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Can we settle this once and for all? Do sexuals get sexually attracted to strangers?


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IceAngelChild

Not all sexuals feel a one night stand.

Um, a one night stand is something one does, not something one feels.

I meant by "not all sexuals feel a one night stand" is that not all sexuals feel that they should make an early move..
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Squirrel Combat

I think generally when a sexual sees an appealing stranger, yes, they may wish they had a genie which could grant their wish of a one night stand with said stranger.

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I think generally when a sexual sees an appealing stranger, yes, they may wish they had a genie which could grant their wish of a one night stand with said stranger.

I still think that's a bad generalization. People can be very happy with their partner and not even think about sex with other people for example...also, being sexual doesn't mean aesthetic appeal is the only criteria for experiencing sexual attraction. Some sexuals find the idea of one night stands extremely unappealing.

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Down in Texas

In my opinion, at least for me, when a sexual is sexually and/or emotionally satisfied in their relationship be it a mixed relationship or not you do not look for or see anyone else as sexually attractive since your needs are being met by your partner.

Once I was in a committed relationship I simply never thought to look beyond what I already had. Even while I was young and dating I believed that a person’s integrity and respect came from their loyalty to themselves and the person they were dating by holding that person and only that person in the highest regard by not desiring someone else while involved with another.

I feel a lot of the problems today are made by a person’s search for instant gratification and not taking the time to see if the person they are with is compatible in other areas beside sexually. I was taught that you are looking for a mate when you date and that you should not date someone you do not find holds the same interest and morals as yourself. When you sale yourself short and do not wait for the right person you set yourself up for a lifetime of heartache. I feel this has been lost in the current race to find instant gratification that often leads to short term joy and not the long term deep connection that could be found if you look for a non-sexual bond first. Sex should not be the soul or main factor in a relationship for when the glow of sex dies there is nothing left to hold the relationship together.

A relationship build to last has much more than sex as its center.

I do not believe your question can be answered "once and for all" because everyone is different and no two people hold the same things or values as their primary need.

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WhenSummersGone

I agree^. I find looking for a mate would be better than just someone to have sex with.

This is what I usually go by for the definition of sexual attraction:

Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.

If I find the book I'll let you know. It doesn't seem unusual at all to me, it does to you. You think a lot differently about sex than I do, so the fact that you find this unbelievable doesn't seem unusual to me either.

So if a woman were to feel some spark of arousal or desire from someone's voice, accent, appearance, or anything else, but not actually want to have sex with the person, would you consider that sexual attraction?

I personally do not.

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I agree^. I find looking for a mate would be better than just someone to have sex with.

This is what I usually go by for the definition of sexual attraction:

Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.

If I find the book I'll let you know. It doesn't seem unusual at all to me, it does to you. You think a lot differently about sex than I do, so the fact that you find this unbelievable doesn't seem unusual to me either.

So if a woman were to feel some spark of arousal or desire from someone's voice, accent, appearance, or anything else, but not actually want to have sex with the person, would you consider that sexual attraction?

I personally do not.

For a lot of sexuals, sexual attraction is just a feeling or thought that happens when something about someone attracts them... it can be subtle. It isn't always like "I want to have sex with that person." Sometimes it's just "that person is kinda sexy." Sometimes little things about someone just get your interest or turn you on a little, even if you don't literally want sex with them.

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I agree^. I find looking for a mate would be better than just someone to have sex with.

This is what I usually go by for the definition of sexual attraction:

Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.

If I find the book I'll let you know. It doesn't seem unusual at all to me, it does to you. You think a lot differently about sex than I do, so the fact that you find this unbelievable doesn't seem unusual to me either.
So if a woman were to feel some spark of arousal or desire from someone's voice, accent, appearance, or anything else, but not actually want to have sex with the person, would you consider that sexual attraction?
I personally do not.
For a lot of sexuals, sexual attraction is just a feeling or thought that happens when something about someone attracts them... it can be subtle. It isn't always like "I want to have sex with that person." Sometimes it's just "that person is kinda sexy." Sometimes little things about someone just get your interest or turn you on a little, even if you don't literally want sex with them.

