The New Aromantic Thread (v.1.5)

[firebird8]

21 hours ago, Pinball Wizard said:

What does it mean to be romantic towards someone, and/or in this case, not romantic? Love and romanticism are different things right? I might be aromantic, but I don't understand what romance constitutes. If I think going on dinner dates or roses is stupid is that aro behavior? Is that what romance is or have I no idea lol. 

Haha I don't know what romantic is.

 

I would say what people mean by being "in love" seems to sound very similar to what people here describe as romantic attraction. Love, as opposed to "in love" is a bigger topic, as for example, I would tell you I very much love my cats, but I am not in love with them (like what would that even mean?) Most people love their families, children, friends, etc. I have trouble using the word freely, though.

 

As someone else will no doubt be along shortly to explain better than I can, being aromantic means that you don't experience romantic attraction, not that you don't experience any form of love. It also doesn't exactly mean that you think traditional romance signals like flowers are silly, because that's about what you do once you have the romantic attraction (and relationship, usually).

[DarkStormyKnight]

Hi gang! I started recently to play around with identifying as gray-ro since I think I've experienced romantic attraction before but it's few and far between and dates/romance freak me out I'm so glad I found this group since I'm just starting to explore what being aro-spec means to me and all that.

You're all lovely, carry on.

[ally31098]

On 7/21/2019 at 6:25 AM, jbanana said:

Hi there!! Just have a question for you folks 💚

Is it abnormal for an aromantic to still crave touch (like long hugs and cuddles) from friends or family? For as long as I’ve known that I’m not the romantic type I’ve also had what you could describe as a yearning of sorts for closeness, just not romantic or sexual in nature, and I only think I’d be comfortable getting it from certain people like my close friends and family; I’m generally pretty uncomfortable when it comes to hugging certain people but I’m completely fine with it from others? I’m just a bit confused whether that’s normal for aromantics? Is touch-aversion a spectrum too, because I know I’m not completely touch-averse but I’m uncomfortable with romantic or sexual touching or just platonic touching from certain people?

sorry, that was pretty long 😬

Hi to you too!

I kind of have  alot to say to this.

First off, NO, it is not weird or abnormal at all! Everyone is to some degree more or less comfortable with touching other people, for some, even short hugs are just not enjoyable. For me, I absolutely love cuddling and even giving my friends kisses and I too sometimes doubt myself in thinking that that must be a "sign" or "symptom" of romantic or sexual attraction. Yet, everytime i start playing with the concept of a typical, romantic relationship with anyone I know (homo as well as hetero), I get uncomfortable and don't feel like that would be an option or aspirable choice for me and my life. I have spent various afternoons just watching anime while holding hands with close friends or having my head on their lap, also when walking toghether too. It just depends on what you and the other person are comfortable with. For me, it's even somewhat of a requirement for close friendship by now? I just find comfort in physical closeness and i guess sometimes even feel rejection if for example the hand I was holding is drawn away without an explanation or reason.

What I have noticed though, is that there are some people that are comfortable being physically close while not in a relationship, but will stop that "behaviour" suddenly when they enter a partnership, and my speculation is that they are scared that they are crossing a line and are maddening their significant other by being closer to another human being.

 

Honestly, I can only tell you my opinion on the spectrum thing which is that it is part, but not the only parameter for the (a)sexuality spectrum?

 

It maddens me to know that the concept of intimacy (like cuddling, hugging or for some even kissing like pecks) is socially a thing reserved for people you feel romantic attraction to. We have grown so scared to touch other people out of fear to be inappropriate or something, but why are emotions and needs anything to not practice in public? We like cuddling our children, to who we don't feel any kind of attraction to, but once they grow up, it is suddenly unacceptable? There is a clear difference between sexual- and non-sexual intimacy that i think is ignored by a lot of people and especially the media.

 

One thing that might not be widespread knowledge is that touch deprivation exists and can lead to other, physial and mental issues. Try looking it up!

 

I can honestly just tell you, that after I have found friends who are more comfortable with touch and are willing to "indulge" me I have been much happier and more stable in my emotions regarding these relationships. And I hope you can find a way to try it out too, see if you like it!

