Asexual Test

[suikakujyu]

I have declared myself as an Asexual for 2 years, before I knew that it was an official orientation. I have read up some information about it and found a website which offered a test. But now the site is no longer running, but I filled it out. I want to get some input from other member to see if I am really asexual.

So here is the quiz and my answers :)

1. Do you feel "different"?

yes, I feel that I just can't to relate to people most of the time,especially when it comes to relationships and attraction

2. Have you always felt this way?

I realised it when I became a teenager, my friends would always see "hot" boys, and want to "get some" but I would never notice them or think they were attractive. I would spend most of my teenage years thinking I was an alien on a strange planet.

3. How do you feel about sex?

I don't like it, and I don't ever think about it. It never comes into my mind. Except when dating or relationships - then its a worry,because I don't want to do it. I don't think I could have it either,because I can't get aroused by thinking about sex

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

I don't think it was "normal" more dysfunctional

5. Were you abused?

Not abused. I would say emotionally neglected. My family gave me food, shelter, education, but not much love, encouragement or support. I did what ever I wanted good or bad, and they wouldn't say anything.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might

have triggered your aversion towards sex? When having sex I didn't like the look of it with my ex boyfriend.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

In high school I had 2 boyfriends

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

you react, and how did he/she react to that?

My first boyfriend was more like a mentor, teaching, supporting me,where my parents didn't. I had sex with him, because that is what you are suppose to do. It was always difficult to get aroused and I would use lube. The sensation felt like nothing special. But I did it because he enjoyed it. My second boyfriend was an old friend who became close, and I did it because thats what people in relationships do. Then after a while I began to hate looking at it and broke up. He was shocked and didn't know why I broke up with him, because everything was going well, but I couldn't handle having sex and anything sexual with him anymore(eg oral). I felt like a blow up doll.

9. Have you ever felt arroused?

Yes, maybe once or twice a year but not from sex or people.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Friendship yes, I really want to be close to people and share common interests like travel and sport. But I find it hard to make friends with men, because they always want something more which I cannot give.

11. Do you masturbate?

Maybe once or twice a year

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

No, I just wouldn't even think of doing it at all, with anything or anyone including myself

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

I have done that in the past. Now I think I would never do it again.It doesn't feel good letting someone use your body, I feel like a slutor a pro.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No. I just wouldn't do it. I know what it feels like and its really dull.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

I never like people - having crushes. If I do have a crush, its for 1 day. The longest was 2 weeks. Then suddenly I become unattracted tothem in that way. But I want to be close. Like sit next to them close, hug, hold hands or share deep conversation and thoughts. I like to be in the company of a special person. Just without anything sexual.

So I haven't had a relationship for about 4 years (since I turned 20).

But I have developed feelings for things that are not real. Like characters in a book, TV show, cartoon. I feel strongly about them,but never for people for a very long time.

Thank you for reading my test. I am confused about what I should do now. I have lived very happily for 4 years, single, until recently I met a friend who I like, but he wants to be more then friends. In the past, I have freaked out and stop talking with them, block phone,email and never to be seen again. But I think that now, its not a good way to dealing with it and I need some help and support about what I should do and when I encounter these sorts of problems.

[PiF]

I have read up some information about it and found a website which offered a test. But now the site is no longer running

Thank god for that

asexuality isn't an a+ or a b- ...it's a person

i have visions now of some daft twat looking at tests like these ..failing then saying..o doze i can't be asexual now

good grief ..where's the head in hands smiley?

[Asexy Existentialist]

If someone wants more than you do, you have to make your boundaries very clear, and try very hard to keep the mindset in the "friend zone." It's very hard work, and if you don't think it will help, it could be better to break it off. I had to lose several guy friends because they were clearly not interested in being just friends and it was always too awkward, annoying, and invasive-feeling.

I really liked the way you set up your introduction, with the asexual test! It made me realize that my answers were much the same, just more reassurance that I really am asexual. It also tells your story really well... I like intro posts that give a good background.

In any case, welcome to AVEN

[suikakujyu]

I agree that you shouldn't have to "prove" what your sexual orientation is with a test. It's up to the individual to decide for themselves, then stand strong in what why belive in.

Its so important to set boundaries, I agree, but then the fear of rejection is also there. It can be painful, having a close male friend who you really thought that you were close to, but then suddenly leaves when he knows he's not going to get some with you.

[Philip027]

Booooooooored!

1. Do you feel "different"?

Oftentimes, yes. Not necessarily in a bad way, though

2. Have you always felt this way?

Ace? Yep, just never knew what to call it

3. How do you feel about sex?

I think it's rather overemphasized. Is that even a word? Well, if it wasn't, it is now

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

I was rather sheltered, and I never even knew what sex was until I was around 14. Other than that... not really

5. Were you abused?

Nope

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

Not really any incident, just the realization that I don't want kids and very likely never will

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

Not really. Back at that time I would have said yes, but looking back on it now, I wouldn't really call it a legitimate relationship. Long story

9. Have you ever felt arroused?

I wouldn't even know what that's like.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

I'm a recluse; I can't really relate to the world around me in general. I can get along fine with adults (oftentimes, better than I can with younger people) but sexual topics usually sail right over my head

11. Do you masturbate?

Don't know how; don't care

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

Ugh, no

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

No. I don't think a relationship that needs sex to "save" it is worth saving in the first place

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

I can't say that's ever been a concern, but it's not something I'd care to do anyway

Thank you for reading my test. I am confused about what I should do now. I have lived very happily for 4 years, single, until recently I met a friend who I like, but he wants to be more then friends. In the past, I have freaked out and stop talking with them, block phone,email and never to be seen again. But I think that now, its not a good way to dealing with it and I need some help and support about what I should do and when I encounter these sorts of problems.

