Help me understand? Im sexual and Romantic, he is neither but both?

[kydye514]

Hello everyone,

Well to start off my name is Kyle, I typically go by Ky and I need help understanding a relationship that I am in. Currently, I have been seeing my (Boyfriend) who is non-sexual for the most part. We have been trying to grasp his self realization since we have started seeing each other.

I am a sexual person, and have always been sexual, and I need help to understand his non sexual-ness because I take it out on myself a lot of the time. I feel as though, I hinder him from growing into his full potential; at least in the sexual format. I try to ask him questions on the topic but I am continuously avoided and it makes me feel even more unwanted.

The issue with this is that I do care about him, and I want to see him succeed, and I would like to flourish with him in my life. In conjunction, I feel as though my partner turns to substances to keep himself from letting his feelings out. I have considered that he may be autistic, or even have Aspergers I cant understand these feelings but I am trying to keep myself in the know. At points in our relationship we have had sexual encounters but he seems to be afraid of trying to pleasure me in return. What can I do to try to establish a better communication line between him and I?

For all those asexuals out there I do support you all, but it is very hard for me being sexual, to completely not have sex except with myself, does anyone have any remedies for this feeling that I currently hold?Im sorry for the poorly worded/ poorly written thread I am about to post but I want you all to know how appreciative I am that you are trying to help. What can I do to make him open up? Any ideas?

Other things that confuse me is that sometimes he does like to be touchy feely and other times it seems as if I am there with a completely diffferent person. I just want to be able to support him no matter what or who he is.

Thank you; Sincerely,

Ky

[Lambda Corvus]

Moved this thread from Romantic and Aromantic Orientations to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies.

AlGorithm,

Romantic and Aromantic Orientations Moderator

[Guest]

Hm. Mixed relationships are largely about communication, so him not wanting to talk to you is something that will need to become better if you're going to make it work. Is it that he is uncomfortable with the topic? Is he scared to share his feelings about other things? Would writing things down make it easier for him, instead of face-to-face? Has he said he wants no sex ever, or does he just turn down advances, or ...?

How to get a person to open up varies a lot by who they are, why they aren't talking about something and what approach works best for them. If you can't figure out how to get him to open up, couples therapy may be an option to look into - he needs to talk to you about how he is feeling and what he is comfortable with doing/not doing.