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Why do some people want us to stay in the closet?


x.Arielle.x

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PREPARE FOR THE RANT!!!! XD

Some people discard the idea of a person being an asexual immediately compared to when someone comes out as a homosexual or bisexual, etc. I get that the majority of it is ignorance but I didn't know much about asexuality until 2013 (all thanks to AVEN). However, I would never have acted like it's no big deal if a friend or a family member decided to come out as an asexual. My incentive is always to research especially if I come across something I didn't know instead of eliminating it completely without understanding it.

I'm gonna sound like a jealous kid but one of my friends came out as gay a few years back. Everybody was so accepting and supporting. Nobody made a big deal out of it. Nobody tried to make him straight. When I said "Yes, I don't think I'm ever going to get married and have kids. I'm asexual", not only they didn't take it seriously (What's more hurting is that I'm not kind of the person who likes drama. I'm very private and when I share something this big, it means I'm talking serious biz!) but they also had all kinds of opinions. Even some strangers, who have no idea that I'm ace, like to butt in because they think it's so strange that I'm not dating. Granted that they don't know about my sexual orientation but it's so intruding. Not to mention rude with questions like "Why are you not dating?" and sometimes they like to go as far as asking about my previous relationships.

My family and newer friends (cuz I haven't been dating anyone for a while) think I can't attract anyone.They think I'm very anti-social and pessimistic. They keep nagging that I should meet someone. They have tried to get me on dates with guys. They are also under the impression that I have never dated anyone in my life. Therefore, I'm an innocent unicorn who doesn't know how great sex can be. It goes back to me being a private person. I have dated both males and females (during my confused teenage years). I just didn't think it's necessary for me to inform that part of life to my family or anyone for the matter.

When I kept insisting to stay single, they kinda backed off a bit. Now they are saying I should just stay in the closet. Why would they say that? It's hard when society forces you to live the life of a straight sexual female. When you don't do that, they insult your looks and personality. They try to figure out what's "wrong" with you. (I swear some of them think I have mental issues.) I'm totally fine with who I am. I was happy until people started nagging me about how I should be living my life. I need to come out of the closet because people practically bullied me to the point I can't stand anymore. When I finally came out, they want me back in the closet. F you all! Sorry. That got heated. It makes me so angry that people I love and trust the most don't freaking understand who I am and they don't even try. I really don't care about what some stranger thinks but I care about what my family and friends think.

Has anyone experienced something similar? and/or Do you guys have any theories about my situation? Is having an asexual as a friend/relative and accepting their lifestyle that inconvenient to people?

Thanks for reading :)

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Everyone's different. Frankly, I don't need support for my asexuality, but that's because I don't think it's a big deal. I'd feel the same towards homosexuals/bisexuals/transsexuals as well except they face very real legal/discrimination issues. The worst we have to deal with are stigmas and traditional values, but I'd still scoff at both even if I wasn't asexual. Anyhow, I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy.

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Everyone's different. Frankly, I don't need support for my asexuality, but that's because I don't think it's a big deal. I'd feel the same towards homosexuals/bisexuals/transsexuals as well except they face very real legal/discrimination issues. The worst we have to deal with are stigmas and traditional values, but I'd still scoff at both even if I wasn't asexual. Anyhow, I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy.

I'm Asian. My parents expect me to get married and have kids. It's a bit different here. Your family and friends intervene with your life. I wouldn't have cared about my asexuality either if they didn't pressure me to live like a sexual.

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Sockstealingnome

No, I haven't had anyone tell me to get back into the closet but I haven't told many people especially not my family. Most responses I've gotten have been either accepting, curious, or patronizing in the 'you just haven't met the right person yet' sense. I've only had one person tell me I wasn't asexual and their motivation was probably because they wanted to sleep with me.

I'm not sure about your family but I know some responses to asexuals coming out is why bother. If you're not having sex with anyone, who cares? Why do you need to let everyone know about such a personal part of your life? You must be out for attention. Maybe in cases of family, the response could be fueled by shame. A lot of people don't understand the orientation so they think there's some medical or psychological cause. We, as a people, are getting better about responding to mental illness but there's still a stigma surrounding it.

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Everyone's different. Frankly, I don't need support for my asexuality, but that's because I don't think it's a big deal. I'd feel the same towards homosexuals/bisexuals/transsexuals as well except they face very real legal/discrimination issues. The worst we have to deal with are stigmas and traditional values, but I'd still scoff at both even if I wasn't asexual. Anyhow, I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy.

I'm Asian. My parents expect me to get married and have kids. It's a bit different here. Your family and friends intervene with your life. I wouldn't have cared about my asexuality either if they didn't pressure me to live like a sexual.

I'm Asian too and my parents are in their 70s so you can bet they're traditional. The key is to set boundaries, my parents know mine because I won't even humor their suggestions/requests regarding my personal life. Mind you, they're still very supportive and we maintain close contact (I'm the youngest of nine BTW).

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Sockstealingnome

Everyone's different. Frankly, I don't need support for my asexuality, but that's because I don't think it's a big deal. I'd feel the same towards homosexuals/bisexuals/transsexuals as well except they face very real legal/discrimination issues. The worst we have to deal with are stigmas and traditional values, but I'd still scoff at both even if I wasn't asexual. Anyhow, I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy.