Assuming you don't reciprocate the feelings, the best thing you can do is just be blunt and tell him that flat out (without being a jerkass about it)

If he starts being a creeper and pursuing things, then yeah, you can do the whole shut-out thing

[Siggy]

Some historical context: That test comes from the Official Nonlibidoism Society (formerly known as the Official Asexual Society). It was actually used as a tool to exclude certain groups that they didn't like. For example, if you masturbated or had a history of sex, you might not "pass" the test. Nowadays the Nonlibidoism Society is defunct, which is probably a good thing.

See my blog for more info.

Of course, don't let that stop you from using the "test" as a tool to tell us your experiences.

[Guest member25959]

I have read up some information about it and found a website which offered a test. But now the site is no longer running.

Its up to you to decide if you are Asexual or not. Sure when you take a test, the results can re-assure you, but you shouldn't let an online test label you.

[samepage1]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Yes (with regard to relating with people about sex/relationships/etc.)

2. Have you always felt this way?

Yes.

3. How do you feel about sex?

It's not something I ever wanted to do. I couldn't envision myself doing it, but I figured I would want it in a relationship, and I thought I wanted a relationship. I didn't understand why relationships seemed to always involve sex if they were good relationships, but I accepted that they did, and thought it would apply to me as well. I made the mistake of thinking I wanted something that I really didn't even though I felt like I didn't. It was because I made the mistake of thinking I wanted a relationship, when I really didn't understand those.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

Basically, yes.

5. Were you abused?

No.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

No.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

I had two girlfriends; one sophomore year of college, one senior year of college. Both were a year younger than me.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

No. But the second one did engage sexually towards me and was rather aggressive about it. I'm so glad that we never got to having sex, but very bothered about what seems like everything else under the sun that we did, except that I'm sure there could have been much more that I cannot even imagine and don't ever want to know of it.

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

Yes.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

No. I've had a tough time even finding friends. I did much better in college than I had previously, and I've done even better since then.

11. Do you masturbate?

Yes.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

Huh? I can't even imagine how that would be.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

No. It's not worth saving if it needs sex to save it. I hope never again to get into a relationship where I have to go through the pain of losing it because it's not okay if it doesn't remain non-sexual.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

I want to have kids, and I want a parenting partner for whom my kids are equally theirs.

@ Kairi (the OP): I definitely relate to your number 5 answer. My parents were pretty much the same way. I was a normal child, but they didn't care much about me, so I was an very angry child. Instead of actually caring, they did have me see psychologists/a psychiatrist to "fix" me so I would be tolerable to them. It's been useful. Shrinks really do care about you--because you pay them to. It's the most basic kind of relationship you can have; no one in life cares about anything unless they are somehow "paid" to. So pass the check.

[BlackRose]

Some historical context: That test comes from the Official Nonlibidoism Society (formerly known as the Official Asexual Society). It was actually used as a tool to exclude certain groups that they didn't like. For example, if you masturbated or had a history of sex, you might not "pass" the test. Nowadays the Nonlibidoism Society is defunct, which is probably a good thing.

See my blog for more info.

Thanks for the blog link! I liked almost all of it, but I have a question for you:

Nowadays, "nonlibidoist" simply refers to someone without sex drive (ie doesn't masturbate), without all the exclusivity and elitism attached. Nonetheless, I discourage heavy use of the term, because it's just about the silliest identity distinction you could make. It's useful to show that some asexuals masturbate and some don't, but otherwise there isn't any major difference between the two groups. Also, not many people are interested in adopting an identity which places emphasis on the details of their private life.

I'm glad that we can talk about differences in sex drive and attraction without elitism, of course, but I'm not clear on the problem with identifying based on sex drive. It doesn't seem like a silly distinction at all to me; it actually seems just as fundamental (if not more) than attraction. Sex drive is in some sense a measure of how important sex is to you, which affects all sorts of things about how you think and live and have relationships.

When I first heard about asexuality, or when I introduce other sexuals to the concept, the first thing they think of is people without a sex drive: the idea that someone could have a sex drive but not have it directed at anyone else is a little more complicated, and one of the first things people wonder is "Do asexuals masturbate? How does that work?" I'm also not seeing how attraction is any less private than masturbation or sex drive: it's very personal and it involves strong internal emotions.

[kelseygurl]

1. Do you feel "different"?

I AM different

2. Have you always felt this way?

Yes.

3. How do you feel about sex?

I'm just not interested in it. I couldn't care less. I have no desire for any type of it.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

I was overprotected, growing up in an all Muslim community till I was 11 and then my parents...ehh...lets just say my family...split.

5. Were you abused?

No. I dont think so..

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

Not as far as I know.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

Nope.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

Nope.

