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The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)


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16 minutes ago, AllTimeBubble said:

Sorry to put the thread on a down note a little bit aha, but does anyone else feel broken sometimes?

I do accept my romantic identity and my sexuality and I know I'm not broken but sometimes, I'll think about people in romantic relationships and how they look so happy, like I know I don't want that and I'm happy without it but you know when the world at large doesn't show another option it does make me feel broken. Like there's something wrong with me. I know that isn't true but, I feel it anyway sometimes. It doesn't help when whenever I come out I'm met with pity.

Yup,i know what you mean.I feel it too.I know i'm not broken,but i just feel it sometimes.I get taken over by loneliness and regret.And i absolutely hate that feeling...

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AllTimeBubble
2 minutes ago, Ciki said:

Yup,i know what you mean.I feel it too.I know i'm not broken,but i just feel it sometimes.I get taken over by loneliness and regret.And i absolutely hate that feeling...

ah I'm glad I'm not alone feeling like that, it sucks. Like, how can you not feel lonely when all the media and everything tells you is you have to have a romantic partner to not be lonely, like, I just want a really good friend is that so strange.

 Honestly being aromantic is such an underground thing, its never talked about in the mainstream so who do we look to to say 'see, they're killing it, they're not broken so neither am I'.

I'll just say to you, and maybe I can listen to myself too, you are not broken, you are valid, you are amazing and what ever life throws your way you have got this, and you don't need a romantic relationship to get through.

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MetricalSky
6 hours ago, AllTimeBubble said:

Sorry to put the thread on a down note a little bit aha, but does anyone else feel broken sometimes?

I do accept my romantic identity and my sexuality and I know I'm not broken but sometimes, I'll think about people in romantic relationships and how they look so happy, like I know I don't want that and I'm happy without it but you know when the world at large doesn't show another option it does make me feel broken. Like there's something wrong with me. I know that isn't true but, I feel it anyway sometimes. It doesn't help when whenever I come out I'm met with pity.

Yeah, I get that feeling sometimes too. Usually it's when my friends/coworkers are having Life Events – getting married, having children, buying houses, basically anything that society has told us is a "traditional" milestone in life. It usually feels like I'm somehow being left behind in life, and I don't like it.

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AllTimeBubble
5 hours ago, MetricalSky said:

Yeah, I get that feeling sometimes too. Usually it's when my friends/coworkers are having Life Events – getting married, having children, buying houses, basically anything that society has told us is a "traditional" milestone in life. It usually feels like I'm somehow being left behind in life, and I don't like it.

Oh yeah, I get that 100%, it's hard to know what to do in your future when the one thing you're told you have to do and everyone else seems to be doing around you isnt something you want, it sucks. I suppose with that too theres the fear of being left by your loved ones, which I feel too. I suppose that's why it's important for us to stick together and have communities like this

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rainbowocollie

Does it make sense that I identify more strongly with being aro-spec than ace-spec?

Like, I label myself as demisexual, but I'm not sure if I'm maybe just an allosexual after all. (Particularly, because in the past I remember being more interested in sexual stuff.) Buuut, I'm pretty secure in identifying as greyromantic. I'm uninterested in romance.

(I've been going by "grey aroace" in some circles.)

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MetricalSky

Makes sense to me, and I'm in a similar position. I know for certain that I'm aromantic, but I still have occasional debates in my head over whether I'm ace or demi (or if there's even any functional difference between them for me personally). So far I've settled on ace for simplicity's sake, but I'm nowhere near as confident in that as I am in my aroness.

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On 3/9/2020 at 7:52 PM, AllTimeBubble said:

ah I'm glad I'm not alone feeling like that, it sucks. Like, how can you not feel lonely when all the media and everything tells you is you have to have a romantic partner to not be lonely, like, I just want a really good friend is that so strange.

 Honestly being aromantic is such an underground thing, its never talked about in the mainstream so who do we look to to say 'see, they're killing it, they're not broken so neither am I'.

I'll just say to you, and maybe I can listen to myself too, you are not broken, you are valid, you are amazing and what ever life throws your way you have got this, and you don't need a romantic relationship to get through.