I wouldn't consider that sexual attraction then...it sounds more like aesthetic attraction. There are all kinds of attraction, up to and including romantic attraction that people experience, but part of sexual attraction is the wanting to have sex bit (or at least considering it, if the circumstances were right). I think sexual people and asexual people often experience attraction in similar ways, but desiring sexual interaction with that person is not there for asexuals...hence "people who don't experience sexual attraction".

This is also part of the reason I say that the one night stand or wanting sex with strangers is not a given for all sexual people...some of us do feel sexually attracted to someone after we get to know them, not before.

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WhenSummersGone

I agree^. I find looking for a mate would be better than just someone to have sex with.

This is what I usually go by for the definition of sexual attraction:

Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.

If I find the book I'll let you know. It doesn't seem unusual at all to me, it does to you. You think a lot differently about sex than I do, so the fact that you find this unbelievable doesn't seem unusual to me either.
So if a woman were to feel some spark of arousal or desire from someone's voice, accent, appearance, or anything else, but not actually want to have sex with the person, would you consider that sexual attraction?
I personally do not.

For a lot of sexuals, sexual attraction is just a feeling or thought that happens when something about someone attracts them... it can be subtle. It isn't always like "I want to have sex with that person." Sometimes it's just "that person is kinda sexy." Sometimes little things about someone just get your interest or turn you on a little, even if you don't literally want sex with them.

I feel the actual want counts as sexual attraction for me. I can usually somewhat see myself dating someone if I'm romantically attracted to them. Also I can't even see people as sexy unless I have deep emotions for them.

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I'm possibly in the minority of sexuals when I say this, but I simply find strangers aesthetically appealing (or even very beautiful/handsome occasionally). That really is from a viewpoint of "wow your proportions are excellent" (I draw, this is a thing I evaluate) and not linked to physical attraction. I don't want to touch and most certainly don't want to have sex with them, but they're pleasing to my eye.

I also can't enjoy live action porn because it's awkward to me to watch random people engage in sex. Written or drawn/animated stuff is excellent, though.

On the flipside, I do sometimes experience certain shades of sexual attraction towards my close friends; although it tends to merely result in hugs or cuddles I probably wouldn't be opposed to it going further. If there's a lot of attraction on multiple levels including sexual ones, that's when I conclude it to be a "crush".

So uhm yes, the generalization that this is an all-sexuals-do-this thing is, err, generalizing. Stahp it. :V

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Feral_Sophisticate

^^^ This.

Totally bang-on.

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I agree^. I find looking for a mate would be better than just someone to have sex with.

This is what I usually go by for the definition of sexual attraction:

Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.

If I find the book I'll let you know. It doesn't seem unusual at all to me, it does to you. You think a lot differently about sex than I do, so the fact that you find this unbelievable doesn't seem unusual to me either.
So if a woman were to feel some spark of arousal or desire from someone's voice, accent, appearance, or anything else, but not actually want to have sex with the person, would you consider that sexual attraction?
I personally do not.
For a lot of sexuals, sexual attraction is just a feeling or thought that happens when something about someone attracts them... it can be subtle. It isn't always like "I want to have sex with that person." Sometimes it's just "that person is kinda sexy." Sometimes little things about someone just get your interest or turn you on a little, even if you don't literally want sex with them.

I wouldn't consider that sexual attraction then...it sounds more like aesthetic attraction. There are all kinds of attraction, up to and including romantic attraction that people experience, but part of sexual attraction is the wanting to have sex bit (or at least considering it, if the circumstances were right). I think sexual people and asexual people often experience attraction in similar ways, but desiring sexual interaction with that person is not there for asexuals...hence "people who don't experience sexual attraction".

This is also part of the reason I say that the one night stand or wanting sex with strangers is not a given for all sexual people...some of us do feel sexually attracted to someone after we get to know them, not before.

That's what I thought... We have very different definitions of sexual attraction.

I don't see sexual attraction as requiring the desire to have sex. You can be sexually attracted to someone without wanting to act on it. It's still very different from aesthetic attraction because it's sexual... You see someone, think about sex, and get aroused.

