Did you think you were gay/straight?

[Beyourownspotlight]

I haven't seen a topic on this yet or maybe I missed it. Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this question.

After having sex did you think you could be gay or straight? Did you try having sex with someone else? Was it pretty much the same?

I ask because I have been curious and maybe I could want sex with someone else. Although I still don't think I'm sexually attracted to anyone without an emotional connection. Was anyone else here confused?

I'm not saying asexuals need to try someone else but I'm curious if anyone has.

1) After having sex did you think you could be gay or straight?

I always knew I wasn't straight, long long before I had sex. When I was a kid, I had internalized homophobia (afraid of being gay because I knew it wasn't accepted*) and a horrible, sinking suspicion that I wasn't even gay... that I was some weird anomaly. I used to have extreme anxiety over having sex in the future. My entire family (mother especially) was very open about sex education, but also seemed really, really heavy on the fact that people couldn't control themselves when they were young and to restrain as much as possible (so was school sex ed, so I basically thought I was a freak for not liking people and having no interest in sex). When I say "when I was a kid" I mean a very young kid, up until I was fourteen/fifteen. By the time I was that age, I figured I was bi, and by the time I was sixteen I knew I was asexual (but still felt terribly confused).

2) Did you try having sex with someone else?

I've only had sex with girls. One girl had a penis, does that count as different? IDK. I don't think genders or bodies matter much to me, although I don't really like cisgender men very much (I've had crushes on trans men, but never had the urge to pursue romance, not sure if I'm into dudes at all). So IDK, there's more than 2 genders to me, I've had sex with different kids of girls (hopefully that's not offensive to say?)

3) Was it pretty much the same?

No, not really. I actually enjoy sex to an extent. I've had a casual sexual encounter with someone I'm very close with, but not romantically, and a longterm relationship that was sexual. The experiences I had were all vastly different from eachother.

And yes. I'm very confused about sex, how I feel about sex, my boundaries with sex, what's caused by trauma and what's truly me, etc. Honestly sex is like this giant ball of anxiety, and it's also this no big thing that I'm totally fine with, so long as boundaries are respected regardless of how "strange" they might be.

Well, I think penises are the ugliest things in the universe so I never really thought I was gay. If mine weren't attached to me, I wouldn't be able to stand it either.

I definitely thought something was wrong with me though for the longest time. Good old social constructs...

I never liked the look of a penis as well. I think the female body looks better imo.

I think penises are not aesthetically pleasing, but I don't use genitals to define a male/female body. And it's also really limiting to do so. This isn't Hot Box nor am I in a position to be educating people about gender issues (as I'm cis) but I just felt like I had to bring this up in a really gentle way.

you can still educate others about gender even if you're cis. I don't see why we can't be educated enough to explain to other people gender is diverse and so on, so forth. I hate that mindset. I'm not trying to offend, but I really do. It shouldn't matter what's between your legs, everyone is a human being and if someone doesn't understand a certain aspect of someone and is upsetting them, or using hurtful language knowingly or unknowingly, I think anyone has the right to educate, and correct them as long as it's respectful.

I don't understand the cis scum thing. That we can't educate, or be inclusive to/about trans* and non-binary, and gender queer individuals.

[Angeliss]

I knew for the longest time that I wasn't interested in anyone. And then as time passed, and I didn't "bloom" as promised, I started wondering. I thought about men, and I definitely wasn't attracted to men. I thought about women, and they're aesthetically pleasing to me, so I thought I must be a repressed lesbian.

I grew up in a very religious family, and I was always taught that homosexuality is a sin. So I freaked out on the inside, and went into therapy on my own to help deal with all the knotted feelings and conflicting ideas. I actually started an OKcupid profile as part of my healing process when someone's page said she was asexual. I googled and now I am here. And I am much happier.