I guess that is why I appreciate so much a long term female friend of mine. We met 17 years ago, but I only came out to her a year ago. Nothing has changed with our friendship.

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On 3/10/2020 at 12:24 PM, AllTimeBubble said:

Oh yeah, I get that 100%, it's hard to know what to do in your future when the one thing you're told you have to do and everyone else seems to be doing around you isnt something you want, it sucks. I suppose with that too theres the fear of being left by your loved ones, which I feel too. I suppose that's why it's important for us to stick together and have communities like this

I also feel a sense of fear or uncertainty about what my future might hold, if my family and friends will still want to be a big part of my life as much as I will want to be a part of theirs, as they may have partners and families that will take priority. From being young, all that you think about what an ‘adult’ life looks like is getting a good job, finding someone else to share it with and having a family. I’m looking forward to having a career, a purpose (to do research in physics) that will make my life happy and worthwhile but I feel like my life progression stops there, whilst for others their are still important milestones they may want to achieve.

 

On 3/9/2020 at 11:52 PM, AllTimeBubble said:

ah I'm glad I'm not alone feeling like that, it sucks. Like, how can you not feel lonely when all the media and everything tells you is you have to have a romantic partner to not be lonely, like, I just want a really good friend is that so strange.

 Honestly being aromantic is such an underground thing, its never talked about in the mainstream so who do we look to to say 'see, they're killing it, they're not broken so neither am I'.

I'll just say to you, and maybe I can listen to myself too, you are not broken, you are valid, you are amazing and what ever life throws your way you have got this, and you don't need a romantic relationship to get through.

Its also a struggle from time to time to keep telling myself or reassuring myself that I’m valid as there seems to be no mainstream people that I can take inspiration from. I also don’t really receive positive messages from people I know or family as I feel like they don’t understand and avoid talking about it because of this or because they don’t believe asexuality is real - it’s more like it’s a ‘trend’ or a phase that I’ll forget about and that we’ll never speak of again.

I feel like I must find my strength from within and live my life honestly and stop caring as much about what others think.

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21 minutes ago, Ellie1363 said:

Its also a struggle from time to time to keep telling myself or reassuring myself that I’m valid as there seems to be no mainstream people that I can take inspiration from. I also don’t really receive positive messages from people I know or family as I feel like they don’t understand and avoid talking about it because of this or because they don’t believe asexuality is real - it’s more like it’s a ‘trend’ or a phase that I’ll forget about and that we’ll never speak of again.

I feel like I must find my strength from within and live my life honestly and stop caring as much about what others think.

We hear all about it if some 'celebrity' comes out as lesbian or gay. Wouldn't it be great if a well known figure came out as aro' and/or asexual ?

 

'There it's out there for all the TV tabloid shows and entertainment segments on the news to discuss'. I think the only 'celebrity' coming out as asexual was a K-pop artist. I think the only reason I know of it is that someone posted about it here.

 

Heck if 1% of the general population is asexual (and likely a large percentage of those people aromantic as well), wouldn't it be possible for the same percentage apply to the entertainment industry?

 

Just throwing this out there, but would it make a difference to your friends or family if you came out as a lesbian?

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AllTimeBubble
4 hours ago, will123 said:

I guess that is why I appreciate so much a long term female friend of mine. We met 13 years ago, but I only came out to her a year ago. Nothing has changed with our friendship.

awh I'm so glad!

 

40 minutes ago, Ellie1363 said:

I also feel a sense of fear or uncertainty about what my future might hold, if my family and friends will still want to be a big part of my life as much as I will want to be a part of theirs, as they may have partners and families that will take priority. From being young, all that you think about what an ‘adult’ life looks like is getting a good job, finding someone else to share it with and having a family. I’m looking forward to having a career, a purpose (to do research in physics) that will make my life happy and worthwhile but I feel like my life progression stops there, whilst for others their are still important milestones they may want to achieve.