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Feral_Sophisticate

I don't see sexual attraction as requiring the desire to have sex. You can be sexually attracted to someone without wanting to act on it. It's still very different from aesthetic attraction because it's sexual... You see someone, think about sex, and get aroused.

Absolutely true. I can be attracted to someone and aroused by their presence, but I am not an automaton. I need not act on how I feel because, consent is like... mandatory, if you don't want to spend some time in a small cell. Consensual nonconsent is hot, but we're not talking about that at the moment...

I'm very sensitive to smell and touch. Catching the hint of the right perfume, at the right moment, and my amygdala is screaming, "Hello!"

Likewise, a passing brunette - even if I don't know them at all.

That doesn't mean that I want sex right then, right there.

I'm confident enough that I can certainly approach a stranger that I'm attracted to, and engage them in conversation (without it being a "hey baby, what's your sign?" or something similarly lame), but I rarely do so.

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I'm possibly in the minority of sexuals when I say this, but I simply find strangers aesthetically appealing (or even very beautiful/handsome occasionally). That really is from a viewpoint of "wow your proportions are excellent" (I draw, this is a thing I evaluate) and not linked to physical attraction. I don't want to touch and most certainly don't want to have sex with them, but they're pleasing to my eye.

I also can't enjoy live action porn because it's awkward to me to watch random people engage in sex. Written or drawn/animated stuff is excellent, though.

On the flipside, I do sometimes experience certain shades of sexual attraction towards my close friends; although it tends to merely result in hugs or cuddles I probably wouldn't be opposed to it going further. If there's a lot of attraction on multiple levels including sexual ones, that's when I conclude it to be a "crush".

So uhm yes, the generalization that this is an all-sexuals-do-this thing is, err, generalizing. Stahp it. :V

No one in here said anything about all sexuals. If I had asked, are sexuals attracted to cartoons? The simple answer would be, "a few are, it's possible." This is not that complex of a question. I was hoping a sexual or two could either say "yes, I get sexually attracted to strangers crossing the street," "my friends are like that," or "no, never happened to me."

I agree^. I find looking for a mate would be better than just someone to have sex with.

This is what I usually go by for the definition of sexual attraction:

Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.

If I find the book I'll let you know. It doesn't seem unusual at all to me, it does to you. You think a lot differently about sex than I do, so the fact that you find this unbelievable doesn't seem unusual to me either.
So if a woman were to feel some spark of arousal or desire from someone's voice, accent, appearance, or anything else, but not actually want to have sex with the person, would you consider that sexual attraction?
I personally do not.
For a lot of sexuals, sexual attraction is just a feeling or thought that happens when something about someone attracts them... it can be subtle. It isn't always like "I want to have sex with that person." Sometimes it's just "that person is kinda sexy." Sometimes little things about someone just get your interest or turn you on a little, even if you don't literally want sex with them.
I wouldn't consider that sexual attraction then...it sounds more like aesthetic attraction. There are all kinds of attraction, up to and including romantic attraction that people experience, but part of sexual attraction is the wanting to have sex bit (or at least considering it, if the circumstances were right). I think sexual people and asexual people often experience attraction in similar ways, but desiring sexual interaction with that person is not there for asexuals...hence "people who don't experience sexual attraction".

This is also part of the reason I say that the one night stand or wanting sex with strangers is not a given for all sexual people...some of us do feel sexually attracted to someone after we get to know them, not before.

That's what I thought... We have very different definitions of sexual attraction.

I don't see sexual attraction as requiring the desire to have sex. You can be sexually attracted to someone without wanting to act on it. It's still very different from aesthetic attraction because it's sexual... You see someone, think about sex, and get aroused.

Yeah this is what I understood to be sexual attraction.
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There are all kinds of attraction, up to and including romantic attraction that people experience, but part of sexual attraction is the wanting to have sex bit (or at least considering it, if the circumstances were right). I think sexual people and asexual people often experience attraction in similar ways, but desiring sexual interaction with that person is not there for asexuals...hence "people who don't experience sexual attraction".