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

Yes I guess.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Heck no. I dont relate to no one.

11. Do you masturbate?

Yes :redface:

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

No. That would just be slightly creepy. Not to mention boring.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

Probably not

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No i just dont want it. But thats another reason i dont want it.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

Nope

[Siggy]

BlackRose, put it this way:

I know many in the asexual community are libidoists and many are not. But I cannot for the life of me remember which are which. The fact of the matter is that few people make a big deal out of it, for various reasons.

If you as an individual find it important, by all means incorporate it into your identity! But my feeling is that most people with experience in the community decide that it is not so important, and the people who make the most out of it are people who haven't thought much about what impact such an identity would actually have. So when I discourage use of "nonlibidoist", I'm merely trying to pass on the conventional wisdom of crowds and of experience. If you think that's just nonsense, that you're your own individual, that you can identify how you want, well, yeah, you can.

[MadRat]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Yes. And not only about sexuality.

2. Have you always felt this way?

Yes

3. How do you feel about sex?

Confused to the death

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

No

5. Were you abused?

No

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might

have triggered your aversion towards sex?

Many incidents which were not sexual in any way, but influnced my self-confidence (or rather lack of it).

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

I tried to date a boyfriend. What a fu*king mistake...

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

you react, and how did he/she react to that?

No, we didn´t have sex (no kind of sex).

9. Have you ever felt arroused?

Yes

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

No. The main problem is my distrust to people.

11. Do you masturbate?

Every day.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

What? :lol: What do you mean by this? With a copy of myself? Nooo!!!

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

Saving relationship is nonsense.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

Yes, and I´m afraid of more things than just a pain (see above - this damned matter with no self-confidence)

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

I hate inconcrete questions!

[suikakujyu]

Some historical context: That test comes from the Official Nonlibidoism Society (formerly known as the Official Asexual Society). It was actually used as a tool to exclude certain groups that they didn't like. For example, if you masturbated or had a history of sex, you might not "pass" the test. Nowadays the Nonlibidoism Society is defunct, which is probably a good thing.

See my blog for more info.

Of course, don't let that stop you from using the "test" as a tool to tell us your experiences.

Thanks for the link! I never realised that the test came from an exclusive and elitist group. I'm new to all the terms and labels that people identify with (I didn't realise there were so many!!). Can't people just accept asexual come in all shapes and sizes and don't have to match an exact criteria to be accepted/labelled as one? I can't believe that you had to "pass" this test to be allowed into that group, that’s ridiculous! I'm glad its shut down!!

I used this test as more of an introduction and validation that other people have similar thoughts and experiences...not that there are any right or wrong answers.

[lonewolf5419]

1. Do you feel "different"?

not really different

2. Have you always felt this way?

I have never had sexual feelings I never wanted to makeout with anyone in high school.

3. How do you feel about sex?

I'm just not interested in it. If I'm pushed into preforming I get depressed after, I have no desire to have sex, I feel empty and lonely after.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

YES

5. Were you abused?

no

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

no

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

YES I've had both

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

The same way I didn't want sex, I'm not interested. They moved on

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

never

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

YES

11. Do you masturbate?

sometimes to relieve the pressure but there is no pleasure.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

No that would be very weird

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

I did it left feeling depressed and lonely. I started resenting that person for wanting sex and not understanding my feeling.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

Yes.

16. If your partner wanted you to use sex toys would you?

No that would freak me out.

[thylacine]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Sometimes.

2. Have you always felt this way?

Sometimes yes, and sometimes no.

3. How do you feel about sex? It doesn't interest me.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

Mostly. I was a real dull kid. I did not smoke dope or get into much trouble. Wasn't popular, either. You needed to smoke dope to be popular.

5. Were you abused?

Not physically. Verbally, yeah, sure. But doesn't everyone get that in life?

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex? No... Can't think of anything.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

Yeah. This guy wanted me to quit college to marry him. I quit him instead.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

you react, and how did he/she react to that?

I told him I was going home, and he better drive me home, and that was that.

9. Have you ever felt arroused?

Not much, not really.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Yeah. I have the same responsibilities, bills & work & such, except I have no kids.

11. Do you masturbate?

No.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

No. What a waste of time.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

Who the hell needs a relationship?

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

Nope.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire? Nope.

[Tobias]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Definitely.

2. Have you always felt this way?

Yep.

3. How do you feel about sex?

No, thank you. The idea seems kind of gross to me, and I can't really understand why anyone would want to do it.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

I don't know. I guess not. My mom's family is liberal Christian, my dad's was Neopagan. Due to this, they were fairly open about everything and I understood nearly everything about puberty and sex by first or second grade. My dad ended up with schizophrenia and committed suicide when I was about eight, and Mom married another guy whose family was mostly Catholic, excluding the man himself. They have not influenced me, though.

5. Were you abused?

Never.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

Being transsexual may have triggered my aversion, but I don't think so.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

I've had a girlfriend, but no legitimate boyfriends yet.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

No, we were both too young and mature enough to realize it.

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

Yeah.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Better than people my age, sure.

11. Do you masturbate?

Yes--not that you really need to know that.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

I MIGHT try it out of curiosity, but even then I doubt that I would enjoy it.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

No. If the other person needs sex, then they are obviously not for me.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

Not that I cam think of.

