How to decide whether to Date?

[Milome33]

Ok So I've never done this kind of thing before but I really need some advice.

I'm 21 years old and until this incident I had never wanted to date, like ever. No matter who asked me out and how much I liked them, I never felt any inclination to date. In fact I've always been kinda of repulsed by the idea and its a well known fact among my friends that I don't date. But recently I've had this friend who I really like, like we're really good friends and I enjoy spending time with him. And everything was all fine and normal and dating him wasn't even a idea in my head until a couple of different friends told me that he has feeling for me; and one of them even told me that it seems I have romantic feelings for him as well-though I never noticed any.

And now I'm freaking out because I can't tell whether or not I really do have feelings for him or if these "feelings" are just idea's put in my head by my friends. And if I do, and he asked me out in the future, would dating him be the right choice?? Or what if he never does ask me out because he knows how I feel about dating? Or what if they're wrong and I decide I do have feelings for him but it turns out he doesn't for me? And all this stupid drama and confusion and hurt feelings is exactly why I never wanted to date in the first place! I just don't know what to do or who to talk to; and no matter how much I think about it I can't decide what I want or feel. And I just need some help and people to talk it out with.

---Also if it matters, I'm a Biromantic Asexual Cis Female and he's a Heteroromantic Heterosexual Cis Male; and I'm really not all that into physical affection and am rather repulsed by sex; I don't know how he feels about those things, though I would imagine he likes them which definitely be a problem if we did start dating and UGH.

TL;DR I've never wanted to date before, but now I'm having mixed feelings because a close friend of mine might have feelings for me and I don't know what to do or how I feel.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give.

[SuperHorace]

The greatest way to know if you really feel for someone is if you find yourself thinking about them--not issues about them--just pure THEM all the time ^~^

[Shoryu]

The vibe I'm getting is that you feel a little pressured to date this person. From personal experience, I've had friends tell me so-and-so liked me even though I was pretty okay with remaining friends with the certain person. It then becomes a confusing dilemma; do you really like this person because you feel it or are you making yourself believe you do like this person more than a friendship level simply because your friends say so/this person admits to having feelings for you. If it's the latter, then you may end up in a situation where you set yourself for too much and worry if you're still the same person the other person was originally drawn to. It's like someone complimenting you for doing a good job, but you're left confused on how you were doing a good job and worry over how consistent you can achieve whatever was being complimented. You seem to be freaking out because you might subconsciously paranoid about why this person has feelings for you and thus may wonder what you were doing this whole time that made him drawn to you.

Basically, if you never initially felt a spark to take things to the next level without outside influence from your friends, the relationship *could* fade. I could be very wrong, and I don't want to be right, but from experience, being pressured into relationships never turned out great for me since it felt like a guilt-trip more than anything if I didn't return the same feelings back.

[Exanimis]

How would you feel if you were never asked out by this person?

You see, between the questions you might ask yourself, the one above is one of the most important. Also, do you really know that your friend indeed has a feeling for you? It might be a joke from the other friends or something.

I'm not trying to convince you to not date, but you have to look for clues, see if he feels what you might seem to feel. If the sentiments of you guys are conflitant it might mean another thing.

But seriously, focus on the feelings you have. If you are going to miss him, if you are going to feel hurt if you are turned down by him (of course it always hurts but you know what I mean).

I am with little time, gonna develop it better further.

Hugs.

[Corretto]

hintagem...after just 'looking in', here's a hint. [bear in mind; I'm over 2x older than you, an aromantic male who's never had a date in his life, and live a long way away...where-ever Pa is]

I see a common theme;...a well-known fact among my friends..a couple of different friends told me...and one of them [a friend] even told me...ideas put in my head by friends...

And, most importantly;...now I'm having mixed feelings because a close friend of mine...

I can see that you either have a hell of a lot 'friends' or you're having trouble making decisions for yourself! I suggest you activate! Cia :P

[Bubblegum Princess]

I've definintly been in situations where people wanted to date and I just wasn't interested. It was never that I didn't like the person, because sometimes I liked them a lot. Maybe since you aren't interested in sex, you dont really see the point in opening up a door that could make those sorts of thing expected between the two of you. Especially if you have a really good friendship that already brings you a lot of happiness. Why introduce other dynamics to a relationship that already works the way it is?

I can't tell you how you're feeling, and I don't want to put words in Your mouth or anything. I just agree that it could be possible your friends have just kind of pressured you into this idea. They probably don't mean to trick or confuse you. I think a lot of sexual people just don't understand how a friendship can be just as fulfilling as a sexual relationship.

If you feel close to this guy and care for his feeling, it wouldn't hurt to just ask him if he has feelings for you (easier said than done, I know :c). From there, the two of you can maybe find some common ground. You can also ask your friends not to get so involved if it makes you uncomfortable. You can tell them you appreciate their concern and advice, but it's just confusing for you.

I wish you luck! Romantic relationships can be very fulfilling but they aren't for everyone, they can also be difficult between people with very different sexual desires. I hope my input was able to give you some things to think on without further confusing you.

[binary suns]

[Milome33]

Thank you all so much for all your great advice, after reading though all these I really do think for the most part alot of these so called "feelings" I may or maynot have are a result of exterior pressuring from my friends. I really do like just being this persons friend and I don't think my feelings about dating have really changed enough to do anything about any of this. I guess if he ever does confess to me I'll deal with it then, but I think things are fine the way they are now and I'm just over thinking things and panicking. Thank you all again for all your great advice, it has really helped me sort through all this.; its definitely easier to deal with a problem when you can get it out in the open and talk about it.