This is also part of the reason I say that the one night stand or wanting sex with strangers is not a given for all sexual people...some of us do feel sexually attracted to someone after we get to know them, not before.

That's what I thought... We have very different definitions of sexual attraction.

I don't see sexual attraction as requiring the desire to have sex. You can be sexually attracted to someone without wanting to act on it. It's still very different from aesthetic attraction because it's sexual... You see someone, think about sex, and get aroused.

I don't think we have extremely different definitions...I didn't say they must desire sex, but they would at least consider it.

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Of course they can/will. It is natural and nothing anybody can decide. It is not a sin to get attracted to others in relationships. And it doesn't mean anyone will act on it of they get attracted to someone else.

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WhenSummersGone

I agree^. I find looking for a mate would be better than just someone to have sex with.

This is what I usually go by for the definition of sexual attraction:

Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.

If I find the book I'll let you know. It doesn't seem unusual at all to me, it does to you. You think a lot differently about sex than I do, so the fact that you find this unbelievable doesn't seem unusual to me either.
So if a woman were to feel some spark of arousal or desire from someone's voice, accent, appearance, or anything else, but not actually want to have sex with the person, would you consider that sexual attraction?
I personally do not.
For a lot of sexuals, sexual attraction is just a feeling or thought that happens when something about someone attracts them... it can be subtle. It isn't always like "I want to have sex with that person." Sometimes it's just "that person is kinda sexy." Sometimes little things about someone just get your interest or turn you on a little, even if you don't literally want sex with them.
I wouldn't consider that sexual attraction then...it sounds more like aesthetic attraction. There are all kinds of attraction, up to and including romantic attraction that people experience, but part of sexual attraction is the wanting to have sex bit (or at least considering it, if the circumstances were right). I think sexual people and asexual people often experience attraction in similar ways, but desiring sexual interaction with that person is not there for asexuals...hence "people who don't experience sexual attraction".

This is also part of the reason I say that the one night stand or wanting sex with strangers is not a given for all sexual people...some of us do feel sexually attracted to someone after we get to know them, not before.

That's what I thought... We have very different definitions of sexual attraction.

I don't see sexual attraction as requiring the desire to have sex. You can be sexually attracted to someone without wanting to act on it. It's still very different from aesthetic attraction because it's sexual... You see someone, think about sex, and get aroused.

I see what you mean here, with the thought process. Sometimes just the "idea" of being sexual with someone. However if it's always the idea of it and you have no interest in acting on it then maybe it's not really sexual attraction?

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I'm possibly in the minority of sexuals when I say this, but I simply find strangers aesthetically appealing (or even very beautiful/handsome occasionally). That really is from a viewpoint of "wow your proportions are excellent" (I draw, this is a thing I evaluate) and not linked to physical attraction. I don't want to touch and most certainly don't want to have sex with them, but they're pleasing to my eye.

I also can't enjoy live action porn because it's awkward to me to watch random people engage in sex. Written or drawn/animated stuff is excellent, though.

On the flipside, I do sometimes experience certain shades of sexual attraction towards my close friends; although it tends to merely result in hugs or cuddles I probably wouldn't be opposed to it going further. If there's a lot of attraction on multiple levels including sexual ones, that's when I conclude it to be a "crush".

So uhm yes, the generalization that this is an all-sexuals-do-this thing is, err, generalizing. Stahp it. :V

No one in here said anything about all sexuals. If I had asked, are sexuals attracted to cartoons? The simple answer would be, "a few are, it's possible." This is not that complex of a question. I was hoping a sexual or two could either say "yes, I get sexually attracted to strangers crossing the street," "my friends are like that," or "no, never happened to me."

For one, there's the thread title ("do sexuals get sexually attracted to strangers", not "can sexuals be sexually attracted to strangers") as well as the whole settling it once and for all (which is hard to do with something that varies)... And then there's a few comments from various people.

"Yes, they do. Claiming otherwise is taking a poop on science." Uhm.

"Yes it does happen, has happened, and will happen. Obviously I think we can all talk without having to use clarifying terms like "some" or "many" those should be assumed unless other wise stated." I would say the "some/many" clarifiers are pretty nice to keep, but that might just be me.