[Sockstealingnome]

You know, I was going to say all you have to do is make it clear to the person that you aren't interested in them in that way. I've done that plenty of times in the past with male friends and have never had any kind of problems. But the more I thought about it, the same guys I rejected slowly pulled away and we were not close friends anymore. We would still hang out on the rare occasion, but the friendship was certainly not the same. Maybe I'm just looking into it too much and really it had more to do with friends just pulling away over time than anything. So I guess I'm not really any help, sorry. But I can add that it's perfectly normal to have emotional attachments to book characters; it means the author did their job.

1. Do you feel "different"?

A little bit. I feel different in that I never recognize the "hot guys" but I've never had problems fitting in just fine with the sexual crowd.

2. Have you always felt this way?

Sort of. In middle school I did want a boyfriend but I think that had more to do with the fact that everybody was dating and that, that's just what people do. I bought into it since I'm kind of a romantic as according to the artistic movement. I would come up with elaborate fantasies for dates but though I never paid much attention to the person, I dreamed up picturesque settings like you would find in a Thomas Kinkade painting.

3. How do you feel about sex?

Haven't had it but don't care one way or the other.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

Pretty decently normal. Sure, my parents pushed me too hard to be the best in academics but that's normal for Asian parents.

5. Were you abused?

Not really, at least nothing that crippled me and I wasn't able to overcome.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might

have triggered your aversion towards sex?

I don't have an aversion towards sex. I don't really see the need to go out and have sex, but if it happened, I could take it or leave it.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

Nope, none at all. I could never bring myself to say yes even though everybody was doing it, and I didn't see anything inherently wrong about it.

8. If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

you react, and how did he/she react to that?

Not applicable.

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

Now I have heard that people say arousal and horniness are different. To the former, yes, but the more that I expose myself to the triggers, the less effect it has on me. To the latter, yes that happens, too, and usually coincides with that time of the month.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Absolutely, but I've always had a lot of empathy. I can see why they want relationships, but I can also see that it's not for me.

11. Do you masturbate?

About as much as the average person.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

Wouldn't this just be masturbating? In that case, yes I do quite enjoy it.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

Wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place, but let's say I were, I'd probably try it.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

I am afraid of the pain, to be honest, but if I had sex, it would be out of curiosity than a desire. Is it really as awesome as everyone seems to think it is?

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionnaire?

This test seems to have covered the basics. Maybe it would be good to mention somehow that you can have a high sex drive but still be asexual.

[Setarcos]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Yes, I many times think differently from average people. But it's never been in a negative way.

2. Have you always felt this way?

I occasionally feel different in terms of ideas, thought, value, etc. However, my undergrade degree was philosophy which made me think and feel differently.

3. How do you feel about sex?

Hardly think about it. Just don't want it, especially physically.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

I think so.

5. Were you abused?

Never.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might

Don't know but I can't think of any specific incident.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

No. I am 28 and never have any kind of romantic relationship.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

9. Have you ever felt arroused?

Not often and not from sex. Sometimes (a couple of times in a whole year) I felt a bit excited /arroused when reading mild erotic stories but my feeling's just gone if the stories were too erotic.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Yes. I have many friends and a couple of closed friends from both sexes. People said I am quite friendly but a little bit quiet at first.

11. Do you masturbate?

Never.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

No.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

No. I don't want that kind of relationship. I will explain to them first but if they insist, we will break up (never happen).

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No. I feel a little bit uncomfortable about it but not being afraid. Just don't like people from opporsite sex touching me.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

I cannot tell the difference between friendship and lover. For me, love have only one definition and be applied to everything in the world: family, friends, pets, animal etc. By the way, my closest friend is a man. We are just friends who can talk to each other about anything and everything. We trust each other. But I never have romantic feeling for him. Actually, we have been friends for around 6 years and he used to tell me a few years ago that he began to feel more than friend. I told him that I didn't know the different between lovers and friends and I didn't recognise romantic feeling. He accepted it and we are still closest friends until now. We respect each other decision and feeling.

By the way, I'm not American or European. I'm Asian. It is quite normal for schoolchildren not having any romantic relationship. We just 'grow up' slower than many westerners. That helped me a lot because most of my friends during high school did not have boy/girlfriends. I never feel alienated. However, a few years ago I began to question myself why I never feel interested in having boyfriend or attracted to any gender while my friends began to have that kind of relationship. Then, I searched about asexuality.

[Vdougie]

1. Do you feel "different"?Yes. In a way, because unlike most people, I do not feel sexual attraction toward people.

2. Have you always felt this way?Well, when I was a small child in first grade, I remember fantasizing about being with a girl from class, but this must have been a phase, because I never desired a strong romantic or sexual attraction to anyone my whole life.

3. How do you feel about sex?

I am somewhat indifferent to it. I watch porn and yiff sometimes just to help me get off sometimes, but overall it can be a bonding experience for some people, but for me it is a waste of time. Sex in a way can be a selfish urge that some people use for self-gratification and not for love.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?For the most part it was "normal" I got alot of spankings and been yelled at alot, but doesn't most people.