I'm Asian. My parents expect me to get married and have kids. It's a bit different here. Your family and friends intervene with your life. I wouldn't have cared about my asexuality either if they didn't pressure me to live like a sexual.

Ah, yes, Asian parents. This I know about. Family is a huge deal in Asian culture and is the priority for many Asians whether it's how you can serve your family and make them happy or how well you marry. Part of the culture is that as you get older, your children will care for you. Here in the U.S., senior citizens tend to live in nursing homes but in Asia, the eldest child takes care of the aging parents. Their insistence that you follow a heterosexual role could stem from their worry of what will happen to you once you're old. It could also stem from the prejudice that others will have when they see that you flout the family comes first tradition. People will think they didn't raise you right. Personally I don't follow any of those rules either. I get yelled at for it all the time but it's important to remember that this isn't their life. They don't know what will make you happy as much as you do. Know there are other Asian people out there (like me) who are giving up on those old traditions and there is nothing wrong about it.

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No, I haven't had anyone tell me to get back into the closet but I haven't told many people especially not my family. Most responses I've gotten have been either accepting, curious, or patronizing in the 'you just haven't met the right person yet' sense. I've only had one person tell me I wasn't asexual and their motivation was probably because they wanted to sleep with me.

I'm not sure about your family but I know some responses to asexuals coming out is why bother. If you're not having sex with anyone, who cares? Why do you need to let everyone know about such a personal part of your life? You must be out for attention. Maybe in cases of family, the response could be fueled by shame. A lot of people don't understand the orientation so they think there's some medical or psychological cause. We, as a people, are getting better about responding to mental illness but there's still a stigma surrounding it.

The good old "You just haven't met the right person yet!" Gah!!! I hate that comment.

I heard about those "You don't want to shag? That's cool. Why are you putting labels on it?" stuff but I'm experiencing quite the opposite. Mine is more like "Why aren't you dating that nice young man and get married so we could have grand kids." / "You're just inexperienced. You should get laid. You'll change your mind then."

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Ah, yes, Asian parents. This I know about. Family is a huge deal in Asian culture and is the priority for many Asians whether it's how you can serve your family and make them happy or how well you marry. Part of the culture is that as you get older, your children will care for you. Here in the U.S., senior citizens tend to live in nursing homes but in Asia, the eldest child takes care of the aging parents. Their insistence that you follow a heterosexual role could stem from their worry of what will happen to you once you're old. It could also stem from the prejudice that others will have when they see that you flout the family comes first tradition. People will think they didn't raise you right. Personally I don't follow any of those rules either. I get yelled at for it all the time but it's important to remember that this isn't their life. They don't know what will make you happy as much as you do. Know there are other Asian people out there (like me) who are giving up on those old traditions and there is nothing wrong about it.

My family is not that traditional. It's a bit more complicated than that. When I was younger, they said its fine If I wanted to be single my whole life but certain events (that I don't want to mention on here) occurred. Then, my parents changed their minds and they are pressuring me to be a "perfect daughter". Suddenly, getting straight As is not enough anymore. It wasn't really their fault and I actually feel sorry for them that they had to go through that. They have given everything for me. They only ask for one thing in return and I can't give it to them.

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Everyone's different. Frankly, I don't need support for my asexuality, but that's because I don't think it's a big deal. I'd feel the same towards homosexuals/bisexuals/transsexuals as well except they face very real legal/discrimination issues. The worst we have to deal with are stigmas and traditional values, but I'd still scoff at both even if I wasn't asexual. Anyhow, I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy.

I'm Asian. My parents expect me to get married and have kids. It's a bit different here. Your family and friends intervene with your life. I wouldn't have cared about my asexuality either if they didn't pressure me to live like a sexual.

I'm Asian too and my parents are in their 70s so you can bet they're traditional. The key is to set boundaries, my parents know mine because I won't even humor their suggestions/requests regarding my personal life. Mind you, they're still very supportive and we maintain close contact (I'm the youngest of nine BTW).

I'm the youngest too. The thing is I'm the only one left. That's why they are kinda freaking out.

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Let's put it this way, if your parents sacrificed a lot for you (and that's something I can relate to), won't that sacrifice be meaningless (or worst yet, wasted) if you end up living a life that you don't want?

My feelings toward it is this:

1). If you made that sacrifice so I could be happy then you should respect my decision

2). If you made that sacrifice for your own gain then I refuse to associate with such selfishness

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Let's put it this way, if your parents sacrificed a lot for you (and that's something I can relate to), won't that sacrifice be meaningless (or worst yet, wasted) if you end up living a life that you don't want?

