South China Morning Post (Hong Kong) Article

[Opel the Old]

I can't cut and paste, I would have to retype the whole thing, pardon the typos

Title "Life without a sex drive is the norm for a small group of increasing vocal asexual people”, writes Hazel Parry

The big chill

Francis was at university before her friends learnt there was something that set her apart from her peers: she wasn’t interested in sex. It was as simple as that. She had no interest in sex – not with men, not with women, not with anyone.

“Some friends were talking about masturbation and I didn’t know what it was and I had never tried it,” says the 24-year-old. “They started asking me questions such as why I don’t have sex. I simply wasn’t interested.”

It was then that Francis began thinking about her sexuality or – as she come to term it – her “nothing-sexuality”. A bit of research on the internet led her to a forum for asexuals and then to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) – a website promoting public acceptance and discussion of asexuality and providing a forum for people such as Francis. She realized at that point that she wasn’t alone.

Francis, a Hong Kong engineering graduate, is one of the growing number of people declaring themselves glad to be asexual by joining AVEN. The group (www.asexuality.org), formed in 2001 by American David Jay, now has more than 4500 members.

It likens asexuality to a stereo system. “Everyone has a volume knob and a turning knob,” the website says. “Some people just listen to music in the background, some get up and dance along… Then there are some who have their volume knob turned down so low that they can’t really hear the music, so they don’t pay attention to it.”

The latter are asexuals of this world, the website says. Despite misconceptions asexuality has nothing to do with abstinence or celibacy. “Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are,” says the website.

Nor does it mean asexuals are physically incapable of sex or loving relationships. A browse of the website forum will testify to that. On the contrary, many are in relationships or enjoy the intimacy or romance of partnership – but without the complications of sex.

A report published last August in The Journal of Sex Research said that just over 1 per cent of 18,000 British people questioned in a survey admitted to feeling no sexual attraction, making them asexual.

The report, by Canadian professor Anthony Bogaert, said that, based on those questioned, women were more likely than men to be asexual. Forty-four per cent of those who said they were asexual are in long-term relationships, with many co-habiting or married.

Bogaert also said that this group was more likely to have has fewer sexual partners, had sex less frequently, if at all and became sexually active much later than the average person.

Francis has had sex and still does on rare occasions. But it’s not something she enjoys. She now prefers to use the term “homo-asexual” to describe her sexuality, saying she dates, but platonically.

“There are strange moments, when for no reason I’ll have a three-second urge,” she says. “Then it’s gone. So for 99.99 per cent of my life, I have no sex interest at all.”

“My current girlfriend did all the flirting when we started, and, yes, the relationship is sexual, but the frequency is extremely low. She complains about it a lot and says I’m lazy – but the truth is, I simply don’t want to do it.”

Francis says AVEN is a great place where like-minded souls “can rant about the over-sexual society”. For those proud enough to come out of the closet, there’s even a section selling t-shirts, bumper stickers and badges, carrying flaming “A” motifs and slogans such as: “This is what an asexual looks like” and: “Asexuality: not just for amoebas anymore”.

A second website called the Official Asexual Society (www.theofficialasexualsociety.com) lists Mr Bean as television’s only asexual character and writer Stephen Fry as its icon, quoting his like: “I want to have the right to choose who I’m not sleeping with.”

Ng Man-lun, a professor of psychiatry at Hong Kong University and an expert on sexuality, says it’s unusual to encounter people with low sex drives, but if they’re healthy and happy, there’s no cause for concern.

“There’s normal variation in all biology, human development and psychology,” he says. “People have varying interest in things. Some aren’t interested in sex, some aren’t interested in eating, some aren’t very interested in living even. I think that as long as someone is happy and there’s no other reason for that lack of interest, than that’s OK.”

However, Ng says that a loss of sexual appetite is like losing normal appetite and is a common symptom of an illness such as hormone imbalance or depression. “If you have no interest in sex, you should have a check-up just to make sure it’s not caused by something else,” he says. “Even if you never had a sex drive, it could be that you were born with a hormonal imbalance. Often it’s a sign of depression.”

Francis is adamant that her lack of sexual appetite has nothing to do with medical problem or depression. She’s proud to be “A”, although she admits she’s not ready to come out of the closet and tell her family, because she feels they’d find it difficult to understand.

“I’m not open about being an asexual and only a few people know I’m not interested in sex,” she says. “Since most people do not understand asexuality, they’d only recognize my ‘homo’ part, which is already enough to cause trouble for me.”

Francis is also quick to point out that, contrary to one common “politically incorrect” misconception about asexuals, there is nothing about the way she looks that make her stand out.

“I’m not ugly,” she says. “I’m a charming ‘dyke’ with pale smooth skin and well-balance face. You can check out the AVEN website where there are some pictures you can look at. I am sure there are ugly people in every group, but I don’t think any correlation between asexuals and facial features.”

“I think that, if someone has strong desires and they’re not physically able to fulfil them, they should consult a doctor. I think if someone has a low sexual desire and a strong physical desire, they should also consult a doctor.”

“But if someone has a low sexual desire and low physical desire, is physically fit and is happy, why do we have to consult a doctor? We’re living happily without sex. Why make us change?”

[myra]

good article! are you Francis or do I get it wrong? ;)

[Opel the Old]

yup

[Carsonspire]

That is a well-balanced article. I especially like the ending--if it's not broken, there's no need to fix it.

Here is your visibility patch, Opel. :vis:

[Daimyo]

I never thought of Mr. Bean as asexual..Hmmm..Anyway good article! :)

[VivreEstEsperer]

that's great francis! good for you for taking part in the article and thank you for posting it!

[Islander9]

8) article, and thank you opel/Francis for the post-

[Opel the Old]

it could be better, i should have phrase everything before speaking whatever was spoken, anyway, its there

[Verin]

Glad to see a balanced argument and also one that makes it clear were not 'broken' people just different.

Well done for giving asexuality more visibility :D :vis: