dash Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 So I have a new friend who I want to hang out with! (He knows I'm ace.) And he works during the week and I work on Sundays so Saturday is the most logical time to hang out. Except some of his Saturdays are busy and some of mine are busy and this leaves Valentine's Day. Except we CAN'T hang out that day because even though I'm ace and this is not romantic, he's got a partner, so even though said partner lives in another state (and my new friend may even be poly, I don't know), it's totally taboo for me to ask to hang out with him that day. He may not even have any plans for that day! :/ Basically this just really sucks. #AsexualProblems So I'm whining on AVEN. :) When I was in high school my best friend and I would send each other "anti-Valentine's Day" cards. "May we both die happy old maids," she wrote to me one year. Link to post Share on other sites
Bad_Mr_Tree Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 some taboos are made to be broken... :) Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Does not compute. Surely, if valentine's day is so important to them, they would at least try to spend some of the day together in another way? (phone, chat, whatever) This unpleasantly reminds me of when I was getting emotionally close to a woman, and she had lots of time for me initially.. Then suddenly her partner started becoming jealous and basically "hogging" her, so that she would have less time in general, and at the end it became so bad she couldn't talk to me at all with him anywhere nearby. TLDR apparently some people don't actually have a need for a lot of attention from their partner.. they just have a need for their partner not giving that attention to anyone else. :| Link to post Share on other sites
Oddball-Meo Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Maybe you could schedule something on another day, you know, one that isn't Valentine's day? That way you won't interfere with them or feel guilty. Also there's always the chance that he isn't doing anything and asks you to hang out himself. Eitherway if you feel it's taboo then I'd say it's best not to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Maybe you could schedule something on another day, you know, one that isn't Valentine's day? That way you won't interfere with them or feel guilty. Also there's always the chance that he isn't doing anything and asks you to hang out himself. Eitherway if you feel it's taboo then I'd say it's best not to do it. Yeah, this is what I think will happen, though I'm grumpy because it may add another three or four weeks until our schedules align again and we can hang out. Link to post Share on other sites
Robin L Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Moved from Asexual Musings and Rantings to Asexual Relationships Robin L, Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
element83 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Except we CAN'T hang out that day because even though I'm ace and this is not romantic, he's got a partner, so even though said partner lives in another state (and my new friend may even be poly, I don't know), it's totally taboo for me to ask to hang out with him that day. He may not even have any plans for that day! :/ It might be a little bit not-excellent to ask to hang out that day, but I don't think it would be a problem to ask whether he has plans with his special someone for that day (because it's nice to show an interest in a friend's life anyways...). And if he really doesn't have plans for that day, maybe the Valentine's-day-ness of the day isn't so important to him and his partner, and if that's the case it probably is okay to offer hanging out as a potential option. Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Why not just do it casually? "Hey, what are you doing on Valentine's? I know your partner is LD. Are you gonna talk to them on the phone or skype or whatever? No? Me either!" and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
SirenDragon Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 some taboos are made to be broken... :) Dude, that's awesome... I'm putting that on my wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Mona Lisa Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Except we CAN'T hang out that day because even though I'm ace and this is not romantic, he's got a partner, so even though said partner lives in another state (and my new friend may even be poly, I don't know), it's totally taboo for me to ask to hang out with him that day. He may not even have any plans for that day! :/ It might be a little bit not-excellent to ask to hang out that day, but I don't think it would be a problem to ask whether he has plans with his special someone for that day (because it's nice to show an interest in a friend's life anyways...). And if he really doesn't have plans for that day, maybe the Valentine's-day-ness of the day isn't so important to him and his partner, and if that's the case it probably is okay to offer hanging out as a potential option. To add to this, make your intentions clear and maybe ask him if it would bother his partner if you two hung out together on Valentine's Day? If you two have any mutual friends, could you hang out as a group? That would take care of some of the jealousy issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Some of my friends and I used to hang out on Valentine's day as a group even when we weren't single. Maybe invite some of your other friends to hang out together if you don't want to feel weird? Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 So he wrote to me and said that of the Saturdays in February, he's only busy on the 28th, and asked very open-endedly when works for me. I said I am free on the 14th and the 21st and that I don't know if he celebrates the 14th, and left it open like that. This way I didn't ask for the 14th, and if he wants it for stuff with a partner, he can say so. Or he can say he doesn't celebrate the 14th, it's open. Now it looks like maybe we're both dancing around asking directly about the 14th, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 And... lol guess what, we scheduled for the 14th. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 And... lol guess what, we scheduled for the 14th. Cool. :) The V-day taboo is not that big a deal, really. Most people I have ever known do normal stuff during the day then a date at night if they are going on a date on v-day... or just go see a movie with friends if they don't have one ... so it's not like people don't spend v-day with friends. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 And... lol guess what, we scheduled for the 14th. Cool. :) The V-day taboo is not that big a deal, really. Most people I have ever known do normal stuff during the day then a date at night if they are going on a date on v-day... or just go see a movie with friends if they don't have one ... so it's not like people don't spend v-day with friends. But now NO. lol? Now he writes to me and says oops, I forgot about my plans for the 14th, even after your prompting. So the 21st? I hate Valentine's Day. Just once I thought maybe, MAYBE, I wouldn't be "bumped." No. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 So... I told him a little about my issues with Valentine's Day and he says the 21st will work out better since then we won't have ton contend with the crowds, and you know... that's kind of a good point. I also don't actually know the prior plans were with SOs and not with others (I think he said something about going out in a group), so really, I don't know. I just really hate the dynamics around this holiday. On the plus side of things, for the first time the Valentine's Day merchandise isn't all about romantic love, as there's also a bunch of Valentine's Day Frozen merchandise with the two sisters on it (either just them or with other characters in the background, like the snowman). It's good to see they've expanded the set of people one can love on Valentine's Day to siblings, too. (Maybe other family members can follow?) Link to post Share on other sites
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