One last thing is that I also feel like we, as a somewhat unique community shoud get more comfortable with commited, non-sexual, intimate friendships and set an example to stop contextualizing intimacy in sexuality, but just as a way to expess emotional closeness.

 

I hope this helps and wasnt't to much to read,

Ally

[ally31098]

How do you guys feel about labelling and especially having a flag for every explicit sexuality?

I get that labelling helps a lot of people to feel valid and accepted, but i feel that it's not doing good things to the communty and promotes separation? Lately I've thought a lot about othering and the funny thing is that it is done to the LGBTQIA+(...) community, it is done by the community to the smaller communities inside it AND towards people whoe aren't part of the comunity.

And it makes me a ltlle sad i guess.

[iyote]

I like having labels, flags, and smaller communities within the LGBT+ community, but you're absolutely right that we need to promote solidarity.  There's way too much exclusion towards aro/ace, bi/pan, and trans/nb communities.  I just don't see the labels/flags as the problem, since we also have an inclusive label (queer) and an inclusive flag (rainbow).  Also, the fact that the flags are pretty uniform (all horizontal stripes for the most part) adds to a sense of unity IMO.  

 

I think there's also exclusion due to: 

 a) Just ace/bi/transphobia, or not believing a sexuality or gender identity "truly exists."  

 b) Someone thinking a minority is "not queer enough" or "not oppressed enough" to be part of the LGBT+ community.  

 c) Someone thinking a minority's goals are too different or "don't align" with the LGBT+ community.  

"Othering" & separation mentality definitely contributes to these, but I think the bigger problem is just ignorance or misinformation about certain minority sexualities/gender identities.  But regardless, emphasizing unity/solidarity alongside advocacy for excluded communities is really vital.  

[firebird8]

9 hours ago, ally31098 said:

Hi to you too!

I kind of have  alot to say to this.

First off, NO, it is not weird or abnormal at all! Everyone is to some degree more or less comfortable with touching other people, for some, even short hugs are just not enjoyable. For me, I absolutely love cuddling and even giving my friends kisses and I too sometimes doubt myself in thinking that that must be a "sign" or "symptom" of romantic or sexual attraction. Yet, everytime i start playing with the concept of a typical, romantic relationship with anyone I know (homo as well as hetero), I get uncomfortable and don't feel like that would be an option or aspirable choice for me and my life. I have spent various afternoons just watching anime while holding hands with close friends or having my head on their lap, also when walking toghether too. It just depends on what you and the other person are comfortable with. For me, it's even somewhat of a requirement for close friendship by now? I just find comfort in physical closeness and i guess sometimes even feel rejection if for example the hand I was holding is drawn away without an explanation or reason.

What I have noticed though, is that there are some people that are comfortable being physically close while not in a relationship, but will stop that "behaviour" suddenly when they enter a partnership, and my speculation is that they are scared that they are crossing a line and are maddening their significant other by being closer to another human being.

 

Honestly, I can only tell you my opinion on the spectrum thing which is that it is part, but not the only parameter for the (a)sexuality spectrum?

 

It maddens me to know that the concept of intimacy (like cuddling, hugging or for some even kissing like pecks) is socially a thing reserved for people you feel romantic attraction to. We have grown so scared to touch other people out of fear to be inappropriate or something, but why are emotions and needs anything to not practice in public? We like cuddling our children, to who we don't feel any kind of attraction to, but once they grow up, it is suddenly unacceptable? There is a clear difference between sexual- and non-sexual intimacy that i think is ignored by a lot of people and especially the media.

 

One thing that might not be widespread knowledge is that touch deprivation exists and can lead to other, physial and mental issues. Try looking it up!

 

I can honestly just tell you, that after I have found friends who are more comfortable with touch and are willing to "indulge" me I have been much happier and more stable in my emotions regarding these relationships. And I hope you can find a way to try it out too, see if you like it!

One last thing is that I also feel like we, as a somewhat unique community shoud get more comfortable with commited, non-sexual, intimate friendships and set an example to stop contextualizing intimacy in sexuality, but just as a way to expess emotional closeness.

