What do you think is the reason you are asexual?

[Mozambike]

It's a simple question. Don't worry, I don't even think we can really know why someone lacks sexual orientation (I know, sexual attraction, for sex, just that, in case someone gets offended).

I personally think it's mostly a psychological thing, since I think the sexual orientation in the human as a sociological being is a cultural behavior and not an instinct, being asexuals just an exception in the influence of the culture in general, but I'm not here to discuss that, I mean, if you don't agree with this I said it's okay, the topic is not about discussing this, but just saying why you personally think you're asexual.

I know it's hard in most cases to even have a clue, but it's just about what you would say if you just had to. Consider this a kind of census, nothing else.

My reasons: I think I've had "problems" with being influenced by some sociological factors, making it difficult for me to "understand" some obvious things, the sex would be only one, but I have more too. It may sound similar to what some kind of autism would cause through time, but let's not go there, I just think it was because of that. Now, why I had those problems? I don't know. The only biological weird thing I know about myself that may have something to do with this is that more than a half of my brain activity has shorts (the neurons don't "communicate" properly) according to an electroencephalogram result I had some months ago. I have no idea if this may cause some malfunctions like making someone never develope sexual arousing tho.

I know this doesn't define anything perfectly but it's all I can say. The point of this thread is saying what you think just to see if we can find any sort of patern. I doubt we will, but just in case...

[Sally]

Would you say that the reason someone is sexual is psychological? Is there a pattern to being a sexual?

I think before we try to tease out some reason for being asexual, we should reverse it -- and then we see how it just doesn't work to do so.

[Arf]

I'm just wired this way, I think. I've felt this way ever since I can remember. I don't have any conditions which could make me "assailable" (ex: abuse, disability, etc.)

And what really makes me think I'm just wired this way is that I do enjoy sex as much as the next non-ace, but I don't usually feel sexual attraction. So the not feeling sexual attraction bit is what's REALLY mysterious. I can't imagine any reason, apart from genetics/nature, why I would enjoy sex but not feel the attraction.

[Curious Decay]

sex is gross, and i have no interest in the matter, for what reason i dont' know, genetic misfit mixed with various emotional damages brought on through life i suppose. in the end its just not interesting.

[Ryudrazon]

I agree that it's a psychological/sociological thing, since thanks to the way that evolution has worked since around the dawn of civilization sexuality has been more of a social imperative than an evolutionary one. (Although, obviously, the ones who could never get to the point of having sex with the opposite gender way back in the day are not going to be adding much to the modern gene pool.) Personally, though, I attribute the fact that I'm a demi (and not one who can see the visual appeal of many things even with someone I am sexually attracted to) to the fact that I'm on the autism spectrum. I can't get close to someone in a way even approaching sexually (I'm demi-romantic too) until I've known them well for a long time already, and I would guess that that's simply a matter of not being comfortable socially around people I don't know entirely.

On a side note - an interesting thing about sex for humans, as you get more and more "turned on" (though I'm not sure if that's more the libido component or the attraction component, or maybe some of both), the parts of your brain that handle the feeling of disgust and similar opinions/emotions/reactions start to shut down more and more. I would guess that, in sexually repulsed people, that doesn't happen for whatever reason - and while they might well be asexual anyway, the fact that they would find every aspect of it just as disgusting as it really is, when you think about it from an objective perspective, would quite easily be enough to kill any appeal the idea might otherwise have. (No, I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with sexually-repulsed people. It's just something different (and even then I'm still just guessing here). I'd be more than a bit of a hypocrite if I were to do so, considering as how I'm neuro-atypical myself.)

[Arf]

On a side note - an interesting thing about sex for humans, as you get more and more "turned on" (though I'm not sure if that's more the libido component or the attraction component, or maybe some of both), the parts of your brain that handle the feeling of disgust and similar opinions/emotions/reactions start to shut down more and more.

You're right! Here's a citation if anyone wants to read more about it:

http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/14/why-sex-doesnt-gross-you-out-when-youre-aroused/

[The Wreyck]

My sexuality isn't defined because I don't honestly to this day know what it is or if I've experienced or not. But my sexuality is affected my my aromanticism. I shan't have anything to do why sexuality as king as romantic love isn't in the picture.

I believe my aromanticism is psychological and environmental. I have a lot of personality disorders, and I can't relate to people. Even after finally dealing with the extensive trust issues (well, part of them) brought about by my upbringing, my ability to relate and understand is extremely stunted.

And I've had a great amount of emotional damage in romantic type relationships throughout my earlier young adult years. I'm still not sure if they helped cause my inability towards romantic love, or if my lack of romanticism is what caused the emotional damage in those relationships.

