Smoochynose Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Even after identifying as Ace, I never felt a connection to the Aro label because I've had crushes in the past. I later changed my romantic label to demi-romantic due to the fact I haven't had a crush in ages. And recently, after reading a few of the threads here, I'm starting to question whether my crushes were actually squishes. So how can you tell if it's a crush or a squish? What's the little differences? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
<Tom> Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 It can be pretty hard to tell the difference, that's for sure. I usually use my heart-rate as a guide. If I'm talking to the person and my heart-rate increases, I'll call it a crush. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Crushes are sexual or romantic. Did you ever think you wanted to "do things" with them or kiss them or anything? I realized I didn't so I say I had squishes. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 A big difference : I want to be the girlfriend of my crush, I want to be the best friend of my squish ; and thinking about being the girlfriend of my squish is a really repulsive thought (imagine how wrong and disgusting it would feel if you passionately French kissed a family member it's about the same kind of feeling). Sometimes I'm wondering if "squish" is an appropriate word to use, because it constantly compares a desire for close friendship with romance, which is confusing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Smoochynose Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 I'm really not sure what I felt. I know I followed them round like a lost puppy, hoping that they'd pay me attention. (Yay(?) for teen girl stalkerish tendencies) I did think of being in a relationship but looking back I can't remember if that was because it was an actual crush or because I presumed it was and so followed the thought to its logical conclusion. Oh well. Whatever they were I definitely have at least some aro tendencies now, since I know I haven't had a crush in at least four years. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TrAse Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 A big difference : I want to be the girlfriend of my crush, I want to be the best friend of my squish ; and thinking about being the girlfriend of my squish is a really repulsive thought (imagine how wrong and disgusting it would feel if you passionately French kissed a family member it's about the same kind of feeling). Sometimes I'm wondering if "squish" is an appropriate word to use, because it constantly compares a desire for close friendship with romance, which is confusing. I'm asexual, so passionately French kissing anyone feels wrong and disgusting. For me, crush = my heart races, I wanna see her all the time, I think about her constantly, anything she says is amazing and interesting, I want to touch her. Squish = I want to be friends, I'm ok if we don't see each other for awhile as long as we communicate in some way, I can touch my friends and it feels good, but like touching family. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Squish: A strong desire to know or befriend someone Crush: romantic attraction is just an emotion when you take away the other attractions asociated with it. Emotions don't translate well into words and it's prettymuch up to your interpretation of them, but if you want vague wording, then i would describe it as a soft spot/fuzzy feelings and at least a slight fixation. Some ppl have a physical reaction like butterflies in their stomach and a dreamy state of mind, others don't Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 You have strong feelings towards someone more, than a friendship. Do you want a romantic relationship with them? No then squish, Yes then crush. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I'm asexual, so passionately French kissing anyone feels wrong and disgusting. That's just a personal thing. Whether one likes kissing or not has nothing to do with asexuality, though yes there are quite a few asexuals repulsed by it. It's not a prerequisite for asexuality though. Regarding the topic at hand, I have had crushes and have a squish right now. For me, it's easy to tell the difference. Crush = romantic feelings, I want a romantic relationship. Squish = I want to be close friends, but don't want a romantic relationship with the person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Smoochynose Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Gah. My crushes all seemed to have sat in the middle of what's being described. Maybe a queer-platonic crush? Is that even a thing? I don't know. I think I'll just stick with demi-romantic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Yup, queerplatonic crushes are also a thing. Queerplatonic relationship (QPR): a platonic relationship that has characteristics of a romantic/sexual relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone you platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Gah. My crushes all seemed to have sat in the middle of what's being described. Maybe a queer-platonic crush? Is that even a thing? I don't know. I think I'll just stick with demi-romantic. Demiromantic is quite a specific term, meaning you develop romantic attraction after you have formed a deep bond with a person. Maybe grey-romantic would be more suited? that's not exactly fully defined, and falls anywhere on the spectrum between aromantic and romantic.. So "I feel romantic attraction but not strongly" "I've only felt romantic