 

I hope this helps and wasnt't to much to read,

Ally

I think our culture is so maniacally focused on the all importance of monogamy, that so much of normal human interaction gets swept up into being reserved for a single, monogamous, sexual, romantic relationship. Sadly a lot of people aren't happy living this way but they do it and enforce the standards on others, all the same. So hand holding or cuddling or eating a meal together or having an inside joke all become privileged activities meant only for the sexual-romantic-monogamous relationship. I feel it myself, knowing that sometimes people make assumptions about who I'm dating or sleeping with or cheating on (even though I'm doing none of these things) based on very innocent behaviors like eating together or laughing at a joke. I'm not romantic, but I have a lot of poly friends, and I feel like my ideals about relationships are poly too; I don't think it's healthy to put all your eggs in one basket and depend on only one person for your emotional needs. 

 

All that being said, as someone who has to frequently submit to unwanted touch to avoid making a scene, and regularly remind close friends that I'm not comfortable with a lot of touch, I sincerely wish to encourage those who don't feel as I do to respect consent and not assume that everyone wants to be touched or that if they don't it's merely fear of being seen to be romantic or too close to someone else. There are so many people like me in the world, whether suffering from trauma (there is someone whose hands I can't forget, that every unwanted touch brings back), or simply not wired not to enjoy the same things. For that matter, even if it is fear or cultural assumptions that might be better laid to rest, it's that person's right to choose. Asking is always best. And please don't take it personally when I or someone else says no. 

[ally31098]

8 hours ago, firebird8 said:

I think our culture is so maniacally focused on the all importance of monogamy, that so much of normal human interaction gets swept up into being reserved for a single, monogamous, sexual, romantic relationship. Sadly a lot of people aren't happy living this way but they do it and enforce the standards on others, all the same. So hand holding or cuddling or eating a meal together or having an inside joke all become privileged activities meant only for the sexual-romantic-monogamous relationship. I feel it myself, knowing that sometimes people make assumptions about who I'm dating or sleeping with or cheating on (even though I'm doing none of these things) based on very innocent behaviors like eating together or laughing at a joke. I'm not romantic, but I have a lot of poly friends, and I feel like my ideals about relationships are poly too; I don't think it's healthy to put all your eggs in one basket and depend on only one person for your emotional needs. 

 

All that being said, as someone who has to frequently submit to unwanted touch to avoid making a scene, and regularly remind close friends that I'm not comfortable with a lot of touch, I sincerely wish to encourage those who don't feel as I do to respect consent and not assume that everyone wants to be touched or that if they don't it's merely fear of being seen to be romantic or too close to someone else. There are so many people like me in the world, whether suffering from trauma (there is someone whose hands I can't forget, that every unwanted touch brings back), or simply not wired not to enjoy the same things. For that matter, even if it is fear or cultural assumptions that might be better laid to rest, it's that person's right to choose. Asking is always best. And please don't take it personally when I or someone else says no. 

I know very well what you're talking about, especially with people assuming the relationship status. A lot of people have asked me or assumed that a friend was a significant other. I don't know anyone who is poly (sadly, though I am very interested in it) and from what I've read, I find these ideals very appealing too.

I also find myself in fear that other people think that I am in any way (sexually or romantically) interested in them, just because I like skinship, but I try to look past that at the moment and not care what others think of my behaviour towards my friends. I am aware though, that this is only possible because of how safe I feel in my environment and others might not feel the same way.

 

I'm sorry if I was not clear enough in my words. I did not mean to say that I feel that my friends are obliged to tend to my desires to hold hands and stuff. Of course I respect consent and ask, especially if I am not sure about how comfortable they are at that moment. For people who I am not sure about, I try to wait until they initiate or just try to get a quick confirmation.

I wanted to say that there are always people who are more comfortable with intimacy (especially in public) and others are less comfortable with it. I am someone who is more comfortable, crave it to some degree and find it easier to feel close to people who also initiate touch.There is a difference if it has been talked about that they do not like being touched at all or just in certain situations. "No" or a shake of the head is enough reason for me, but as I also want to support my friends I do try to talk about these kinds of issues.