My feelings toward it is this:

1). If you made that sacrifice so I could be happy then you should respect my decision

2). If you made that sacrifice for your own gain then I refuse to associate with such selfishness

I think they are blinded by hope that I might find someone someday. They are not going to force me into arranged marriage or something like that but I can feel their disappointment. I think their definition of happiness includes having a family.Tthey just got obsessed with this idea a bit recently after those events which led me to research more about my sexual orientation. They probably think they messed up with me somewhere. I just want to make them happy. They don't really intend to make me feel horrible but I'm drowning in this sea of guilt. Seeing your parents lost something that huge and left broken awakened a part in you. I think our roles are a bit reversed now. I feel like I'm trying to protect them from getting hurt like a parent would do for their child.
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I can understand. I came out to my a few of my good friends a couple months ago and they were extremely supportive and awesome about it (they even said "You make more sense now" lol). Encouraged by this reaction I came out to my cousin, who also was sweet about it and teases me with saying "You are Sheldon Cooper!". Feeling good feels from my first few coming outs, I decided that I was going to tell both of my parents, which took an extreme amount of courage because they are conservative.

I came out to my dad last month (he had an interesting reaction consisting of "Oh, I see... Maybe you'll find the right person one day". Then he went on hinting at along the lines that maybe I was bisexual, and at least he wasn't going to have problems with me potentially getting pregnant any time soon, although he still hints at grand kids -.-). Then a couple days ago I came out to my mom. My mom is a hippie/organic, religious woman and I thought she was going to be supportive. But she wasn't. She started talking about the Bible, and kind of shut herself off when I tried to explain (Currently I consider our relationship strained, however I am staying positive and am determined to not let this get in the way of our healing mother/daughter relationship).

So coming out has been a hit and miss for me. I do not think coming out should be shunned.

Everyone's different. Frankly, I don't need support for my asexuality, but that's because I don't think it's a big deal. I'd feel the same towards homosexuals/bisexuals/transsexuals as well except they face very real legal/discrimination issues. The worst we have to deal with are stigmas and traditional values, but I'd still scoff at both even if I wasn't asexual. Anyhow, I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy.

^ I disagree with the above statements. Not all we have to face is just "stigmas and traditional values". And, we are not as different from homosexuals/ bisexuals/transsexuals as one might think. We ARE ALL under a sexual minority umbrella who face "very real" legal and discriminatory issues. There shouldn't be a hierarchy of "We face more problems then you", because that simply isn't true. With your statements and scoffing , you are an example yourself of brushing things under the rug.

My point is, if one wishes to come out, let them.

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There's no excuse for my friends though. They just suck. I'm finally realizing how close-minded they are.

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Let's put it this way, if your parents sacrificed a lot for you (and that's something I can relate to), won't that sacrifice be meaningless (or worst yet, wasted) if you end up living a life that you don't want?

My feelings toward it is this:

1). If you made that sacrifice so I could be happy then you should respect my decision

2). If you made that sacrifice for your own gain then I refuse to associate with such selfishness

I think they are blinded by hope that I might find someone someday. They are not going to force me into arranged marriage or something like that but I can feel their disappointment. I think their definition of happiness includes having a family.Tthey just got obsessed with this idea a bit recently after those events which led me to research more about my sexual orientation. They probably think they messed up with me somewhere. I just want to make them happy. They don't really intend to make me feel horrible but I'm drowning in this sea of guilt. Seeing your parents lost something that huge and left broken awakened a part in you. I think our roles are a bit reversed now. I feel like I'm trying to protect them from getting hurt like a parent would do for their child.

That's understandable, but wouldn't they feel worse if they found out they emotionally forced you (even if it wasn't intentional) in a situation you didn't want or one that made you miserable? For me, I told my parents that I prefer solitude, but if something happens I won't run away from it. As far as kids go though, I see literally no benefit to them and I don't like taking on unnecessary responsibilities.

Everyone's different. Frankly, I don't need support for my asexuality, but that's because I don't think it's a big deal. I'd feel the same towards homosexuals/bisexuals/transsexuals as well except they face very real legal/discrimination issues. The worst we have to deal with are stigmas and traditional values, but I'd still scoff at both even if I wasn't asexual. Anyhow, I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy.

^ I disagree with the above statements. Not all we have to face is just "stigmas and traditional values". And, we are not as different from homosexuals/ bisexuals/transsexuals as one might think. We ARE ALL under a sexual minority umbrella who face "very real" legal and discriminatory issues. There shouldn't be a hierarchy of "We face more problems then you", because that simply isn't true. With your statements and scoffing , you are an example yourself of brushing things under the rug.

My point is, if one wishes to come out, let them.

For curiosity's sake could you provide some examples these issues? By the way, I never discouraged anyone from coming out - I only said I don't need support and then explained why.

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I can understand. I came out to my a few of my good friends a couple months ago and they were extremely supportive and awesome about it (they even said "You make more sense now" lol). Encouraged by this reaction I came out to my cousin, who also was sweet about it and teases me with saying "You are Sheldon Cooper!". Feeling good feels from my first few coming outs, I decided that I was going to tell both of my parents, which took an extreme amount of courage because they are conservative.

I came out to my dad last month (he had an interesting reaction consisting of "Oh, I see... Maybe you'll find the right person one day". Then he went on hinting at along the lines that maybe I was bisexual, and at least he wasn't going to have problems with me potentially getting pregnant any time soon, although he still hints at grand kids -.-). Then a couple days ago I came out to my mom. My mom is a hippie/organic, religious woman and I thought she was going to be supportive. But she wasn't. She started talking about the Bible, and kind of shut herself off when I tried to explain (Currently I consider our relationship strained, however I am staying positive and am determined to not let this get in the way of our healing mother/daughter relationship).