5. Were you abused?

Sexually, no. But physically, mentally and emotionally, yes. I do not remember the events, but my dad use to tell me that my mom has beat me so bad with a belt, one day he noticed that I would flinch when he raised his hand to scratch his head when we were at my grandma's house. This happened with my two younger brothers as well. I'm not going to tell you what my dad did to my mom when he found out my mom beat me. It is private. But, now my mom and me are good to each other. My mom isn't a bad person, but she just couldn't handle my bad behavior when I was a child. I have also been bullied in school before that was mostly mentally and emotion, but rarely physical. I do not think this influenced my asexuality in the slightest.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might

have triggered your aversion towards sex? No, I think I was always this way.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

No. I went to prom with a girl once; but I never had any feelings for her except for maybe friendship.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

you react, and how did he/she react to that?

Nobody ever tried to have sex with me.

9. Have you ever felt arroused?Yes. I feel aroused all the time, but my sex drive was pretty high during my teenage years. Now my libido is very low.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?Friendship yes, but I never never want to seek sexually or romantic relationships. I don't mind making friends, but being in sexual or romantic relationship, I can never do.

11. Do you masturbate?Yes, all the time.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?No, what would be the point in that? And that is a weird question.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?I have never been in a relationship, but if I was, I wouldn't do it because that would mean that the relationship would be based on sex and not love, and would make me feel dirty and used.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?No. Curiosity killed the cat. And sex wouldn't do anything for me, not that I am afraid of it or it would hurt.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?No.

[Moon Thief]

1. Do you feel "different"?

All the time.

2. Have you always felt this way?

About the time puberty hit,

3. How do you feel about sex?

I have absolutely no interest in it.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

Yes.

5. Were you abused?

No.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

No.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

Yes.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

He did try, but I always said no. I hated doing any type of sexual activities. He said he understood, but he always tried doing it anyways.

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

Yes, unfortunately.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Yes, I find them interesting to talk to and I like the maturity level they have.

11. Do you masturbate?

Rarely.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

No.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

No.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No.

[weathered fair]

1. Do you feel "different"?

I suspect that most people share most fundamental things in common. There are times when I'm more aware of the differences between myself and others, but the similarities usually stand out to me more than anything else.

So no?

2. Have you always felt this way?

Pretty much. Though I don't think I've always been able to articulate it.

3. How do you feel about sex?

Seems good in theory, but maybe not in practice- at least not for me.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

What is this even supposed to mean? Normal in relation to what standard...?

5. Were you abused?

Technically yes. But I suspect most people experience things in their childhoods that can be construed as abuse.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might

have triggered your aversion towards sex?

If there is, I'm not aware of it.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

Not really.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

you react, and how did he/she react to that?

n/a

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

Yes. But sometimes it's by completely non-sexual things such as getting an A+ or doing a really good drawing. I don't even.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Certainly. I typically get along better with people who are older than I am, for whatever odd reason.

11. Do you masturbate?

Yep.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

Uhh...With MYSELF? Isn't that the same as incest? No thank you! xD

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

Only if it were because a situation where my lover was dying from a terminal illness that could only be cured via sexy time. Other than that, a relationship that needs sex to survive doesn't seem like it would be worth saving...though I'm not liable to get into a "relationship" in the first place since I really don't see others that way.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

I don't think that it would hurt physically, but it seems like there would possibly be a lot of social prerequisites and repercussions for having it. While I'm kind of indifferent to the idea of having sex by itself, completely out of context, all of these aspects that come along with it make it seem totally not worth it.

[Vampyremage]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Yes very much so and most of those differences don't have anything to do with my asexuality. That's part of it, certainly, but its just one piece of the puzzle that is me.

2. Have you always felt this way?

I've always known I was different although I think that recently I've come to realize that in some ways I am a lot more different than I realized in the past.

3. How do you feel about sex?

I have very positive views of sex in the abstract. I think that anything to do with sex and sexual activities is wonderful so long as the people involved are consenting and fully informed adults. Sex on a personal level, however, I just don't have any interest in. Been there, done that, didn't do much for me and would rather not do it again.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

Depends what is meant by "normal". I think more normal than some less normal than others.

5. Were you abused?

Nope can't say that I was.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might

have triggered your aversion towards sex?

I don't think so. I had a very pro sex and pro sexuality upbringing and I have never had a particularly negative sexual experience, beyond just not being interested in it and it not doing much for me.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

I've been in several serious relationships.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

you react, and how did he/she react to that?

I have been in several serious and sexual relationships with males. I was never the one to initiate sex and never had an interest in sex. To me, sex was a chore but it was something that was "expected" in the context of a serious relationship. I loved my partners and I wanted to make them feel loved in return. It was "understood" that sex was one of the main ways of doing so. As time went on, however, the chore became more and more unpleasant and I was less and less willing to put up with it.

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

Yes but it has little to do with people and more to do with fantasies of situations.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

I can relate do adults a whole lot better than I can relate to children. Overall I would say there are some things that I relate to with people better than others, however.

11. Do you masturbate?

Yup when I'm bored, although not too often. It still feels good even if I don't feel driven to do it.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

If by that you mean masturbate, then yes and I do thank you very much. Otherwise...I don't think I understand the question.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

Been there done that. I feel sex is too much of a burden and a personal sacrifice and not something that I am willing to compromise on any longer.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

I kind of like pain in the right context, so no that's not really a concern. Plus, as mentioned before, been there done that and it doesn't really hurt in my experience, although it certainly can be kind of uncomfortable and all those fluids are kind of icky.

[test account]

A post.

[Squick]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Who doesn't? My word, a world of clones would be boring. And no, I don't just mean we're all different in cutesy superficial ways. I mean I actually suspect that everyone feels that they're "not normal" in some way. You know, those feelings of, "Everyone else seems to be able to handle this fine. Why can't I?" I think we'd find that "everyone else" thinks the same thing. We are all living a lie! LOL.

2. Have you always felt this way?

Well, yeah.

3. How do you feel about sex?

For me or others? For me, I want no part of it. I've had it, and it was terrible. But it happens, blah blah. I've probably gotten to a good place now, if for no other reason than because there's no one wanting it from me, so I don't have to deal with it except in the ways I choose to (or not).

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

That would depend on what normal is--I think if we use normal as average, we mean a less than stellar childhood, as I suspect that's the average. I had two parents who loved me, school, a home, toys, all that. There was nothing I lacked. It was as good as anyone could reasonably hope for. I didn't even want a pony, so no disappointments there.

5. Were you abused?

No, unless I'm repressing it, in which case, I wouldn't know.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

I'd be tempted to say doing it before I was ready or out of pressure to do it when everyone else had and all that usual teenage stuff, but that's just it--it's the usual teenage stuff. I doubt I had a wildly different first time from most.

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

Yes, 4.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

Oddly phrased..."did he ever try to have sex with you"...I have this image of him making an attempt on me, like coming at me with his penis out in attack mode, LOL. Anyway, we had sex, yes, and it sucked. And not in a good sexual way.

9. Have you ever felt arroused?

I did today, yes.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

I guess...? I'm not married and have no kids or mortgage, so not in those areas.

11. Do you masturbate?

Yep. Tonight, LOL.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

That's what I did tonight. :D

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

I wouldn't be in a relationship, first. Second, that's pretty much why I had it--because he wanted to and was getting pissy about it.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No. I know it would hurt. It hurts like a b*tch.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

No.

[Lilie]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Unfortunately yes, since puberty.

2. Have you always felt this way?

Particularly since puberty, but I often hear that I was a strange child. I'm definitely from another planet.

3. How do you feel about sex?

Uncomfortable. I can't imagine what's so great about it and I wouldn't do it.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

Yes and no. My father was very authoritative and he beat me when I was younger; my mother looked away and my oldest sister abandoned me and my younger sisters when she turned 18. The middle school was a nightmare - because of my insecurities and my position as an outsider I was an easy target for bullies. But I have overcome it and so I don't think that has anything do to with my asexuality. My parents were also often kind to me and I can't say that I grew up without love.

5. Were you abused?

No.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might

have triggered your aversion towards sex?

No, I don't think so. There are tons of people out there who didn't have a happy childhood. Are they all asexuals?

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

A boyfriend. It was a desaster because he couldn't understand not wanting sex.

8. If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did

you react, and how did he/she react to that?

Yes, the fool did! I punched him in his nether regions and kicked him to the floor with a judo kick, despite me being thin and small. :lol: Maybe I've scared him. I hope so.

9. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

Not really. Their conversations bore me and I'm easily annoyed by them. It's the same with younger ones. But there are exceptions and I'm really glad about it!

10. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

You mean physically? Like with a man or a woman? Urgh!!! Never! You know, that's really a weird question!

11. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

It's not worth it. I don't connect love with sex and never will.

12. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

No. I don't like the idea of sex because for me it's kind of bizarre.

[BlackRose]

BlackRose, put it this way:

I know many in the asexual community are libidoists and many are not. But I cannot for the life of me remember which are which. The fact of the matter is that few people make a big deal out of it, for various reasons.

If you as an individual find it important, by all means incorporate it into your identity! But my feeling is that most people with experience in the community decide that it is not so important, and the people who make the most out of it are people who haven't thought much about what impact such an identity would actually have. So when I discourage use of "nonlibidoist", I'm merely trying to pass on the conventional wisdom of crowds and of experience. If you think that's just nonsense, that you're your own individual, that you can identify how you want, well, yeah, you can.

I see this has been "post of the week" for a while now! Congratulations. :)

I don't really understand what you mean about the impact a libidoist identity would have. Do you mean it would have some negative impact?

I have to object to calling it "silly" though. I'm not quite sure whether I experience attraction of various types, but one thing I do know is that sex and my sex drive are very important to my identity. Being libidoist comes first for me, and all the details about attraction and gender and orientation are secondary. I don't find it silly at all.

[Siggy]

BlackRose, put it this way:

I know many in the asexual community are libidoists and many are not. But I cannot for the life of me remember which are which. The fact of the matter is that few people make a big deal out of it, for various reasons.

If you as an individual find it important, by all means incorporate it into your identity! But my feeling is that most people with experience in the community decide that it is not so important, and the people who make the most out of it are people who haven't thought much about what impact such an identity would actually have. So when I discourage use of "nonlibidoist", I'm merely trying to pass on the conventional wisdom of crowds and of experience. If you think that's just nonsense, that you're your own individual, that you can identify how you want, well, yeah, you can.