 

At the end there my original post did turn into more of a rant, so it wasn't as thought out as it probably should have been...

Edited August 3, 2019 by ally31098
forgot to write something

[DarkStormyKnight]

14 hours ago, iyote said:

I like having labels, flags, and smaller communities within the LGBT+ community, but you're absolutely right that we need to promote solidarity.  There's way too much exclusion towards aro/ace, bi/pan, and trans/nb communities.  I just don't see the labels/flags as the problem, since we also have an inclusive label (queer) and an inclusive flag (rainbow).  Also, the fact that the flags are pretty uniform (all horizontal stripes for the most part) adds to a sense of unity IMO.  

 

I think there's also exclusion due to: 

 a) Just ace/bi/transphobia, or not believing a sexuality or gender identity "truly exists."  

 b) Someone thinking a minority is "not queer enough" or "not oppressed enough" to be part of the LGBT+ community.  

 c) Someone thinking a minority's goals are too different or "don't align" with the LGBT+ community.  

"Othering" & separation mentality definitely contributes to these, but I think the bigger problem is just ignorance or misinformation about certain minority sexualities/gender identities.  But regardless, emphasizing unity/solidarity alongside advocacy for excluded communities is really vital.  

These are some great points! I'll just add that I personally really like the different labels because it's helped me figure out what identity suits me best because I flat out wouldn't have figured it out otherwise.

Also, I agree that we need more solidarity since we are having this discussion on a primarily ace forum which is a great environment for us but I know personally that there's a number of "queer" spaces that I don't feel super comfy in. In general I think that the greater queer community needs more awareness/acceptance of sub-cultures like aces and bis and trans folk.

[Mckenzie the pan cat]

OK so I think im arospec although ive been labelled grayspec(???) by somw here

 

anyway i think im demiromantic this is because like literally every irl crush seems to be with someone who i was friends with prior. And ive definitely had squishes. But like its all a bit wobbly for x reasons

 

 

[will123]

On 7/27/2019 at 10:18 PM, PittAce92 said:

🙄 We can hope that, maybe one day, others can learn that sex is not the main objective for some...

Thats more or less what a friend said the other day when I told her I was asexual. She replied that the world is so sexualized that obviously some people are going to be 'different' (not here word, but I can't recall exactly what she said).

[PittAce92]

13 minutes ago, will123 said:

Thats more or less what a friend said the other day when I told her I was asexual. She replied that the world is so sexualized that obviously some people are going to be 'different' (not here word, but I can't recall exactly what she said).

This could mean that maybe others may start seeing the other "perspective" as well (and if so this is a good sign!).  

[firebird8]

On 8/3/2019 at 3:36 AM, ally31098 said:

I know very well what you're talking about, especially with people assuming the relationship status. A lot of people have asked me or assumed that a friend was a significant other. I don't know anyone who is poly (sadly, though I am very interested in it) and from what I've read, I find these ideals very appealing too.

I also find myself in fear that other people think that I am in any way (sexually or romantically) interested in them, just because I like skinship, but I try to look past that at the moment and not care what others think of my behaviour towards my friends. I am aware though, that this is only possible because of how safe I feel in my environment and others might not feel the same way.

 

I'm sorry if I was not clear enough in my words. I did not mean to say that I feel that my friends are obliged to tend to my desires to hold hands and stuff. Of course I respect consent and ask, especially if I am not sure about how comfortable they are at that moment. For people who I am not sure about, I try to wait until they initiate or just try to get a quick confirmation.

I wanted to say that there are always people who are more comfortable with intimacy (especially in public) and others are less comfortable with it. I am someone who is more comfortable, crave it to some degree and find it easier to feel close to people who also initiate touch.There is a difference if it has been talked about that they do not like being touched at all or just in certain situations. "No" or a shake of the head is enough reason for me, but as I also want to support my friends I do try to talk about these kinds of issues.

 

At the end there my original post did turn into more of a rant, so it wasn't as thought out as it probably should have been...

Sorry, I hope I didn't make you feel bad! It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with friends. 

 

I have friends on Facebook who are open about being poly. It's an interesting window on another lifestyle. If someone doesn't tell you, though, I don't know how you would know.

