sevil Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I always wondered how you can tell if you're touch-starved or not when you've never been very handsy with anyone? I know I enjoy being touched by friends, I've even learned to recognize and voice a craving for it in situations of emotional stress etc., but in day-to-day life? How much touch do you need to function, how much to feel good? How do you ask your friends for what you need when you're not in a relationship? How do you get by if you don't get enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Silver-Cricket Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I have enough symptoms to call myself thixophobic. I struggle with these questions too, as of yet have no answers. Link to post Share on other sites
byanyotherusername Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I just naturally want to touch people I like and express my affection physically. Even before I had been "very handsy" with anyone I liked hugs a lot, and that gradually escalated to other times of sensual touch. Now I'm a complete cuddle slut. ;)I can tell I am touch-starved because I find myself fantasizing about cuddling, or starting to miss someone I usually cuddle, or feeling physically...untouched? I cannot really explain it, kind of like when you are cold and want a blanket wrapped around you, except I am touch-starved and want to a person to wrap themselves around me. My skin feels like something should be on it that isn't... I definitely crave it more in times of stress, but it can also happen if I haven't been physical with anyone in a while, or sometimes it just seems to strike at random.How much touch do I need to function? Um....well, I can get by with physical affection a few times a month at least? I am happiest if I get it a few times a week or even everyday (so long as it isn't accompanied by an expectation of, like, conversation and socialization, because I can only handle so much of that in a short period of time. I one had a friend come over and we just cuddled and napped for a few hours and then he went home--barely any words were exchanged. It was lovely! XD)I am never "in a relationship", so I get all of my touch-needs met by friends/family...I tend to only voice my need for it to friends I'm very close to, and I have at least one friend who knows I am an aromantic asexual with high physical intimacy needs and gives me lots of cuddles whenever we are together. :) I keep the touching casual with most other people, but I definitely still initiate by just working it lightly into conversation/interaction ("you have such awesome hair! Do you like when people play with it?" "You look sad, do you need a hug?" "I love hugs/cuddles/holding hands! Do you?"). I might also start philosophical conversations about physical affection in friendships, or talk about how it is scientifically proven that touch has health benefits. If I don't get enough touch...My mood is definitely darker, but I just push through it. I cuddle stuffed animals/real animals/pillows. Here are some suggestions from the article I linked above: Scientists are discovering that you don't have to touch another person to receive a sensory lift. Next time you're feeling low, cradle a steaming mug of coffee or tea in your hands. If you're like most of us, it will put you in a more generous mood; a 2008 Yale study by social psychologist John Bargh, Ph.D., showed that people tend to think more warmly of others if they're holding something warm. You could also warm up your mood by booking a massage, getting a shampoo at a salon[.] I hope that helps. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Kurbs Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Oxytocin levels are super mysterious. That feel good you get from touching is just a release of Oxytocin. Oxytocin is quite important to function (happily), BUT, touch is not the only way to release it, even though, it might be the easiest. First of all, if you're feeling down and you don't know why, go hug your mom. Seriously, that's step one, works so well. If mom's not an option any more, a super Oxytocin activity is a walk with a friend. Just go for a walk, and talk, to someone close. Easy, right? Ok next, if that's too hard... I know, you need this like every day, right? Pet your dog. Woah! Dogs work too! Nice. And finally, if you're a reclusive monk (nothing wrong with that), meditate. Deep breathing, laughter, or soothing music are all pretty easy solo activities. (I also like the stuffed animal idea above!) Ahhh, don't we all feel less stressed already? Link to post Share on other sites
Kellam Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Oxytocin levels are super mysterious. That feel good you get from touching is just a release of Oxytocin. Oxytocin is quite important to function (happily), BUT, touch is not the only way to release it, even though, it might be the easiest. First of all, if you're feeling down and you don't know why, go hug your mom. Seriously, that's step one, works so well. If mom's not an option any more, a super Oxytocin activity is a walk with a friend. Just go for a walk, and talk, to someone close. Easy, right? Ok next, if that's too hard... I know, you need this like every day, right? Pet your dog. Woah! Dogs work too! Nice. And finally, if you're a reclusive monk (nothing wrong with that), meditate. Deep breathing, laughter, or soothing music are all pretty easy solo activities. (I also like the stuffed animal idea above!) Ahhh, don't we all feel less stressed already? That's awesome! A good day for me is one where I have made zero physical contact with other living things. But, I feel lousy if I'm just cooped up by myself all day. I love to share some eye contact, a smile or even a friendly hello. That can happen with a fellow human (friend or stranger) or an animal. Sometimes it just feels good to get out and appreciate the beauty of the world around me. So I guess being touch starved, which never made sense to me, is just that slightly sad kinda dead inside feeling that's trying to tell you to go out and share your energy with the world? Link to post Share on other sites