Oh I feel that too, I feel selfish saying it but I know I'm not going to be closest person to anyone because of romantic relationships and I'm scared people will leave me. I feel the exact same way, like, I'm focused on my career learning to be a veterinary nurse but once I achieve that career and I'm stable in it, what then? Society doesn't really give a guideline on what to do if you're not going to get married to a romantic partner, plus it'll be hard to afford a house alone.

 

43 minutes ago, Ellie1363 said:

Its also a struggle from time to time to keep telling myself or reassuring myself that I’m valid as there seems to be no mainstream people that I can take inspiration from. I also don’t really receive positive messages from people I know or family as I feel like they don’t understand and avoid talking about it because of this or because they don’t believe asexuality is real - it’s more like it’s a ‘trend’ or a phase that I’ll forget about and that we’ll never speak of again.

Exactly! I think I'm lucky in the sense that I do have people that support me, but I still feel like because they didn't have any prior knowledge of my sexuality or romantic identity, its hard to bring up issues we face with them. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, it sucks to have someone tell you that your sexuality isnt real. This isnt a phase, its not a trend, your sexuality and romantic identity are real and valid and I'm glad we have a platform like this where we can express that!

 

45 minutes ago, Ellie1363 said:

I feel like I must find my strength from within and live my life honestly and stop caring as much about what others think.

100%, its good to find a support system but it is also important to have that inner strength, you got this!

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AllTimeBubble
19 minutes ago, will123 said:

We hear all about it if some 'celebrity' comes out as lesbian or gay. Wouldn't it be great if a well known figure came out as aro' and/or asexual ?

 

'There it's out there for all the TV tabloid shows and entertainment segments on the news to discuss'. I think the only 'celebrity' coming out as asexual was a K-pop artist. I think the only reason I know of it is that someone posted about it here.

 

Heck if 1% of the general population is asexual (and likely a large percentage of those people aromantic as well), wouldn't it be possible for the same percentage apply to the entertainment industry?

 

It certainly makes sense! I think it would be highly beneficial, especially for visibility if an aro or ace celeb did come out. 

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1 hour ago, AllTimeBubble said:

It certainly makes sense! I think it would be highly beneficial, especially for visibility if an aro or ace celeb did come out. 

If it was widely know that John X or Samantha Y were ace or aro, then maybe people wouldn't look at us like we have two heads when we come out to them.

 

"Oh that's not a big deal, the actor in such and such is asexual..."

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AllTimeBubble
20 hours ago, will123 said:

If it was widely know that John X or Samantha Y were ace or aro, then maybe people wouldn't look at us like we have two heads when we come out to them.

 

"Oh that's not a big deal, the actor in such and such is asexual..."

Exactly!

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Sometimes friendships can be a dramatic headache, but I am grateful that my mind doesn't get wrapped up in a romantic element, and that I don't feel like the stability of my home life relies on any other person.

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mexicanpotato

I just need some validation.

Can aros be in a QPR? Because if they can then I finally figured out my romantic orientation.

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6 hours ago, mexicanpotato said:

Can aros be in a QPR?

Sure they can!

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mexicanpotato

Then it's decided and finally settled down: I'M AROACE GUYS

AFTER LIKE THREE YEARS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY ROMANTIC ORIENTATION WE'RE FINALLY HERE WUUUU

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Good for you! Even though I've known for almost 15 years that I asexual. I only looked up what folks on here were talking about when 'aromantic' was being discussed. This about two years ago.

 

It was a major facepalm moment as I probably felt aro characteristics (didn't want a girlfriend/marriage/children back in my 20s) during the 80s...

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AllTimeBubble
17 hours ago, mexicanpotato said:

Then it's decided and finally settled down: I'M AROACE GUYS

AFTER LIKE THREE YEARS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY ROMANTIC ORIENTATION WE'RE FINALLY HERE WUUUU

GOOD FOR YOU! :D

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I have a story about my life.