I see this has been "post of the week" for a while now! Congratulations. :)

I don't really understand what you mean about the impact a libidoist identity would have. Do you mean it would have some negative impact?

I have to object to calling it "silly" though. I'm not quite sure whether I experience attraction of various types, but one thing I do know is that sex and my sex drive are very important to my identity. Being libidoist comes first for me, and all the details about attraction and gender and orientation are secondary. I don't find it silly at all.

The impact of a libidoist/nonlibidoist identity is that it puts focus on one's private behavior. Most people don't want the focus to be there, not publicly, not for extended periods of time. And there are a lot of sexuals who don't seem to realize this, because they haven't spent a minute to think about it. However, I can see that this reasoning might not apply to everyone equally. For instance, some people only use identities for their own enlightenment, or only within the asexual community. Others might not mind that this places focus on masturbation. Perhaps I should not characterize this position as "silly".

Do you publicly identify as libidoist, or is it just for your own understanding?

[BlackRose]

BlackRose, put it this way:

I know many in the asexual community are libidoists and many are not. But I cannot for the life of me remember which are which. The fact of the matter is that few people make a big deal out of it, for various reasons.

If you as an individual find it important, by all means incorporate it into your identity! But my feeling is that most people with experience in the community decide that it is not so important, and the people who make the most out of it are people who haven't thought much about what impact such an identity would actually have. So when I discourage use of "nonlibidoist", I'm merely trying to pass on the conventional wisdom of crowds and of experience. If you think that's just nonsense, that you're your own individual, that you can identify how you want, well, yeah, you can.

I see this has been "post of the week" for a while now! Congratulations. :)

I don't really understand what you mean about the impact a libidoist identity would have. Do you mean it would have some negative impact?

I have to object to calling it "silly" though. I'm not quite sure whether I experience attraction of various types, but one thing I do know is that sex and my sex drive are very important to my identity. Being libidoist comes first for me, and all the details about attraction and gender and orientation are secondary. I don't find it silly at all.

The impact of a libidoist/nonlibidoist identity is that it puts focus on one's private behavior. Most people don't want the focus to be there, not publicly, not for extended periods of time. And there are a lot of sexuals who don't seem to realize this, because they haven't spent a minute to think about it. However, I can see that this reasoning might not apply to everyone equally. For instance, some people only use identities for their own enlightenment, or only within the asexual community. Others might not mind that this places focus on masturbation. Perhaps I should not characterize this position as "silly".

Do you publicly identify as libidoist, or is it just for your own understanding?

I see what you mean... I hadn't thought of it as people saying "I masturbate," which could be very private especially for asexuals. I was thinking more as people identifying as not having a sex drive, and so not understanding all the importance people place on sex. If I never got hungry I'd find people's interests in cooking and restaurants and trying new foods to be very baffling.

I think for a lot of sexuals, sexuality isn't as private as it is for asexuals, just because it's often the default assumption that relationships are sexual. For instance, when people identify as gay, straight, poly, or in an open relationship, they're usually saying something about their sexuality. Sexual orientation is usually understood as who you're interested in sex with (or who you have sex with), not just about love or romance.

Asexuals with a sex drive are in some sense harder for sexuals (well, at least me) to understand: until I discovered this community, I had always thought of a sex drive as being directed at someone. I would imagine I would be very frustrated and unhappy if I had a sex drive, but I couldn't express it towards anyone. But, when I was a kid, before I dated or had relationships, I would masturbate just for the pleasure and satisfaction, and it didn't feel incomplete because it wasn't shared with another person. Even so, I still thought about female bodies so it's still hard to understand.

I suspect a lot of the confusion and ignorance that many people have about asexuals is based on this distinction: it's easy to understand people without a sex drive, but understanding asexuality as the lack of sexual attraction requires distinguishing between the sex drive and attraction, which is a distinction that I suspect most sexuals don't make or think about.

Do I identify as libidonist in public? I guess it depends on what you mean. I don't go around saying "Hi, I have a sex drive" but I don't consider it a private fact or a secret, and in a conversation about sex or relationships I would certainly bring it up if appropriate. If someone asked I would have no problem answering. It's sort of like asking if I identify as straight in public, in that it's the majority/default identity.

[SquirrelCat]

I'm bored as Hell, here's the result :lol:

1. Do you feel "different"?

Yes. I always felt somewhat detached and different from society around me… as if I don’t perceive it the same way as the majority of people does.

2. Have you always felt this way?

Yes. I always known I'm Ace but I only recently found a word for it.

I was never good at making friends with other children, they were not like me… as I grew up I never found anyone as being “attractive” (boy or girl) I never noticed anything that had to do with romance, relationships, love, attraction or lust.

I spent most of my teenage years being “detached” from social interaction, I had friends, but I never felt connected to people on an emotional level, and definitely not on a sexual.

3. How do you feel about sex?

I don't like it, the thought sometimes enters my mind and every time that happens I don’t ever get aroused; I feel disgusted. I never been able to see the point of sex (other than for the sake of reproduction, (which I don’t give a shit about))

I hate the entire dating/relationship thing, I feel exposed and vulnerable. I’m always convinced the person is going to demand sex and therefore I avoid it at all costs.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

My family is upper class… but I cannot refert to my childhood as "normal", more “broken” in a sense. Slightly dysfunctional but I wouldn’t refer to it as entirely dysfunctional. If I were to describe my life with one word it would have to be “Detached”.

