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Can we settle this once and for all? Do sexuals get sexually attracted to strangers?


Neurula

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Yes. In my experience as a former sexual myself anyway.

How can you be a former sexual? I'm genuinely asking, I haven't heard of this before.

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Sex doesn't destroy the person you have it with.

Please excuse my [a]sexual naivety; but I would've thought a sexual act could "destroy the person you have it with". :ph34r:

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Yes... Think of all the people with "wandering eyes". That's at least a low level indicator of sexual attraction even if they don't act on it.

The other evidence being the amount of times I get hit on... I live in NYC and random guys "talk" to you all the time, but in reality no random male speaks to a random female for no reason unless they want something (especially when there's lots of other females around and they single you out). "Hello" and "Have a nice day" aren't being friendly, "God bless you" isn't being religiously polite.. There's lots of other unsaid words in their flimsy attempt to fly under the radar, but the bottom line is they're talking to you because you're a "piece of ass" to them...

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As an aro sexual, heck yeah. I get extreme sexual attraction to extremely attractive strangers, even though I never act on it.

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"Hello" and "Have a nice day" aren't being friendly,

Depends on context, really. I would think that saying these things is one of the more polite ways of hitting on someone / trying to get a conversation going. And no, I don't think that hitting on someone is necessarily the same as objectifying them. Though when you just walk along a street and 20 random dudes say hello, yeah, I can see why that'd be annoying. Luckily that doesn't happen around where I live, so saying hello to someone you find attractive is actually perfectly fine. Anyway, personally I only say those things to women who I come across often at uni, and while it could be taken as me hitting on them (which would be semi-accurate), it's more that I just treat them the same way I treat guys at my uni.

but in reality no random male speaks to a random female for no reason unless they want something (especially when there's lots of other females around and they single you out)

I wanted to comment on this, too. I think talking to random strangers can just be a way to socialize without any other motives going on. I mean, I totally believe you that most of the guys who talk to you do have motives, but.. let's just not generalize.

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Please excuse my [a]sexual naivety; but I would've thought a sexual act could "destroy the person you have it with".

What?!!!!?

And the idea that men only talk to women because they want to have sex with them is just ridiculous.

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Re: the discussion of aesthetic attraction, I can and do find people aesthetically attractive. The aesthetics gets a dramatic upgrade if I have some emotional connection to them--be it a fictional character or a crush. Otherwise, it's nothing more than "oh, this person looks nice like an awesome painting". The upgraded aesthetics is more like "so freaking cute!!" (usually w/ finctional characters), or "can't stop staring o_o"

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The upgraded aesthetics is more like "so freaking cute!!" (usually w/ finctional characters), or "can't stop staring o_o"

To be fair, that's exactly how I feel about my girlfriend, and I'm fairly positive it a manifestation of sexual attraction in my case.

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Maybe the compulsiveness is the difference - the 'can't stop staring' thing is different to just acknowledging someone's good looking, and seems to me to have more in common with can't stop touching/wanting to touch/kissing. There's a hunger there.

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Maybe the compulsiveness is the difference - the 'can't stop staring' thing is different to just acknowledging someone's good looking, and seems to me to have more in common with can't stop touching/wanting to touch/kissing. There's a hunger there.

Well, yes, initially. But over time you end up getting control over that. Maybe what I feel now, or rather allow myself to feel now, isn't so different from what an asexual feels? Hrm..

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It's always under control (once you're past about 13...) isn't it? I can stop myself staring at an attractive woman, or keep it to a minimum of sneaked looks so she doesn't feel uncomfortable. But with a willing partner, when the time is right, you both want it unleashed. The unleashing is how my underyling passion for that partner is communicated, for me (and I guess the ability to keep it under control when it's not appropriate is also a kind of love too). When you're with an asexual, it seems that unleashing is never appropriate, and that's when love becomes about suppressing desire pretty much all the time.

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What I'm saying is that I can choose not to feel the hunger, not that I can choose not to act on the hunger. There's a difference.

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Can you choose not to feel the hunger to the extent that if someone put a plate of food in front of you, you'd ignore it in the same way as if you'd just eaten a huge meal?

Genuine question. You have Zen like self possession if you can.

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Maybe the compulsiveness is the difference - the 'can't stop staring' thing is different to just acknowledging someone's good looking, and seems to me to have more in common with can't stop touching/wanting to touch/kissing. There's a hunger there.

Well I have yet to desire/think about those things. But normally those stuff go hand in hand, or are at least related I guess.

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Can you choose not to feel the hunger to the extent that if someone put a plate of food in front of you, you'd ignore it in the same way as if you'd just eaten a huge meal?

Probably not, if I would recognize it as such. But my first assumption would probably be "They're just leading me on/Making fun of me/Trying to use me". I'm at a point where I'd need a lot of trust in someone to actually believe they genuinely want to do anything sexual with me at all..

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Yeah, been there. I didn't feel it was a choice not to feel desire though, just the result of a battered ego.

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