[will123]

One of the aces that I met mentioned being in a poly relationship. I had only recently of it beforehand concern a judge's ruling in Newfoundland (province of Canada). Apparently he OKed an extra male being named as a parent of a child.

[firebird8]

4 hours ago, will123 said:

One of the aces that I met mentioned being in a poly relationship. I had only recently of it beforehand concern a judge's ruling in Newfoundland (province of Canada). Apparently he OKed an extra male being named as a parent of a child.

One of the reasons I came back to AVEN after quite a few years of trying to be other things was that one of my friend who is poly is also demisexual (and nonbinary, as it happens). They mention it from time to time, although usually just as a thing they are thinking about, not talking about details of how their life works. 

[will123]

6 hours ago, firebird8 said:

One of the reasons I came back to AVEN after quite a few years of trying to be other things was that one of my friend who is poly is also demisexual (and nonbinary, as it happens). They mention it from time to time, although usually just as a thing they are thinking about, not talking about details of how their life works. 

The person I met was AFAB agender. Not that it matters but interesting since your friend is nonbinary.

[firebird8]

13 hours ago, will123 said:

The person I met was AFAB agender. Not that it matters but interesting since your friend is nonbinary.

I ran across an ace meme today on Facebook. How often does that happen? This was someone that I didn't realize was ace until she mentioned it a few months ago, but I've known superficially for years. I think I know two non binary (one each, AFAB and AMAB) and two women who are ace. No men as far as I know. Considering I have 114 friends on Facebook, 4 seems like a larger than chance percentage. But none of them come from the same circle or time period in my life. *shrug* 

 

Oh wait. There is a guy. Make that 5. Weird.

[jbanana]

On 8/2/2019 at 11:15 AM, ally31098 said:

Hi to you too!

I kind of have  alot to say to this.

First off, NO, it is not weird or abnormal at all! Everyone is to some degree more or less comfortable with touching other people, for some, even short hugs are just not enjoyable. For me, I absolutely love cuddling and even giving my friends kisses and I too sometimes doubt myself in thinking that that must be a "sign" or "symptom" of romantic or sexual attraction. Yet, everytime i start playing with the concept of a typical, romantic relationship with anyone I know (homo as well as hetero), I get uncomfortable and don't feel like that would be an option or aspirable choice for me and my life. I have spent various afternoons just watching anime while holding hands with close friends or having my head on their lap, also when walking toghether too. It just depends on what you and the other person are comfortable with. For me, it's even somewhat of a requirement for close friendship by now? I just find comfort in physical closeness and i guess sometimes even feel rejection if for example the hand I was holding is drawn away without an explanation or reason.

What I have noticed though, is that there are some people that are comfortable being physically close while not in a relationship, but will stop that "behaviour" suddenly when they enter a partnership, and my speculation is that they are scared that they are crossing a line and are maddening their significant other by being closer to another human being.

 

Honestly, I can only tell you my opinion on the spectrum thing which is that it is part, but not the only parameter for the (a)sexuality spectrum?

 

It maddens me to know that the concept of intimacy (like cuddling, hugging or for some even kissing like pecks) is socially a thing reserved for people you feel romantic attraction to. We have grown so scared to touch other people out of fear to be inappropriate or something, but why are emotions and needs anything to not practice in public? We like cuddling our children, to who we don't feel any kind of attraction to, but once they grow up, it is suddenly unacceptable? There is a clear difference between sexual- and non-sexual intimacy that i think is ignored by a lot of people and especially the media.

 

One thing that might not be widespread knowledge is that touch deprivation exists and can lead to other, physial and mental issues. Try looking it up!

 

I can honestly just tell you, that after I have found friends who are more comfortable with touch and are willing to "indulge" me I have been much happier and more stable in my emotions regarding these relationships. And I hope you can find a way to try it out too, see if you like it!

One last thing is that I also feel like we, as a somewhat unique community shoud get more comfortable with commited, non-sexual, intimate friendships and set an example to stop contextualizing intimacy in sexuality, but just as a way to expess emotional closeness.