So coming out has been a hit and miss for me. I do not think coming out should be shunned.

Your parents will come around :) like I said in my other post, most people think happiness comes from having a family. Society puts sexual relationships/marriage and having kids on a pedestal. Our parents are not immune to traditional values. I was so angry while I was posting this thread (I even double posted it cuz I was clicking the mouse so hard lol) but I'm feeling a lot better after reading all this. I just want to say thank you all :)

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That's understandable, but wouldn't they feel worse if they found out they emotionally forced you (even if it wasn't intentional) in a situation you didn't want or one that made you miserable? For me, I told my parents that I prefer solitude, but if something happens I won't run away from it. As far as kids go though, I see literally no benefit to them and I don't like taking on unnecessary responsibilities.

That's why I keep saying no when they try to set me up with someone. We'll all still feel hurt anyway.

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Purnkin Spurce

I haven't had anyone directly tell me to go back in the closet. My friends and family are supportive in the way they don't make a big deal about it. We don't talk about it. They may not understand but they accept me and don't make me feel ashamed for it. I'm lucky. But the internet is a different story. I've putting blogs up and made a couple of videos educating my viewers on asexuality and some of them (who aren't asexual) have tried to correct me, said "It's scientifically proven etc etc" People on the net just tell me it's not important enough to talk about. That if you're not having sex, what's the big deal. Or the usual "you just haven't found the right one, you need to go to the doctor, you're just a late bloomer," shit. I understand how you feel, I also know asian families are a lot more strict. I wish I had some real advice except keep being yourself. Don't EVER give into pressure from family and friends or your own society. You must always reign true to yourself no matter how difficult things get. You might face more hurdles that way, but that's apart of life when you choose to be yourself and pick your own happiness.

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I haven't had anyone directly tell me to go back in the closet. My friends and family are supportive in the way they don't make a big deal about it. We don't talk about it. They may not understand but they accept me and don't make me feel ashamed for it. I'm lucky. But the internet is a different story. I've putting blogs up and made a couple of videos educating my viewers on asexuality and some of them (who aren't asexual) have tried to correct me, said "It's scientifically proven etc etc" People on the net just tell me it's not important enough to talk about. That if you're not having sex, what's the big deal. Or the usual "you just haven't found the right one, you need to go to the doctor, you're just a late bloomer," shit. I understand how you feel, I also know asian families are a lot more strict. I wish I had some real advice except keep being yourself. Don't EVER give into pressure from family and friends or your own society. You must always reign true to yourself no matter how difficult things get. You might face more hurdles that way, but that's apart of life when you choose to be yourself and pick your own happiness.

Even some of the most progressive people usually have no idea what asexuality is. That's terrible. I haven't experienced anything that hash online. Lots of people are more confident online cuz of the anonymity. Don't pay any attention to what those jerks say. A decent open-mined person will appreciate your input to the society.

Don't worry. Lol I'm known to be very stubborn. I won't give in but I do want a break from all this from time to time but don't we all? :D

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VindicatorPhoenix

I find it terrible that some people discriminate against those who are different. Do such people want a homogeneous society where everyone is the same? That sounds boring to me.

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Let's put it this way, if your parents sacrificed a lot for you (and that's something I can relate to), won't that sacrifice be meaningless (or worst yet, wasted) if you end up living a life that you don't want?

My feelings toward it is this:

1). If you made that sacrifice so I could be happy then you should respect my decision

2). If you made that sacrifice for your own gain then I refuse to associate with such selfishness

I think they are blinded by hope that I might find someone someday. They are not going to force me into arranged marriage or something like that but I can feel their disappointment. I think their definition of happiness includes having a family.Tthey just got obsessed with this idea a bit recently after those events which led me to research more about my sexual orientation. They probably think they messed up with me somewhere. I just want to make them happy. They don't really intend to make me feel horrible but I'm drowning in this sea of guilt. Seeing your parents lost something that huge and left broken awakened a part in you. I think our roles are a bit reversed now. I feel like I'm trying to protect them from getting hurt like a parent would do for their child.

That's understandable, but wouldn't they feel worse if they found out they emotionally forced you (even if it wasn't intentional) in a situation you didn't want or one that made you miserable? For me, I told my parents that I prefer solitude, but if something happens I won't run away from it. As far as kids go though, I see literally no benefit to them and I don't like taking on unnecessary responsibilities.

Everyone's different. Frankly, I don't need support for my asexuality, but that's because I don't think it's a big deal. I'd feel the same towards homosexuals/bisexuals/transsexuals as well except they face very real legal/discrimination issues. The worst we have to deal with are stigmas and traditional values, but I'd still scoff at both even if I wasn't asexual. Anyhow, I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy.

^ I disagree with the above statements. Not all we have to face is just "stigmas and traditional values". And, we are not as different from homosexuals/ bisexuals/transsexuals as one might think. We ARE ALL under a sexual minority umbrella who face "very real" legal and discriminatory issues. There shouldn't be a hierarchy of "We face more problems then you", because that simply isn't true. With your statements and scoffing , you are an example yourself of brushing things under the rug.