Kurbs Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Oxytocin levels are super mysterious. That feel good you get from touching is just a release of Oxytocin. Oxytocin is quite important to function (happily), BUT, touch is not the only way to release it, even though, it might be the easiest. First of all, if you're feeling down and you don't know why, go hug your mom. Seriously, that's step one, works so well. If mom's not an option any more, a super Oxytocin activity is a walk with a friend. Just go for a walk, and talk, to someone close. Easy, right? Ok next, if that's too hard... I know, you need this like every day, right? Pet your dog. Woah! Dogs work too! Nice. And finally, if you're a reclusive monk (nothing wrong with that), meditate. Deep breathing, laughter, or soothing music are all pretty easy solo activities. (I also like the stuffed animal idea above!) Ahhh, don't we all feel less stressed already? That's awesome! A good day for me is one where I have made zero physical contact with other living things. But, I feel lousy if I'm just cooped up by myself all day. I love to share some eye contact, a smile or even a friendly hello. That can happen with a fellow human (friend or stranger) or an animal. Sometimes it just feels good to get out and appreciate the beauty of the world around me. So I guess being touch starved, which never made sense to me, is just that slightly sad kinda dead inside feeling that's trying to tell you to go out and share your energy with the world? Exactly!! Energy is SUCH a good word! SHARING ENERGY! I love it. Recently we had a nasty snowstorm where I live (which is super rare here, so no preparation). I was stuck at my house for days! I couldn't get out and share my energy! Augh! I got so depressed! Then once it cleared up I went and hugged my mom and it was all ok. Huh! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
warrigan Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 i'm usually pretty reserved, touch-wise, but every so often i get the impulse to lean into a friend or to give someone a hug. i rarely follow through on it, though, unless it's a family member or a super-best friend- someone i trust deeply, since physical contact is an intimate thing for me.(not that i don't appreciate the occasional hug from a friend, but i never initiate that sort of contact. :) ) Link to post Share on other sites
Hikuroi Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I always know when I'm touch-starved because I am not a very touchy person and generally avoid as much contact as possible. Like once I got poison ivy and sumac and oak all at once and no one would come near me, I was treated pretty much like I had the pelage. I ended up becoming touch-starved and laying my head on my mom's shoulder because she isn't allergic to any of those. With my friends I'm pretty much fine with a hug once in awhile but my arms are really sensitive and just a little pressure hurts them, mostly at the top. Sometimes I just sit close to someone so my arm is touching theirs and that's pretty much all I need. With my friends I just tell them I don't really like being touched and to keep it to a minimum but a little is ok (hug once in a while). Link to post Share on other sites
marmalade-cats Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I'm a bit touch-starved at the moment. My family isn't very physical at all, and I don't have anyone to cuddle with or be close to other than my cat. I really miss being held, and being next to someone and just being touched. I just want to hug my cat and cuddle him and snuggle, but he isn't very snuggly sadly. Link to post Share on other sites
FiddleKid Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I hate being touched to be honest, I don't have the need to be touched either Link to post Share on other sites
DuskGiselle96 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I have enough symptoms to call myself thixophobic. I struggle with these questions too, as of yet have no answers. thixophobic? Link to post Share on other sites
DuskGiselle96 Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 There is literally a VAULT of stuff I could say on this topic. For me, it depends what you mean by touched starved. I haven't really liked touch since I was old enough to be consciously aware of what physical affection is (10?) and able to make my own choices on it. I was abused physically and emotionally as a child and I also have mild AS, so my sensitivity to it may be heightened. For me, any level of touch - so much as a tap on the shoulder - is all a symbol of trust for me. I probably have been touched starved, as i was never hugged or shown physical affection for four years solidly, until I hugged someone I trust implicitly last year. I suppose I can manage to initiate touch, if I fully trust someone 100%. But otherwise, I don't like touch much. Probably because it is relatively alien to me. I am not good at receiving it but i think for some people it is an important action of love, trust, empathy etc. As for touch-starved, it is very diverse and its definition down to the individual. Therefore, only you will know. Link to post Share on other sites
Chardog Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I only like touch from people I have a connection with, but I absolutely crave it. The longer I go without affectionate touch, the more anxiety I feel and the less I am able to control those feelings on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
TechnoEA Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 When my friend came over, I kept poking her and touching her forehead. I realized then that I haven't held hands, touched or hugged someone in years. I pretend I hate being touched but in reality I LOVE being touched. Link to post Share on other sites
littleheartsofjoy Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 In my experience, I can feel that way if I haven't been hugged in a long time. It makes me feel restless and annoyed. Day to day, I don't depend on it at all. As long as I know that I can get a hug from someone in the near future, I should be alright. The years when I didn't have any local friends and my parents lost their faith in me, I went through time periods of feeling that way. Link to post Share on other sites
sevil Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Thank you everyone who answered, it helped me a great deal *gives cyberhugs to everyone who likes them* Link to post Share on other sites
DuskGiselle96 Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Helped me a lot too guys - cheers x Link to post Share on other sites
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