 

I hope this helps and wasnt't to much to read,

Ally

Thanks a ton for your response, it was comforting to read, and no it was absolutely not too much!

I’m glad I’m not the only one out there who feels this way. ❤️

[ally31098]

On 8/7/2019 at 12:49 AM, firebird8 said:

Sorry, I hope I didn't make you feel bad! It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with friends. 

 

I have friends on Facebook who are open about being poly. It's an interesting window on another lifestyle. If someone doesn't tell you, though, I don't know how you would know.

Don't worry about it! Although, it certainly has made me more acutely aware, that I should always try to be "on the lookout" for eventual signs of being uncomfortable with skinship in my friends. Which is very decidedly a good thing!

 

There is a podcast I sometimes listen to that has talked about LGBT+ issues before, also talking a bit about polyarmoury. I am also intending to read a book on it, once my friend is ready to lend it out to me.

But also just thinkig about what a relationship would "have to be like" for me to consider being a part of it made me think of poly a little, since one aspect, for me, is the "extreme" focus there is on ONE other person that makes me uncomfortable.

[will123]

10 hours ago, ally31098 said:

Don't worry about it! Although, it certainly has made me more acutely aware, that I should always try to be "on the lookout" for eventual signs of being uncomfortable with skinship in my friends. Which is very decidedly a good thing!

 

There is a podcast I sometimes listen to that has talked about LGBT+ issues before, also talking a bit about polyarmoury. I am also intending to read a book on it, once my friend is ready to lend it out to me.

But also just thinkig about what a relationship would "have to be like" for me to consider being a part of it made me think of poly a little, since one aspect, for me, is the "extreme" focus there is on ONE other person that makes me uncomfortable.

@ally31098 @firebird8 Since 'rejoining' AVEN and reading about poly relationships I've wondered had I known about them years ago if I would have discussed it with a friend that was sexual. Our parting ways hit me really hard. I had never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend but even though we weren't in a committed relationship it felt just as bad as losing a significant other (at least in my books). I had never opened up to a person like this before with any of my previous femal friends. If I could've asked her, maybe she could get back with her ex-boyfriend (I had a hunch that was the situation) and that we could be platonic friends as I knew nothing sexual (heck we never kissed or cuddled) was going to happen with the two of us.

 

Like they say hindsight is 20 20.

 

One of the asexuals that I've met mentioned being in a poly relationship. I don't know if she was at the time or the arrangement. As much as I was curious about it I didnt feel it was my business to ask. I do know that she'd had intercourse with one of the 'partners' (if that's the correct term) and knew it did nothing for her yet loved the person very much.

[DarkStormyKnight]

Being in a poly relationship just seems like so much I have a hard time pinning down how I feel about one person, let alone more than one! I imagine communication has to be a major priority since you have to communicate a lot about boundaries and such as an ace person and now you're doing that with multiple people... Kudos to those who manage it!

[will123]

7 hours ago, DarkStormyKnight said:

Being in a poly relationship just seems like so much I have a hard time pinning down how I feel about one person, let alone more than one! I imagine communication has to be a major priority since you have to communicate a lot about boundaries and such as an ace person and now you're doing that with multiple people... Kudos to those who manage it!

But is there 'interaction' between all participants? I mean you could have a straight guy that is in the middle (so to speak) of a straight girl and an asexual girl. Both girls love the guy, but there are no feelings between the two girls.

 

I guess you could have many various combinations of genders, number of persons and sexualities.

[DarkStormyKnight]

5 hours ago, will123 said:

But is there 'interaction' between all participants? I mean you could have a straight guy that is in the middle (so to speak) of a straight girl and an asexual girl. Both girls love the guy, but there are no feelings between the two girls.

 

I guess you could have many various combinations of genders, number of persons and sexualities.

Oh wow I didn't even think of that tbh... 

[jbanana]

Hi there!

What do you think about the way society views platonic relationships vs romantic and sexual ones? I think most people who aren’t aspec don’t tend to think about this kind of thing because it doesn’t go against their ideals in the slightest to prioritize their relationship with their significant other over their platonic relationships with people, but since realizing I don’t want a significant other at all, I see it happening more and more where society in general places a higher importance on romantic relationships than platonic ones. 

