some more cake!

[Star Bit]

By overly physical you just mean sex/what would lead to sex, right? That's normal Ace behavior. Some are ok with a sexual compromise and others aren't, that's normal. Though with you saying you "don't mind casual displays of affection", do you mean you don't have the desire/urge to do those things?

[RoseGarden]

Thanks for all the comments and advice guys (and gals and others).Being so new to the site, and asexuality in general (I only just learned it was a thing about two weeks ago), I just wanted to make sure the term I was identifying with was correct. And wise words about labels. And to Star Bit, yes, that's what I mean. And by "casual displays of affection", I mean I don't mind them, I find it quite nice. Just anything to hot and heavy makes me uncomfortable.