"I think generally when a sexual sees an appealing stranger, yes, they may wish they had a genie which could grant their wish of a one night stand with said stranger." "Generally" does leave room for exceptions but still. :/

Anyway, while I may have typed it in more than a single sentence, my response was basically the "no, never happened to me" from a sexual. So. That was a thing. Sorry if I came off as on the defensive or something? That wasn't my intention, I just don't like generalizing.

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I'm possibly in the minority of sexuals when I say this, but I simply find strangers aesthetically appealing (or even very beautiful/handsome occasionally). That really is from a viewpoint of "wow your proportions are excellent" (I draw, this is a thing I evaluate) and not linked to physical attraction. I don't want to touch and most certainly don't want to have sex with them, but they're pleasing to my eye.

I also can't enjoy live action porn because it's awkward to me to watch random people engage in sex. Written or drawn/animated stuff is excellent, though.

On the flipside, I do sometimes experience certain shades of sexual attraction towards my close friends; although it tends to merely result in hugs or cuddles I probably wouldn't be opposed to it going further. If there's a lot of attraction on multiple levels including sexual ones, that's when I conclude it to be a "crush".

So uhm yes, the generalization that this is an all-sexuals-do-this thing is, err, generalizing. Stahp it. :V

No one in here said anything about all sexuals. If I had asked, are sexuals attracted to cartoons? The simple answer would be, "a few are, it's possible." This is not that complex of a question. I was hoping a sexual or two could either say "yes, I get sexually attracted to strangers crossing the street," "my friends are like that," or "no, never happened to me."

For one, there's the thread title ("do sexuals get sexually attracted to strangers", not "can sexuals be sexually attracted to strangers") as well as the whole settling it once and for all (which is hard to do with something that varies)... And then there's a few comments from various people.

"Yes, they do. Claiming otherwise is taking a poop on science." Uhm.

"Yes it does happen, has happened, and will happen. Obviously I think we can all talk without having to use clarifying terms like "some" or "many" those should be assumed unless other wise stated." I would say the "some/many" clarifiers are pretty nice to keep, but that might just be me.

"I think generally when a sexual sees an appealing stranger, yes, they may wish they had a genie which could grant their wish of a one night stand with said stranger." "Generally" does leave room for exceptions but still. :/

Anyway, while I may have typed it in more than a single sentence, my response was basically the "no, never happened to me" from a sexual. So. That was a thing. Sorry if I came off as on the defensive or something? That wasn't my intention, I just don't like generalizing.

This is a thread where generalizations are welcomed.

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I'm possibly in the minority of sexuals when I say this, but I simply find strangers aesthetically appealing (or even very beautiful/handsome occasionally). That really is from a viewpoint of "wow your proportions are excellent" (I draw, this is a thing I evaluate) and not linked to physical attraction. I don't want to touch and most certainly don't want to have sex with them, but they're pleasing to my eye.

I also can't enjoy live action porn because it's awkward to me to watch random people engage in sex. Written or drawn/animated stuff is excellent, though.

On the flipside, I do sometimes experience certain shades of sexual attraction towards my close friends; although it tends to merely result in hugs or cuddles I probably wouldn't be opposed to it going further. If there's a lot of attraction on multiple levels including sexual ones, that's when I conclude it to be a "crush".

So uhm yes, the generalization that this is an all-sexuals-do-this thing is, err, generalizing. Stahp it. :V

No one in here said anything about all sexuals. If I had asked, are sexuals attracted to cartoons? The simple answer would be, "a few are, it's possible." This is not that complex of a question. I was hoping a sexual or two could either say "yes, I get sexually attracted to strangers crossing the street," "my friends are like that," or "no, never happened to me."
For one, there's the thread title ("do sexuals get sexually attracted to strangers", not "can sexuals be sexually attracted to strangers") as well as the whole settling it once and for all (which is hard to do with something that varies)... And then there's a few comments from various people."Yes, they do. Claiming otherwise is taking a poop on science." Uhm."Yes it does happen, has happened, and will happen. Obviously I think we can all talk without having to use clarifying terms like "some" or "many" those should be assumed unless other wise stated." I would say the "some/many" clarifiers are pretty nice to keep, but that might just be me."I think generally when a sexual sees an appealing stranger, yes, they may wish they had a genie which could grant their wish of a one night stand with said stranger." "Generally" does leave room for exceptions but still. :/

Anyway, while I may have typed it in more than a single sentence, my response was basically the "no, never happened to me" from a sexual. So. That was a thing. Sorry if I came off as on the defensive or something? That wasn't my intention, I just don't like generalizing.