My point is, if one wishes to come out, let them.

For curiosity's sake could you provide some examples these issues? By the way, I never discouraged anyone from coming out - I only said I don't need support and then explained why.

I think this video sums it up and gives some examples beautifully. Check it out if you wish~

"I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy." (I interpreted this as discouragement in general. Sorry if I misunderstood.)

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I don't "want" asexuals In the closet, but I admit that every post like this irritates the shit out of me.

Stop trying to make other peoples' struggles your own. OF COURSE people respond differently to gay than to asexual... they aren't the same!

Being asexual doesn't mean much to anyone you're not dating. It's like coming out to someone about liking to be spanked during sex. WHY ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE.

People come out as gay because they have to. Trust me, I spent like 6 years not telling people I'm gay, and they get REALLY mad about it. I suppose its like if black people could hide their race... white people would want to know who's black so they don't accidentally say something offensive. All I know is that if I don't tell people, they get angry and don't trust me, but if I do tell people, they're super happy and nice.

I guess if you put a bell on a cat you stop worrying about them sneaking up on you.

Know what I don't tell people? That my partner and I don't have sex. Because why the hell would I? What a bizarre, personal, and uncomfortable disclosure!! Again, its like "coming out" with a fetish. It gives people zero information about you except for details of your sex life.

Asexuals masturbate. Asexuals watch porn. Asexuals date, marry, love, have children, etc. Asexuals have sex. Asexuals have fetishes.

So, when you're "coming out" and expecting fanfare, what do you think you're actually communicating to them? Given that not wanting sex is the only thing asexuals have in common, and given that most people (ahem PARENTS) absolutely do not want to talk about your sex life.... what do you actually think you're saying when you come out as asexual?

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. I feel like I'm trying to protect them from getting hurt like a parent would do for their child.

Most often, parents can't prevent a child from getting hurt. Children certainly can't prevent their child from getting hurt. It sounds like this is a situation of guilt on your part, rather than other people wanting you to stay in the closet. You can't live your life feeling guilty because you're not providing your parents with grandchildren. It won't work, for either you or for them.

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Not all we have to face is just "stigmas and traditional values". And, we are not as different from homosexuals/ bisexuals/transsexuals as one might think. We ARE ALL under a sexual minority umbrella who face "very real" legal and discriminatory issues. There shouldn't be a hierarchy of "We face more problems then you", because that simply isn't true. With your statements and scoffing , you are an example yourself of brushing things under the rug.

My point is, if one wishes to come out, let them.

It's not cool to characterize someone who simply states their opinion as an "example" of something you think is bad.

There isn't a hierarchy, but there is the fact -- FACT -- that historically, other minorities have experienced pretty awful situations of discrimination, sometimes rising to the point of physical danger or even death. Asexuals are simply not in danger of those situations.

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I think this video sums it up and gives some examples beautifully. Check it out if you wish~

"I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy." (I interpreted this as discouragement in general. Sorry if I misunderstood.)

1. Unless you're a white middle aged man (playing logistical stereotypes here), discrimination here is all but inevitable. That's not to say that it's right, but we're by no means unique.

2. I was actually thinking of adoption as an example when I wrote my original post, but in any case the response to (1) largely applies here as well.

3. How is this discrimination against asexuals? If your partner can't accept that you're asexual, that's a serious issue in your relationship and they should be free to break up / divorce / annul you. Mind you, the consummation laws seem to focuse on annulment and considering that's mainly a benefit in relation to religion and tradition, both of which I mentioned as the worse we had to deal with.

4. I don't know why this was even mentioned, asexuality is relatively new so it's understandable that most laws don't cover it, but the fact that it's being added to discrimination laws seems like a good thing?

5. The issue here is that rape is happening at all. The idea that asexuals can be corrected with rape is the same type of asinine rationale as when people use clothing as the culprit. Honestly, if someone was willing to rape you because you're asexual - smart money is they'd be equally willing to rape you if you were heterosexual. They're a rapist, they'll use whatever justification suits them.

6. Asexuality isn't exactly unique when it comes to stereotypes/inaccuracies as portrayed in the medias. Husbands are frequently portrayed as idiots, homosexuals as flamboyant, nerds as socially inept, women as materialistic, it just keeps going on and on. I'm not so sure using a drama (made for entertainment) to show our "plight" is such a great as well.

7. Okay, so in the old version we're diagnosed with a disorder. What then? Unless that's enough to constitute some type of action (say, being placed in a mental hospital), how does being diagnosed actually affect your day to day life? As far as psychologists go, unfortunately they misdiagnose things all the time - this is just one more to that list.

8. No study means conjecture as far as "higher rates" go. Other than that, it should come as no surprise that some asexuals are depressed or suicidal - so are heterosexuals.

Slightly off topic, but please don't link a 20 minute video as a response, it's a bit annoying waiting for the person in question to get to the point. It doesn't help that (as you can tell from my response), most of this discrimination largely applies to other genders / orientations / ethnicities.

