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Lambda Corvus

The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

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will123
6 hours ago, questdrivencollie said:

I got an aro flag :D (yes, my bed is a mess right now)

h7IBF8R.jpg

I didn't know that there was an aro flag.

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probably insane

omggg yessss, i want to go get flags so badlyyyyy

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Cole's Username

So I'm asexual, and dabbling with the idea I may be aromantic. Sort of in the same vain as others who told me "does being aroused once a blue moon suddenly mean you can't be asexual? No," I'm starting to look back on my life and the relationships I've had. 

 

My first crush was a friend of mine when I was in ninth grade, but she was moving to another state at the end of the year so I never got to see where that would go. My next two were from work, 2 girls I became friends with and considered relationships with, but as time went on I lost romantic interest in both of them. Being half asked out by one of them (getting asked if there's anyone at school/work that I like, and on valentine's day getting sent a "send this video to your crush" video,) I decided I'd ask them out and figured the feelings would come back, which I believe they did. She broke up with me after we dated for a month. My next relationship was 3 hours long with someone I'd recently met about a month prior with the intention that I'd be able to date them. I started the relationship because I knew they were really interested in me and broke up with them the next morning to not lead them on with something I wasn't as interested in.

 

However besides little "oh this new person I've been talking to for like 5 minutes is kinda cool, I wonder what a relationship with them would be like" crushes I haven't had anyone else I was strongly interested in or would consider myself in love with. I also realized I was asexual in part because of the realization that I didn't want a relationship with the two people I'm most interested in on campus. Hence the question, might I be aromantic?

 

I know labels aren't the most important thing and it's all about how you define yourself using them, I don't want to use entirely wrong labels and make up a false definition of one either. One big point is that I've noticed that many of the aromantics here talk about how they have never felt romantic attraction and don't know what love feels like, but I have definitely felt it before. I've also been thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone on campus that isn't asexual (though I'm not in love with them,) and what it would mean to be platonic but together. What do you think? What are your experiences with discovering your aromanticism? How do you define it for yourself? 

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Internetlionboy

Hmm for me, I'm one of those aro folks that didn't think they could be aro after reading the definition of it because I like being in romantic relationships and that meant I felt romantic attraction towards them (basically I'm cupioromantic but I prefer using aro) I was totally wrong and have only felt like platonic and alterous attraction towards all of the partners I had including my bf right now. I just like being around them is the only way I can describe my experiences really but I have felt bad (and sometimes do feel bad) that I was never able to love them the same way they loved me back even though I know that romantic love isn't the only kind of love out there.

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Cole's Username
2 minutes ago, Internetlionboy said:

I was totally wrong and have only felt like platonic and alterous attraction towards all of the partners I had including my bf right now.

This is actually really good for me to hear right now, I'm glad that to know that I could be in a relationship with someone and still feel platonic with them, and glad to know it's worked for you! I'll be sure not to throw this option away anytime soon.

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Internetlionboy

I'm glad to hear! ❤️

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kenny.

dude how did i not know of this thread oof

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rotth

i think i may be aromantic

 

- i dont know what romantic feelings feel like

- i dont want a romantic relationship

- i never relate to friends when they say they want a partner

 

...but i still desire a close relationship. 

 

im told that "qprs" are invalid because theyre still romantic relationships and we're just kidding ourselves so im very confused right now ghh

 

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LemonCupcakes

@rotth That sucks that someone told you that. QPRs are definitely valid, and desiring a close relationship doesn’t make you any less aromantic. I hope you figure things out soon! Don’t be afraid to take your time if you are confused about things - you don’t necessarily need a label if you’re not sure. There’s no rush. From what you wrote, though, it definitely sounds like aromantic would be a label that fits you, but at the end of the day, the only person who can decide whether or not you are aromantic is you. 

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Bluebellstar

I think I might be aromantic too. I've never been in a relationship, and I don't want to be. It doesn't feel like me. I don't feel romantic attraction to people.

I just want to be content by myself.

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LilDaKittieKat

I’m Aromantic(and asexual but this thread is not for that), but I don’t think the people that know actually take it seriously. It’s either that, or they just don’t understand and don’t care enough to look into it. They think I can’t love anything but I love my cats. So does that mean that I just can’t love people? Because I just don’t like people general, other than my family and my really close friends. One more question. Can aromantics be in a genuine relationship if they don’t have romantic feelings? I don’t want to be rude if I’m ever in one, but I also don’t want to be in a relationship that is one sided.

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ChaoswithCake
On 11/1/2019 at 9:18 AM, LilDaKittieKat said:

One more question. Can aromantics be in a genuine relationship if they don’t have romantic feelings? I don’t want to be rude if I’m ever in one, but I also don’t want to be in a relationship that is one sided.

You should take a look into QPRs! They are basically extremely close friendships, sort of similar in nature or maybe closeness with romantic relationships, but completely platonic. I have heard of alloromantics dating aromantics, but it's quite rare to my understanding and probably takes a lot of communication.