This is a thread where generalizations are welcomed.

A generalization made about whether sexuals see people and want to have sex with them can and should be disputed by those of us who generally don't experience that.

There isn't a once and for all settlement of this question, as has been said in the thread. Some do and some don't.

I said it at the beginning of the thread, and I want to say it again...it would be just as wrong to state that asexuals in general are repulsed by sex. There is a lot of variation within any orientation.

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I'm possibly in the minority of sexuals when I say this, but I simply find strangers aesthetically appealing (or even very beautiful/handsome occasionally). That really is from a viewpoint of "wow your proportions are excellent" (I draw, this is a thing I evaluate) and not linked to physical attraction. I don't want to touch and most certainly don't want to have sex with them, but they're pleasing to my eye.

I also can't enjoy live action porn because it's awkward to me to watch random people engage in sex. Written or drawn/animated stuff is excellent, though.

On the flipside, I do sometimes experience certain shades of sexual attraction towards my close friends; although it tends to merely result in hugs or cuddles I probably wouldn't be opposed to it going further. If there's a lot of attraction on multiple levels including sexual ones, that's when I conclude it to be a "crush".

So uhm yes, the generalization that this is an all-sexuals-do-this thing is, err, generalizing. Stahp it. :V

No one in here said anything about all sexuals. If I had asked, are sexuals attracted to cartoons? The simple answer would be, "a few are, it's possible." This is not that complex of a question. I was hoping a sexual or two could either say "yes, I get sexually attracted to strangers crossing the street," "my friends are like that," or "no, never happened to me."
For one, there's the thread title ("do sexuals get sexually attracted to strangers", not "can sexuals be sexually attracted to strangers") as well as the whole settling it once and for all (which is hard to do with something that varies)... And then there's a few comments from various people."Yes, they do. Claiming otherwise is taking a poop on science." Uhm."Yes it does happen, has happened, and will happen. Obviously I think we can all talk without having to use clarifying terms like "some" or "many" those should be assumed unless other wise stated." I would say the "some/many" clarifiers are pretty nice to keep, but that might just be me."I think generally when a sexual sees an appealing stranger, yes, they may wish they had a genie which could grant their wish of a one night stand with said stranger." "Generally" does leave room for exceptions but still. :/

Anyway, while I may have typed it in more than a single sentence, my response was basically the "no, never happened to me" from a sexual. So. That was a thing. Sorry if I came off as on the defensive or something? That wasn't my intention, I just don't like generalizing.

This is a thread where generalizations are welcomed.

A generalization made about whether sexuals see people and want to have sex with them can and should be disputed by those of us who generally don't experience that.

There isn't a once and for all settlement of this question, as has been said in the thread. Some do and some don't.

I said it at the beginning of the thread, and I want to say it again...it would be just as wrong to state that asexuals in general are repulsed by sex. There is a lot of variation within any orientation.

Would it not be OK if I said sexuals in general are attracted to adults? As someone trying to understand the phenomenon of sexual attraction, I am trying to understand the "norm." And I'm certain a norm exists.

I'd have no problem saying asexuals experience some forms of attraction if someone asked, even though I experience no attraction whatsoever. I guess you'd nitpick less over the semantics if I had specifically asked about "sexual attraction" instead of "sexuals." Yeah no need to repeat yourself.

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I really don't think it's nitpicky to say that not all sexual people look at other people and think "I'd tap that." If anything, it's clarifying that sexual attraction is experienced in different ways by sexual people. For some people, different things lead to feeling sexual attraction and it's not always instantaneous.