Being asexual doesn't mean much to anyone you're not dating. It's like coming out to someone about liking to be spanked during sex. WHY ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE.

My sentiments are along these lines. I didn't feel the need to tell people I was heterosexual (before I realized I was asexual), so I don't see the point in telling people I'm asexual. It's not about hiding, it's about not sharing something that has no impact on them. There's honestly not much getting in the way of us being asexual, especially since many aces willingly have sex.

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Not all we have to face is just "stigmas and traditional values". And, we are not as different from homosexuals/ bisexuals/transsexuals as one might think. We ARE ALL under a sexual minority umbrella who face "very real" legal and discriminatory issues. There shouldn't be a hierarchy of "We face more problems then you", because that simply isn't true. With your statements and scoffing , you are an example yourself of brushing things under the rug.

My point is, if one wishes to come out, let them.

It's not cool to characterize someone who simply states their opinion as an "example" of something you think is bad.

There isn't a hierarchy, but there is the fact -- FACT -- that historically, other minorities have experienced pretty awful situations of discrimination, sometimes rising to the point of physical danger or even death. Asexuals are simply not in danger of those situations.

Wow, that was an ignorant statement.

You and this other poster not know that asexual 'corrective' rape exists? I was nearly a victim of it once. I was targeted out side of school by a group of 5 older boys who were going to 'rid me of asexuality once an for all'. (Everyone has known I was ace sense I was about 12.) They had me on the ground and ripping at my cloths when a car pulled up and a man came out and ran them off with a tire iron. They jumped me out back while walking to my car with no warning in broad daylight.

Asexuals DO face danger!

This comment pisses me off more than anything! Because I was almost a victim of that hate crime. And to deny what almost happened to me and what HAS happened to other ace girls/boys is so ignorant and wrong. It is discrimination in and of itself!

And nobody better tell me "Oh well you shouldn't tell people your ace then". Gays have a right to tell, we don't tell them to hide it any more. Why should I have to live in the closet?

Hate crimes against aces DO HAPPEN! And that is :mad:--FACT!-- :mad:

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I think this video sums it up and gives some examples beautifully. Check it out if you wish~

"I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy." (I interpreted this as discouragement in general. Sorry if I misunderstood.)

1. Unless you're a white middle aged man (playing logistical stereotypes here), discrimination here is all but inevitable. That's not to say that it's right, but we're by no means unique.

2. I was actually thinking of adoption as an example when I wrote my original post, but in any case the response to (1) largely applies here as well.

3. How is this discrimination against asexuals? If your partner can't accept that you're asexual, that's a serious issue in your relationship and they should be free to break up / divorce / annul you. Mind you, the consummation laws seem to focuse on annulment and considering that's mainly a benefit in relation to religion and tradition, both of which I mentioned as the worse we had to deal with.

4. I don't know why this was even mentioned, asexuality is relatively new so it's understandable that most laws don't cover it, but the fact that it's being added to discrimination laws seems like a good thing?

5. The issue here is that rape is happening at all. The idea that asexuals can be corrected with rape is the same type of asinine rationale as when people use clothing as the culprit. Honestly, if someone was willing to rape you because you're asexual - smart money is they'd be equally willing to rape you if you were heterosexual. They're a rapist, they'll use whatever justification suits them.

6. Asexuality isn't exactly unique when it comes to stereotypes/inaccuracies as portrayed in the medias. Husbands are frequently portrayed as idiots, homosexuals as flamboyant, nerds as socially inept, women as materialistic, it just keeps going on and on. I'm not so sure using a drama (made for entertainment) to show our "plight" is such a great as well.

7. Okay, so in the old version we're diagnosed with a disorder. What then? Unless that's enough to constitute some type of action (say, being placed in a mental hospital), how does being diagnosed actually affect your day to day life? As far as psychologists go, unfortunately they misdiagnose things all the time - this is just one more to that list.

8. No study means conjecture as far as "higher rates" go. Other than that, it should come as no surprise that some asexuals are depressed or suicidal - so are heterosexuals.

Slightly off topic, but please don't link a 20 minute video as a response, it's a bit annoying waiting for the person in question to get to the point. It doesn't help that (as you can tell from my response), most of this discrimination largely applies to other genders / orientations / ethnicities.

Being asexual doesn't mean much to anyone you're not dating. It's like coming out to someone about liking to be spanked during sex. WHY ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE.

My sentiments are along these lines. I didn't feel the need to tell people I was heterosexual (before I realized I was asexual), so I don't see the point in telling people I'm asexual. It's not about hiding, it's about not sharing something that has no impact on them. There's honestly not much getting in the way of us being asexual, especially since many aces willingly have sex.

Get your head out of the sand!

Weather or not rape happens at all? Come to Russia and come out as ace, bi, gay. Then you'll see how much it really happens. It happens in America too.

Raping an asexual is a hate crime just like raping a Gay or BI is a hate crime. When you KNOW the person is of other orientation and you rape them or hurt them or discriminate, its a hate crime.

And we have people like you brushing this under the rug. Saying "Gee you'd have been raped any way."

Would the Gay man be beaten if he wasn't gay? Because the attackers are violent criminals? No. They chose their victims for a REASON!