[Ryudrazon]

On a side note - an interesting thing about sex for humans, as you get more and more "turned on" (though I'm not sure if that's more the libido component or the attraction component, or maybe some of both), the parts of your brain that handle the feeling of disgust and similar opinions/emotions/reactions start to shut down more and more.

You're right! Here's a citation if anyone wants to read more about it:

http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/14/why-sex-doesnt-gross-you-out-when-youre-aroused/

Thanks! A cited source is always useful but it's almost one in the morning and I am tired and do not have the mental capacity right now to be looking for these things, heh. Much appreciated.

[5_♦♣]

I honestly don't think there is a reason for Asexuality. It just is.

[Philip027]

When it comes down to it, I am pretty sure it is because I have no sort of libido or sex drive. I feel like if this were to change, there is at least some chance it would start to fall more in line with my romantic orientation... whatever that is.

Now if you were to ask why I don't have that... it really could be all sorts of things. Late exposure + knowledge of sex to begin with. Absolutely no desire for kids (which for me is the only reason to have sex). I quite possibly have some form of high-functioning autism.

On a side note - an interesting thing about sex for humans, as you get more and more "turned on" (though I'm not sure if that's more the libido component or the attraction component, or maybe some of both), the parts of your brain that handle the feeling of disgust and similar opinions/emotions/reactions start to shut down more and more.

Makes sense, really. I've never experienced this whole "turned on" thing and I guess therefore that's part of why it's always seemed unappealing.

[MaxAmoeba]

Late or absolutely no exposure to sex during adolescence, emotional neglect, not good enough people to connect to on a mental / emotional plane, repulsion towards sex, fear of being vulnerable physically, mentally & emotionally....these and some more will be my reasons for being an asexual.

[DannyXIV]

Maybe for some it's a defense mechanism for past trauma.

[Lynxe]

The reason I am asexual is because I'm asexual.

*shrugs*

[hobbitrockstar]

My mom actually asked me if it was because of childhood trauma when I came out to her. There was some, which I won't go into detail about here, but I think I was asexual from the get-go, which caused me not to understand the nature of the trauma for years later. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but in my case, I feel like I have better things to do.

[MadRat]

I don´t know.

I suffered many emotionaly traumatising things, I don´t trust people, I´m sex-repulsed, I have depression and I think I have social phobia again...

I can´t tell if I were asexual if these things never happened to me. But it doesn´t matter because they happened.

[Hooded_Crow]

Personally, I think my brain is just wired that way. My brother had the same background as me and he's not asexual.

[Guest]

Personally, I think my brain is just wired that way. My brother had the same background as me and he's not asexual.

^^ Ditto (except I have a sister not a brother). there is nothing in my history which would "make" me asexual, no trauma, I new about sex before most others in my class etc. The only thing which might influence it is that I might have Aspergers Syndrome (waiting for a diagnosis) as there is apparently a slight correlation... but correlation doesn't = causality. I think I was born this way *shrug*.

[FiddleKid]

I'm asexual because I dislike sex and don't feel attraction towards anyone, I don't understand sex or romance and I find the act repulsive

[Slayerin96]

I only came across the concept of asexual a few months ago and it was only then that I felt I could actually idenfity with it. Now I'm sure about it because I've had an experience which's made things clear to me. Before learning about this arcane sexual orientation, however, I thought I was some straight woman who develops belatedly. But now I know for sure that's not the case. I don't think there's any reason why one has a specific sexual orientation - this characteristic is something purely innate. In other words, one is born with it and there's absolutely nothing they can do about it.

[coyote55]

I don't know why I'm asexual, I'm one of 4 siblings and the other 3 have no problems with sex at all. I think I was just born that way. I did have one traumatic incident in early childhood that could have contributed, an accidental poisoning that nearly took me out, but there's no way of knowing how much that affected me sexually.

[Guest]

I think asexuality is rather a sexual expression than orientation. People can be hetero, homo bisexual with sexual or asexual expression. I also think some people are more spiritual and think sex is a kind of barbarity act. Of course they can enjoy sex if it's more intellectual and spiritual than physical act.

I'm very spiritual and sex seems to me a kind of animalist, of course there are not many people engaged spiritual in to sex. I've always been like this, I'd preferred books , good films, good music to dating. I always tell that I'd would listen to full music album in the time period people have sex. On the other hand I wonder if I'm more ace or celibate.

Maybe in my spiritual life I'll try sex, Idk, but suppose it will be rather spiritual thing.

[Ryudrazon]

Personally, I think my brain is just wired that way. My brother had the same background as me and he's not asexual.

^^ Ditto (except I have a sister not a brother). there is nothing in my history which would "make" me asexual, no trauma, I new about sex before most others in my class etc. The only thing which might influence it is that I might have Aspergers Syndrome (waiting for a diagnosis) as there is apparently a slight correlation... but correlation doesn't = causality. I think I was born this way *shrug*.