I dunno if it’s me that just doesn’t understand because my ideals are so different to the vast majority of society, or if maybe you’ve noticed the same thing?

Anyway, just curious what everyone on here thinks about this!

[Karst]

On 8/3/2019 at 8:36 AM, DarkStormyKnight said:

These are some great points! I'll just add that I personally really like the different labels because it's helped me figure out what identity suits me best because I flat out wouldn't have figured it out otherwise.

Also, I agree that we need more solidarity since we are having this discussion on a primarily ace forum which is a great environment for us but I know personally that there's a number of "queer" spaces that I don't feel super comfy in. In general I think that the greater queer community needs more awareness/acceptance of sub-cultures like aces and bis and trans folk.

I sometimes don't feel completely comfortable in queer spaces for the simple reason that I can be shy to talk about sex.  I don't want to be a downer for others, but I just don't have anything to contribute to that kind of conversation.

[Guest]

On 1/19/2014 at 2:14 AM, Holsety said:

I sometimes wonder what kissing is like too. It seems like some people automatically know what to do? That's how it always seemed to me (as dumb as it sounds that's still how I think of it), because it's not like they ever gave us kissing lessons. And I can't even imagine why people enjoy it and crave it; I don't want someone else's nasty old tongue in my mouth. Kissing is one of life's mysteries that I don't think I'll be solving.

I’m aromantic asexual and don’t like kissing as well. Even though i haven’t trying being kissed by a boy i don’t want to. The worst thing about kissing is if they have smoked. I HATE the smell of cigarettes. 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

[will123]

2 hours ago, Cocothecoconut said:

I’m aromantic asexual and don’t like kissing as well. Even though i haven’t trying being kissed by a boy i don’t want to. The worst thing about kissing is if they have smoked. I HATE the smell of cigarettes. 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

Unlike Katie Perry's song, I kissed a girl and I didn't like it (the 'aftermath')...

[PittAce92]

On 7/29/2019 at 9:38 PM, Pinball Wizard said:

What does it mean to be romantic towards someone, and/or in this case, not romantic? Love and romanticism are different things right? I might be aromantic, but I don't understand what romance constitutes. If I think going on dinner dates or roses is stupid is that aro behavior? Is that what romance is or have I no idea lol. 

It is a good thought because it really is hard to explain. It is easier to explain that sexuality and romanticism are separate and should not be lumped together (this definitely makes sense now). As we know, this even needs to delve into the detail that relationship can have different meanings (i.e., friendship vs ). This is why for romanticism can be love, however, I think is more general. In reality, romanticism is everything involved, from the feeling of love and how you act on it (kissing, sex, etc.).

 

This is my two sense on the issue, but I am far from an expert, just how I have interpreted it... 

[Glenster]

Hi! Im new to this whole thing, so I'm still tryna figure everything out. I've only just accepted I'm asexual this year, but im starting to realize i might be aro too. It makes so much sense to me, but I'm afraid to tell ppl bc once i do, having that forever companion almost seems impossible...I want to be in relationship just in a very nontraditional way- i want something like a best friend, but that goes even deeper if that makes sense? Everything seems so sexualized and love focused, but I just dont see why sex and making out and romance is something you're "supposed to do" if you love someone. Loving someone for me is being excited to see and talk with them for hours, pushing eachother to try new things, curling up and doing absolutely nothing- all that jazz. I guess what im trying to figure out is where do I find that ya know? is that totally unrealistic? is it a deal breaker to not want sex or mega romance? Probably a better question to ask someone whos romantic/sexual, but like I said- Only 3 people know that I might be all this. Im almost 20 and im trying to experiment a bit but it seems like i go on a date and bc I dont kiss them or show any romantic feels they think im not interested. I need a friend who wants me to be in their life as much as i want them to be in mine, but it's as if I'm an alien when i bring anything up. Any help?

[rainbowocollie]

I got an aro flag  (yes, my bed is a mess right now)

[will123]

6 hours ago, questdrivencollie said:

I got an aro flag  (yes, my bed is a mess right now)

I didn't know that there was an aro flag.