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ally31098

 

On 10/16/2019 at 6:40 AM, Cole's Username said:

So I'm asexual, and dabbling with the idea I may be aromantic. Sort of in the same vain as others who told me "does being aroused once a blue moon suddenly mean you can't be asexual? No," I'm starting to look back on my life and the relationships I've had. 

 

My first crush was a friend of mine when I was in ninth grade, but she was moving to another state at the end of the year so I never got to see where that would go. My next two were from work, 2 girls I became friends with and considered relationships with, but as time went on I lost romantic interest in both of them. Being half asked out by one of them (getting asked if there's anyone at school/work that I like, and on valentine's day getting sent a "send this video to your crush" video,) I decided I'd ask them out and figured the feelings would come back, which I believe they did. She broke up with me after we dated for a month. My next relationship was 3 hours long with someone I'd recently met about a month prior with the intention that I'd be able to date them. I started the relationship because I knew they were really interested in me and broke up with them the next morning to not lead them on with something I wasn't as interested in.

 

However besides little "oh this new person I've been talking to for like 5 minutes is kinda cool, I wonder what a relationship with them would be like" crushes I haven't had anyone else I was strongly interested in or would consider myself in love with. I also realized I was asexual in part because of the realization that I didn't want a relationship with the two people I'm most interested in on campus. Hence the question, might I be aromantic?

To me it sounds aromantic or at least grey. But as others have said, the only one who can decide is you. If you'd like more thoughts, initially your describtion reminded me of romance-aversion, maybe it has something to do with that nad even if, it sounds like you're at least somewhere on the spectrum.

but honestly, just from "there were people I had relationships with but I broke up" is not enough information to go with.... It also depends on your other feelings, like you described with "didn't want to lead her on".

 

Quote

I know labels aren't the most important thing and it's all about how you define yourself using them, I don't want to use entirely wrong labels and make up a false definition of one either. One big point is that I've noticed that many of the aromantics here talk about how they have never felt romantic attraction and don't know what love feels like, but I have definitely felt it before. I've also been thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone on campus that isn't asexual (though I'm not in love with them,) and what it would mean to be platonic but together. What do you think? What are your experiences with discovering your aromanticism? How do you define it for yourself? 

I myself have just noticed, that I've never had a crush before and have always had this "logicing the love away" type of thinking. Those overwhelming types of thoughts that apparently crushes entail just never happened.

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Ash90
On 10/26/2019 at 6:27 AM, Bluebellstar said:

I think I might be aromantic too. I've never been in a relationship, and I don't want to be. It doesn't feel like me. I don't feel romantic attraction to people.

I just want to be content by myself.

That s me

I dont want any kind of love and i can not feel romantic connections

But I d like to have close friends

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Drwho314
On 1/19/2014 at 12:22 PM, Lambda Corvus said:

For everyone: are you in or do you desire to be in a platonic relationship? What about a romantic relationship, if you are one of those people who do experience romantic attraction, are fluid, or do not know? What are necessary qualities of these relationships?

As long as i have good friends i'm good so platonic relationships are a strong desire, preferably a live together situation.

 

Random thought so being ace means you are invisible, so would aro aces be twice as invisible or does is it square the invisibility?

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DarkStormyKnight
On 11/27/2019 at 4:51 PM, Drwho314 said:

Random thought so being ace means you are invisible, so would aro aces be twice as invisible or does is it square the invisibility?

Haha I think it's squared personally! More invisibility power that way!

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metelyk
1 hour ago, DarkStormyKnight said:

Haha I think it's squared personally! More invisibility power that way!

Funny, as a child I always wished I could be invisible. Now I am aroace, which is almost the same thing :D

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will123

I have a few female friends. One is in a relationship, the other single and the one I'm not sure. She lives out of province and frankly it's none of my business. I keep in touch with them on a semi-regular basis. The single gal I see the most often for lunch or just to chat. I'm out to all three of them and it's not a big deal to them. In fact one of them said, "Why is it expected of a couple to have sex? Why can't a guy and a girl just be friends?" 

 

I really count my blessings in that I know some great people. :)

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will123

Speak of the devil, the first girl stopped by the house after a dentist appointment. Had a really nice visit with her. Made my afternoon :)

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cp1213

21248318_1978880679013956_18917498486732

Thought this was appropriate whenever someone ask me if I have a crush. 

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Earth and Moon

A lot of the ace people I know are super romantic, and I never understood why. They wanted to date someone, hold hands, kiss, etc. and the whole time I was thinking: But y’all are ace???whyarey’allobsessedwithdating??

Then, I had a revelation: Dude, ace people can be super into dating and stuff, you’re just very aromantic 🤣😜

Honestly, I don’t know how I didn’t realize I was aro 😊

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grunkle stan

Okay guys, girls, and non-binary pals. I have a question.

 

I am asexual. That I know for sure. But I am still figuring out where I am on the aromantic spectrum. I know that I am on there somewhere, but I don't know what terms to go by. I relate to both lithromantics and quiromantics. I can't tell if what I feel is just a crush, squish, or simply aesthetic attraction. And even if it was a crush, I still wouldn't be interested in dating that person, or anyone for that matter. Can I go by both terms? Or is there a better term that I can go by?