Was I neglected? Yes, but I don’t blame my mom for it, she had enough on her table to deal with.

As far as my family goes: no ones emotions matters other than my aunt’s and my grandmother’s. As long as they get there emotional needs met, what the rest of the family feels does not matter at all, (the rest of the family exists for their sake and to do their biding according to them)

If you don’t meet their “demands” then they’ll make you feel guilty and inadequate. What I felt has never mattered; and I’m the one who had to watch my father die in front of my eyes when I was little kid.

5. Were you abused?

Psychologically/emotionally a little bit. But I don’t technically refer to it as abuse more neglect. It affects me still today; I have a hard time dealing with criticism without going defensive, because all I ever got from my family was critic. I was never good enough, but I know I’m good (I tutor all my friends).

As a kid I could do whatever I wanted to do, good or bad without repercussions, my mom wouldn’t say anything.

My mom told me when I was 10 “Do whatever you want, drink, smoke, or do drugs; but remember that all you do is your own responsibility and not mine.”

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

Well I’m physically female I can’t deny that, but I am Gender Fluid and don’t identify as either gender emotionally and mentally. As for my aversion to sex one reason might be lack of male influence… there are no men in my family except for my uncle but we only see each other twice a year. But that wouldn’t explain why I’m Gender Fluid. There are all kinds of women types in my family; tomboys, girly-girls, annoying teenage bitches etc…

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

in 4th grade I had a boy friend, but we weren’t technically a couple….

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

We were 10! Of course we didn’t have sex. But I never though much about the body’s physical gender or sex; the boys in my class used to come to me and ask what a pussy looked like, and I would pull my pant down and show them… I never felt humiliated or weird about doing that, (disgusting as a pussy is) it’s only physical, nothing else, and it’s better to educated people than to hide it.

9. Have you ever felt aroused?

Maybe once or twice a year but not from sex or people. (at least I think the feeling is arousal, I’m not sure… could simply be giddiness XD)

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

In a connection-to-the-world sense: No. But as Friends: Yes a few times and No most of the time.

I want to be close to people who are outgoing and talk active because I’m not myself and I need friends who can take the first step. I have no problem with either male or female friends. But I have never viewed men or women in a sexual way, not once!

11. Do you masturbate?

I try maybe once or twice a year; it does not work out…

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

Selfcest?! No! I don’t want or desire sex with anything or anyone including myself…

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

No. I’m Aromantic so hopefully I’ll never have to do that. Besides sex is not a way to save a relationship, neither is a kid.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

NO! I don’t want to do it and I don’t want to have anything to do with anything even remotely linked to sex…

(I tried sex once, and it’s not worth it… it’s pointless, stupid and leads to nothing else than a feeling of slight disgust and indifference.)

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionnaire?

I’ve never liked people. I’ve never been attracted to anyone.

I might on occasion think a person, looks good but not in a “that person is attractive” sense more, that person dresses well or have good hair sense.

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

1. Do you feel "different"?

Absolutely, in more than one fashion. Different interests, different hobbies, and apparently different morals.

2. Have you always felt this way?

In retrospect, yes. I've always had crushes, and I thought that my refusal to notice anyone unless I had a romantic attraction to them was some kind of moral feminist thing. And even when I had a crush, I couldn't picture myself doing anything like that with them, because why would I want to? As much as I loved the people I loved, I couldn't picture it happening to me.

3. How do you feel about sex?

I have no idea how people can just have sex without knowing each other - I mean, what is with that? I can only think about it as the most physically intimate expression of love, something I'd only do with someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. I can't bear the idea of "casual" sex, because it makes no sense to me.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

Aside from bullying and, later in my childhood years, therapy tests to see if I was an aspie, yeah, it was pretty normal.

5. Were you abused?

Only by my school peers, if you can call bullying abuse. My parents were, and still are, perfectly kind and loving people.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

Boys in my class would find it simply HILARIOUS to grab my ass and call me sexy just to see my reaction - which would always be to yell at them and make a scene, because how DARE they even think of trying to touch me like that?!

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

No, although not for lack of interest in romance.

8. -If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

9. Have you ever felt arroused?

Yeah, but not because of people.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

I can make friends alright, but I suppose my asexiness has affected my attitude to other things, and it really shows when I talk to more sexual people.

11. Do you masturbate?

I used to, but it did nothing interesting, so I stopped.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

...What exactly does this question mean? Like, if I found a gender-bent version of myself from a parallel dimension, would I sleep with them? Or if I could actually screw myself, then would I do it? That's just poor wording, I'm afraid. And probably not, because it would lack the romantic aspect that I think is required.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

Maybe. But then, if he/she truly loved me, then s/he'd know me well enough to know that I might not be up to that.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

If I get into a serious romantic relationship, then I might do it out of curiosity or love. I'm kinda worried it would hurt, but I think I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionaire?

The one thing I would love is to have a romantic relationship, but in my own terms. My asexiness, before I knew what it was, has sort of ruined my chances in the past, but now I know why I'm so different, I'm proud. I'm proud, and I hope I can find a man or woman who can understand that.