All criminals chose their victim for a reason. They don't walk out and go "Oh first woman I've seen, i'll rape her today." They have a plot in mind for the attack. And that can just as easily be known asexuals.

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Not all we have to face is just "stigmas and traditional values". And, we are not as different from homosexuals/ bisexuals/transsexuals as one might think. We ARE ALL under a sexual minority umbrella who face "very real" legal and discriminatory issues. There shouldn't be a hierarchy of "We face more problems then you", because that simply isn't true. With your statements and scoffing , you are an example yourself of brushing things under the rug.

My point is, if one wishes to come out, let them.

It's not cool to characterize someone who simply states their opinion as an "example" of something you think is bad.

There isn't a hierarchy, but there is the fact -- FACT -- that historically, other minorities have experienced pretty awful situations of discrimination, sometimes rising to the point of physical danger or even death. Asexuals are simply not in danger of those situations.

I didn't characterize a whole person's character. I stated that this person's statements could be used as an example. And yes, there is fact--FACT-- that other minorities experience awful things because of their minority. In my opinion, within ANY society there is discriminatory/hate issues (it's just human nature to judge, hate, ect.). However I disagree when you say that asexuals are not in danger of those situations. Any sort of hate crime/unequal rights are very real and harmful (whether it be physically, emotionally), regardless of who or how many are subjected to such treatment. So asexual discrimination should not be taken lightly.

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I think this video sums it up and gives some examples beautifully. Check it out if you wish~

"I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy." (I interpreted this as discouragement in general. Sorry if I misunderstood.)

1. Unless you're a white middle aged man (playing logistical stereotypes here), discrimination here is all but inevitable. That's not to say that it's right, but we're by no means unique.

2. I was actually thinking of adoption as an example when I wrote my original post, but in any case the response to (1) largely applies here as well.

3. How is this discrimination against asexuals? If your partner can't accept that you're asexual, that's a serious issue in your relationship and they should be free to break up / divorce / annul you. Mind you, the consummation laws seem to focuse on annulment and considering that's mainly a benefit in relation to religion and tradition, both of which I mentioned as the worse we had to deal with.

4. I don't know why this was even mentioned, asexuality is relatively new so it's understandable that most laws don't cover it, but the fact that it's being added to discrimination laws seems like a good thing?

5. The issue here is that rape is happening at all. The idea that asexuals can be corrected with rape is the same type of asinine rationale as when people use clothing as the culprit. Honestly, if someone was willing to rape you because you're asexual - smart money is they'd be equally willing to rape you if you were heterosexual. They're a rapist, they'll use whatever justification suits them.

6. Asexuality isn't exactly unique when it comes to stereotypes/inaccuracies as portrayed in the medias. Husbands are frequently portrayed as idiots, homosexuals as flamboyant, nerds as socially inept, women as materialistic, it just keeps going on and on. I'm not so sure using a drama (made for entertainment) to show our "plight" is such a great as well.

7. Okay, so in the old version we're diagnosed with a disorder. What then? Unless that's enough to constitute some type of action (say, being placed in a mental hospital), how does being diagnosed actually affect your day to day life? As far as psychologists go, unfortunately they misdiagnose things all the time - this is just one more to that list.

8. No study means conjecture as far as "higher rates" go. Other than that, it should come as no surprise that some asexuals are depressed or suicidal - so are heterosexuals.

Slightly off topic, but please don't link a 20 minute video as a response, it's a bit annoying waiting for the person in question to get to the point. It doesn't help that (as you can tell from my response), most of this discrimination largely applies to other genders / orientations / ethnicities.

Being asexual doesn't mean much to anyone you're not dating. It's like coming out to someone about liking to be spanked during sex. WHY ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE.

My sentiments are along these lines. I didn't feel the need to tell people I was heterosexual (before I realized I was asexual), so I don't see the point in telling people I'm asexual. It's not about hiding, it's about not sharing something that has no impact on them. There's honestly not much getting in the way of us being asexual, especially since many aces willingly have sex.

Get your head out of the sand!

Weather or not rape happens at all? Come to Russia and come out as ace, bi, gay. Then you'll see how much it really happens. It happens in America too.

Raping an asexual is a hate crime just like raping a Gay or BI is a hate crime. When you KNOW the person is of other orientation and you rape them or hurt them or discriminate, its a hate crime.

And we have people like you brushing this under the rug. Saying "Gee you'd have been raped any way."

Would the Gay man be beaten if he wasn't gay? Because the attackers are violent criminals? No. They chose their victims for a REASON!

All criminals chose their victim for a reason. They don't walk out and go "Oh first woman I've seen, i'll rape her today." They have a plot in mind for the attack. And that can just as easily be known asexuals.

You do realize you completely misinterpreted what I said? That being, the issue is it happening AT ALL. It doesn't matter who the target is, it shouldn't be happening. I wasn't questioning whether rapes were happening.

You might wanna read the context of the words before you get indignant.

It's also pretty ironic you're essentially giving said rapists the benefit of the doubt by thinking they're selective. They like easy targets period, and sexual orientation is an easy scapegoat.