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Is it just me, or does there seem to be some disagreement on what constitutes generalizing?

Might be worth noting that saying "generally, X are attracted to Y" leaves way more room for the X who are not than saying "X are attracted to Y, period". The latter is more generalizing, even if the former is the one to employ the word "generally".

The answer to the question "do sexuals get attracted to strangers" as provided by this thread so far, is "yes, some but not all sexuals do", not simply "yes". You need the caveat to make it a settled statement as the answer is not going to be the same from every sexual. You can poll to determine if it's most rather than some (it currently looks like it might be), thus making it more of a "norm", but it still doesn't make it all.

If you generalize, your answer will be less accurate than if you add caveats.

On a sidenote, norms are a weird size and I'm not sure "finding out what's normal" is a good quest to go on.What's more common, maybe, but if you let what's common determine what's normal, you enter some slippery slope areas.

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I really don't think it's nitpicky to say that not all sexual people look at other people and think "I'd tap that." If anything, it's clarifying that sexual attraction is experienced in different ways by sexual people. For some people, different things lead to feeling sexual attraction and it's not always instantaneous.

But no one said ALL. You argue that I didn't say "some" but ignore the fact that "all" was never said either. I think this is pointless. nitpicky

Is it just me, or does there seem to be some disagreement on what constitutes generalizing?

Might be worth noting that saying "generally, X are attracted to Y" leaves way more room for the X who are not than saying "X are attracted to Y, period". The latter is more generalizing, even if the former is the one to employ the word "generally".

The answer to the question "do sexuals get attracted to strangers" as provided by this thread so far, is "yes, some but not all sexuals do", not simply "yes". You need the caveat to make it a settled statement as the answer is not going to be the same from every sexual. You can poll to determine if it's most rather than some (it currently looks like it might be), thus making it more of a "norm", but it still doesn't make it all.

If you generalize, your answer will be less accurate than if you add caveats.

On a sidenote, norms are a weird size and I'm not sure "finding out what's normal" is a good quest to go on.What's more common, maybe, but if you let what's common determine what's normal, you enter some slippery slope areas.

It's hard for me to understand what you are going on about. And I cannot figure out what "norms are a weird size" is supposed to mean. Maybe this isn't the thread for you. Along with scientific theories, math, physics, psychology studies, even Nielsen TV ratings. For example, not every single American TV watcher is recorded to know that a lot, some, a large number, the majority, millions but not all, some don't watch the Superbowl.
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Everyone is welcome to comment in threads on this board. I'm sorry if some of the opinions aren't what you were expecting from this thread.

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Everyone is welcome to comment in threads on this board. I'm sorry if some of the opinions aren't what you were expecting from this thread.

Are you putting words into my mouth (well, posts)? I didn't say (s)he couldn't post.
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I had a nice long post typed up, but then I accidentally reloaded the tab. I know, should've written in notepad, but formatting and all. Sigh.

The problem with the notion of normalcy is that things that are not the most common experience get tossed aside as weird. Heterosexuals are more common than homosexuals. Sexuals are more common than asexuals. Does this mean gay people or asexuals are abnormal? It does if you define normality as the most common stance. Being able to tell others that they aren't normal makes it easier to discriminate, which is bad.

It's the same sort of issue with the differences between "all X like Y", "X like Y" and "some/most X like Y". The former two both mean that X who don't like Y have to assert themselves against the assumption that they should like Y, instead of being able to go "yeah I'm one of the X who don't like Y, you probably knew we existed".

Word choices matter. If you fundamentally disagree with me on this, I can accept that we won't come to an agreement, but I would like you to try to understand why I would like my side to count and why I don't like being told no one is generalizing (when they were!), that generalized statements are welcome and that my opinion is irrelevant to your understanding of sexuals as a whole just because it isn't common.

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The world doesn't usually fit into neat little boxes. Two people can identify as the same sexuality while having entirely different ways in which they experience that sexuality. In reality, every single person on the planet has their own sexuality, and you can group and subgroup those according to whatever criteria you wish, but the common traits among those groups are only a function of how those groups are defined in the first place.

