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The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

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will123
6 hours ago, questdrivencollie said:

I got an aro flag :D (yes, my bed is a mess right now)

h7IBF8R.jpg

I didn't know that there was an aro flag.

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probably insane

omggg yessss, i want to go get flags so badlyyyyy

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Cole's Username

So I'm asexual, and dabbling with the idea I may be aromantic. Sort of in the same vain as others who told me "does being aroused once a blue moon suddenly mean you can't be asexual? No," I'm starting to look back on my life and the relationships I've had. 

 

My first crush was a friend of mine when I was in ninth grade, but she was moving to another state at the end of the year so I never got to see where that would go. My next two were from work, 2 girls I became friends with and considered relationships with, but as time went on I lost romantic interest in both of them. Being half asked out by one of them (getting asked if there's anyone at school/work that I like, and on valentine's day getting sent a "send this video to your crush" video,) I decided I'd ask them out and figured the feelings would come back, which I believe they did. She broke up with me after we dated for a month. My next relationship was 3 hours long with someone I'd recently met about a month prior with the intention that I'd be able to date them. I started the relationship because I knew they were really interested in me and broke up with them the next morning to not lead them on with something I wasn't as interested in.

 

However besides little "oh this new person I've been talking to for like 5 minutes is kinda cool, I wonder what a relationship with them would be like" crushes I haven't had anyone else I was strongly interested in or would consider myself in love with. I also realized I was asexual in part because of the realization that I didn't want a relationship with the two people I'm most interested in on campus. Hence the question, might I be aromantic?

 

I know labels aren't the most important thing and it's all about how you define yourself using them, I don't want to use entirely wrong labels and make up a false definition of one either. One big point is that I've noticed that many of the aromantics here talk about how they have never felt romantic attraction and don't know what love feels like, but I have definitely felt it before. I've also been thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone on campus that isn't asexual (though I'm not in love with them,) and what it would mean to be platonic but together. What do you think? What are your experiences with discovering your aromanticism? How do you define it for yourself? 

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Internetlionboy

Hmm for me, I'm one of those aro folks that didn't think they could be aro after reading the definition of it because I like being in romantic relationships and that meant I felt romantic attraction towards them (basically I'm cupioromantic but I prefer using aro) I was totally wrong and have only felt like platonic and alterous attraction towards all of the partners I had including my bf right now. I just like being around them is the only way I can describe my experiences really but I have felt bad (and sometimes do feel bad) that I was never able to love them the same way they loved me back even though I know that romantic love isn't the only kind of love out there.

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Cole's Username
2 minutes ago, Internetlionboy said:

I was totally wrong and have only felt like platonic and alterous attraction towards all of the partners I had including my bf right now.

This is actually really good for me to hear right now, I'm glad that to know that I could be in a relationship with someone and still feel platonic with them, and glad to know it's worked for you! I'll be sure not to throw this option away anytime soon.

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Internetlionboy

I'm glad to hear! ❤️

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kenny.

dude how did i not know of this thread oof

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rotth

i think i may be aromantic

 

- i dont know what romantic feelings feel like

- i dont want a romantic relationship

- i never relate to friends when they say they want a partner

 

...but i still desire a close relationship. 

 

im told that "qprs" are invalid because theyre still romantic relationships and we're just kidding ourselves so im very confused right now ghh

 

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LemonCupcakes

@rotth That sucks that someone told you that. QPRs are definitely valid, and desiring a close relationship doesn’t make you any less aromantic. I hope you figure things out soon! Don’t be afraid to take your time if you are confused about things - you don’t necessarily need a label if you’re not sure. There’s no rush. From what you wrote, though, it definitely sounds like aromantic would be a label that fits you, but at the end of the day, the only person who can decide whether or not you are aromantic is you. 

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Bluebellstar

I think I might be aromantic too. I've never been in a relationship, and I don't want to be. It doesn't feel like me. I don't feel romantic attraction to people.

I just want to be content by myself.

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LilDaKittieKat

I’m Aromantic(and asexual but this thread is not for that), but I don’t think the people that know actually take it seriously. It’s either that, or they just don’t understand and don’t care enough to look into it. They think I can’t love anything but I love my cats. So does that mean that I just can’t love people? Because I just don’t like people general, other than my family and my really close friends. One more question. Can aromantics be in a genuine relationship if they don’t have romantic feelings? I don’t want to be rude if I’m ever in one, but I also don’t want to be in a relationship that is one sided.

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ChaoswithCake
On 11/1/2019 at 9:18 AM, LilDaKittieKat said:

One more question. Can aromantics be in a genuine relationship if they don’t have romantic feelings? I don’t want to be rude if I’m ever in one, but I also don’t want to be in a relationship that is one sided.

You should take a look into QPRs! They are basically extremely close friendships, sort of similar in nature or maybe closeness with romantic relationships, but completely platonic. I have heard of alloromantics dating aromantics, but it's quite rare to my understanding and probably takes a lot of communication.

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ally31098

 

On 10/16/2019 at 6:40 AM, Cole's Username said:

So I'm asexual, and dabbling with the idea I may be aromantic. Sort of in the same vain as others who told me "does being aroused once a blue moon suddenly mean you can't be asexual? No," I'm starting to look back on my life and the relationships I've had. 

 

My first crush was a friend of mine when I was in ninth grade, but she was moving to another state at the end of the year so I never got to see where that would go. My next two were from work, 2 girls I became friends with and considered relationships with, but as time went on I lost romantic interest in both of them. Being half asked out by one of them (getting asked if there's anyone at school/work that I like, and on valentine's day getting sent a "send this video to your crush" video,) I decided I'd ask them out and figured the feelings would come back, which I believe they did. She broke up with me after we dated for a month. My next relationship was 3 hours long with someone I'd recently met about a month prior with the intention that I'd be able to date them. I started the relationship because I knew they were really interested in me and broke up with them the next morning to not lead them on with something I wasn't as interested in.

 

However besides little "oh this new person I've been talking to for like 5 minutes is kinda cool, I wonder what a relationship with them would be like" crushes I haven't had anyone else I was strongly interested in or would consider myself in love with. I also realized I was asexual in part because of the realization that I didn't want a relationship with the two people I'm most interested in on campus. Hence the question, might I be aromantic?

To me it sounds aromantic or at least grey. But as others have said, the only one who can decide is you. If you'd like more thoughts, initially your describtion reminded me of romance-aversion, maybe it has something to do with that nad even if, it sounds like you're at least somewhere on the spectrum.

but honestly, just from "there were people I had relationships with but I broke up" is not enough information to go with.... It also depends on your other feelings, like you described with "didn't want to lead her on".

 

Quote

I know labels aren't the most important thing and it's all about how you define yourself using them, I don't want to use entirely wrong labels and make up a false definition of one either. One big point is that I've noticed that many of the aromantics here talk about how they have never felt romantic attraction and don't know what love feels like, but I have definitely felt it before. I've also been thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone on campus that isn't asexual (though I'm not in love with them,) and what it would mean to be platonic but together. What do you think? What are your experiences with discovering your aromanticism? How do you define it for yourself? 

I myself have just noticed, that I've never had a crush before and have always had this "logicing the love away" type of thinking. Those overwhelming types of thoughts that apparently crushes entail just never happened.

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