Question regarding libido and 'attraction'

[SakuraBlossom13]

Okay, it's really hard to put my question/topic into the subject line, so hopefully I'll do better justice in this thread.

I have been continuing with my soul searching and self exploration and I've reached the conclusion that I really only feel the romantic attraction towards others. I'll see a really hot guy and be all "Oh, I want him to be my boyfriend" but I NEVER imagine myself having sex. Maybe kissing, but even that is rare. Usually it's more a visualization of "Oh, I could see myself married to him, I could see me dating him" and so on.

But my real question comes in here:

I still get libido, and I've learned through my reading on this site that I guess it's a common misconception that asexuals don't experience libido. This was always the reason why I never explored asexuality until now.

I never get 'turned on' by people. This is where it's kind of awkward to ask/say, but I more so get that feeling over something exciting or something that appeals to me or excites me.

For example, it happened a lot when I was thinking about being able to live on my own and be self-sufficient, no longer living in my parents house. Anytime I think about something like that, I get 'turned on'. Or if I think about something like "Oh, my birthday's tomorrow and I'm going to do this, this and this". If it's something that's really exciting or really has me looking forward to it, I'll get that feeling.

Does anyone else experience this or am I an odd one out with this? Or does anyone know what this might have to do with anything, if at all?

Then I suppose I am curious to know if what I'm experiencing that I mentioned above, about wanting a relationship is romantic attraction?

Thank you all for taking the time to read this! This forum has been genuinely helpful so far in learning things about myself I never fully tried to understand before.

[lycanrising]

First off, I think it's a good thing that you've done thinking and can articulate how you feel as that you "only experience romantic attraction."

'Libido'

Indeed true, some asexuals have a libido, others don't. Some have a high one, others have a non-existance one. It varies per person and doesn't affect the sexual orientation of a person. I do empathise with the phrase "that's why I've never explored asexuality until now", when I first heard it I thought "but that can't be me because I feel something". Knowing the distinction is good.

Not getting 'turned on' as much as 'feeling excited'.

Out of curiosity, you've said that you can look at a 'hot guy' and go 'I'd want him as my boyfriend', does that give you the same sort of excitement as 'it's my birthday tomorrow' and 'I'm going to move out soon'?

As for whether I experience it, my answer is not quite. The feeling I get over things I'm excited about feels different than the feeling I get when I look at someone and have a romantic interest in them. Considering it now, it's possible that the reason for that is in my head there are small questions popping in my mind and imagination with a person but if I'm just excited about something then it's a simple unelated joy. If that is in any way empathisable.

'Is wanting a relationship romantic attraction?'

My opinion is yes. I consider being in a relationship part of romantic attraction and not part of sexual attraction. The reason for this is because there's so much involved in a relationship that is outside of the scope of sexual attraction: having someone you trust and feel comfortable with, really enjoy spending time with, aesthetic attraction, romantic interactions that fall short of sexual interactions.

So in my opinion, again re-iterating, yes.

Reading this hasn't been a problem, but I'm glad you've found it helpful so far!

[SakuraBlossom13]

Thanks for your opinion! I don't feel that way over imagining myself in a relationship with someone. Though, I know for a fact it's not excitement and that it's genuinely being turned on. Haha. I definitely know that much, at least in my case.

I'm glad that what I'm saying is making sense to some people, which is really helping me figure out how I'm feeling (or rather, lack there of). It's feeling really good to be able to figure out why I don't act like the others do or feel the same way.

I really agree with your definitions of romantic attraction. That's very, very true and resonates well with me.

Thank you so much for your help!

[lycanrising]

Thanks for your opinion! I don't feel that way over imagining myself in a relationship with someone. Though, I know for a fact it's not excitement and that it's genuinely being turned on. Haha. I definitely know that much, at least in my case.

I'm glad that what I'm saying is making sense to some people, which is really helping me figure out how I'm feeling (or rather, lack there of). It's feeling really good to be able to figure out why I don't act like the others do or feel the same way.

I really agree with your definitions of romantic attraction. That's very, very true and resonates well with me.

Thank you so much for your help!

Oh, I didn't think you'd meant that. So you experience arousal at things that are 'exciting'? Fascinating.

I'm glad you find it useful in some way! :D

[SakuraBlossom13]

Yeah, I did mean it! Haha. I do, and it's very strange which is why I was curious if anyone else who experiences libido but are asexual, over these kinds of things. I was just curious if there might be some kind of correlation in one way or another.

I did, thank you!