Needs some advice

[Winter rose]

So im a bit confused about myself. After spending about over half a year reflecting and building up the courage to sing up for this site.

also heads up, im sorry if this sound generic and like many other "am i asexual questions" but i really need to talk about it, i cant do it in real life so i only have this.

I know that i cant just get answers just handed down if im asexual or not, in the end its up for me to decide. im also sure i fall somewhere on the spectrum. I just need some advice and thoughs from other people.

So for a big part of my life i have felt a little left out from the others. When i hit the age where girls started talking about boys and who they like i never had anything to say, if they asked me i would just pick the one i get along with the most. im still not completaly sure what a crush feels like, and that i should have them more, that i should fawn over boys looks and body, but i dont.

Right now im 15 almost 16. The other girls would talk about how hot that boy is or celebrity and i just dident get it, why use so much energy on it? There are so many more interesting things to talk about.

I never get dirty jokes, they just fly over my head. I have always though about sex as gross and uncomfortable, at first i was nutural about it after all almost all animals do it, but after awhile i became replused and also anxious for the expectations for me to have sex, beacuse i honestly dont want to do it one day, i just dont see why people would even bother, seems like to much work. I would also never see why sex was such a big deal to others.

As far i i know i have never felt a pshycal attracion to anyone, even when i got a boyfriend i might have felt somthing akin to arousal, but never the need to "act out on it". after a while i even developed a distain from full on kissing, i never even though about his looks until someone metioned it.

So when i learned about asexuality i just could relate to so many things, some seemed to describe just how i fell.

I have felt arousal but never the need to have sex, i guess some pictures i have seen could be "hot", but never in real life, even some off the pictures where drawn, i can never imagen me in a sexual situasion to be honest, i dnt really want to either. i also get uncomfortable with words like hot and sexy.

for the most part i fell like i have just been pretending for almost all my life, pretending so i will seem "normal".

So what do the ones reading this think? Any advice? do i sound asexual? grey?

[S.Kobold]

I would say - keep an open mind.

Don't feel the need to define yourself, but do react to the situations that present themselves in the way you feel most comfortable with.

If you feel uninterested - don't pursue. If you feel no arousal - don't feel pressured to engage in sexual activity.

Feel confident in the knowledge that not everyone wants sex, and not everyone is sexual - and that's okay. But at the same time, sex is sex and not that important in the grand scheme of things. Don't define yourself by it unless you really want to.

Stick around these forums - read about people's experiences if you feel alone in your own experiences. But don't feel the need to define yourself by others experience or by your own life so far unless you want to.

You are who you are, and labels can be both helpful and negative - which is why you shouldn't accept those given to you by others.

I hope you enjoyed this non-answer. If it helps, I was accepted as who I was long before either I or any of my friends/family had heard about "asexuality" - people who grew up with me just came to accept that I was not in the least bit inclined to find that sort of relationship.

[WinnieT]

I'm new into my sexuality myself, but I think you should just do what makes you comfortable. If you like hanging out with a guy but don't desire sex or think about his looks then go with it. If you spontaneously decide you want a romantic relationship then go with it. In my opinion once you find that right someone, the labels won't matter. If two women are together and one of them is bi it doesn't mean she's not in a monogamous relationship. And as far as your age goes, I think you're still young enough to figure it out. I'm twenty years old and I'm still a virgin. I thought I was strange for a long time. Honey, you just need to be you. Try not to think about what your friends or family think you should be and just go with what feels natural. If it feels comfortable, it's definitely normal. Anything that makes you question yourself or instills fear in you shouldn't be a part of your life.

Sorry if that got a bit wordy, I hope I helped a little.

[Star Bit]

There are two parts to sexual attraction; arousal and desire. If you do not desire to have sex/only experience one of these then you can go by asexual since it is not fully sexual attraction/is only arousal or undirected desire.

[Winter rose]

Thank you to all of you who have answerd, i greatly apriciate it. i do think it helped. at least im just happy to hear your thoughs about it.

[Ficulnean]

I'm lucky ... it went over my head how much of an expectation that sex was, so I'm only now stressing out about it. You seem to have a clear view on how you feel about these things, and it doesn't seem like it's been a good experience for you. There's no need to try to make it be one, or to think that it can never be. Just, don't ever force yourself to do anything.