 

Also, I squish on all genders (panromantic). So do I call myself pan aroace? What other terms could possibly describe what I am?

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questdrivencollie
23 minutes ago, grunkle stan said:

Okay guys, girls, and non-binary pals. I have a question.

 

I am asexual. That I know for sure. But I am still figuring out where I am on the aromantic spectrum. I know that I am on there somewhere, but I don't know what terms to go by. I relate to both lithromantics and quiromantics. I can't tell if what I feel is just a crush, squish, or simply aesthetic attraction. And even if it was a crush, I still wouldn't be interested in dating that person, or anyone for that matter. Can I go by both terms? Or is there a better term that I can go by?

 

Also, I squish on all genders (panromantic). So do I call myself pan aroace? What other terms could possibly describe what I am?

From what I understand, even if a label doesn't 100% fit you, so long as it's close enough you can use it. I'm greyromantic and demisexual, but since I'll most likely be single and celibate for life, I sometimes go by "grey aroace".

Anyway, it sounds like both works for you. You can also just say "greyromantic", which is less specific but still encompasses your overall experience.

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Earth and Moon

@grunkle stan

36 minutes ago, grunkle stan said:

Can I go by both terms? Or is there a better term that I can go by?

Nothing’s wrong with identifying by both terms, especially if someone feels like they experience a different type of attraction (other than romantic or s_xual) that’s strong enough for them to feel the need to point it out/identify with it (ex: aesthetic attraction)

 

36 minutes ago, grunkle stan said:

Also, I squish on all genders (panromantic). So do I call myself pan aroace? What other terms could possibly describe what I am?

I’m in the same boat as you. I like all genders, too (but not romantically or s_xually). Although I’m aro ace (yet still trying to figure some things out), I still find myself identifying with pan.

You could look into other types of attractions including alterous, sensual, etc (I cant remember anything else at the moment)...

Hope this helps! 👋 

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Guest

Yesterday my mother showed me and my sister a picture of some male celebrities. And she asked “ aren’t they good looking?” My sister disagreed because they weren’t her types. And i was like  “yeah yeah they are” which in reality means “yeah for you they’re good looking, but you know i’m not attracted to anyone so i don’t care”. 

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cAROlyn

I recall being utterly bamboozled when my mom told me that she once kissed a guy after knowing him for 2 hours. I'm still utterly bamboozled.

 

Also, what's so appealing about kissing? It's just a wet, mushy exchange of spit, food particles, and pathogens. According to Bill Bryson in his book The Body, kissing "results in the transfer of up to one billion bacteria from one mouth to another, along with about 0.7 milligrams of protein, 0.45 milligrams of salt, 0.7 micrograms of fat, and 0.2 micrograms of 'miscellaneous organic compounds' (that is, bits of food)".

 

Yuck! (although I don't judge people for kissing each other :) )

 

 

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Renroyo

Hi! So I’m aromantic. Lately I’ve been having mostly friends with benefits situations since I still experience sexual attraction. I tell them upfront that I don’t want anything serious and everything seems fine. We’re friends, we have sex, we cuddle, and it’s overall just a good time, no strings attached. Then about a month later I’ll get a “what are we” text. I have to then tell them (again) that I’m not romantically interested, which makes them angry because I can’t match their feelings. They assume I’m leading them on or just playing with their feelings and it’s really hard because I never want to hurt people but they end up cutting themselves off from me which I know is best for them but it hurts me too because I then end up losing a friend. I honestly don’t know what to do without isolating myself from people entirely, because anything I do that seems to work for me just ends up making the other person miserable. Does anyone else have any experiences like this. I don’t want to be seen as a heartless bitch. Any suggestions or help is appreciated ❤️

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Ingy <3
On 1/4/2020 at 3:19 PM, cAROlyn said:

I recall being utterly bamboozled when my mom told me that she once kissed a guy after knowing him for 2 hours. I'm still utterly bamboozled.

 

Also, what's so appealing about kissing? It's just a wet, mushy exchange of spit, food particles, and pathogens. According to Bill Bryson in his book The Body, kissing "results in the transfer of up to one billion bacteria from one mouth to another, along with about 0.7 milligrams of protein, 0.45 milligrams of salt, 0.7 micrograms of fat, and 0.2 micrograms of 'miscellaneous organic compounds' (that is, bits of food)".

 

Yuck! (although I don't judge people for kissing each other :) )

 

 

Omg so much Amen!!! My good guy friend once asked to kiss me (which I appreciate rather than him just leaning in) and I was like.... NO.

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Drwho314
On 12/4/2019 at 8:58 AM, DarkStormyKnight said:

Haha I think it's squared personally! More invisibility power that way!

Well if that's true we should raid area 51 they won't see us

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DarkStormyKnight
10 hours ago, Drwho314 said:

Well if that's true we should raid area 51 they won't see us

*immediately buys a plane ticket*

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