Yeah, as someone who has Asperger's (diagnosed) and who goes to a school for Asperger's/Autism Spectrum people, I don't doubt that it contributes but it is quite decidedly NOT the determining factor... Of a school with ~100 ASD kids I'm one of three on the asexuality spectrum (so a bit higher than the standard believed 1%, but not by much).

[BangBang]

I have quite a few neuroses, there's no reason for me to assume that not wanting sex isn't another one.

I was heavily bullied at school and am a bit sensitive/protective so that's where most my neuroses come from.

[blahhumbug60]

a lot of people who have mental conditions such as agoraphobia, bipolar, schiz, add or whatever else tend to also be asexual. mainly because of the side effects or pills or both.

i am in the agoraphobia crowd, whether it has to do with that or not i dunno but still pointing it out

[Kanenas]

I am not fond of leaving it "Yeah, so I was born this way and you can totally see it in my DNA". No, I don't believe the latter part. But I also do not believe that we have to use mere theories about epigenetics like weapons. My answer is plain and simple, I am asexual because of the exact same reason I am autistic and not neurotypical. It's neurological. Why and how my brain is wired this way is another topic, really.

[CakeMonster64]

I'm demi-sexual, the reason why I choose this label is because I have no sex drive to go out there and screw as many women I want. Its because I have a very emotional sensitive personality that I am afraid to get hurt by someone. I feel no sexual attraction to someone I do not know personally I feel that my sex drive sets off if I have a emotional bond with someone dear to my heart that I am romantically attracted to.

[Schrecken]

I honestly have little idea as to why I'm grey-a. I just have never really had any desire to have sex with anyone. I was sexually abused as a child, but I'm pretty sure that did not cause me to become asexual (after all, many people are abused or traumatized in some way and are still fully sexual and become sexually attracted to others). I kinda wish I knew what, if anything, might have caused it, but I guess I'll never know.

[Isa]

Basically I think I was just born this way, but if someone came to me and claimed with solid proof the environment and other people could actually have something to do with it, I wouldn't be too surprised.

One of the reasons I was bullied in elementary school was because I wasn't in a "proper" relationship or hadn't experienced sex. I was 12-15 at the time and I got made fun of almost daily for not having anyone that would've put his dick inside me. For years I thought that was actually making me inferior to others, yet I felt no interest to do so. Also, the other students were changing their boy/girlfriends really fast and seemed to like to have sex with pretty much anyone - the more different people the better. One of them even got their first kid at the age of 14. She stayed in school as long as she could and everyone else were admiring her giant belly and congratulating, making it seem like it was the only proper option for any woman to do. For many years I associated sexual behaviour with generally being an irresponsible and rude asshole.

Later, when I found out that was not the case, I still couldn't bring myself to enjoy sexual things. I've had sex with my partners but only to please them, and always tried to avoid it when possible. I didn't enjoy it and they noticed it as well. Nowadays I wouldn't even do it. I've decided that if my current relationship with a sexual person didn't work because of lack of sex, I'd rather try and find another asexual or remain single.

It also disturbs me that for most of people sex is so important in a relationship it could ruin everything if it doesn't work. Even if trust, supporting each other, honesty etc. all the most important (in my eyes) pillars of a relationship would be perfect, they still seem to often crumble if there's something wrong with sex. I can't bring myself to understand it. Maybe I'm also a bit jealous of sexual people, because I'm unable to offer that kind of basic thing and thus I get more or less annoyed even if it's mentioned.

But yeah, despite of all the negative experiences and associations related to sex, I've never been interested in it. I'm pretty sure I've always been an asexual, but the external factors I grew up with sure haven't done anything to help me understand it. Instead they've, so to say, been driving me farther away.

[MadRat]

It also disturbs me that for most of people sex is so important in a relationship it could ruin everything if it doesn't work. Even if trust, supporting each other, honesty etc. all the most important (in my eyes) pillars of a relationship would be perfect, they still seem to often crumble if there's something wrong with sex. I can't bring myself to understand it.

This is surely the reason why I´m sex-repulsed and sex-negative. I don´t know if it´s a reason why I´m asexual too. I used to be gray-A and quite open to trying some specific types of sexual things but I´m not open to it now and I don´t think I´ll ever be again. The way how sex is typically used in this society is so disgusting it makes me physically sick just when I think about it.

I don´t understand how it is even possible to say:"I love my partner." and than basically rape that partner. Or break-up with someone who is perfect in all ways except of sex. Or stay with someone who is retarded asshole but very good in sex. I DON´T GET IT !

[romantic-woman]

I don't like the act, it seems cruel and repulsive to me. Well i don't like genitals so i can't have ANY attraction to anything that i don't find nice or attractive.

When i like a guy i don't desire the body but only his "mind" and "heart"