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Not all we have to face is just "stigmas and traditional values". And, we are not as different from homosexuals/ bisexuals/transsexuals as one might think. We ARE ALL under a sexual minority umbrella who face "very real" legal and discriminatory issues. There shouldn't be a hierarchy of "We face more problems then you", because that simply isn't true. With your statements and scoffing , you are an example yourself of brushing things under the rug.

My point is, if one wishes to come out, let them.

It's not cool to characterize someone who simply states their opinion as an "example" of something you think is bad.

There isn't a hierarchy, but there is the fact -- FACT -- that historically, other minorities have experienced pretty awful situations of discrimination, sometimes rising to the point of physical danger or even death. Asexuals are simply not in danger of those situations.

Wow, that was an ignorant statement.

You and this other poster not know that asexual 'corrective' rape exists? I was nearly a victim of it once. I was targeted out side of school by a group of 5 older boys who were going to 'rid me of asexuality once an for all'. (Everyone has known I was ace sense I was about 12.) They had me on the ground and ripping at my cloths when a car pulled up and a man came out and ran them off with a tire iron. They jumped me out back while walking to my car with no warning in broad daylight.

Asexuals DO face danger!

This comment pisses me off more than anything! Because I was almost a victim of that hate crime. And to deny what almost happened to me and what HAS happened to other ace girls/boys is so ignorant and wrong. It is discrimination in and of itself!

And nobody better tell me "Oh well you shouldn't tell people your ace then". Gays have a right to tell, we don't tell them to hide it any more. Why should I have to live in the closet?

Hate crimes against aces DO HAPPEN! And that is :mad:--FACT!-- :mad:

First of all I am sorry to hear about your traumatic experience~ I strongly agree with your statements. A hate crime is a hate crime; it happens! Saying it doesn't happen is ignorant. Anybody can experience discrimination/hate crime-- even aces! ANY discrimination/hate crime should be taken seriously.

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I think this video sums it up and gives some examples beautifully. Check it out if you wish~

"I don't believe in interfering with the personal lives of others and I expect the same courtesy." (I interpreted this as discouragement in general. Sorry if I misunderstood.)

1. Unless you're a white middle aged man (playing logistical stereotypes here), discrimination here is all but inevitable. That's not to say that it's right, but we're by no means unique.

2. I was actually thinking of adoption as an example when I wrote my original post, but in any case the response to (1) largely applies here as well.

3. How is this discrimination against asexuals? If your partner can't accept that you're asexual, that's a serious issue in your relationship and they should be free to break up / divorce / annul you. Mind you, the consummation laws seem to focuse on annulment and considering that's mainly a benefit in relation to religion and tradition, both of which I mentioned as the worse we had to deal with.

4. I don't know why this was even mentioned, asexuality is relatively new so it's understandable that most laws don't cover it, but the fact that it's being added to discrimination laws seems like a good thing?

5. The issue here is that rape is happening at all. The idea that asexuals can be corrected with rape is the same type of asinine rationale as when people use clothing as the culprit. Honestly, if someone was willing to rape you because you're asexual - smart money is they'd be equally willing to rape you if you were heterosexual. They're a rapist, they'll use whatever justification suits them.

6. Asexuality isn't exactly unique when it comes to stereotypes/inaccuracies as portrayed in the medias. Husbands are frequently portrayed as idiots, homosexuals as flamboyant, nerds as socially inept, women as materialistic, it just keeps going on and on. I'm not so sure using a drama (made for entertainment) to show our "plight" is such a great as well.

7. Okay, so in the old version we're diagnosed with a disorder. What then? Unless that's enough to constitute some type of action (say, being placed in a mental hospital), how does being diagnosed actually affect your day to day life? As far as psychologists go, unfortunately they misdiagnose things all the time - this is just one more to that list.

8. No study means conjecture as far as "higher rates" go. Other than that, it should come as no surprise that some asexuals are depressed or suicidal - so are heterosexuals.

Slightly off topic, but please don't link a 20 minute video as a response, it's a bit annoying waiting for the person in question to get to the point. It doesn't help that (as you can tell from my response), most of this discrimination largely applies to other genders / orientations / ethnicities.

Being asexual doesn't mean much to anyone you're not dating. It's like coming out to someone about liking to be spanked during sex. WHY ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE.

My sentiments are along these lines. I didn't feel the need to tell people I was heterosexual (before I realized I was asexual), so I don't see the point in telling people I'm asexual. It's not about hiding, it's about not sharing something that has no impact on them. There's honestly not much getting in the way of us being asexual, especially since many aces willingly have sex.

First of all, thanks for taking the time to watch the video (I know it was long, but SwankIvy does a marvelous job elaborating, in my opinion). You asked for "curiosity's sake", and I gave you the most compact, informative thing I could thing of.

My point is that discrimination happens to aces too! Of course I am aware of it happening to other genders/orientations/ethnicity. However I am under the impression that you think that there is no discrimination against asexuals at all (which simply isn't true. Asexuals experience discrimination, just as much as any human being, and should not be taken lightly). ANY form of discrimination/hate crime can escalate and be just as dangerous as any other situation happening to other minorities. That is all.

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