attraction once or twice" "can't tell the difference between romantic feelings and platonic feelings" etc could all fall in the grey area. Edit; of course only you can label yourself, that was just a suggestion Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Smoochynose Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Gah. My crushes all seemed to have sat in the middle of what's being described. Maybe a queer-platonic crush? Is that even a thing? I don't know. I think I'll just stick with demi-romantic. Demiromantic is quite a specific term, meaning you develop romantic attraction after you have formed a deep bond with a person.Maybe grey-romantic would be more suited? that's not exactly fully defined, and falls anywhere on the spectrum between aromantic and romantic.. So "I feel romantic attraction but not strongly" "I've only felt romantic attraction once or twice" "can't tell the difference between romantic feelings and platonic feelings" etc could all fall in the grey area. Edit; of course only you can label yourself, that was just a suggestion I'd decided on demi before since the people I had feelings for were people I had befriended beforehand. Maybe both grey and demi. demi-gray-aro, aro with a few exceptions, demi-with-high-standards, ace of indeterminate aroness, somewhere on the bottomish end of the romantic scale... I don't even know. It doesn't even really bother me not knowing exactly what I am. I am who I am and I like me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Standards have nothing to do with romantic attraction. Sexuals seem to confuse this. If you can't experience romantic attraction without certain features then it is not a preference/standard/being picky, it is mandatory. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Larkaloke Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 I think it can be rather hard to tell, at least, if you've never actually experienced one of them. I mistook several squishes for crushes when I was a teenager, thinking that any time I wanted to be around a person more must have been a crush (since my usual reaction to people is to want to be around them less, not more). It was only later that I realised the difference, after I came to the conclusion that maybe this wasn't what people meant when they said they had crushes, and I thought about what I actually would want to do with those people when I spent time with them (play games, watch movies, maybe go hiking or something, generally share various hobbies) versus what those interested in romance seemed to want to do (holding hands/touching, kissing, that kind of thing). Luckily, I suppose, I was too nervous around people to ever talk to anyone about it, so that was a fair amount of awkwardness I dodged. What made it harder to figure that out for me is that, less now but very definitely so then, I tend to get uneasy and have to work up a lot of nerve just to talk to people -- so I would often have an increased heart rate and be quite nervous when about to talk to someone I wanted to be friends with, which people nearly always describe as having to do with having a crush on someone, but it was out of fear of talking to another human and not romantic attraction. I don't know if any of that helps -- might all just be me -- but there it is. At this point in my life I'm sure that I don't get crushes (well, all I can say with dead certainty is that I have not yet), but on those rare occasions I do get a squish on someone I don't actually know (usually all I ever have is a gradual desire to be better friends with people I already know), I get a bit panicky anyhow. It comes of being kind of anxious around people, I think. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Smoochynose Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 At the moment I'm thinking what I felt for these people was half way between a squish and a crush. It doesn't really matter too much to me on the exact definition because it's been over five years since I last felt like that. I was just trying to work out where on the aromantic spectrum I was. I've decided on mostly aromantic for now. I feel comfortable with that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hikuroi Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 For me it can be hard to tell since they feel very similar but I've noticed with a squish I still just want to be friends and with a crush I want to be in a romantic relationship though if the other person isn't romantically attracted to me the crush gets pretty easy to ignore. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Banana1352527 Posted September 14, 2023 Share Posted September 14, 2023 I'm kinda new to this as well and had a similar question, but I feel like I've also formulated my own answer in a way. And that answer is: it's up to you. Sure, people can tell you what they think is or isn't a squish, but squishes and queer platonic relationships already throw convention out the window. It is for you to decide for yourself, that is the nature of it. I keep hearing that if you want to kiss them or your heart beats faster it's a crush, but it's more complicated than that. For me, I am comfortable and calm around my squish so my heart doesn't race, but I could imagine having my first kiss with them. For me I want to be close to them in a way that is more intense than friendship, but I also wouldn't mind if they were dating someone else. It is complicated. It is unique to your situation. It is whatever you want it to be. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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