Maybe you're interested in a statistical distribution - what percentage of sexuals are sexually attracted to strangers? Or maybe a two-dimensional distribution - can I get a scatterplot of general libido versus attraction to strangers among sexuals? Maybe even a three-dimensional distribution - filtered by degree of sexual-ness, I would like a scatterplot of general libido versus attraction to strangers. Of course there are more variables that might be of interest, e.g. gender, hormone levels, socioeconomic status, etc.

From that hypothetical distribution, you might be able to conclude that yes, sexual-ness and attraction to strangers are indeed correlated. You might also be able to draw several other conclusions from it about what factors are correlated. But the question "do sexuals get sexually attracted to strangers?" is far too simple to have any sort of meaningful answer, especially because it's based on a false division of the world into only two boxes. People as a whole don't really binary very well.

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1. One night stands are not evidence of sexual attraction. They are evidence of sexual behavior which could stem from any number of things. Personally, I've had many one night stands and have been attracted to a very small percentage of those people.

2. I don't have sex because of attraction. I have sex because I really like having sex.

3. I do experience sexual attraction, and I personally define sexual attraction as any physical sensation, regardless of how brief, which was instigated by an external stimulus. For example: a millisecond twinge "downstairs" while looking at someone's body, or arousal from watching porn, or getting flushed skin for a moment when thinking about sex. I consider all of that sexual attraction. It rarely has anything to do with desire for sex, conscious or otherwise.

4. I experience attraction (as defined above) to things I find repulsive, morally upsetting, etc. This is because I don't qualify my definition of attraction with... anything. I don't have to want to act on it, or even enjoy it, for it to be labeled sexual attraction. I can experience a momentary physical sensation, say to myself in my brain "omg gross" and that's the end of it. Sexual attraction? Definitely. Desire? Definitely not.

5. Targets of sexual attraction. AVEN members seem to think that sexual attraction is simple to recognize, acknowledge, and scrutinize. It's not. We know it isn't because real psychologists with fancy degrees and laboratories have done experiments showing that we are very bad at understanding how we feel. If I'm watching bestiality porn (which I don't, people, this is a hypothetical), get a sexual twinge, say "gross", and it stops... what was I attracted to? Who knows! It could have been the sex, the taboo, the colors, the scented candle burning in the room. No one knows. Was it attraction? Yes. Do I (or anyone else) know what the attraction was targeted toward? No.

6. To recap: sexual attraction is a teeny tiny little thing that most people don't even notice, and for the most part doesn't control their behavior. If people are having lots of one night stands, it's because they made the conscious decision to have lots of one night stands. You most certainly have no idea if that person experiences more attraction than anyone else. I would be willing to bet that attraction has very little to do with most one night stands.

** oh, and one more thing: no, I don't feel attracted to strangers on the street, and I definitely don't want to have sex with strangers on the street. As soon as I start to think about having the person in a room with me, I imagine them talking, and then I just know I'll be annoyed and want to smack them for being stupid and.... oh look, no more lady boner. WINK.

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Think of it like this: Do you, as an asexual, sometimes see food that you think "Oh, that must taste wonderful!", even though you have no intention of eating it because it's not yours or you know that it would make you ill or whatever reason? You can see the appeal of the dish, but you won't be pursuing it.

Sexuals can look at another person and think about what sex with them might be like. The object of desire also might spark a sexual fantasy that doesn't necessarily include the person who is having the fantasy. We might, for example, think about those great big arms bare and holding another person close without involving ourselves.

Whether or not we would actually have sex with that person given the correct circumstances depends largely on the moral code of the fantasizer. For some people, any and all sex, no matter how casual, is welcomed. For others, sex outside of the current relationship is not acceptable.

Yes, we get attracted to strangers, just like we get hungry when we drive by a McDonalds and smell the food cooking. That does not mean we are going into the drive through to buy, but we can enjoy the thought of how delicious it would be.

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Thinking about it now, I don't think I have ever been sexually attracted to a stranger. Perhaps I am not sexual after all. Surely I must be though if so badly affected by a four year relationship with an asexual? How confusing.

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