I'm 18. I had a really super friend years ago(about 2009-2013). Y'know, as a children, we were doing everything together when we only could see each other. He had only one flaw - he were vulnerable on influence from the others. When he found a "girlfriend"(we were 10/11 years old so) my class' "patology" just changed him and he was like them and just left me. Of course their relationship was so short in time, but he stayed with them and since then we haven't been friends.  And since then, i had been searching for that kind of friendship. Once, I realised that no one wants what I still wanted(it was about one, two years ago) and I still didn't find a friend. But they(everyone around me) wanted, and still want, to find something "better", "funnier", because of, you know, sexulity etc., but I am still searching for a great the best friendship ever but everyone around me prefer kissing, sex etc. And I don't have anyone that can understand me(in my surroundings). It is so tough to have a real friend without any sex and romance in my and that somebody's life, because in other situation I feel I'm treated really unfair. So, any sexuality or romance in my close company rejects me so much, it loathes me. Maybe that's why I haven't any real friend for 7 years... and maybe it's about character. I don't know any man like me, because for me the most important is being SO correct person(no alcohol, no smoking, no swears..).. I really like very close friendship. I don't have problems with contact with people(even hugging), but just not romantic/sexual. It is the best kind of relation for me. Maybe I'm just still a child? I don't know, I just want to be myself :) And I just wanted to live with my friends, seeing/writing each other a lot :D my friends that I don't have :(

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I just want to say hi, because I'm new on the forum :)I'm 17 and looking for acearo friends :D Does someone want to talk? :D

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@Adriano If you start a new thread introducing yourself and asking people to talk, it'll show up in 'recent threads' and more people will see it. You might get more response that way :) 

But here works too of course!

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3 hours ago, Adriano said:

I just want to say hi, because I'm new on the forum :)I'm 17 and looking for acearo friends :D Does someone want to talk? :D

I'm aro ace too. Not sure if you want to chat with a 58 year old guy though :D 

 

Knowing this about yourself early in life will probably save you a lot of heartache. I didn't find out about asexuality until I was 44.

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Why not? ;) What can you say about living as asexually-confused man? And what did you feel when you finally found answers to your questions? You found a beautiful world to live for you or something? :D

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3 hours ago, Adriano said:

Why not? ;) What can you say about living as asexually-confused man? And what did you feel when you finally found answers to your questions? You found a beautiful world to live for you or something? :D

I never questioned my sexuality even though I had never had sex (still a virgin to this day). I figured at some point in my life it would happen, but on the other side of the coin, I never made any attempt to find a female partner. I 'knew' I wasn't gay because I had no interest in having sexual relations with a male.

 

When I did find out about asexuality, it was a HUGE relief! There were others like me that were indifferent to sex. I didn't hesitate to identify as asexual. Personally I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders even though I had never felt bothered in the past.

 

This was back in 2005. I only felt comfortable telling anyone that I was asexual three years ago. I only figured out what aro met a year or so ago. As much as I wanted a female friend, I never wanted a girlfriend.

 

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask :)

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Aren't you feeling lonely? Do you have real great friends that understand you or maybe acearo friends?

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On 3/26/2020 at 4:22 AM, Adriano said:

Aren't you feeling lonely? Do you have real great friends that understand you or maybe acearo friends?

No loneliness. I sold my house in the city when I retired and moved in with my parents (father has since passed away) who live in a rural/cottage (in the Canadian sense) setting. Lots of outdoor stuff to do. I have friends both male and female that I keep in contact with.

 

I have been comfortable doing stuff on my own. I've done road trips to western Canada and the southern US by myself.

 

The only issue that any of you that live in rural North America are familiar with is that social activities are limited. Before I came out to her, a younger female friend (she's in her 20s, I'm 58) said a mutual friend (my age) had mentioned to her that I didnt have a girlfriend. She said that she told the guy that she was pretty sure that I wasn't interested in any of the women my age in the village.

 

A year or so later I told her that was partially true but that I was asexual as well, so seeking a partner wasn't a priority. She wasn't aware of it but when I explained it to her she was fine with it. 

 

I think we chat back and forth now than two years ago LOL I keep in contact with a few other female friends as well. I'm out to them. I have guy friends that I do stuff with (I've only told a couple of them that I'm asexual).

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